I’m Empty Like There’s Nothing Left In Me I’m A Fucking Ghost But Suffering

The biggest misunderstood thing about BPD

We can feel suicidal/have suicidal ideation and be normal the next day. It’s the nature of the disorder. I’m not being manipulative - I really do feel these feelings.

true.

I miss loving without being scared I'm too much

Psychology & Handwriting Analysis: Size

Aristotle spoke of dividing man into three aspects: the mind, the body, and the spirit: “Speech is the expression of ideas or thoughts or desires. Handwriting is the visible form of speech. Just as speech can have inflections of emotions, somewhere in handwriting is an expression of the emotions underlying the writer’s thoughts, ideas, or desires.”

Meaning: The size of the writing reveals whether a person is feeling socially extroverted or introverted. It also reveals your capacity for concentration.

Note: Sometimes your size changes, look at the definitions that describe your mood.

1. Overly Large Handwriting:

This person demands to be seen & heard

This writer overdoes (exaggerates) the size in compensation for an inner feeling of smallness and/or unimportance

Obsession with attention & will go to great lengths to obtain it

Displays obsessive tendencies by writing huge letters (to call attention on himself)

Keep reading

The Borderline Personality Disorder Checklist

This is a checklist to help one understand Borderline Personality Disorder. One may use it to self-diagnose or as a worksheet to present to a doctor or therapist  or other medical professional and better communicate symptoms they are experiencing. All information is taken from the DSM-5.

Section I Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have identity problems, including: I have an unstable sense of identity, I have poor self-esteem and excessive self-criticism, and I often experience dissociation when I am under stress.

I am unstable in my goals, aspirations, values, and/or career plans.

I have a heightened sense of empathy and am hypersensitive to the feelings and needs of my peers, although my perceptions are often biased towards negative attributes.

There is a lot of instability in my relationships, in that I am needy, mistrustful, and anxious.

__ / 4 Total

Section II Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have cognition problems and difficulty retaining information and remembering people and events.

I have affectivity problems and difficulty controlling the range and intensity of my emotional responses.

I have problems with interpersonal functioning and being aware of my own actions and feelings and how they affect others.

I have difficulty controlling my impulses.

__ / 4

Section III Must check ONE or more of the following:

I am very impulsive and often act on things without planning.

I engage in dangerous, risky, and/or potentially self-damaging activities with no concern to my personal limitations.

I am easily angered.

__ / 3 Total

Must have at least FOUR checks TOTAL by the end of this section, including ones from previous section (If you checked two above, you only need two here, for example):

My emotions are incredibly unstable, and I change moods often (sometimes within minutes), feeling things more intensely than others seem to.

I experience intense feelings of nervousness, tenseness, panic, and/or anxiety. I have fears of the future and of falling apart or losing control.

I get separation insecurity and fear abandonment.

I am frequently depressed and feel hopeless and have a difficult time recovering from such moods.

__ / 7 Total

Section IV Must check FIVE or more of the following:

I have a fear of abandonment and do my best to avoid it.

I switch between idealizing and devaluing the people in my life. My relationships are often unstable and intense.

I have an unstable sense of self and often question my identity.

I am impulsive.

I have attempted suicide and/or I self-harm.

I have frequent mood swings.

I often feel empty or depressed and have doubts about my future.

I am hot-tempered.

When stressed, I am paranoid and/or I experience dissociation.

__ / 9 Total

Section V Must check ALL of the following:

My symptoms impair my personality and social functioning 

My symptoms are consistent across a broad range of personal and social situations.

My symptoms have lasted a while and started in early adulthood or earlier.

My symptoms are not caused by medication, drug use, or another medical condition.

-

At this point, if you have checked the minimum, you may qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. The next section is a compiled list of symptoms, behaviors, thought patterns, etc. often found in borderline patients.

If you did NOT meet the minimum, check out Major Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. If you checked ALL of Sections II and V but still did not meet the minimum in other sections, look into other personality disorders, especially other Cluster B’s.

-

Section VI Common Symptoms and Behaviors associated: 

I have disordered eating patterns.

I am sometimes obsessive.

I sometimes get intrusive thoughts which I am unable to ignore.

I become attached easily.

I often “bait” people in order to start a conflict.

I have trouble sleeping, or I sleep too much.

I have a child-like curiosity.

I am dependent on others.

I sometimes mimic or mirror others.

I have nightmares.

I have difficulty processing information.

My appearance changes often.

I have an extreme need for acceptance.

I have a natural rejection of people in authority.

I constantly feel like I need to prove myself over and over again.

I very much live in the moment, to the point where past actions don’t matter. How I judge others (and myself) depends entirely on what is happening right now.

I isolate myself, even when I need social interaction.

I am often defensive.

I have anxiety/panic attacks.

I experience memory lapses.

I consider myself a perfectionist.

I react very strongly to mundane experiences.

I have a difficult time making decisions.

I have difficulty completing tasks.

I often feel misunderstood, mistreated, or victimized.

When I am upset, I am unable to calm down without help.

I castrophicize my problems and see the smallest things as the end of the world.

I often see my problems as unsolvable and hopeless to fix.

I hold grudges.

I alternate between seeing others as completely for them or against me.

I have a hard time recalling someone’s love for me when they’re not around.

I change my opinions depending on whom I’m with.

Sometimes the slightest provocation will make me feel abandoned.

I feel distrustful and suspicious a great deal of time.

I rush into relationships based on an idea of a person rather than the person themselves.

__ / 35

No one is more disappointed in me than I am.

Goblincore really is ADHD culture… Yelling… Being impulsive… Liking shiny… Wanting to run away into the forest and shirk all earthly responsibilities… It’s meant to be…

shoutout to abuse survivors & victims who fluctuate between “they didnt Really abuse me it wasnt That Bad its fine everything is okay” and “i hate them i want them to Burn” as a survival strategy, especially if you’re stil in regular contact with your abuser, and you wind up with a lot of self doubt because you spend so much time actively buying in to their gaslighting

it Is a survival strategy, it doesnt make you fake or bad. 

Not everything is fleeting. Some feelings are deep. The fact it isn’t close to me, that I can understand. But I find it sad it isn’t close to you.

Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) // dir. Céline Sciamma

Nick Cave talking about the death of his son, Arthur

One More Time with Feeling (2016) dir. Andrew Dominik