Latest Posts by scarlet-anon - Page 3

this is not the end.

You are not alone!!! ♡

Remember that 💕

Start each day with a grateful heart.

Perfectly okay ♥

hey

you’re worth more than you know.

you mean so much to me and so many people.

i’m glad you’re still around.

please stay with us, we love you.

try to breathe.

Please eat, you deserve to 💟

July 10th 2016 - 1:04

Night time seems like the common time for sadness to ambush your thoughts and terrorize them. Talking becomes difficult and you can't phase your thoughts good enough for them to spill out of your mouth, instead choking you when they are so close yet so far from being said. You wish for these things to crumble into the night leaving you empty because empty is easier than the screaming. Your broken thoughts become a recurring normality which you find the decency to name. Why these thoughts come so often is beyond you. Eventually they seep into the parts of your life where the sun is shining and your mind is suddenly a thousand times darker than the fire in the sky. Telling yourself lies to make them go away, you know what they are. They speak the truth unlike your filthy mouth which only pours the lies which hides what you really are. Like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Only your cover is wearing thin. ~Anon

please take care of yourself!

SELF CARE CHEAT SHEET!!

how to treat yourself on a low budget

what to do after a long day

how not to be hard on yourself

staying healthy while studying

how to deal with mental illness

feel better masterpost

hygiene/beauty masterpost | my make up masterpost | make up masterpost | simple steps for perfect make up | more make up tips

6 ab moves 

hair oil benefits

what is your acne telling you?

headaches

masterpost for rough times

the sex ed your parents didn’t give you

head to toe self care

blow job tips

limits of the human body

when to change your toothbrush, workouts etc

useful hoe tips

shaving your vagina

foods that fix everything

22 less difficult ways to practise self care

self care wheel

bad habits and how to break them

stop biting nails

stop procrastinating 

stop skipping breakfast

stop cracking knuckles

stop falling asleep late

boost your confidence

list of stress relievers

remove a splinter

smoothie masterpost

morning yoga

hair masterpost

self care masterpost

period hacks | alleviate menstrual cramps

sounds to soothe anxiety | another tip

what to eat before you run

self care infographic 

study guide for health (basic first aid, healthy hobbies etc)

a+ self care advice | more lovely advice

coping skills

feeling sad?

7 ways to say ‘no’

what to do with food poisoning

self talk to end obsessions

self care ideas/tips

other cheat sheets

Tue, April 4th - 23:41

Here lately someone special to me has been struggling.  She’s been in and out of the hospital several times and now she is back in a hospital bed.  This time how ever I’m not so sure she’s going to be leaving, and this scares the life out of me. 

Growing up, and even now my grandma is the most important person in my life.  She’s a big influence on who I am and how I see things.  She always has been and always will be. 

When I was younger I used to see my grandma every week day when my mom and dad went to work,  I would go to her house at 8 every morning.  It is by far the best memories I have, even till this day ten years later.  I would do anything to reverse the clock and go back to when I was the happy little four year old who couldn’t wait to see her grandma every Monday through Friday.  She was never just my grandma, and she still isn’t.  She’s my best friend.

She’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met; well, unless you sit in her cats chair, that’s a whole other story.  She loves everything, and I don’t know anyone as open minded as her either.  She has the heart of a five year old, and maybe that’s why I love her so much. 

Growing up she always told me I could do whatever I want when I become a adult and encouraged my insane dreams.  She told me to never grow up.  My favorite thing she ever told me was that I’m however old I feel.  I heard this one quite a lot usually followed by a “I’m still five at heart”.

We used to have tea parties every morning followed by watching the kids channel on tv, which I’d catch her watching years to come even if I wasn't watching it with her.  We’d make ornaments for the Christmas tree or her refrigerator out of play-doe all year around.  We’d often move the chairs to the hallway to make a car which we’d ‘drive’ to the ‘store’ in the living room and go shopping for groceries.  we’d hop back in the ‘car’ and drive home to cook dinner.  which she usually cooked those tiny barbecue hot dogs while i made stuff on the fake wooden storage stove in the corner.  afterwards we’d listen to the wolf radio station and play with some toys by the window.  It was a everyday cycle.  My favorite part was waiting for the bus to drive past.  We’d wait everyday and then wave through the blinds as it passed. I’d even cry everyday and hide behind her recliner when my dads car pulled up outside, I never wanted to leave.

