Looking Back

NCCC

Never

Certain

Correctness

Current

Now

Cognitive

Correlation

Censor

New

College

Care

Collection

Noticed

Color

Confuse

Create

Trip

Swat

Soot

Positive

Treacherous

Stretch

Strengthen

Progress

Summer

Summer will not make me dumber

With no stress, I'm more depressed

Biased people with remainders of my past, in my brain it will never last

I can't breath; It's debilitating but I'm not suffocating

Give me a car and I'll take it far

Wishing things were different, kissing your black shoe

Waiting for that day, knowing you'll be hesitating

Waking up without a mission, then going fish'n

Feeling like you're not going to get there, life is only so fair

Dreamers with their silly fantasy dreams, fighting for them but not getting ice creams

They became depressed, while they were back in their nest

They stopped fighting, and tried rewriting

Their progress plateaued, and started the downhill flow

Then out of nowhere their flame relit, and found the way out of the pit

They wrote of sugar coated endings, to deal with the god sendings

Of summer never being a bummer

Missing you

Why is it that when we miss someone we hope they miss us too?

In my life, there was you

I guess that makes you special and worth,

Your mirth

I should get a start on moving on

But the other Saturday

My food looked like puree

My cereal went soggy because I was thinking about you so much

We fell out of a touch,

I don’t think we ever even had

I was smarter before,

Before I walked through the innocence taking, dominating doors

I guess that it might be for the best

I was stuck under a rest

I’ll make accidents but I’ll make them my forte

Softballs put on the ground

No more bats and gloves around

No more eye black

No championship game to give me a happy heart attack

The hunger for the ball in my hand

I miss my old life, like

When the ump. would tell you, you were out on the third strike

Stolen bases

On a regular basis

Red dirt on my clothes, in my lungs

I was so much smarter then

When I didn’t know what it was, time and time again

I still do not

It’s like the pain inside is caught

And I can only try to make the best of it

Lachrymorose

Seconds away from crying

This Hoover Dam of an eyelid is doing a good job

But it’s seconds away from breaking

All these tears dammed up inside could make Lake Lachrymose,

Leeches, Aunt Josephine and all

That was until she took the fall...

Tears on a cliff

Stacked up on a penny

About to spill over the thin edge

My hot tears

Have the potential

To set this place on fire

I know that

If I were to let them tumble down

They would burn my flesh with streams of lava

Droplets from the sun

Rain from Venus

This salt water is boiling within

Like tears from Rappaccini’s daughter

I am on my own

For I am poison

But I refuse to let them fall

Like pieces of hell

Raining from the ceiling

Flit Flirt

You, little flit flirt

Back at my window

From bad to good, my feelings you convert

The wind blows, blows, blows

  Window, open, I still can’t hear you

Please stay

With you I think I’ll get through

My light of day

  Everything, you give

I’ll saver

Die for you, or live?

If you ever need a favor...

  You and I don’t have the clock,

Don’t rush

Love, my time torturously tick tocks

Me heart you better not crush

  I will succeed

Still you come and go

Love me?

You taught me how to go with the flow

Friend

I know you are hurting

You're like me, you're searching

You say you've been hurt before,

But I won't walk out the door

If you wish to, you'll open up,

But I won't push

A door that can only be opened from

the inside

Instead, I sit here,

With you, and near,

And

Simply

Be your friend My good friend wrote this to me!  Surprise!

How Things Change

How things change

In a place

Throughout time

I'm uneasy and need to pace

The picket fence

Lost a head

To a softball

The picket fence

Lost a bottom

To a chewing dog

The same picket fence

Has the gate wide open

But no worn grass

The picket fence

Bends and sags

Under weathered, weakness

The picket fence

Has a grapevine

But now it looks dead and sad

The snow,

Back in the day

Would be trampled down by two

The snow

Old as it happens to be

Is untouched

How things change

As they age

And yet

I'm still the same page

I’ll Just Be

Do you really want to know what gets me out of bed in the morning?

Fucking lies

I tell myself that I'm okay

But I'm secretly anticipating, and bracing for your goodbyes

How's life?

When my life is good, it's a fake kind of good

But I'm alright

I miss being in the woods where I once stood

Was I really ever there?

I think I was born guilty

Yet I know I'm always fine

My skin is filthy

I can't sleep,

Because of a haunting childhood

I'm seriously okay

I'd give it all up for poetry if I could

I don't want you

It's too late

I'll survive

I'm forced to carry a heavy slate

I secretly enjoy it

This way I'm free

I'm still alive

So for now, as I always am, I'll just be

Road Rage From Others

Menacing eyes

Illuminated with anger

Glaring into the mirror

I dare not do what they want

For I would be breaking the law

Evil eyes pushing me onward

Giving me no mercy

They are the lit flame underneath my anxiety

Glowing just so they know that I can see them

They make me say I'm sorry repeatedly to them

As if I don’t have a right to be there

I must look forward

There isn’t anything I can do about those eyes

That tell me to do things

I don’t want to do

I no longer want to go down this soulless road

With machines that don’t have empathy

Sometimes I get lucky though

And one of the eyes starts to wink at me

Then they disappear as they take a turn

The one question I must ask is,

Why so much anger,

Towards a stranger who is trying to stay away from danger?

Sort Of Straightforward

Don’t feel

Don’t show just so you can eat at least one more free meal

In your case

I must keep a strong unmoving poker face

You think that it’s rude for me not to answer

Tell me to get depressed for someone because of their lung cancer

Instead I think they need some cheer

And encouragement for them to face their fears

I don’t tell you how I feel

Because you would tell me it’s not normal and what I'm feeling is unreal

That I made it all up in my head

I'm crazy is what your body language said

When I do answer you, you tell me to stop talking back

And tell me that manners are what I sadly lack

You tell me you don’t like my tone

I would never tell you how much I want to puke at the smell of your cologne

Maybe my tone is bad but it’s not as bad as your writing font

You like to remind me that the troubles I have ahead of me are something to daunt

If I admit that something hurts then I get called a baby

You’d think that I was too much of a wuss to join the navy

Tell me I'm tough but act like I'm the weakest of the weak

I'm not brave enough to find help to seek

“No one’s going to get hurt here”

I could!  You would tell certain people is my fear

I wouldn’t trust you even If you promised, you could so very easily go behind my back

Oldness is what I lack

When you ever did know how I felt

You’d lecture me on how stupid I am for feeling it, then hit me hard with an imaginary belt

Because of that I would prefer to keep you in the dark

I might not be able to live through another mark

I just can’t have you know

If you ever found out, I’ll get buried in icy sharp, wet snow

But no matter how numb I am, I still feel

All my feelings are strong and real!