No Heart Inside

When I’m Happy

When I'm happy

Happiness won’t seem like a foreign word

And there will be tons of space

To run free at a great pace

I won’t feel like I'm constantly getting criticized

For just being me

No longer shall my work,

Be torn up by jerks

I won’t feel snappy

And the lines won’t be blurred

I won’t feel condemned to hide myself behind them

As a flower never give away your stem

There will be boundaries

Because people don’t think I deserve them

Because I'm not of age

And never will be because I'm just baby sage

I stopped dreaming

When I got tired of society feeding on my dreams

And twisting them into something I didn’t want

So I just played off nonchalant

But maybe one day

I’ll find myself…

Petting a german shepherd

While listening to Def Leppard deafeningly loud

And fall asleep with a tired smile

One that I wore all day

I’ll be able to get lost in a dream

And come up with even crazier schemes

Grades

Just watching your grades drop down to failure

What specific grade makes you a failure?

At what point are you considered a success?

If a 65 is passing, what’s so bad about a 64?

Are you a failure if you have a 0?

Or are you beating the system of grades;

And beating the government?

The difference between a 100 and a 0

Is just one

One point, that’s all

So let me make a good one

When we meet we shall laugh about those bad grades

And those teachers who said you were going nowhere

And all the classes that laughed at you and took you as a joke

School doesn’t teach you life; life does that

School is just an old factory that produces brainwashed people

You are taught to want to graduate and move onto college

Then get a job, fall in love and have a family

But for you and me

We need something different!

In The Beginning

In the beginning

I was on a road

That was headed toward only good things In the beginning

I did not realize that it was

Only too good to be true All it took

Was one

Night And now I don't 

Even remember what

The beginning was like Just a few hours deceased

And they killed my naive stupidity with them

For thinking about sunshine and rainbows I want to be

So far in the end

That all is forgotten

Cold

I'm so cold

I won't be able to sleep tight

I'm not done with this fight

I'm so clammy cold

I need time

And for that person who has a crush

I can't make a decision my brain is mush

If only I had time

I need something in my side

I was just a silly goose

But then all hell broke loose

Someone to help guide

Too stressed

I can't think

Staring at the wall I refuse to blink

I can't function my best

A cure for the cold would be a warm hug

But not for this grinning little punk

A hug would not fix a heart that has already sunk

Too late, too bad you're a slug

How can someone help me?

They can't, my problems of empty love are ungratefully big

I'll tell you everything when there are flying, majestic pigs

Through me, it feels like you can see

I'm stuck

And you can't do much

For you can't touch

I'm afraid you seriously can't help,yuck!

I'll live my life cold

At least I get to live

The downside is I'll have nothing to give

Nothing lasts not even a heart of gold

Don't Ever

Too good to be true

In the back of my head I knew

Do you really have a freshman crush?

You're still keeping hush

You're a chicken

You're heart is too alive and kick’n

You fall in love to easy

In my world it’s cold and breezy

You loved me

Please

Just tell me how come you don’t want me anymore?

I thought you wouldn't walk out the door

I see how you're just going to leave me like this

Without my first kiss

I was so ready

I won’t believe you if you ever ask me to go steady

Don’t you even dream about coming back!

Intelligence is what you lack

You're kissing a golden one goodbye!

I can’t wait for you to move in four months, I'm not going to lie

Broke my heart without even touching it

You need to teach yours how to heel and sit

I remember when I was still…

I was chewing the idea of you and I over and over like a sweet jolly rancher in my mouth

You're such a hot head you have to move south

Why don’t you just tell me?

Don’t break me slowly while you get to flee

That rumor I heard

It hurt, I now see you as a wimpy little turd

Do you want to change that?

Or are you just going to keep on hiding under your uninterested mat?

The weather is angry

I'm all strangely

Come near me at your own risk

Permanently scratched your video game disk

Oh I can be bitch!

I'm that annoying out of your league back itch

So you don’t want to love this blue eyed mess?

Boy, I'll make you confess

Straight to my face

I'll beat you at the end of the race

You'll want be back after

When that happens I'll be the one making all of the laughter

Day Dream

I day dream because I accidentally woke up today

When reality struck noon

I was soon,

Met with what other people say

Being the drama queens that they are

They made a small thing into a big deal

And now I feel

Less than par

I'm also annoyed

With Jay

Because he has a hard time seeing things my way

It seems that he likes to avoid,

Putting himself in my shoes

As I do his

Give us a quiz

And I know who would lose

During school

He was my favorite subject to study

But now he has made my shoes all muddy

He insecurely lives on gender roles like a fool

And it messes with my side

Of knowing that I don’t need a guy

To protect me from my

Nonexistent fear of getting pied

But at the same time of being annoyed

I like being together

All cuddled up in the blankets of bad weather

And a bolt of cuteness you created for me and destroyed

I crave you

And your touch

So much

That I wish I could wear you like and outfit of blue

Its hard to be in love with the earth

When there are so many things wrong with it

Sometimes it just rains shit

And I don’t feel very full of mirth

I daydream like Walter Mitty

Because it makes life way more fun

Than it actually is when you're on the run,

In the ghetto city

Words

People say that words can’t hurt you

But words can make you dangerously blue

They say that sticks and stones hurt more

But they don’t get that words aren’t a bore

Words have a lot of meaning

Stop the brain cleaning

Why do you think I write poems?