On rare days my grandma would go to her bedroom and get some bananas and some water bottles and we’d sit by the window on the floor and eat them and drink the water.  I remember her always telling me to put the cap back on the bottle which is probably why even till this day I can’t put a water bottle down without first screwing the lid back on, let alone watch other people do it.

During the summer was my favorite.  We’d go outside and sit in her backyard swing and watch the trees blow back and forth in silence.  Sometimes I got to feed the neighbors dog.  We’d also walk through her yard and pick up the gum pods that had fallen from her three gumball trees that my dad planted many years earlier.

I have two favorite memories.  The first one was when I broke her collectable small puppy.  She told me she’d be upset if I broke it.  Of course this is me we are talking about so I broke it’s tail.  I crawled under the kitchen table and bawled all day. I worried her sick, she finally found out why and she chuckled before saying she’ll glue it back together.  She quickly did so before smiling and putting it back.  I’ve never felt so bad before!  My second is more calm and simple.  My grandma got me a toy Polaroid camera,  I ran all around the house pretending to be her.  If there was one thing she was always doing, it was taking pictures of me.  She always made me feel special. 

Seeing her here lately is a completely different experience for me.  She has memory loss so she can forget me.  Yesterday she didn't recognize me, today she did.  It’s on and off.  She can’t speak very good,  It’s mostly mumbles and gibberish.  Even though all this is happening she’s still the same lady who took care of me and that I love so much.

I’m scared,  My biggest fear is losing my grandma.  My family and close friends all know this.  It’s something that scares me so much.  I’ve spent nights crying just thinking about it and I feel like its becoming a reality.  I can barely even talk about her without crying.  my dad says she’ll be lucky to make it to the end of the week.

I’m being my strongest I can be and I plan to keep being my strongest.  I’m trying to stay positive and happy, I’ve been distracting myself a lot.  I am struggling, That’s the truth.  That doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep trying my best be be happy.

This took a long time to type and a lot of tears.  I’m going to keep praying for her and hope everything gets better.  Please everyone have a safe night, and pray for your loved ones too,  I love you all.

~Anon

ok, just so we’re clear, these people need to be called out:

abusers (of any and all kinds)

pedophiles

white supremacists

aka people who are legit scumbags

these people do not need to be called out:

kids who obviously had no malicious intentions

people whose only mistake was poor word choice

people who said crappy things in the past but have clearly changed

aka people who obviously didn’t mean to hurt anyone

February 21st, - 7:00

My family finally told me what's wrong with my father. We don't know for sure but his doctor thinks it's highly possible. We don't have the date yet for his important appointment but we should get it later today. I'm scared. I need to pray tonight for him. Please keep my dad save and healthy. I can't lose him. ~Anon

February 16th - 20:24

I flushed my razors and threw away my cigarettes. A new start, I don't think I'll be needing them any more anyways. ^^ ~Anon

Blood, cigs, and poring rain

Untitled

(I didn't tell him. I should have or I should at least set the alarm, but I can't. I'm uncapable. I'm unstable. I'm thinking diffrently. I want to do something but I can't. I'm not ready for tomorrow. Everything drops from here. There's no coming back from here. I can't chose one of them and I can't let go of both without letting go of everything and I can't do that. I'm uncapable. I'm sorry. )

People should look up at the stars more often

Sat, Jan 7th - 04:49

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New year! We officially say it’s now 2017, it’s completely unbelievable.  2016 flew by so fast it’s like it never even happened.

I’m currently watching homestuck and snacking on some starburst minis and drinking some water, I should be in bed but it’s way to late for that now.  I figured it would be a good idea to update this blog on my current situation.

