I Want To See You Again

Thank

Thank you for saving me another night

I now see a little bitty light

At the end of the tunnel

I'm just starting the loooong climb out of the funnel

That drains into the black, empty hole of eternal sadness

My parents just think I'm full of badness

Depression is like a black hole that is always going to be tapping on your shoulder

It makes sure that you know if you trip it will come back and hit like boulder

Maybe you were lying

If you were and I find out, you might find me slowly dying

And sliding back down again

I'm not writing this with a pen

You are my idol

My mom wants me to believe in the bible

But she can’t make me believe in something that I'm not so sure about

This is why I sometimes pout

Well I'm writing this to you so back to it

I love you, I have to admit           

Not in the creepy way

You’ve brought me back to bay

I think that is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me

I'm not kidding, you now have my secret key

I hope you don’t lose it

Please don’t quit

Everyone who has told me they would be there for me, forever

Always ended in a never

I'm slightly scared to love you

I might end up, not just blue but dark blue

It almost seems every time I love someone

I always get shunned

Thanks

For putting some of your spare change in my vacant bank

I've been staring at what you wrote in complete disbelief

I'm as lonely as a shrived up leaf

However, I do have many sides just like you think 

Everyone who only sees the quiet side really needs to blink

Or get better glasses

I hope that their phase passes

This poem has finished quickly

I hope you don’t find it sh*tty

Too Much

This is the story of my life

I get too much love

Too much

And I’m just not built to hold it

Perhaps I was built for the low life

But sometimes I get too many punches

Too many

And I’m just not built to hold your knuckle sandwich

I’m starting to think I wasn’t made for loving you

I’m too full of hate and anger

Too full

And I’m just about to take it out on you

Because you have too much love

You’re too clingy

Too clingy

I’m not built for you to suck away my life like the leech you are

The more you latch and attach yourself to me the more you repel me

Too much death

Too much

And it has and is currently surrounding me

Along with the presence of a rock and a hard place

Too much love and too much party punch

Too much,

To ever digest

When will it end?

Or will it never?

It’s been too much

But I’m done caring about the past which has only been one extreme to another like,

One foot in a bucket of ice and another in fire

Too far on opposite sides

Too far

They do not balance out in a nice way

One extreme and the other one

Hopes and dreams too far

Too much,

Too far

Your Insults Are Shitty

Your insults are shitty

But I'm wittier. Why?

Because I belong to the comeback committee

You’ve changed your way

You were kidding before but now you mean what you say

And for reasons, I stay

I'm a willing fool

Just to be somewhat cool

In my uncool way of being uncruel

The volume on my thoughts is too loud

It's like a big obnoxious crowd

But I like it loud and I'll wear my thoughts like a stereo system, proud

You keep trying to put me in my spot

But you're not

Because I don’t have one, so you might want to change that thought

Rubbing yourself like an eraser in my face

Wont erase,

Me and my bigger, better chase

You make sure that I know that I'm annoying and gross

Maybe you need to up your none existent dose

Or have your fire put out with a fire hose

Because you aren’t doing it for my own good

You're not being a friend how a friend should

In this type of hood

I thought you knew that we have to stick together

Just like how I made your essay better

I try to give you all but you choose to wear her sweater

I Want To Go Home

Trapped in my room that is myself,

Due to avoidance

Of

Feeling like and impostor in the house I live in

I know that I don’t belong

But I have nowhere else to go

I want to go home

But home is nothing more than a concept,

That I imagine in only my dreams

It’s hard to go home

When,

I haven’t discovered where home is

This is why I want to travel the world

When I'm out of school

And when I have enough money

I want to find a home

In someone's arms

Or I could find a home in my life

There is more than one way home

There are plenty of different roads

That will lead to destiny

So I'm going to keep calling everything home

Until it feels right

And only then I shall settle down

So take my bloated belly home

Because this house isn't working with the people living in it

Let's go home

Road Rage From Others

Menacing eyes

Illuminated with anger

Glaring into the mirror

I dare not do what they want

For I would be breaking the law

Evil eyes pushing me onward

Giving me no mercy

They are the lit flame underneath my anxiety

Glowing just so they know that I can see them

They make me say I'm sorry repeatedly to them

As if I don’t have a right to be there

I must look forward

There isn’t anything I can do about those eyes

That tell me to do things

I don’t want to do

I no longer want to go down this soulless road

With machines that don’t have empathy

Sometimes I get lucky though

And one of the eyes starts to wink at me

Then they disappear as they take a turn

The one question I must ask is,

Why so much anger,

Towards a stranger who is trying to stay away from danger?

