Two Types Of Fallen

Remember Oil

Oil

Tin can

Marble shaking around

“Oil can” says the tin man of a car

At least I know that there is a true heart inside

Along with a great dancer

But this oil...

Is making the somewhat broken ice more slippery

And harder to break

Even though you are a human teddy bear

That wears the same grey sweatshirt a lot,

Same though

You don't know, but you are

The tamer of my wild anxiety

We are literally driving in a shaking car with no right turn signal

And I find

That I'm comfortable with that

And I hope this ride doesn't end soon

The Streets Of Regret

I often walk the streets of regret

I know my way

Down the blank streets,

Of this blank town,

That few people know by name

The ones that know are the ones who survive the pain,

With pockets full of dread,

With feet full of lead

There are people on the empty streets

Fighting to be the next Bruno Mars, or Beyonce

While peacemakers argue with them,

I secretly stand out

I’m fighting to be the next  Bob Dylan, or Patsy Cline

I know that those two are mine

Artists with feeling,

Don’t live in the same world as the robots with glass and glazed, laser eyes

There are cracks in the sidewalk kids are playing near

There are booze bottles littering the streets

I walk past with hurry stuck in my messy hair like gum

I don’t know much, but I'm sure I'm walking after midnight

Alongside a rainy wind blowing,

My wills are growing

I stop to see my hopelessness weeping

Instead of possums and passions sleeping

I turn a corner to find winter waiting waving at me

I turn a leaf to find some grey pill bugs that resemble me

Where do you go when you don’t have a home?

Do you just sit defeated the moment you are set free from your room?

Defeated because in the beginning you pushed too hard

In the start I saw the morning light hitting the dew drops in the backyard

The illusion of freedom in my black play pants

I guess that’s kind of my thing now, but now they come with ants

I don’t remember running out of hope

But I did realize that life is certainly not a fairytale where dreams come true

And true love’s kiss saves everything

You must live without your dreams and just do what a man’s got to do to keep yourself alive

The frustration of walking in circles, round and round

And constantly seeing clowns with painted frowns

As if they were mocking misery with their humor

They tell everyone how great the streets are but it’s a funny rumor

You're My Valentine

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm going to unfold a special poem for you

 I should start off by saying, Happy Valentines Day

My best contrast is that your eyes are brown

Any day you can fix my frown

 Just like everyone else’s,

You lips are red

Sometimes I want to kiss them, enough said

 I can’t wait for when we’re older and have money

You hair is black

Someday we shall pack

 Where should we go?, We both ask ourselves

I love your skin so tan

I love my man

 I've got stories to tell,

When were old and gray

I hope you'll stay

I Can't

I can't

Stupid head

I should be thankful

While writing this others feel as if they were lying in their death bed I can't

What is wrong with me

I'm so messed up

I wish someone could get me but their middle name is absentee I can't

I should be lucky I have an umbrella for the rain

But I'm too befouled

Others are in pain I can't

It feels like I'm cheating

You can find rhyming words on the Internet

A "good enough mother" is what I'm needing I can't

I used to despise being called honey

I'm going to be thinking about both of you for eternity

You are mine if I pay you money I can't

I can't stand it

The same thing every time

I can't throw a fit I can't

I can't write

Who can help?