I’m actually doing quite great at the moment.  That’s not something i say much on here anymore but I am feeling better.  Yeah, my family is still horrible but I, as a person am doing better. 

I’ve finally started caring for myself more which I’ve always been bad at.  I have also gotten a lot better, how do I say this, outlook?  When I say this I mean I try to think more positive things in bad things and I try to smile more and to be more cheerful.  I have also gotten to the point of trying not to cuss.  I am getting better with these things as time moves on so please excuse me if I do mess up on these things. 

I have gotten a few new hobbies as well.  I learned I want to learn to dance and I would like to get back into exercising.  I can’t dance good at all and I would like to learn, and I used to exercise every day when I was younger and it made me very happy. I loved to exercise so much and I hope I can get back into it.

I also have some new year resolutions I would like to share.  I had a hard time picking some and I tried to fit as much under one name as possible so here are some.

1. Be the purest version of myself I can possibly be.

2. Take well care of myself.

3. Take up hobbies (Dance, cosplay, make up, youtube, story telling).

4. Learn Korean.

5. Travel outside of comfort zone.

These are some of mine, please share some of yours too.  I would love to hear.

Anyhow, I must go now.  Anime is calling my name.  I hope everyone is having a great day, I love you all and please take care of yourself today.

“One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.”

Everything gets better with time ;

~Anon

Sat, Dec 24th - 17:44

Here I am again,  hope everyone is having a good Christmas eve.  If you are doing good I recommend to just unfollow me here because these blog post are going to probably get sadder from here on out.

My family has been doing horrible, I’ve brought it up before.  Although now its worse.  My mom and dad are getting a divorce.  My mother said she is unhappy and my father is done with her complaining so this is it.  My mom says shes leaving him right after Christmas.  I’ve already told my dad I’m going with him so I’ll have to switch back to my old school most likely unless my dad moves into town which I doubt will happen.  My family has been extremely sad lately and even I have gotten pulled into it.  I have spent most my time in bed lately yelling at myself and planning things.

I’ve been wanting to cut again and I’m skipping meals.  I don’t know why, I try not to but i keep almost crying every time I go to get food so I just end up back in my bed. 

Last night was good.  I was sad because my mom was talking about my dad again so i went to my room and took 5 sleeping pills although i still couldn't sleep,  my mind was to much of a mess and I was like that until A.M came in and we spent the night on his top bunk and watched marble hornets until about 1 am when my mom came to yell at us.  I actually had fun though.  It was nice.

I was watching Dan and Phil today so I decided to go watch it in my moms room and that's when she told me about the divorce.  she said she won’t be here tomorrow because shes tired of my dad.  Shes leaving early and shes going to get a hotel.  She asked me to come with her but I said no,  hopefully I can stay with my brother considering hes the only sibling I have that has their life somewhat together.

My mom said its to the point shes done with her kids, we are to much for her to handle.  That hurts a lot, I try to be good.  I’ve changed so much to make her love me.  Yet I’m still not good enough for her.  If you aren’t good enough for your own mom who are you good enough for?

No one in my family understands love or they mess it up.  Not ONE person in my family can have a relationship without messing it up.  No one here is made for it so I’m just going to save myself the drama and heart break.  It's not even worth it when you know its going to fail.

That feeling you get when you break up with someone that you get in your chest.  The one that feels like its a black hole and it seems to be creating a giant empty mass in your chest has been eating at me for the past week and its getting worse.  I’m tired of leaving bed,  I’m tired of eating,  I tired of interacting with others, and I’m tired of being let down.  More that tired, I’m scared of all of these and honestly I’m okay with that now,

I’m so, so, sorry.

~Anon

Wed, Dec 21 - 15:21

It’s strange whenever someone is a problem you can usually just block them out, exept for when their family. Then your just stuck with them and it’s the worst experience ever. ~Anon

When you see it, REBLOG IT.

