"Standards: A Slam Poem"
"Standards: A Slam Poem"
“Standards: A Slam Poem” In third grade I sat wondering, “Aren’t your parents supposed to love you?” After yelling at me for receiving a 99%, I sat heartbrokenly crying at the piano, incoherently sobbing while you just sat right next me engrossed in your own little world staring at a computer screen, not noticing your sobbing daughter. Your daughter. The one you call stupid selfish greedy idiotic senseless worthless and every other insult you can possibly muster from that pea sized brain of yours. You have a PhD, not an understanding of human emotion or limitation. You set standards so high that they are more than impossible to reach. Every time I get even remotely close those expectations are heightened beyond belief. It feels like I’m in a desert and finally achieving your expectations is just a mirage. I climb life like a rope hoping to see that bell but it just keeps fading, climbing twice as fast. I’m overwhelmed, stressed, and unhappy. I can’t recall the last time I have been happy, if I’ve ever known what that feels like to begin with. I do not know the feeling of feeling appreciation. I do not recall that last time you expressed pride in me because it has never happened. A few words can send me flying teetering free-falling off of the edge holding in tears while you sit by completely unaware. After spending hours pouring over a thirteen page essay I’ve asked you to read multiple times, you finally did so when I got the grade back… three months later. Shocked, you said, “This is actually good.” “Actually?” Hours upon hours poured into an assignment that some people failed, returning home with a 98%. But even so you looked at the rubric and told me, “2.5 out of 3 for this section? This is unacceptable” There were 150 points possible by the way. Are you asking me to achieve perfection? The impossibility of flawlessness? I don’t know what to say I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to give I don’t know how to try. Even as I tell myself not to, I succumb to what you want. I stretch myself thin worry myself to an early grave and I am weak. I am weak in the fact that I give in. I am weak in the fact that despite my straining vocal cords and my pulled taut muscles I am your slave, your doll. I look at my reflection in the mirror and tell myself that I am strong, but I still bend to your will. You’re living vicariously through me, forcing me to do and accomplish all that you had failed to do in your youth. You feel revived in me making a carbon copy of yourself and thinking that you are making a great contribution to the world. What you have yet to realize is that I will never be like you. When I see traces of you in me, I think of myself as nothing but a monster. You have allowed me, forced me to let letters and numbers define me. You say that you do absolutely everything for me but you only truly care for yourself. I’m barely clinging onto life here on my side of things and yet you still push. You push and push and force. Every time I attempt to bring up your faults, you turn them back onto me. Yet when you complain about my faults, you fail to realize that they are yours too. For a one that claims to know science, you don’t seem to understand simple genetics. Maybe you gave me my skills for acting. I fake like no other, constantly living a play. With a mask of content on my face and a smile plastered to my lips, I wipe away my sadness and I diminish the darkness in my eyes. I act around you and I fool you all… I’m almost good enough to fool myself into believing that I am happy, that I am satisfied with my life. The one person the one friend that understood what I’m going through has found her happiness leaving me lonelier than before which I never thought possible. Surrounded by people everywhere we go and yet I am so isolated and so closed off from the world. Am I shutting myself in, or are you shutting me out? I for one do know that you would love it if I stayed home every day holed up in my room, studying. After all, Harvard is for those who strive hard enough. Harvard! Harvard is a dream you built for me forced onto me, and yet if I bring it up, you say, “As if someone like you can get into Harvard.” Ever since I was two, you have pummeled drummed into my head that I am to go to Harvard and make the family proud. Yet here you are crushing under your foot a dream that I am not even sure that I want. This is because I don’t know what I want! How can I know what I want when I don’t even know who I am? I have no clue who I am. You have made me play pretend for so long that I no longer remember the girl I used to be, if I were any different before to begin with. I aimlessly wander about, unsure of every decision I make unsure of every action I execute. Congratulations on making me second guess myself and regret my life. Good job making your daughter a numb brainless drone. Your standards your expectations are like shackles, weighing me down and chaining me to a life I no longer wish to live. Every fiber of my being is shrieking at myself, scolding myself, telling myself to not give in to your standards. Tonight, as well as all of the others, I shall cry myself to sleep. I will mourn for the girl that grew up too fast, that lost herself before she found herself. Yet tomorrow morning and with every other passing day, I will be back to the automaton, living for you, but not for me.