For once I'm ready to fight I can't

In my life I'm confused

This little pointless poem

My heart severely bruised I can't

My life I find perplexing

I am vinegar to myself

My feelings I keep deflecting

Suicide Of Talking

When it seems as if all I do is say the wrong words

It just seems like the world would be better off without my voice

A violent soft voice

A little voice meant to destroy

If only it could destroy

Social anxiety,

Selective mutism,

And the awkwardness

Created by me

In other words…it’s hopelessly my fault

My words have a tinge of blue

That slips under the radar

Because word suicide

Doesn’t happen all at once

It starts out as my mind nagging me

That I could have chosen better words

And then it escalates to my mind haunting me

Like a television

That turns on with the help of a ghost

The suicide happens

When I start to believe

That it hurts less

To say less

Instead of saying something I will regret

Fight or Fight

I must fight

Anxiety wants me to flight

I have to go against my natural instincts

I cannot blink I wish I had an understudy for my life

You can't know about my thoughts of stripping bark

My brain as sharp as a pocket knife

You are not where I want you, get back in the dark Writing to win

Losing instead

Not wanting to gamble, so far not taking the free spin

I need to stop with the lead No more of this weak space

All my poetry I should erase

My nightmare of my Achilles's heel getting wounded came true

Is this new? I should have seen it coming

I am back to owning nothing

My body is numbing

No pillow for fluffing Broken trust

You use the excuse of caring

I won't hesitate anymore when I burn bridges to dust

I understand what I'm going to have to be bearing All of the decisions after another decision

I will make with the most precision

My fear,

Is that I won't manage to get off this revolving sphere

Not all Poems Have Words

Poems are not always made out of words

Metaphors are not words

That’s why they are not called words but metaphors

Poems are those thoughts that have indescribable feelings

Try to descried anger, it’s like UGHHH!

You didn’t want revenge out of anger you wanted it because you feel,

UGHHH! Just try

I don’t have words

I willed them away

There was too many, then they all found their opposite oxymoron lovers and

cancelled out, I wish I…

My feelings are too deep for words

I’m that insane!

I bet you want to know that I'm…

I’m left with trying to explain colors to a blind person

This language is more limited than you’d like to think

I think this…

You say I have words

What if there never will be words for me to talk?

Even if there was, eventually they’d end up losing their meaning anyways;

What?!

If I can’t explain a simple thing like noise to a deaf person,

How am I supposed to say anything other than, I don’t know?

When I do hook a word the letters shift and spell something else

How?

Then there’re synonyms,

They are evil and don’t mean exactly what

Why do they…

Keep on taking words for what they are

Take them and trash them

I will take…

“Poems are all words”

Then you must not understand mine

So then?

This Place Is Whole

This place is whole

There are no sink holes to worry about

There’s a whole lot of good

And a whole lot of bad

A whole lot of heartache

And a whole lot of love to heal in

I'm whole in my imperfectness

And I'm whole in all of my mistakes

I will try to always be my whole self

There’s a whole lot of Eddie

And if he ever has a football, I will always be ready,

With a whole lot of this

And a whole lot of that

A whole place

To just be

To just exist

And be okay with just that

I Got Worried

You should be worried about yourself

And yet you're worried about me

Even though you were in the ER the other day and still don't feel good

You worry about me staying up too late

And tell me, before you go to bed

To make sure that I don't stay up too late

When you're the one who is cold

You come to me with a pile of blankets

Even though it is you who is cold

And the same for when you're hungry

You come to me to ask if I'm hungry

Even if you know that I just ate

You worry about me choosing to walk alone

At night and in the dark

And you make me carry a flashlight because it makes you feel somewhat better

You turn the lights on

So that when I get home late from school

I am welcomed by light

And when I found out with morning confusion

That you were in the ER

That was when I got worried about you

Anxious Anxiety

I want anxiety to be anxious of me

I will hold my ground without being an earthquake myself

I will stand still and strong; there will be no such thing as a shaking knee

When the time comes I will weigh so much you will not move me with anything

Beating the ill out of illnesses; it will be the one in need of an amputee

I want depression to be happy for me

Everything should watch out for me because here I come

I might look cute but that’s just my disguise

“I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream” I hum

There’s strong and then there’s Taylor strong

I am the cherry bomb

No longer will I fall into your guilt trap

Not everyone is there for you and sometimes you are alone

But I don’t need anyone when I have myself; if you think otherwise you’re thinking crap!

I’m writing this cheese for my future self to not cut

You like tigers so don’t be a donkey without a tail

Don’t forget that you’re hungry for success

Don’t forget that it is good to fail

I think you learn more and go farther in life,

When you are done fixing the hole in dear Henry’s pail

I am a train chugging on broken tracks and I love it

With my emo black boots it feels like I can go anywhere in the world

It keeps me interested in where I am going to go and where I’ll find that I fit

I can’t stay curled

I cannot stay still and sit