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

If you ever want to talk: My Tumblr ask is always open.

Mon, December 5th - 18:13

It hurts you know.  Those aren’t words you’re meant to hear coming from your mother. 

“I’m tired.  I’m giving up.”

Knowing she is talking about giving up on her family.

“It’s the same thing over and over.  I’m not doing anything with my life and I can’t stand it.”

It’s to much for her.  She can’t handle taking me to school anymore.  She can’t handle any of this.  I’m putting to much on her back right now.

“I’m the same way mom, I can’t even shower without thinking about hurting myself.”

My sister is not allowed to think like that.  She’s C.R.M.  shes not allowed.

Her poor son isn’t happy anymore.  He’s only 9 and he’s so depressed. 

My dad is being over worked.  I know he’s thinking about leaving.  We’ve talked it through.  He misses his old house, I can’t say I don’t agree.

My sisters life is falling apart.  She’s been crying every night.  She’s been struggling to keep going.

it sounds bad right now but it was just as bad 3 months ago before any of these problems.  Every time we fix our problems more ones come around.

I’m so tired of everything.  I’ve hurt myself again.  I never really stopped but I went awhile without the thought of a blade and when it came back to mind I always found a way to stop myself.  Yet this time I didn’t.  I am getting so bad i’m cutting with everyone still awake because I’m dying for a release.

I’m having issues with food, but its okay.  So is everyone else in my house.  My sister hasn't eaten in a week other than half a sandwich.  shes so skinny she can fit into my jeans.  I think shes anorexic with the way she talks.  My mom says shes not hungry but she hasn’t eaten in three days.  for the last two days my sisters son hasn't touched any food and on his birthday Friday he would even touch his cake.  my dad is the only one eating and hes working so much he doesn't have time very often to even make himself food, so some nights he skips dinner.

My sister is angry.  She yells a lot and gets med to easily,  My mom does too.  I can tell my dad is done with it.  He gives me that look that says hes tired of it.  I know hes on edge.

I’ve started smoking again.  K.R.  got me some cigarettes from some kids at school.  I have about five left before my pack is empty.  I’m going to steal some from my sister. 

I have to share my room now.  My sister is sharing with me.  My moms getting rid of half my stuff and we are buying a bunk-bed.  I need to clear a lot of room for that though so im getting rid of my desk, posters, fairy lights, TV, and other things. 

I’m starting to think it’s just to hard to keep going.  What’s the point? my own mom gave up can’t I? 

I know I said I wouldn’t, but I’m still thinking of moving schools.  It’s to hard on my mom to keep doing all this.  Plus my grades are so bad, I’m not doing any better.

I  missed school again today,  I can’t go back.  There isn’t anything there for me.

There isn’t anything in this world left for me.

~Anon

Useless

I feel useless. I'm never going to meet expectations. I'm never going to be good enough for anyone. I can't do anything right. No one cares about anything I care about. I'm sorry I'm not her... but I try so hard. ~Anon

Mon, Nov 28th - 04:54

Hello, I'm back again. Alot has been happening lately and I've been terrible at keeping my blog up to date to the point it's so out of place and hard to read. Sorry about that. First things first. I hope everyone had a good thanksgiving, and if your not from the us then I hope your Thursday was good. It's now the time of the year we all freak out because it's Christmas time. I won't lie, I'm happy too. Christmas can be very fun if you spend it with the right people. Secoundly, I got to see my grandma again. I went to her house Thursday on thanksgiving and spent it there. If you don't know about my grandma she's been having some problems lately with her heart and memory. When I went to see her I was scared she wouldn't remember me. Luckly she did, but it was hard to talk to her. She kept forgetting everything and repeating herself. I know it's because she's getting older, I mean the woman is 88 years old, but it's just not what I'm used to. I still live her and everything though, she's still grandma. Next, I got to see my friend D.R. again for the first time in literally 3 months. I missed him and he got to spend the night for two nights. I was so happy to have him over. Also, I broke up with my boyfriend. I don't do good in relationships and I don't like them. I just never really have. Honestly, love isn't for me. I don't know why. And lastly, I've been down again lately. It's busy here at home. My sister lives with us now, and my parents are having some issues. I have been stuggling slightly more than usual because of these things and also because of my mind has just been messy. I've been thinking some completely not positive things and I need to clean up my mind alot. Thank you if you've actually read this far. I'll try to be positive in my next post. I hate being so grim, it doesn't help. I feel the need to get this all out somehow though and this blog is always here so I've opened up alot about my problems on here and I know tumblr isn't a place to post sad stuff because I'll probably trigger someone else. I really don't mean too, I just need to vent somehow. Anyways, I gotta blast. ~Anon