More Posts from Shipping-my-otps and Others
A collection of some of the basic things you’ll need to start your bellarke journey!
Since this got a bit of traction i’m reposting it with a better format and hopefully more people will get involved giving me suggestions.
Fanfiction
Caught in the fire
Love will come through(Arranged marriage AU)
The feel good hit of the summer( Rock band AU)
We Could be
I loved him first
Matched (Ark AU)
Time enough for rocking when we’re old(Fake Relationship AU)
Pistols at Dawn(Modern AU)
When the stars are the only thing we share
Live my life without(Modern AU)
We are Undone by Each other (Archaeology AU)
In my House on the Hill(Ark AU)
Fuck the word fond
Survivors Guilt
I tried to include a variety of tropes and settings form a large range of writers. If you want more check A03 or the bellarke fanfiction tag.
Fanmixes
Talk some sense to me
The rebel & the princess
I need you|| The 100
This is on you princess
The princess and the rebel
Videos
Bellarke | Come Home
Bellamy & Clarke || All of the stars
Bellamy&Clarke | Turning Page
Clarke & Bellamy | You’re not making it easy
Bellamy & Clarke | Looking to Closely
Bellamy & Clarke | May we Meet Again
Bellamy & Clarke | All I Want
Bellamy & Clarke | See You Again
Bellarke [4x03] | Anchor
Bellamy & Clarke| Knocking on Heaven’s Door
The brain and the heart | Bellamy and Clarke
Blogs
There’s lots of blogs in the 100 fandom and joining networks is a great way to find the good ones. Keep an eye on #the 100 tag for them.
@bellarkefanfiction - your church for all bellarke fics. They’re tagging system is brilliant and they can usually find anything you’re looking for
@infobellarke - everything Bellarke. Also on Twitter.
@the100-news - more general the 100 news and info
@the100writers - the writers have a tumblr! Worth following for their script to screen releases
@the100daily - just the get some the 100 on your dash
@daily-bellarke - what it says on the tin!
@fuckyeahbellarke
@bellarkefanfictionawards
@fyeahbellarke
@bellarke
@the-100-meta-library
The 100 fandom is an active and busy place so keep an eye on the tags and for people who have a good reputation in the fandom. Remember to enjoy yourself and have fun! That’s what tumblrs all about!
I’ve done my best to include a large collection of things but obviously it is focused on bellarke rather so it’s a bit biased! Please recommend things to include or add your own fic recs as you reblog!
Hogwarts Au for the headcanon thing pls
Sure thing, Anon! Hope you enjoy.
Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin first see each other on Hogwarts Express: a freckle faced boy with glasses and messy hair, and a blonde, blue-eyed princess already wearing impeccable dress robes by the time they leave the station.
The sorting hat lingers on Bellamy’s head a while, not sure if it should place him in Hufflepuff or Gryffindor, though eventually he’s placed in Griffyndor to thunderous applause. He quickly makes friends with Harper McIntyre and Jasper Jordan. Clarke gets sorted into Slytherin right away, to the surprise of no one since her mother is a very famous Slytherin member of the Wizengamot. She’s joined by Raven Reyes and John Murphy.
They don’t really know each other but by reputation: Bellamy is the orphaned muggleborn kid in shabby robes who excels at Flying, and Clarke is the pureblood who’s top of her class in every other subject.
