It's Working

Sort Of Straightforward

Don’t feel

Don’t show just so you can eat at least one more free meal

In your case

I must keep a strong unmoving poker face

You think that it’s rude for me not to answer

Tell me to get depressed for someone because of their lung cancer

Instead I think they need some cheer

And encouragement for them to face their fears

I don’t tell you how I feel

Because you would tell me it’s not normal and what I'm feeling is unreal

That I made it all up in my head

I'm crazy is what your body language said

When I do answer you, you tell me to stop talking back

And tell me that manners are what I sadly lack

You tell me you don’t like my tone

I would never tell you how much I want to puke at the smell of your cologne

Maybe my tone is bad but it’s not as bad as your writing font

You like to remind me that the troubles I have ahead of me are something to daunt

If I admit that something hurts then I get called a baby

You’d think that I was too much of a wuss to join the navy

Tell me I'm tough but act like I'm the weakest of the weak

I'm not brave enough to find help to seek

“No one’s going to get hurt here”

I could!  You would tell certain people is my fear

I wouldn’t trust you even If you promised, you could so very easily go behind my back

Oldness is what I lack

When you ever did know how I felt

You’d lecture me on how stupid I am for feeling it, then hit me hard with an imaginary belt

Because of that I would prefer to keep you in the dark

I might not be able to live through another mark

I just can’t have you know

If you ever found out, I’ll get buried in icy sharp, wet snow

But no matter how numb I am, I still feel

All my feelings are strong and real!

Brother

Dear brother,

Where did you go?

You used to wave at me when I was in the hallway

You used to wave at me when you sat in the gym because I had no friends

But you were there on the bleachers reading

I still wonder in amazement; how did you get your teacher to let you do that?

You used to save me from a teacher who needed to retire

You used to save me before bus 19 left so I'd get on the right one

Do you remember when you'd make me laugh by pretending you were in the circus?

You'd walk on old alcohol barrels,

That were once red, now pink and faded by the sun

Then you went off to college and started a new chapter

I'm sorry I put grass in the pool,

When you told me to stop

I'm sorry I threw a plastic beach basket at your face,

And caused you to get a nose bleed

I'm sorry I screamed at you while I was drawing a picture

You are really good at pushing my big red button that specifically says DO NOT PUSH!

Why must you be a programmer that finds my buttons and knows how to easily access my control panel?

I'm sorry I didn't and couldn’t give you the space you wanted to reach the planets

I'm sorry I kicked and screamed at your closed door

I just wanted to build a snowman

And have fun

I missed you then and I miss you now

Oh Brother, what shall I do?

You know that pathetic hug I gave you?

That's because sometimes I think you don't care about me

I sometimes think when you're in San Francisco California you never think of me

Of how we'd joke we'd run away to Californ-i-a

Silly Frustration

This one is for those who write their name small and messy

For the ones that got pushed into Besse

They’re ashamed and scared of the mistakes

With every single dreadful take

Sitting in my frustration

Study my realization

That I’m stuck

Out of bad luck

Can’t move in my seat

He’s watching in my normal horrible fleet

I studied my fast wit

Realizing I only have so much grit

Oh what I didn’t study

Does he see me as a silly fuddy-duddy?

My frustration should have,

Had him halved

Does he know how hard?

I don’t think he comprehends my backyard

His yearbook I should have signed to have no regrets

I lost my bet

Now I write my name small

I make anxious job calls

Afraid of making things worse,

I silently curse

I’ve Been Wronged

A bit of white on blue isn't

A tad quite all white

All I see is white

A pure, Christian shade of white A white expanding cloud

A white page

An unknown

Anonymous An

Anxiety

Attack

And a loss of godliness Honestly it became a sharp

Hue of

Hatred

How did it come to this... "Hi" I say to my friend

He says it was a

Hit and run

However I Have to try not to

Hyperventilate through this

Hiccup. Why did this have to

Happen. Now my car has a Scarlet letter, but I am getting

Help to hammer out the dents

I only wish I could have frozen

Time

Refusing To Blossom

I'm like a confused squirrel searching for my nuts

I'm a butthole without the butt

A dark, endless hole

A dip in the dirt without the mole

A pencil without lead

With that said, I'm missing parts

Not completely broken apart

Damaged

I manage

I'm strong, holy cow!

I'll never be able to answer the question of, How? I don't know if I'm truly living or just surviving

Do I need more reviving?