Want

I want to stop cussing. I want to stop talking to much. I want to stop sharing about me. I want to seem invisible. I want to be forgotten. I want to stop asking. I want to stop being diffrent. I want to stop caring. I want to stop thinking about things. I want to stop being overly attached. I want to let go of the past. I want to be able to forget people. I want to stop holding on to things. I want to stop doing stupid things. I want to not have a relationship. I want to be nicer. I want to stop yelling. I want to stop being a brat. I want people to want me. I want to be perfect. I want to be smart. I want to stop begging for things I can't have. ~Anon

00:25

I’m sat here. It’s currently 00:25. My mind has been messy lately. I feel like I shouldn’t have friends. Like I should shut my mouth instead of talking. Yet I talk anyways. I feel like I’m annoying everyone I make conversation with. I feel gross. I want to be someone else. I’ve been unactive because I wanted to have this as a positive account but I have nothing positive to say. I’ve dicided to forget it. It’s my account. No one reads my post anyways. I’m sat on my bed right now. My sisters tanning on the other side of the wall. My parents are sleeping. And the world feels empty. My friend just went to bed. I wish I could have seen her today like I was ment to but she remembered she had plans with someone else so she hung out with them. I won’t lie, I feel jelous. This seems to happen Everytime I want to hang out with someone. They are busy. I’m starting to think maybe it’s intentional. It’s okay though, I don’t blame them. Everyone has a right to their own opinions on me. I’m so incredibly sad right now. I keep hoping someone will say something to help me right now but everyone is asleep. The world around me seems asleep exept for my sister and I just feel like a tiny annoyince in her life right now. I never said anything but I’m going to say it on here sense no one reads it anyways and I need to get it out. Last month I got super depressed. I swallowed a half a bottle of random pills I’d been saving up. I have about two pills left. They didn’t do anything. I somewhat wish they had. That’s not my only problem. I’m facing one right now. I just need a sign. But who I want one from hasn’t said a thing. I should stop relying on others to save me. I’m sorry. ~Anon

Closed up

In this house I feel like I can’t express myself. I feel as if anything I like isn’t good enough. I try to show what I like to my family and they always insult it and I feel like a brat. I always say “well I guess I’ll go back to being closed up” but I never really do. Here lately I have lost alot of wight again and I don’t eat as much which is strange for me because I love food, I always have. I have also been wanting to cut more and more. I feel constantly like I’m being judged by the stuff I like or how I dress to the point I don’t want to leave my room. I don’t like myself and I feel like a brat for it. I don’t want to tell anyone how I feel bcause it makes me seem like a brat, hell, even writing it on a anonymous blog makes me feel like a brat at this point just because people read it. ~Anon

November

I hope everyone had a great halloween! It’s officially November now so now it’s that time of year again where everyone skips straight to christmas. Firstly I live in the us so next up is thanksgiving which is like one of the best holidays ever because I mean. Food. I am so happy for Christmas but personally I think it’s to soon. And a little update about how last night went. My sister was very upset and stressed when we went in there so I told her mum would take me trick or treating alone in the country. Of course I lied, I mainly only wanted to go with Aiden, so I went home and slept. We spent $130 on something I didn’t even get to wear. Great. Anyways I’m sure it’s no biggie. Gotta blast. ~Anon