A Friend Once Told Me That When They Are Struggling With Getting Laundry Done, She Pretends It Is Her

“Any form of human creativity is a process of doing it and getting better at it…[Writers] don’t usually peak in their 20s. It’s usually quite a lot later on.”

— Margaret Atwood

“From the very beginning you are being told to compare yourself with others. This is the greatest disease; it is like a cancer that goes on destroying your very soul because each individual is unique, and comparison is not possible.”

— Osho

Victorian-Inspired Embroidered Puzzle Purse, 2023 (ink and cotton and silk embroidery on kona cotton)

The puzzle purse is a form of itogami, the origami of folded purses. In the late 18th and early 19th centuries, the puzzle purse became a popular form for love notes and Valentines because they could hold little trinkets (rings, miniatures, locks of hair) and did not require an envelope to seal. This one is reimagined in cloth: the embroidery is permanent, but the message can be ironed away and rewritten. A love that lasts because it can be changed and be made new.

Enfin Seule! (Finally Alone) by Jean-Louis Forain in Le Courrier Français, ca. 1890

you have to let yourself be a weird woman or you will not survive

Crazy how bullying is not really acknowledged as a real trauma like you really have to endure years and years of lord of the flies and then just move on like it never happened

I think 99% of my advice for healthy relationships is to communicate, especially in advance.

Talk to your loved ones about conflict before you have one. Talk about how you react to conflict and ways you can solve conflict together. If you need to walk away during conflict to gather your thoughts, let them know before you have a conflict so that they can be prepared for the fact that you may need space. If there are certain things that really upset you that typically come up during conflicts, let them know.

Talk to your loved ones about your insecurities before they become a problem. Maybe this means planning a way to communicate that you could use some reassurance. Maybe this means getting a letter from them, or screenshots to read when you need to.

Talk to your loved ones about boundaries. If something they tease you about is actually upsetting, communicate that and let them know. Our loved ones generally want to make our lives better and wouldn’t continue to do stuff if they knew it was hurting you. They don’t know there’s a problem to fix if they aren’t told.

Talk to your loved ones if something is bothering you. Do you feel you always message first or initiate contact? Talk to them about it. Don’t start playing the “I’m not going to message until they do” game. Try not to become passive aggressive or hint at the problem.

Talk to your loved ones about things you like, appreciate or love. Give them the opportunity to do these things for you.

If a loved one is venting to you, ask what they need if they don’t tell you. Ask if they’d like support, or for you to offer validation or advice, or just to listen. This can prevent so much. When we get advice sometimes when we’re upset, we’re not in a place for it and it can make it worse and create conflict.

If a loved one is struggling and you don’t know how to help, don’t just avoid them because you don’t know what to say. Ask them how they’d like support. Sometimes people just want company, a distraction or to know they’re loved. On the other side of this, try to tell your loved ones how they can help. Often they do want to help, they just don’t know help.

I could go on and on about this, but perhaps you get the idea by now.

Our loved ones aren’t mind readers, but sometimes we expect them to be and that isn’t fair to them or us. That usually ends with both you and them being upset. Communicate directly when you can.

Patti Smith

the classic trope of "what if you went to a town and it was weird" never fails