I Got Worried

NCCC

Never

Certain

Correctness

Current

Now

Cognitive

Correlation

Censor

New

College

Care

Collection

Noticed

Color

Confuse

Create

Trip

Swat

Soot

Positive

Treacherous

Stretch

Strengthen

Progress

I’ve Been Wronged

A bit of white on blue isn't

A tad quite all white

All I see is white

A pure, Christian shade of white A white expanding cloud

A white page

An unknown

Anonymous An

Anxiety

Attack

And a loss of godliness Honestly it became a sharp

Hue of

Hatred

How did it come to this... "Hi" I say to my friend

He says it was a

Hit and run

However I Have to try not to

Hyperventilate through this

Hiccup. Why did this have to

Happen. Now my car has a Scarlet letter, but I am getting

Help to hammer out the dents

I only wish I could have frozen

Time

Refusing To Blossom

I'm like a confused squirrel searching for my nuts

I'm a butthole without the butt

A dark, endless hole

A dip in the dirt without the mole

A pencil without lead

With that said, I'm missing parts

Not completely broken apart

Damaged

I manage

I'm strong, holy cow!

I'll never be able to answer the question of, How? I don't know if I'm truly living or just surviving

Do I need more reviving?

I refuse to go knocking from door to door

Now I do know what I'm looking for

What am I to do,When I meet with the morning dew? I'll hop along like young grasshoppers

Pointed anteater noses are the real heart stoppers

As annoying as a fly

Every time, I swear, I'll get by

I'm half a nerd

I refuse to blossom and sing like a bird

Underdogs

Hey now,

What happened to being proud of being an underdog?

What happened to wearing the pain like a badge of honor?

The only badge I’ll get to wear

Because I am not smart

I've just gotten really good at faking

And faking gets you nowhere

That’s why I'm now here,

In this damned place for public humiliation and I'm supposed to be grateful

Hey now,

Let’s bare our teeth

We make it by the skin of them

There's nothing quite like an artist’s pain,

The heart trying to leave the body through the throat

You know it’s bad when your own heart wants out

It rips itself from the chest

As if it were merely attacked with Velcro

Weak

Hey now,

We don’t play horribly safe

But risks and gambling are the only way we can live with ourselves

And we never fucking learn

Making the same mistakes

As if we were geniuses in our tattered shoes

We continue on living like we knew something else ought to happen

Fools is what we are

And we’re too damned stubborn to change our ways

Hey now,

Sometimes you get to taste the sea on your salty lips, 

And they can’t

This whole place is friggin rigged

Just deport me already

I know too much,

Of depression

Because I became so lonely

Without something, anything

Hey now,

Where are the others?

Now is our time to join

To stop the artists’ creative pain

And stupidity

Of thinking that writing, painting, drawing, singing, playing,

Is going to stop it

Like staying up late working overtime for free,

Is going to get you anywhere

Hey now,

There’s supposedly baseball stadiums full of you

Who stay home to avoid getting bullied

If adults think that your education is so important

Then why do they make you feel so bad?

Hypocrites!

Guys stay home,

The lessons they teach in school

Have only taught me to hate myself

Hey now,

Let’s not become our own bullies

Let’s just do something

Like raise hell

Gotta fuck up this world some more

Because apparently leaving without making a mark, isn’t good

But as underdogs

We are stuck wearing choke chains

And muzzles

Hey now,

Class E is a proud class

Full of assassins

Let’s be like them

Get disappointed

Then build yourself up

Don’t let brick walls stop you

Don’t let gravity get you down

And don’t let tornadoes twist and turn you into a hot mess

Hey now,

They don’t know our pain,

Of working hard for nothing But as underdogs we are the people that keep coming, we’re the people that live

They don’t know about the ghost

The ghost of good ‘ol Tom Joad 

What Will Happen?

What will happen when this bird gets out of the cage

Will it sing and fly

Or just sit there and die?

