I Know You Can’t Stand Me Just Tell Me Already

If the vibes r off I will assume you hate me and want me dead

Schizo Spectrum Disorders + Disorganised Speech

People in the schizo spectrum can be hard or sometimes frustrating to talk to. People who are uninformed about schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders can mistake this as rudeness, silliness, or inebriation but it’s actually one of the symptoms of a debilitating mental disorder. 

Disorganised speech often occurs in a schizophrenic person leaving their speech short, baffling or incomprehensible. It can display itself as random topic changes, gibberish, slurring, making up random words, word salad, and rapid and incoherent speech which makes the person hard to understand. 

I complied a list of  speech/thought disorders found in people on the schizophrenic spectrum with some basic definitions.

Most of these can be found in other mental disorders and you should bring it up with your doctor if you experience any of these often, without your control and without cause or stimulant (i.e. drug use, drunkenness, lack of sleep etc.)

ALOGIA

also known as poverty of speech. this is when there’s a lack of spontaneous speech. it can display itself in short and monosyllabic responses that trail off or end by the second syllable. it leads to an inability to make small talk or carry on simple conversation. in extreme cases it can even lead to partial mutism

( e.g. person 1: “hey how’s it going?”

person 2: “fine.”

person 1: “what do you want for dinner?”

person 2: [shrugs]

person 1: maybe we should go out, get chinese.

person 2: [shrugs]

person 1: do you want something else

person 2: no )

ECHOLALIA

this is the repetition of noises/words/phrases/sentences made by another person. persons experiencing echolalia often repeats questions or sentences directed to them and can make it difficult to carry on a conversation

( e.g. person 1: i have to go to the bathroom

person 2: go to the bathroom

person 1: can you watch my purse for me?

person 2: watch my purse for me

person 1: why are you doing that?

person 2: why am i doing that? )

THOUGHT BLOCKING

this is when there’s an abrupt pause in someone’s train of thought wherein the person often forgets the original topic. it can lead to multiple topics being covered in one sentence or to an unexpected and abrupt end to a conversation mid sentence

( e.g. i like that new song by [pause] … i wish i didn’t cut my hair. )

CLANGING

this is speech characterised by compulsive grouping of words by rhyming or alliteration. there’s no logic or reason in this sort of speech

( e.g. we have to go get green grass grisly grey. (or) when will we wait with words which wing were whims? )

NEOLOGISM

this is the creation of new words often in the form of gibberish or nonsense babbling. it can happen as full sentences or a normal sentence that veers off into it 

( e.g. meaning to say “i want to go to sleep i’m tired” and actually saying “i want to go to sleep illa craviges”)

SCHIZOPHASIA/WORD SALAD

this is a bunch of random words strung together to no reason or purpose and while it can sometimes be vaguely related to the topic at hand, it comes out in a confusing array of disconnected words

( e.g. i want to get the purple apple match from the towel chair )

PRESSURE OF SPEECH

this is rapid paced, erratic, frantic speech. it’s usually loud and frenzied. it’s almost impossible to get the person experiencing it to pause and the listener will most likely not get a word in edgewise. 

PERSEVERATION

this is the repetition of one word or phrase over and over after they’ve ceased to be relevant or appropriate to the situation. 

( e.g. person 1: i’m going to take a walk in the park later

person 2: walk in the park

person 1: do you wanna come with?

person 2: walk in the park

[20 minutes later]

person 1: i’m gonna put on the kettle. do you want some tea?

person 2: walk in the park

NOTE: feel free to reblog whether or not you’re on the spectrum or have any mental illnesses at all. way too many people assume that schizo spectrum people are just rude or belligerent or mocking or joking when we’re really just exhibiting symptoms of our disorder.

The present study examined the utility of meaning to differentiate between depression and grief in a sample of suicide survivors (N = 555). Three regression models were tested, each with a different measure of meaning predicting depression and grief. Across three models, meaning was negatively associated with depression but positively associated with grief. Additionally, grief and depression were negatively correlated across all models. Results support a conceptual distinction between grief and depression, with the presence or absence of meaning in life as a key distinguishing factor between the two in a population with a relatively high risk for pathological grieving.

Jo I’m crying

We (germany) had a comedian party to vote for the european election and a guy named Nico Semsrott will be in the parlaiment

He makes commedy about depression and his show was called “happiness is just a lack of information” this cracks me the fuck up hahaha I love that dude

I hate to sound like one of those guys but I honestly think a lot of people are now using the terms executive dysfunction, dissociation, and intrusive thoughts either incorrectly or to excuse particular behaviors otherwise not caused by mental illness but by a lack of desire to do things.

Executive dysfunction isn’t just limited to not having the desire/energy to do things. It also involves impulsivity, mood swings, memory problems, and troubles with social interaction.

Dissociation isn’t just spacing out. It’s a disruption in your consciousness, your memory, and your perception on the world.

Intrusive thoughts are not harmless, quirky commands made by your brain. They are scary and often involve terrible acts of violence.

People throwing around these terms with incorrect or oversimplified definitions is harmful. You get a lot of people going “oh that’s me!” and thinking whenever they daydream in class they’re actually dissociating and call it that, not stopping to think that it’s actually a symptom developed from severe PTSD. Or how executive function primarily effects those with ADHD or brain injury and yet people who take a bit to do their homework or anything involving a bit of effort cite it as their reason for doing it so late rather than a simple lack of desire to do so. Or how intrusive thoughts can make someone so shaken and anxious that they become terrified of themselves but thoughts like “eat a leaf off the ground” somehow fall under this classification.

If you are experiencing these debilitating symptoms, get help if you can. Go to a psych, a therapist, counselor, anyone. If you don’t have the means to, find online support communities. Don’t spread misinformation and cheapen how terrifying and debilitating these symptoms really can be

I’m empty like there’s nothing left in me I’m a fucking ghost but suffering

Typing Tutorials With Different Keyboards

After switching from the Russian phonetic to the regular Russian keyboard, I’ve had to learn to type all over again. I did some Googling and found https://sense-lang.org/typing/. It’s a website that teaches typing, but the coolest part is they have a bunch of different languages available. Change the language from the drop down menu here:

Then click the icon that has the hand with the coloured dots (it should say “lesson” next to it in your target language).

It will take you to a dozen lessons or so to practice typing!

Once I clicked on the first lesson, it took a while to load — I thought maybe I had done something wrong. Just be patient and it will start up.

Hope that was helpful!

All it takes is one small trigger. And I'm in a shit mood for awhile. And I have no idea how to change that. Is it even possible to change that in BPD? How do you stop the all over body inside and out feeling of a horrible mood shift after you've been triggered? It takes me a huge time out, meltdown, and hours long sleep just to snap out of it but I don't have time for that always.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post (Desiree Akhavan, 2018)