Grades

Remember Oil

Oil

Tin can

Marble shaking around

“Oil can” says the tin man of a car

At least I know that there is a true heart inside

Along with a great dancer

But this oil...

Is making the somewhat broken ice more slippery

And harder to break

Even though you are a human teddy bear

That wears the same grey sweatshirt a lot,

Same though

You don't know, but you are

The tamer of my wild anxiety

We are literally driving in a shaking car with no right turn signal

And I find

That I'm comfortable with that

And I hope this ride doesn't end soon

Words

People say that words can’t hurt you

But words can make you dangerously blue

They say that sticks and stones hurt more

But they don’t get that words aren’t a bore

Words have a lot of meaning

Stop the brain cleaning

Why do you think I write poems?

Poems are my home

Sticks and stones may break your bones but they can’t ever hurt your soul

Unless you let them slip through a little hole

Words have a way of sneaking around everyone’s hearts and minds

Too bad you don’t have to pay a fine

Some words hurt like knifes

Don’t let it ruin your life

Words can leave marks,

Scars and painful friction sparks

Other words are kind

Some can blind

You can’t only say I love you to me

You have to not just prove it but make me see

I now don’t trust easily at all

People who I used to trust have made me fall

Not only did they do that they made sure that I heard their laughter

After

I can still hear them in my head

When everyone else is in bed

Sleeping

While I lock myself in my room weeping

Their laughter always growing louder

Why must I cower?

I wish I was strong like everyone else

I just want to be my old self

Everyone says I'm strong but really I'm not

They don’t know I cry a lot

They say I'm strong

But they're wrong

They all think I'm fine

They say that while all they do is shine

I'm just the cloudy, dirty, run down, rusty

Musty…

No one ever wants me

I'm the third wheel all the time, you see

You always tell me someone is worse off than me

Why can’t you just flee?

The laughter is so loud that it is part of the beat of my drum

What have I become?

Why do you enjoy making me feel worthless?

You are careless

The stress

Of always trying to be the best

You’ve made me a mess

I just want to be me

You never hear my pleas

Of just let me be me

I beg you please

Just turn it off

And step off

And you wonder why I don’t tell you anything or even speak at all

I just don’t want to bawl

Stop looking at me with that stupid judging look

I gratefully have unhooked

From you

We’re not stuck like glue

I've lost faith in the human mind

You can’t even be somewhat kind

Words make up the human world

Sometimes they can be bold, twisted and curled

Words hurt more than physical pain

You have a box of permanent letters in your brain

Of all the mean,

Things ever said to you, you're fat, you should be more lean

Some of the letters are signed with your name

Yes you are that lame

You really are your worst enemy

Slowly killing yourself…

In The Beginning

In the beginning

I was on a road

That was headed toward only good things In the beginning

I did not realize that it was

Only too good to be true All it took

Was one

Night And now I don't 

Even remember what

The beginning was like Just a few hours deceased

And they killed my naive stupidity with them

For thinking about sunshine and rainbows I want to be

So far in the end

That all is forgotten

Wholeness

I feel comfortable right now

In this moment

I’m warm

I’m tired

I’m not freaking out

I feel like a little kid in this state of innocence

But this moment has just been ruined by my colon

In other words

I have to poop

Fucking mother nature

You must be laughing at me

But since tomorrow is my birthday

I suppose I should let you have a laugh

But please be careful

With your volcanoes

And your avalanches

But thank you for this moment

Full of my favorite things,

Music,

Warmth,

Fuzzy blanket,

Yarn,

Silly conversations with friends,

A head of ideas,

And lastly,

A feeling of completeness

Or wholeness

Talks

Your voice rises as you get emotional and yet you forget to feed your robot a coin to pay

Skips are calmer and thought out in a, we’ll get through this sort of way

Your tiring voice like a shitty song playing on and on

Talking about the same quarrels over and over

Like you’re trying to wear them out

I'm waiting for time to kill

I can’t wait for my future

Except for the bills

Making me broke

I'm going to choke

On air

Dare

Repeat

Take a seat

With rare rests

In this home of a nest

Going fast, fast, fast, which I think is boring

You need dynamics in your pointless argument

You need to put down some sort of hard flooring

Trying to make a point with your pointless, unneeded voice

You're trying too hard like a coal miner with a death wish darker than soot

Get new material! Stop using old artifacts of the ancient Egyptian empire covered in dust

You make things more dramatic than an entire theater with all the living parts of a stage fight

I'm sitting back mouthing words and hoping you are illiterate in the lip reading of me about to bite

Not all Poems Have Words

Poems are not always made out of words

Metaphors are not words

That’s why they are not called words but metaphors

Poems are those thoughts that have indescribable feelings

Try to descried anger, it’s like UGHHH!