Poems are my home

Sticks and stones may break your bones but they can’t ever hurt your soul

Unless you let them slip through a little hole

Words have a way of sneaking around everyone’s hearts and minds

Too bad you don’t have to pay a fine

Some words hurt like knifes

Don’t let it ruin your life

Words can leave marks,

Scars and painful friction sparks

Other words are kind

Some can blind

You can’t only say I love you to me

You have to not just prove it but make me see

I now don’t trust easily at all

People who I used to trust have made me fall

Not only did they do that they made sure that I heard their laughter

After

I can still hear them in my head

When everyone else is in bed

Sleeping

While I lock myself in my room weeping

Their laughter always growing louder

Why must I cower?

I wish I was strong like everyone else

I just want to be my old self

Everyone says I'm strong but really I'm not

They don’t know I cry a lot

They say I'm strong

But they're wrong

They all think I'm fine

They say that while all they do is shine

I'm just the cloudy, dirty, run down, rusty

Musty…

No one ever wants me

I'm the third wheel all the time, you see

You always tell me someone is worse off than me

Why can’t you just flee?

The laughter is so loud that it is part of the beat of my drum

What have I become?

Why do you enjoy making me feel worthless?

You are careless

The stress

Of always trying to be the best

You’ve made me a mess

I just want to be me

You never hear my pleas

Of just let me be me

I beg you please

Just turn it off

And step off

And you wonder why I don’t tell you anything or even speak at all

I just don’t want to bawl

Stop looking at me with that stupid judging look

I gratefully have unhooked

From you

We’re not stuck like glue

I've lost faith in the human mind

You can’t even be somewhat kind

Words make up the human world

Sometimes they can be bold, twisted and curled

Words hurt more than physical pain

You have a box of permanent letters in your brain

Of all the mean,

Things ever said to you, you're fat, you should be more lean

Some of the letters are signed with your name

Yes you are that lame

You really are your worst enemy

Slowly killing yourself…

Catch 22

I'm tired of this shell

And this name

And the world spinning

The problem is that I need to shatter myself

And it just seems impossible

Like an equation that I can’t figure out without being unstoppable

Problem is, the issues grow longer like this infestation of words

If only I knew the answer to the question of why?

Then I would have just another key,

That would lead to another empty chest

Because there’s none for me, nope not a pair

Except for emptiness like two pits of despair

Can’t you feel through your metallic layers?

I don’t like wannabe robots

Even if all you’ve done is make a helmet out of a kitchen strainer

Bee hives don’t dance for nothing, honey!

And I'm buzzing with kinetic energy,

With nowhere to go but this shell

Solved are not my problems,

Of being fucking stuck

Either way I'm seen as an evil little fucker

Stuck like cling wrap to this plastic world

Seemingly unavoidable in every imaginable possibility that I can think,

With my eyes held wide open I can’t even blink

In this torturous place I can’t live forever

Even if I can call it my own

Even if it’s here forever

My need to have this shell shattered is strong

I want to feel it shake and shatter

Hear it crack down like pitter, patter, smash

Shell, hell, what's the difference?

I like the fire in the devil that melts my cold heart

Because I'm tired of this invisible prison cell

I Am Sick, But How?

It won’t stop running I won’t stop chasing Instead I find myself pacing Awful is when you can’t think All of my friends are off and on sick As we get better, we’ll come back to butt kick Mom, let me do what I want Monsters are in my veins My eyes, they make bloodshot and they strain Sniffles are evil Super fun when they stop Stay silent and listen, you'll be able to hear me drop I refuse to go to the doctor Inventive is what you become In my world, my guitar I’ll strum Comparing myself to others, I need to stop Constantly, I find a new tissue in my hand Cramping, I force myself to stand Knuckle, with me monster! Knife to my life Kazoo in hand, no I’ll learn the fife! Blurred glasses Burning nose Bring a fire hose Ugly monster Utterly terrifying is how I look Useful is the medicine I took The sneezes that make your, Throat kill The fever chill How am I going to survive tomorrow? How am I going to get through school? How do you know when you’re being a fool? Orderly is everyone else Out of service is how I feel Ordinary is not how I peel What to do? Which friend to blame? Who stole my burning flame?

Society

We don’t realize that we are the forest,

Not a tree

A nest of dripping honey

Not a bee

We don’t realize that we are the ocean

Not a drop

We don’t realize that we are the mountain

Not just the mountain top

We don’t realize that we are a band or an orchestra

Not a single instrument standing out alone

We are a skeletal system

Not a bone

We are a class

Not a single student

A mass

Not volume or weight

We are an entire troop

Not a soldier

The whole soup

Not the noodles

We are society

You are bigger than you think

Yes there is a big human variety,

But without you to fill the small hole, the waters would come flooding in and we would all sink