I'm Pretty Sure This Has Been Done At Some Point, But Just In Case Someone Missed This Golden Opportunity

tumblr is full of phrases that we are all so desensitized to that they're just normal, but if you say it to a person in real life its so funny to them its a one-hit insta kill

Abstract Woop

Finally oh my god…. That was ridiculous….

didyou know you can just put your hand in a rockpool and the shrimps will just hang out with you. isnt that so awesome

Pickles gave himself a bald spot from shoving his head through the cardboard box to eat the cat food yesterday

Physically abusing your children: BROKE

Telling them of the schmidalflapper: WOKE

Sometimes I think about how easy it is to fuck up a kid.

Like. I could just lie to them constantly--

Tommy, my fictional son: *holding an apple* What's this, Baba?

Me: Ah, that right there is a schmidalflapper.

My little buddy has never looked more ready to fuck up some lasagna