You didn’t want revenge out of anger you wanted it because you feel,

UGHHH! Just try

I don’t have words

I willed them away

There was too many, then they all found their opposite oxymoron lovers and

cancelled out, I wish I…

My feelings are too deep for words

I’m that insane!

I bet you want to know that I'm…

I’m left with trying to explain colors to a blind person

This language is more limited than you’d like to think

I think this…

You say I have words

What if there never will be words for me to talk?

Even if there was, eventually they’d end up losing their meaning anyways;

What?!

If I can’t explain a simple thing like noise to a deaf person,

How am I supposed to say anything other than, I don’t know?

When I do hook a word the letters shift and spell something else

How?

Then there’re synonyms,

They are evil and don’t mean exactly what

Why do they…

Keep on taking words for what they are

Take them and trash them

I will take…

“Poems are all words”

Then you must not understand mine

So then?

Frozen

Even though I gave you the secret key

To me

I can still very easily lock you out

Don't you doubt

You have the key but I can change the lock

Then all you would be able to do is walk

Away

Dismay

No one will be able to get in

I'll grin

Every time you fail to get in

I will win

I won't let you see

Me

I'll slam the door

And you'll be crying on the floor

If you declare war

I know how to make a bulletproof door

You won't be able to bribe me out

So you shout

Nothing is getting out or in

No mocking jay pin

Once I'm inside that locked door

I'll soar

I'll run as fast as I can

To where the land

Ends

But that depends

I must keep my storms

Inside more

Maybe that's why people leave

My storm puts them inside a blizzard, I believe

“Conceal don't feel”

That's what I've always done, it's real

The cold of the storm never bothered me anyway

I'll make all the fakes pay

"Let it go"

No!

The door is closed

I'll be completely enclosed

You can't save me

If I don't want to be

Christmas Eve

Peaceful

But I wish you were here

All wrapped up and under the tree for me to find

Adults making the magic happen

Running around and a bit frantic

Santa feeling a tad mad and rundown

I wonder what you are doing,

Where you are,

What you look like now

The mashed potatoes are being made

Church plans are being made

Stores of toys are full of adults making a last minute raid

Do I ever cross your mind

When you walk under the mistletoe

Or has time crossed me out like a wrong answer

Dishes being washed and put away

Showers being taken

Cleanliness taking place

Do you feel like something is missing?

Peaceful but lacking

In the fragments we posses of each others hearts

The Nights Drag On

The days drag on

They slip through my fingers

And dive under my legs

Running on that dang treadmill

Wake up and run

Repeat

A trillion tons of pressure

No thoughts

Halls that stretch on forever

Junior problems

Became senior ones

Goodness making me want to puke

Coldness

Eating away at my hollow bones

I feel like I’m the only hydrated piece of sand in the desert

The only dry fish in the sea

Someday I’ll get speared

Not spared

A book thrown down stairs

Forgetting sunrises

And not regretting it

Invisible issues are the atoms that make me up

Holding in and holding on and exploding

Walls are shaking with,

The darkness of given up days

(That’s all of them)

I don’t sleep because I can breathe at night

The nights drag on…

One Summer Night

One summer night

With my brother

Blowing up balloons and letting them fly

Mom came outside

Time to go inside

Time to take a bath

Time to go to bed

No thanks

She says that I haven’t taken a bath in a few days

She also says I have dirt all over my legs,

Like it’s a bad thing

She asks me if I like being dirty

I respond with a yes

I like the feeling of the cracked dry dirt on my legs

Chipping off with time

I ended up taking a bath

And I felt like I had lost some of myself

I was too clean to be me

I guess, I’ll have to start again tomorrow