Your Insults Are Shitty

Stop Pushing

I need a break

I need to break

I'm going to break

If you don’t let me have a break

I have been trained

To do what is best for me

No matter what

And I am allowed to do anything to keep myself okay

Okay

I'm currently not okay

Someone would make this okay

If they were around I think I would be o.k.

Nothing is holding me over

This is looking like a sleepless night

And not for partying reasons

Unless being burned out was a party

You don’t listen

So listen

Don’t push to the point that I don’t want to listen

Superfluous words you say and yet I continue to listen

So many words, my oh my oh me

You cant fix my life anymore, my oh my oh me

Let me handle how much I push myself, my oh my oh me

I know how much I can take without doing too much, my oh my oh me

Bear With Me

The weight is unbearable

No one you can tell

With your heart on your sleeve your shirt becomes unwearable

  Trapped and stuck

Can't decide if you're saved or caged by the bell

Luck but tough luck

  I want to let you in my shoes

For just a day

But if you took them you might catch on to all of my clues

  I knew you would have to break confidentiality

So?

Yes, that fear is my reality

  I can't tell you what's really up

I guess you think I'm fine so should I go?

A simple question with a hard answer is: supp?

  Too good of an actor I should leave

I just don't know I guess

My feelings, emotions, and problems are all in a creative, tight weave

  I hate to say

My head is a mess

It must stay this way

  There are plenty of things to be fixed

I don't know what to do

Pent up things and problems are all together scrambled and mixed

  And by the way don't make decisions for me

I would feel guilty if you tried on my stinky, sweaty shoe

Could you try and make me agree?

  You almost had me before

I want to talk about it but I can't seem to tell

You'd have to tell someone, I know that's a fact deep down in my core

  The internet friend can invigorate

She makes me think well

But you, I don't hate

Light Pollution

Staring at the dark ceiling

I have it memorized

If only the glow in the dark stars were real constellations

I’d know my way around them by now

I’m a night owl; a nocturnal creature dealing

A toilet flushing down the hall

Brings me back to my punishment of being under aged

Being owned by your parents

They call it custody

I call it a prison of musty walls

I'm allergic to the stuffy skeleton of this house

Keeping the keys quiet so I don’t get in trouble

Deep trouble

For something so little

In comparison of the big picture and the hole in my blouse

I need to get away from the light pollution

So I can shine brighter than my cousins

Two stars, and I get compared to them

It’s inevitable because I'm trapped being related

Because I must be part of the salty solution

I must get away from the people asking me why I'm not shining,

While my surface is burning hotter than magma

Waiting to explode

Letting the pressure you put in me develop,

Into diamonds I will wear while going out with a special one dining

Letting some steam off in a perfect sun storm

I'm fast and burn hard

But I wait like a cat about to pounce

You won’t see it coming before you're in a ring of flames

You can’t freeze my flames out, with your heart so cold you still can’t even make the temperature go from hot to warm

