A World Without Trans People Has Never Existed And Never Will

Hello Kitty flip phone collection by kutieverseland

I've been trying to stay off of social media so I can focus on other things. So last night I logged out and stayed off. But afterward I just sat in my seat thinking about having a better future. Then I got really sad like, this is my life, why is it so horrible. Why aren’t I fixing it. I always get these feeling out of the blue, but usually its like once a year. But lately it’s been every couple of months.

Then I realized that doom scrolling literally distracts me from my sadness lmao. Cause I am not usually like this, usually I’m on twitter looking for something to make me laugh or yt. 

But when I logged off, I sat in silence wondering what to do next. My options were to either go to bed or continue sitting there. 

I convinced myself to read Dungeon Meshi. I’m on book 11. It was a hard read honestly. Maybe it was because of the state of my emotion but I was not having a fun time reading it, and I like reading conflict.

But I got to this page in the book where Marcille is expressing how she didn’t have any good memories in the dungeon and if only she had given up, she wouldn’t have to suffer through the bad experiences. But in the next page she says there’s no way I could just give up. 

And wow….I felt that lol. I feel like I feel it almost everyday.

I don’t want to get into details about it because I am emotionally drained right now.

I just wanted to remember these pages, and express some love for Dungeon Meshi. Lmao I never thought I would come to love it so much. A series I would have never picked up by myself probably because I am super picky lol. I want to get all the books so I can reread it and relish all the amazing line work and compositions.

This part felt so real. I can feel the love and care Marcille has for her comrades. That shes drops all her resolve and standards to protect her friends and they do the same for her. Seeing the Dungeon Meshi crew take care of each other makes me so jealous sometimes but it’s also so sweet. I can feel the love, it oozes.

Mom and Dad

Once again I need a baby just for this

“The past doesn’t need you anymore. Your future does.”

— Unknown

by elliothawkey

The best beautiful fireworks in Japan

Source

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Oh boy so many setbacks this month.

It honestly started off so good. And now its ended in a confusing way. I’m trying to handle each month as slow as I can. February feels like 2 years ago lol. 

I watched Nezha 2, 3 times lmao. I almost saw it a 4th time, but I had to restraint myself plus I’m short on money for the month. it's probably gonna be one of my favorite memories of the year. I love that movie so much. I don’t even consider myself to be a big 3d animation fan. Some of my faves are Megamind, httyd, happy feet and maybe tangled shrugs. But I never saw any of them in theaters tho.

Nezha 2 is almost 3 hours long not including travel to get to the theater(it’s not in the best area either). So I must really love the hell out of this movie to waste 3-4 hours to see it(I do I really do). It’s such a great movie, I think about it almost everyday. There’s so much I can say about it about it but I will end up writing a book on why it's great lmao. I’m so jealous of all the merch it gets out of the U.S. our country is full of so much hate. I can’t wait for the dvds, and the art books 😫. I wish it could stay in theaters forever lol, so I can see it whenever. 💖

Other stuff that happen, I cleaned my bedroom, I made it as functional as I can, hopefully for the rest of the year. It still needs a lot of work but I think I used up too much energy on it and was feeling like a dried jerky for a week just floating in the air, head empty no thoughts ugh.

The weather has been really nice out, I was out a lot this month, I wasn’t doing anything fun tho, but I had some cute outfit combos that I didn’t get a chance to take pics of, sigh I always forget. 

Some of the cherry trees are in bloom, I think it just the dark pink ones tho, still I love walking around outside just to see them.

This month I really was drawing a lot. The question of what do I want to draw just flashes in my head all the time. What do I want to draw, what do I want my art to look like? Idk, I just want to draw lol. I think that in the early 2010s I use to draw for myself, whereas now I am self conscious about what others might think.

sobs I’m just rambling now. I wanted to post more this month but it’s been a long ride. Hopefully April is less bumpy. 

Plum blossom along the roadway.

Nara, Japan.