Second year, Bellamy begins to play quidditch and becomes one of the best chasers Hogwarts has seen in years. Clarke spends her time in the library or in charms club, somewhat turning up her nose at athletic pursuits unless her friend Wells is playing for Hufflepuff, but by fourth year she’s definitely begun to notice Bellamy on the quidditch pitch. Not to mention, he’s caught up with her in every subject except Arithmancy. They have a well defined rivalry at this point, sometimes friendly, sometimes not.
Octavia Blake, also sorted into Griffyndor, arrives at Hogwarts their fifth year, and suddenly Bellamy begins to throw his weight around a bit. Clarke sees right through all his false bravado to the core of him–he’s just a scrappy kid using his newfound popularity to protect his little sister. Clarke is pleased but not surprised when Bellamy does just as well as she does on their OWLs.
Sixth year her dad dies, and she takes some time off from school. She hates the way that everyone looks at her when she returns, with pity in their eyes, but Bellamy treats her just like he always has, and she’s exceedingly grateful.
Bellamy offers to tutor her in the things she’s missed, and she accepts. Somehow, spending hours together in the library turns into taking walks down by the Great Lake which turns into holding hands in the corridors. The others tease them quite mercilessly, but it turns out they’d been placing bets on when then two of them would get together for years now. Monty Green, a Ravenclaw and childhood best friend of Jasper’s, has the winning bet.
Seventh year, NEWT exams are upon them before they know it, and Bellamy and Clarke both achieve exceedingly high scores. Bellamy, after a few years playing professional quidditch, applies to teach at Hogwarts, the place where he’s been happiest in all his life. He becomes the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher the school has seen in decades. He’s quite popular with the students as well, being so young and good looking, and many are disappointed to discover that he’s quite happily married to Clarke Griffin, a healer at St Mungo’s who’s been rumored to have the ear of Minister Jaha.
Bellamy and Clarke still find themselves caught up in rivalry now and again, but lately it’s whether their kids will have Bellamy’s freckles or Clarke’s blue eyes. They’re each secretly hoping for both.
madi x jordan meeting
Madi: Who are you?
Jordan Jasper Green: Your… brother? Cousin? Look, I don’t know it’s complicated.
~some time later~
Jordan: So um my parents wanted me to kind of get your parents together?
Madi: Perfect. I have a few ideas. *pulls out a giant 3 ring binder with 300 pages of notes*
Percy that is no way to take care of children!
Percabeth Parenting: The 'Single' Dad
Percy reclined on the sofa, trying to rest for a split second. He focused his eyes on the television, but not without noticing a curse word written on the wall. One of his astonishingly well-mannered children had written “butt” on the wall in purple marker. After he figured out which of his twin devils had done it, he’d make them scrub the entire wall clean with their tongue. But that was a problem for a later date. All three of his children were upstairs, playing a ame that involved a lot of screaming and shouting. As long as they weren’t directly in front of him, bothering them and making noise, he was able to tune them out for a few seconds.
Read More
Yasss, Percy! Show em Romans!
"They yelled like banshees and charged. Jason grinned. He loved the Greeks. They had no organization whatsoever, but they made up for it with enthusiasm.” -Blood of Olympus
I laughed so hard at this part I had to stop reading.
Thank you! Its in words!
http://apophisoffandoms.tumblr.com/post/99981238132/someone-asked-me-the-other-day-why-people-make
Someone asked me the other day why people make such deep connections to TV shows or books movies. And I didn’t really have a good answer until now. I think that its because they are our escape, they motivate us, and they give us something to believe in.
Another reason I came up with is that...
💖💖💖
When you read a really good book with feels (ft. Dylan O'Brien)
Omg! Two of my fave things! PJO and Mean Girls. Like yasss
I swear sometimes percy is karen from mean girls
But Clarke asks Bellamy if he can forgive himself and he doesn’t answer, says that forgiveness is hard for them instead but then goes right on to say that he doesn’t want to be angry at her anymore.
I won’t forgive myself but I forgive you. They will be the death of me.
