In My Dreams I See Him So Clearly, Watching Me.

picture late june. benson in ripped and frayed denim shorts and what's left of a metal tee he tore up to be comfy. armpits out. fresh cut on the hair. legs all scraped to hell bc he waded through some brambles this morning after a stray dog. randy at his shoulder, all bitten lips and blue tongue from a sucker he's been working over for half an hour. baseball cap. dirty white t-shirt because he had to mow the lawn before he could go play. smells like grass and diesel and sunscreen, freckles all over his cheeks and arms. still pale as fuck though, especially compared to benson. they haunt the drink aisle in the grocery store for fifteen minutes because randy's indecisive and benson's not picking for him this time and they're not leaving until he makes a choice. benson bounces his raspberry arizona in his hands and patiently watches randy peruse every single option. he's got all the time in the world for this pretty boy who outshines the sun. they've got nowhere to be, nothing to do. nothing but time. randy finally picks a pint of chocolate milk and benson nods once, walks him all the way to the car with his hand on the small of his back. they drive to the river with the windows down, sit on the bridge and throw rocks in the water til it gets dark. benson drives him home and they stop for a bite on the way. randy gets to make this decision too--anything but burgers. benson parks across the street, cuts the lights. puts the armrest up. when randy finally has to go or face the wrath of his mother, benson gets out of the car, pushes him up against the passenger's side and kisses him goodnight. takes fifteen minutes. randy sneaks up to bed with sun on his cheeks and cigarette smoke in his hair. benson leans against the car and watches until the light goes off upstairs.

Can I request davesprite...?

my favorite hs character of all time

(don’t tell the others)

Photo I took hotboxing my car.

i think ptolomaea by ethel cain is one of the most brilliantly crafted songs i’ve ever listened to.

the way it opens with this distorted deeper voice (isaiah) and you hear the sound of flies buzzing in the background underneath the voice, thats such a cool detail. and while isaiah is singing, you hear ethel incoherently mumble (you literally hear her say “mama?” its so 😭😭) as she’s waking up from the drugs. when we finally hear her voice, it’s high pitched, raw, and vulnerable. because of how vulnerable of a situation she is in, but she doesn’t realize it yet because of the drugs she’s on. so this whole beginning is echoey and it captures the whole aloneness she’s feeling.

and then we get a beat drop at “even the iron still fears the rot,” where the instrumentals are a little heavier, her voice is still high and raw but there’s a sense of knowing in it. (“hiding from something, i cannot stop. walking on shadows, i cant lead him back”) as her hallucinations and the drugs start to wear off, she’s facing this darkness that’s been eating away at her with “daddy’s left and mama won’t come home,” which is something she rarely comes to terms with.

then we get that dark distorted voice again saying “you poor thing, sweet morning lamb. there’s nothing you can do, it’s already been done,” which is incredibly terrifying. not to mention that deafening crash of the drums, god the way those drums thunder so intensely like you can feel the dread in your bones. and then we hear ethel’s voice again saying “what fear a man like you brings upon a woman like me? please dont look at me..” which refers to when isaiah tells her to “show me your face,” during that line. and she’s pleading for him to stop looking at him, you can’t hear it because it’s in the background but he says “come here,” and right after you hear ethel say “i can see it in your eyes, tell me, what have you done?” which then goes into a sea of begs and pleas for him to “stop, stop” until the final “stop” is not sung, but instead a bone chilling shrill shriek. which is cut off by “i am the face of love’s rage.” and if you listen to the acapella, during “i am the face of love’s rage,” right underneath that main vocal, you hear a second high pitched scream, you hear bundles “no’s” and even a “no! please!” which i think ties the story really well together.

in the acapella, while “blessed be the daughters of cain,” is being read out, you can hear the gargling and choking noises as ethel is struggling to breathe and as she’s literally dying its really sickening but so well executed from an artist perspective. and then at the very very end, you hear a death rattle like that is INSANE

i love ptolomaea, i love how the instrumentals create such a unique atmosphere that makes it as terrifying as it sounds and how hayden uses her voice in different ways to tell the story effectively. and it works, it all works.

ptolomaea is the best song on preacher’s daughter thank you for coming to my ted talk

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'come to where the flavour is,' marlboro cigarette ad, 1969.