Fight or Fight

I must fight

Anxiety wants me to flight

I have to go against my natural instincts

I cannot blink I wish I had an understudy for my life

You can't know about my thoughts of stripping bark

My brain as sharp as a pocket knife

You are not where I want you, get back in the dark Writing to win

Losing instead

Not wanting to gamble, so far not taking the free spin

I need to stop with the lead No more of this weak space

All my poetry I should erase

My nightmare of my Achilles's heel getting wounded came true

Is this new? I should have seen it coming

I am back to owning nothing

My body is numbing

No pillow for fluffing Broken trust

You use the excuse of caring

I won't hesitate anymore when I burn bridges to dust

I understand what I'm going to have to be bearing All of the decisions after another decision

I will make with the most precision

My fear,

Is that I won't manage to get off this revolving sphere

Save Me?

Why must time stand still?

The longer I wait here the more it kills

Come on

Just because I’m no longer your student, are you gone?

You have to still care

Before I sent it, I told myself to beware

My hopes have shattered

Heart tattered

Why do I never learn?

I guess It’s still not my turn

When will I be saved?

My roads are never freshly paved

Don’t you dare leave me hanging

By a thread I’m already dangling

My head is a complete mess

I don’t know how I’ll ever confess

Sometimes I think that life is a game

How much can I hold in until I go insane?

What you don’t know

Just promise not to go

But I don’t trust

This is a must

Are you still here reading?

Well I’m still sitting here bleeding

If you thought I was strong

You were wrong

I used to be

But along the way I lost me

I don’t know who I am

I don’t know how to get my old self back, damn!

I used to hate writing

But now I write lots of poems while lip biting

I don’t even know if I miss my old self

My high hopes I will put back on a shelf

That way they won’t shatter

Does it even matter?

Colitis

Proctitis

Don’t be a buttcrack

And just write back

I just can’t take it anymore

I’m running for the door

I just can not

Ever since I was little I’ve been through a lot

All I do is fight

But I now have no more might

A fight that will last a lifetime

I’ve given up on the climb

A fight that I’ll never win

Complication after complication that’s all it’s ever been

I’m just really tired of it all

Just exhausted of being fate’s rag doll

I can’t keep everything in, everyday closer to exploding

Me you’ll never be able to decode

Why must time stand still?

The longer I wait here the more it kills

Things You Should Never Think, Or Make Me Do

Number one, never make me prove you wrong in the way that I don’t need you

Number two, never make me wear a red dress with Bugs Bunny characters on it

Number three, don’t force me to conform to your idea of being a girl

Number four, don’t think that I won’t taste it, trust me, my taste buds will find a way

Number five, don’t make me rewrite something, because there’s a chance that I thought it was a masterpiece in the way that you thought that it was shit

Number six, don’t think that I am frightened

Number seven, don’t think about me, because you'll never understand, and I hope you never will

Number eight, don’t force me to do it your way, because, if I did it differently, that would obviously just be preposterous!

Number nine, don’t think that you can just stare at me like a creep, making me uncomfortable to ever wear cute summer dresses

Number ten, don’t make me feel the need to apologize for just being me!

Shadow Girl

Broken,

No one knows

No one cares

No one can see my depressed shadow

But that shadow is mine and it’s the other half of me

It is taking over

My hallow, dark inside, body makes a shadow

Please stop walking on my shadow and thinking nothing of it

You think stomping on it is funny

But you don’t realize that, that is me

I want to put a cast on my broken shadow but I can’t because it moves with me and is always behind me

You fall for the fake smiles and laughs in the front but you forget to look in the back

If anyone really did love me they would look in the back and try to control it

They would try their best to stop and conquer it

The sun only brings out my shadow more

I hate the sun

I like rainy dark days

I like the feeling but I hate it at the same time

Thought Soup

Honey don’t listen to them all

Don’t let yourself fall

Just keep doing what you were doing

The dream of life keep on pursuing

Don’t fucking stop

Pull out of that garbage smelling parking lot

Don’t let go

Keep moving even if it is slow

I know you sweetheart, you always make it

Keep that fire inside of you lit

Don’t let it go out

Cry your heart into a drought

Come on, love pull yourself out, now more than ever

You are definitely clever

Run you clever girl

Stop believing that you aren't a pearl

Just keep on your feet

Let the future uncurl, I promise it will end up feeling complete

Don’t ever let them force you to sit

One thing about you that amazes me is that you always make it

I know that this isn't what you think, I know it all seems like a mess

But you'll make it don’t think any less

You, have no clue

How much I believe in you

You will find a reason for that pain

Sorry I won’t explain

It will be a great surprise

You have the ability to see through lies

That perfectly terrible loop

Your brain right now is, thought soup

Just another bump in the road

You can take the heavy load

I am the future yet at the same time the past

That desert of the darkness is very vast

But "the best way out is always through"

So for now just make do