I refuse to go knocking from door to door

Now I do know what I'm looking for

What am I to do,When I meet with the morning dew? I'll hop along like young grasshoppers

Pointed anteater noses are the real heart stoppers

As annoying as a fly

Every time, I swear, I'll get by

I'm half a nerd

I refuse to blossom and sing like a bird

Tree

Sometimes I feel like a tree

A tree with little wings that rustle in the wind

I have taken to hating bird brains

Being paralyzed with tension there's nothing I can do when they shit on me

Sometimes I like the rain

I like the washing

It also quenches my thirst

And keeps me sane

I love the cooler air

That sways me,

Unrhythmically

Blowing through my hair

People don’t like rain when it fills up their shoes

I don’t have feet

But I have plenty of rings

And no one I’d like to choose

I dream of flying away

To find a whole new world

My roots are too big

I feel like a tree by the end of the day

Sometimes I feel hurt because of love that is young

What is the point of them carving into me?

Yet their love dies long before I ever will

And on some days I miss where they once swung

On those days I shed a little sap

Hoping new things will stick to my bark

Like a new swing or a new summer fling

On those days I don’t mind the bird crap

Sometimes I flunk

And grow more knots

And become more twisted

On those days I think that I’d prefer to be trunk

Sometimes I feel that I'm not fair to my roots

As they hold me,

I try to strangle myself with them

More than ever, the wise owls give me disapproved hoots

Sometimes I feel like a tree

As the giving tree, I have found limits to my giving

I only give up and never give down

I feel like a tree, stuck to the ground but growing up with reality

Safety Blankets

I don't like having a safety blanket

The kind that your grandma knit

When I have one I cut it

It makes me feel vulnerable

This is why I'm not exactly hug-able

Unfortunately for me I'm like-able

So in my case

I don't like the safe space

Or seeing your face

I don't want to get attacked so I'm going to keep my distance

Yes, I am probably causing the resistance

No, I don't need any assistance

Yes it's bizarre

Watch out when you're not looking I'll crash your car

I'll earn a new scar

Go out smashing windows

That's not even one of my lowest of lows

My safety blanket does not run with the flow

Without one I'm able to go around looking for trouble

Making love to this town's rubble

But if I had one, you could easily make me crumble

When I do have one I cut it

Especially the kind that your grandma knits

I dislike having a safety blanket

The Movies

The four of us at the movies

Boys free of cooties

Juan and I hand in hand

Zach could barely stand

The normally depressed ones were happy

It may have been that, that afternoon was oddly sappy

After my reflection

I felt a strong connection

I hope we will have many more double dates

Between us, no hate

What will rip us apart, college?

The need for knowledge?

If that tragedy does happen, the girls that didn't get kissed

Will be missed

I love how we were the only ones there

At the moment if all the evil in the world attacked us, we wouldn't have cared

We didn't want the night to end

We were our own trend

All of us never wanted to leave

We knew the second we left we would have to grieve

There was so much love that night

Nothing has ever felt so right

These two girls sometimes pretend that there are cooties

Just so they can spend another night at the movies

Yellow Lines

Staring into the yellow lines

Trying to go with the flow

I cannot bring myself to look up at the pines

Delirious depression in this mechanical car is a light load Sitting next to one of my discombobulating demons

Unable to run or fight it

Inside I am scream'n

This makes me want to fuck shit Staring at the two yellow lines, I think...

About last year when I climbed the walls

I should take leaps for the fun of the falls

Onto the sun warmed tar I desire to sink Thinking about two people who give me hope

That is for whatever is next to come

I feel the slope,

That leads into my own personal slum

Two lines, two women who are fierce

How far will I get with the uneven yellows?

Bright yellow does pierce

Stuck like a baby in the backseat type of mellow What to do when I turn the stone of 18?

My enemy has me trapped and constantly, greedily coming back

I have to hold the slack

What do I even know? One thing is for certain

I will keep moving forwards

Hopefully I'll stick with my words

I will go wherever the yellow snakes take me, in order to see the man behind the curtain

Friendship

The pain has returned

An ice melting burn,

That loses your best friend

That hand they used to lend, They retreated

When they are exactly what you needed

I liked them better before,

They left for a cup of sugar next door And there was someone else

Who was the first person I told about ol' Bergen Bels.

I had to let go

Time went fast, time went slow We got too close

I'm sorry for you, I had my goodbye toast

What is friendship,

Without the jump and the flip? Time stealing

Dime dealing

Time can make a wound

And put you in your tomb