A face full of tears

Yet none of them want to fall

An infant full of years,

Slamming doors

To close off the past

Of the hidden wars

Might as well recreate my kindergarten picture

Of a small person with the world’s tiniest smile

What a mixture

A probable mistake

A theory

Of sour birthday cake

The same will of wanting a way out

Few know what it’s like to be born into the wrong world

I'm an alien trying to find a realistic route

Hands in little fists

Ready to punch a hole in your inflexible plan for me to follow

So many things wrong with that I could make paper flowing lists

I can see my blonde hair back in my face

That I once cut into uneven bangs

Those pictures you try to erase

Like the pictures of my big toothless grin

When I had a badass black eye

My wild heart you can’t win,

With dance recital dresses

This Rockette will not dance anymore

The reason is just as good as your guesses

I'm not your special girl

I'm not anyone’s except my own

And you thinking otherwise makes me want to hurl

What will happen with this girl

When she is free of the nest

Despite her fears and guilty love, will she fly like the rest?

Observing

I sit here observing

Observing other people's lives

Observing my life Observing how the canoe

Hugs the dock

As if it knows it will be dark soon Observing the smell of the pines

And a pontoon boat going by

Observing a kid learning to scuba dive Observing the twilight sky reflected picassoed

On the fairly smooth

Glimmering water Observing a summer romance

Taking place on a tall rock

Observing my sunburnt skin peeling when I get the feeling... Observing how the mood of the water can change

So fast

So shifty The ducks already passed

Knowing this night is my last,

Probably for a while

Of this lake girl style

Anxiety

Waiting for the call

Waiting for the call

How will I stall?

How will I stall?

Anxiety

Anxiety

Bolting through my veins

Hydrogen, Helium, Sodium, Boron

I must be made out of morons

I own scratched up pencils

They don't fit extra ordinary stencils

Books and essays

Overwhelmed I say

I own knocking knees

I know who I am, I just can't be

Do and don't

Know that I probably won't

I own a pounding heart

One of my arts

What is history?

It's part of my mystery

Anxiety

Anxiety

How will I stall?

How will I stall?

Waiting for the call

Waiting for the call

No Heart Inside

Steady beat of the drum

Just the turn of the thumb

But I don't have the nerve

So I kick it to the curb

She doesn't seem to have a heart

Even if it hit her in between the eyes she wouldn't know art

Don't show

How in my world the cold wind blows

I tried to see it within her

But it's all a blur

You can tell that she doesn't root for the underdog

Even though she is older than I, she doesn't know how to see through the fog

I thought that you were one of the good guys

I now know the truth and the seemingly harmless lies

There's nothing you can do

I already wrote a poem about that too

I don't want her to see

The inside of me

The things about me that she doesn't get

Outside of her net

For not doing it, she thinks I'm crazy

She thinks that I'm just being lazy

She probably thinks that I'm dumber than dirt

But I'm just a bit broken and hurt

I got a second chance

Away that idea went as I danced

I've learned too late

But that's just my damn fate

So, I would prefer

If you please don't show my writing to her

Looking Back

Looking back I realize that

With the great irony

They were exactly what they warned us about

I made it out

By hiding my emotion

So no one had any idea what I was actually thinking

The last time

Tasted unusual

Playing like a surreal movie in my head

Walking into the arms

Of the people

They told me rumors about and yet I'm now doing better than I ever have

I'm here

Knocking down the walls

That held in so many peoples stories that I had no idea about

The hard look

I got with my degree

Made me want to scream but, man, too bad we never did

I Want to See You Again

The smell on your shirt, has left

I used to get high off it

If ever, it will be years until the next time I see you

I know you’re not who a lot of people think you are

When is the next time I can capture the bass clef?

Elegant painfully good songs

Not that I’m jealous

No luck

Neglecting my big dream

Knowing, if you work hard you can less wrongs

I’m going to try to up my game

Kangaroo it up

Knotted, and stuck tight

Knocking and banging on my dream's ragged, hard door

Cars so many, with people most of the same

Ought to be different and stand out

Right away I realized that I want it

Ringing in my ears the impact you made on me

Raging sea of bloodsweet, heartful music and people

Unfair richness, born with an endless money spout

Oh why?

Yelling and screaming for another chance

Yak club, I can’t afford the cost to see your face

For I will deny