Skills Activity (ACCEPTS)

want your own life dude! don’t long for anyone else’s life. even with the hardest most painful parts don’t pretend they’re not there, just fill your life up with as much of what you love what moves you what fulfills you what makes you happy and the hard shit becomes easier to deal with because you know there are all these things that keep you going. want your own life! it’s yours, only yours, no one else could have possibly been you isn’t that cool?

Glennon Doyle, Untamed

when shirley jackson said, “the very nicest thing about being a writer is that you can afford to indulge yourself endlessly with oddness, and nobody can do anything about it, so long as you keep writing. all you have to do — and watch this carefully, please — is keep writing.”

Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

from Tiny Beautiful Things, adapted for the stage by Nia Vardalos. 

“A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.”

— Franz Kafka

Victorian-Inspired Embroidered Puzzle Purse, 2023 (ink and cotton and silk embroidery on kona cotton)

The puzzle purse is a form of itogami, the origami of folded purses. In the late 18th and early 19th centuries, the puzzle purse became a popular form for love notes and Valentines because they could hold little trinkets (rings, miniatures, locks of hair) and did not require an envelope to seal. This one is reimagined in cloth: the embroidery is permanent, but the message can be ironed away and rewritten. A love that lasts because it can be changed and be made new.

I have been reading this book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson.

It's mostly aimed at people looking to heal from emotonally immature parents, as the title says, and I really like that in order to discuss emotional immaturity she takes the time to define what emotional maturity means and what it looks like, citing the multiple sources on which it has been studied.

I thought it was a handy reference to assess how I'm behaving and how the people around me behave, so in case it turns out useful for anyone else, here's a summary of the section she wrote on emotionally mature people.

Definition of Emotional Maturity

Emotional maturity means "a person is capable of thinking objectively and conceptually while sustaining deep emotional connection to others" (pg. 28).

Traits of Emotionally Mature People

In summary, emotionally mature people:

can function independently while also having deep emotional attachments, smoothly incorporating both into their life

are direct about pursuing what they want, yet do so without exploiting others

have differentiated from their original family relationships to build a life of their own

have a well-developed sense of self and identity

treasure their closest relationships

are comfortable and honest about their own feelings

get along with other people thanks to well-developed empathy, impulse control, and emotional intelligence

are interested in other people's inner lives

enjoy opening up and sharing with others in an emotionally intimate way

deal with others directly to smooth out differences when there's a problem

cope with stress in a realistic, forward-looking way, while consciously processing their thoughts and feelings

can control their emotions when necessary

anticipate the future

adapt to reality

use empathy and humor to ease difficult situations and strengthen bonds with others

enjoy being objective

know themselves well enough to admit their weaknesses

(These are largely verbatim as they come in the book)

Also, as I understand it, these behaviors/techniques/characteristics are supposed to be learned from the adults in your life, so if you lacked a guide to teach you, it makes sense if you don't know how to do all these, either. But it is your duty to teach yourself now.

STOP DOING SHIT THAT MAKES YOU UNHAPPY OUT OF A SENSE OF OBLIGATION