Vandal Is Fucking Everything To Me. That's It That's The Post

some out of context mentopolis episode 3 quotes because I am loving this season

"you are not an eagle"

"well, we are falling out of a window"

*inspirational speech* *everyone nodding except mr fucks* "I guess I'll do the balls thing"

just thinking about jawbone saying "you're easy to love" to adaine at the end of sophomore year and sobbing what about it

my dad laughs at the opening verse of emily I'm sorry, every time shaking his head and saying that it doesn't make sense. that it doesn't mean anything. I don't know what "when I pointed out where the north star is she called me a fucking liar" really means or even if something can really mean anything besides everything but to me that line is about him. because every time I share facts about my special interests or even just elements of my experience as a trans person, as a queer person, as a disabled person, I'm told I'm wrong even though I know more about these things than he does. I point out the north star because I love space and I want him to love me the way I love space but he tells me I'm wrong

eastern european haunted emily axford pc, transfem daughter of libertarians ally beardsley pc, spot on pub representation grizzled old british lady siobhan thompson pc, nasty old gun guy zac oyama pc, posh boy brian murphy pc, famous explorer with a book series that really falls off lou wilson pc we're fucking eating this season my god

I also think about the fact riz carried around baron in his briefcase for an entire year a lot.

it feels a lot like a queer (specifically ace for me) denial that I'm intimately familiar with. you know you don't want it but you keep the idea of the life you're supposed to have, the partner you're supposed to want, in your back pocket to fall back on if being different gets too scary, so if all your friends find people who matter more to them and leave you might have someone too. you know it feels scary and stifling and wrong but you keep it there in the bottom of your briefcase just in case, just in case. you can't let it go and you can't let the shame that goes with it go because that would mean being alone, right?

anyway I'm in a perpetual romantic attraction crisis (am I demiromantic or is that just internalised aphobia rearing its ugly head again) and riz gukgak is a mood

i think about the fact riz carried around baron in his breifcase for an entire year a lot. btw.

like yeah you defeated him in the nightmare forest and he isn't a threat now or whatever but. he's there. you know he is. and you carry that invisible weight of the fear that one day all your friends will move on and you will die alone for a year. for more than a year.

and you see it coming true. your plan to keep all your friends together crumbles between your fingers and you don't know what to do.

then it comes back in a massive moment, there is no shoving the monster under the bed anymore. you cannot shy away from mirrors and cover your ears and act like it was never there to begin with. it is too large and you have ignored it for far too long. you must face it.

went to the bookshop today to buy the divine comedy so I can get that sweet academic validation from understanding the unreal unearth references and damn the hozier fans been at it I could only find one copy on an otherwise empty shelf 💀

some days I'm so chill with being disabled like fuck yeah my wheelchair is cool and then other days I'm in so much pain I can't sit upright for more than 30 minutes and I all I want to be able to do is knit, not fucking mountain climbing or surfing or being an astronaut or whatever just literally grandma activities and my body is like nah <333

me planning my adaine fic : so ik I said my favourite thing about adaine is her rage, her refusal to become the person her parents want her to be, her constant biting back and how brave it is, but like what if I took it away in the interest of angst and self-projection. I'll give it back I swear

"I love you"

"I think we're in a lot of trouble"

okay so given the circumstances I get the stress but damn silver that is not a good response to your girlfriend saying I love you for the first time

okay so I know the thing that riz is disputing here is that he's not a child (well he is like 13 but not a small child) and not that he's not a boy but is it nonbinary riz time I THINK IT'S NONBINARY RIZ TIME