The Angels Look Down To Protect Us

oh my gosh, when i was in treatment for an eating disorder i was so scared to tell the people around me for this exact reason.. at one point i would frequently speak about diet culture and weightloss to the thinner girls without even clocking because i was so stuck in my head that these girls were thin and i wasn't. it was lowkey triggering to even be friends with one of them, which isn't something that's even her fault. after a while she figured out that i had an eating disorder and she would make comments sbout the way i looked (she told me to get a nosejob, told me i ate a lot, would make comments about wanting my "big thighs") she now goes around telling people that i said something sour about her appearance. the truth is, i ate so little during that period of my life that i was so fatigued all the time so i genuinely do not recall saying anything about her appearance, it's all a blur to me. i can't help but feel guilty about it.

people calling girls with eating disorders "spoiled brats" and "attention seekers" as if these conditions aren't life threatening; when u have an eating disorder that induces starving, you think of only yourself and how people are perceiving your body. you think that you need to be a skinny dainty princess 24/7 and immediate panic sets in as soon as you are forced to eat something or go over your caloric limit because the mindset is that you will gain a large amount of weight if you have that food/calories right then. however the people that hate, don't see this as mental illness taking action, they take it as a deliberate action of disgust against other womens bodies.

i remember discussing eating disorders in a group therapy session not long ago and a girl who was plus size, said that a lot of the anorexic girls are so scared of gaining weight and it had a huge toll on her cause she knew she was a lot bigger than them so she took it as a deliberate fatphobic action against her because no one wants to be fat. she said that if these girls would hate on bigger bodies, how is it any different if bigger women do the same back?

both parties are insecure

and what these girls fail to realise is that when girls with eating disorders think about being thin, they don't compare themselves to bigger girls. they crave for the validation of control, controlling hunger. they compare themselves to the version of them before where they had no control over their hunger. it felt like the one thing you were doing right in life because if you had the will to starve yourself for however long you wanted, that would conform to your sense of self control and knowing you could control a part of your looks despite constantly having a distorted view of your own body. at a certain point you even become addicted to the feeling of hunger, that control is taken away when you are made to eat over a 'safe' amount.

point is, developing an eating disorder has become something that is looked down on in a manner of disdain, when in reality these girls need all the support they can get without judgement.

ppl rly hate girls with eating disorders tbh. did anyone else notice this

its only 10am and today is already off to a bad start,, hopefully it gets better.. well let me trust in positivity ♡

Two sides of the same coin

looking forward to spring flowers so much like the trees are still pretty bare but i know soon they will be full of green and blossom and there will be lots of lovely flowers

i want people to ask me random things cause im bored and i would love it and itd make my day

3d is not proof of anything

You can tell me that you have no money, and I will ask to you, "how do you know you don't have money?" and maybe you will tell me "I just checked my bank account, I have no money".

But are you checking your bank account right now? No, you are not. Then you are imagining it, assuming that you don't have it.

Knowing Imagination creates reality, and that what you assume and identify as real is reflected, why you sustain limitations and lack in your mind?

You can Imagine and assume anything that you want. Do you want to be poor? I bet you not. Then free yourself in your mind to FEEL what you WANT to feel. REMOVE THE OUTER WORLD CIRCUMSTANCES. You are not forced to unknowlegde what you see with your mortal eyes as real, you can ignore and rewrite the history as you want it to be.

Now let me tell you, the whole world is imagined. Nothing you see with your mortal eyes is a fixed fact.

"If I can make something, I can unmake it. Whatever I can create, I can uncreate." NG

How can I create and uncreate? I dismiss what my senses tell me and I decide to be aware of what I want, knowing it is mine, I experience it. I cannot fail.

Don't take your circumstances to the mind, they are not real. You don't need to fight circumstances, that's not your business, they will be removed as you assume the end.

So if you see something in your world that you don't like, leave the world alone and change Self. Self is everything you identify yourself as being or having!

The confirmation that you have what you believe you have is in your Imagination, it NEVER was in the outerworld. You were always assuming that you had things, now you just assume you have things that you WANT.

If you still believe in what the senses shows you, you are not yet conviced that Imagination creates reality, not the other way around. When you believe it, you will know you are the master of your fate.

Don't sleep again, never forget this truth.

"Sister, it might be...", Eghishe Charenc (translated by metamorphesque)

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა 08/02/24

all is not lost and grief is needed in order to heal.

ive been trying to make myself all put together and healed up when i havent even done the first step yet which is grieving, ive been putting it off for so long but the reality is that healing does not come without intense emotional releases and i had no idea that i was damaging myself by not allowing myself to process it all, now that i did that today it is very much tiring but its so much more better than staying in an anxious and low state all the time. all is well !! and i believe i will get better and love myself more each and everyday

its really hard to admit that i let someone treat me like i was less than and believed it but also the fact that i saw myself as less deserving, i dont want to be hateful at my past self so all i can do is love and let go no matter how long it takes to do so,, i'll def be sleeping with a clear mind and come to the acceptance of that pain

but i also finished my kuromi lego set today !! look it >