I Want To Go Home

Trapped in my room that is myself,

Due to avoidance

Of

Feeling like and impostor in the house I live in

I know that I don’t belong

But I have nowhere else to go

I want to go home

But home is nothing more than a concept,

That I imagine in only my dreams

It’s hard to go home

When,

I haven’t discovered where home is

This is why I want to travel the world

When I'm out of school

And when I have enough money

I want to find a home

In someone's arms

Or I could find a home in my life

There is more than one way home

There are plenty of different roads

That will lead to destiny

So I'm going to keep calling everything home

Until it feels right

And only then I shall settle down

So take my bloated belly home

Because this house isn't working with the people living in it

Let's go home

The English

Streetlights changing

Shooting me into the past

Watching small raindrops collect

While I cannot collect my thoughts

Making it look like the glass is chipping

Until the windshield glasses over in a mosaic

Feeling the cold slipping in but I don’t mind

Feeling a shiver creep up my back

Reminding me of you

I take a breath

And I grab my bag and pretend that I'm putting on my armor

Suiting up

To go riding on a drunken horse, slipping on mud

While holding my breath underwater

And the English have longbows

It’s raining arrows that point me in the wrong direction

This is night

This is what I wanted

Now that I have it

I miss the struggle

I Am Slipping

I am slipping

Out of reach

And it’s freeing

But depression

Is slipping

Through the cracks

In my voice

My non binary

Voice of being

Gaily befuddled

I found myself

Laying on the floor

Staring at the ceiling

And that’s how I have conference meetings with depression

I want to

Be okay

With the present

But hold on a moment

I need to take

A call

A conference one

I want to feel real

Again

And I don’t know the next time I will  

I want to take a tired walk

To the kitchen

And smash a few

Plates

And fall

Into

A ghost’s arms

I cant always be my own hero

Super girl is only so good

I just might have to call up gut girl

Because she can at least stomach me at my worst

I feel behind in life

And its so hard

To not compare myself to others

Because maybe my life

Isn’t a highway

Like other people’s lives are

I’d much prefer to enjoy the view and stare at natural beauty

I don’t get

The constant rush

That society puts on us

Maybe that’s why I like to lay on the floor

And stare blankly at the ceiling

But then my thoughts start rolling like thunder

And the cycling begins…

No Strings Attached

I've got a violin with no strings attached

This bow is flying like arrows do

Either war

Or cupid

Someone is bowing my heart

In every direction

And I can feel the passion

Leaping off the floor,

Like someone stepping on a nail

There is a lullaby needed

To pull at the strings that

Are attached to my heart

Knowing that, never

Can be a reality

I live behind these never strings

Like I'm living in a dungeon without

A king

To rescue me from

This violin

This tied bow

On the present

Of this rosen life

This Is 1984

Popping in sunflower seeds

Not worrying about any bad deeds

A few years pass and I'm chewing the same flavor gum

Trying to hum the same hum

Attempting to reverse time

And take back the crime

Of going against the average current

By knowing things like how you need a warrant

The reason therapy exists is because

Some of us see the world as it does

This is 1984

Everyone just decides to ignore,

That the truth is now illegal

It is flying on the oil back of a seagull

Slipping off and getting lost,

Stuck on the back of my shoe like a piece of gum

Thinking about it now, I've been depressed all along

I know what is wrong

It's the fact that I didn't want to be born

Everyday I wake up and mourn

It's not fair; I did not want this world

I want to stay furled

This world is cruel, unjust,  horrible, and unfair

I don't like it so beware

Abstract

Can you take my anger? And pass me the settledness? I think I need a coat hanger for my anger To hang it up

I keep my dreams in the closet And my hopes in a drawer When I grow up I can take them out And wear them higher I keep my fears Under the bed They live with the monsters, Who keep my fears from getting misplaced I keep my misery in the basement Where I hope it’ll get lost But I see it every time I do laundry One time I tried to hang it out to dry I keep stupidity in the attic With the light on Often times I have bright ideas I keep passion on the floor It's too much for me to handle, When I keep depression Strung around my fingers Which keeps me from forgetting That I left jealousy Brewing and boiling on the stove A poignant smell that makes I keep happiness On pieces of yellowed paper Which are stuck up on the fridge with magnets The messy drawings of not caring mock me as I pull pity out to eat for a midnight snack

Christmas Eve

Peaceful

But I wish you were here

All wrapped up and under the tree for me to find

Adults making the magic happen

Running around and a bit frantic

Santa feeling a tad mad and rundown

I wonder what you are doing,

Where you are,

What you look like now

The mashed potatoes are being made

Church plans are being made

Stores of toys are full of adults making a last minute raid

Do I ever cross your mind

When you walk under the mistletoe

Or has time crossed me out like a wrong answer

Dishes being washed and put away

Showers being taken

Cleanliness taking place

Do you feel like something is missing?

Peaceful but lacking

In the fragments we posses of each others hearts