Friend

The Nights Drag On

The days drag on

They slip through my fingers

And dive under my legs

Running on that dang treadmill

Wake up and run

Repeat

A trillion tons of pressure

No thoughts

Halls that stretch on forever

Junior problems

Became senior ones

Goodness making me want to puke

Coldness

Eating away at my hollow bones

I feel like I’m the only hydrated piece of sand in the desert

The only dry fish in the sea

Someday I’ll get speared

Not spared

A book thrown down stairs

Forgetting sunrises

And not regretting it

Invisible issues are the atoms that make me up

Holding in and holding on and exploding

Walls are shaking with,

The darkness of given up days

(That’s all of them)

I don’t sleep because I can breathe at night

The nights drag on…

Friendship

The pain has returned

An ice melting burn,

That loses your best friend

That hand they used to lend, They retreated

When they are exactly what you needed

I liked them better before,

They left for a cup of sugar next door And there was someone else

Who was the first person I told about ol' Bergen Bels.

I had to let go

Time went fast, time went slow We got too close

I'm sorry for you, I had my goodbye toast

What is friendship,

Without the jump and the flip? Time stealing

Dime dealing

Time can make a wound

And put you in your tomb

Safety Blankets

I don't like having a safety blanket

The kind that your grandma knit

When I have one I cut it

It makes me feel vulnerable

This is why I'm not exactly hug-able

Unfortunately for me I'm like-able

So in my case

I don't like the safe space

Or seeing your face

I don't want to get attacked so I'm going to keep my distance

Yes, I am probably causing the resistance

No, I don't need any assistance

Yes it's bizarre

Watch out when you're not looking I'll crash your car

I'll earn a new scar

Go out smashing windows

That's not even one of my lowest of lows

My safety blanket does not run with the flow

Without one I'm able to go around looking for trouble

Making love to this town's rubble

But if I had one, you could easily make me crumble

When I do have one I cut it

Especially the kind that your grandma knits

I dislike having a safety blanket

I Don’t Know If This Is True Love Anymore

I can hear your heart, hear your heart

And I can tell that it b-beat for me, b-beats for me

I can feel you heart

Trying to leap into my chest

I hate to say it but,

I'm head over heels in love with you

You clear away the blues

I'm sorry I make you lose

I’ll try to keep my cool

You're not a complete fool

I hate to say it but,

I'm head over heels in love with you

You're being clingy again, clingy again

And you tell me that you're sorry, you're sorry

But I don’t want to hang on unnaturally tight

So I don’t know how long that,

I’ll hate to say it but…

Some puzzle pieces don’t fit together, don’t fit together

Some hands, when put together become sore, become sore

I remember the way I felt, during intermission

And I don’t know if this is true love anymore, anymore

Tree

Sometimes I feel like a tree

A tree with little wings that rustle in the wind

I have taken to hating bird brains

Being paralyzed with tension there's nothing I can do when they shit on me

Sometimes I like the rain

I like the washing

It also quenches my thirst

And keeps me sane

I love the cooler air

That sways me,

Unrhythmically

Blowing through my hair

People don’t like rain when it fills up their shoes

I don’t have feet

But I have plenty of rings

And no one I’d like to choose

I dream of flying away

To find a whole new world

My roots are too big

I feel like a tree by the end of the day

Sometimes I feel hurt because of love that is young

What is the point of them carving into me?

Yet their love dies long before I ever will

And on some days I miss where they once swung

On those days I shed a little sap

Hoping new things will stick to my bark

Like a new swing or a new summer fling

On those days I don’t mind the bird crap

Sometimes I flunk

And grow more knots

And become more twisted

On those days I think that I’d prefer to be trunk

Sometimes I feel that I'm not fair to my roots

As they hold me,

I try to strangle myself with them

More than ever, the wise owls give me disapproved hoots

Sometimes I feel like a tree

As the giving tree, I have found limits to my giving

I only give up and never give down

I feel like a tree, stuck to the ground but growing up with reality

Myself

The reason I may look like a party pooper or down

Is because when I used to walk up to people and tell them my name they would give me a frown

They wouldn't say anything so I would walk away

Then I would see them sneaking peaks at me and laughing, but someday...

I would go sit away from them on the concrete wall

Or I would get a basketball

And shoot hoops all by myself

I put my high hopes on a shelf

Sometimes when I would make a hoop someone would run up to me

And kick the ball away, then laugh at my plea

For peace

I was the one who tried hard with elbow grease

But now I just go sit there anyway

To save myself from all the pain

That's why I don't go up to people and tell them my name

I just always ended up ashamed

Ashamed to be me

Whatever I did they laughed at

Someday hopefully they will realize that

They were all the bitches

That should die in ditches

Sorry I just wish I could make them pay

And that still happens to me today

Even in high school

People think making fun of me is “cool”

Why are they so cruel?

I hate going there

Because most people don't care

And they say that there are only raggies in this town

I bet you don’t know that word, go look it up, the word raggie might be a noun

But I actually try and work hard

Even though I get scarred

Every time someone says that

It makes us all sound worse than rats

Whoever says that isn't even trying

They just like to see people crying

I'm shy

Because I don’t want cry

I'm done trying

Looking Back

Looking back I realize that

With the great irony

They were exactly what they warned us about

I made it out

By hiding my emotion

So no one had any idea what I was actually thinking

The last time

Tasted unusual

Playing like a surreal movie in my head

Walking into the arms

Of the people

They told me rumors about and yet I'm now doing better than I ever have

I'm here

Knocking down the walls

That held in so many peoples stories that I had no idea about

The hard look

I got with my degree

Made me want to scream but, man, too bad we never did

Was It?

Was it the bread

That got to your head?

Or was it the butter

That made you stutter?

Maybe you think it was the salt

That made it your fault

I know that the berries

Didn't make you marry

But what was your deal

With the oatmeal?

Was the grapefruit too tart?

Maybe it’s why you had to fart

You gave a nickel

For a fried pickle

Maybe the pie

Was the reason that it felt like you were going to die

I mean the honey

Did seem to taste a little funny

Did the steak

Give you a stomach ache?

Was it the chicken soup

That made you have to go poop?

Or was it the icing on the cake

That made your stomach break?

A Meeting

There was no point in making me join my meeting

Because my thoughts were fleeting

Because I'm too fucking anxious to share my voice, please spare me from the madness

I couldn't even share a simple greeting You asked if I had any questions, comments, or if I have anything to say

And I do... but I guess anxiety doesn't want me to talk today

No, not even now

In this month of May The nurse isn't my cup of tea

And I feel that I am allowed no privacy,

This makes me very uncomfortable as a teenage girl and,

Details of my butthole are obviously my favorite topic for stranger to know about me The thing is, if I was dying,

If I was crying

I'd prefer to stay and sit in class rather than go anywhere else

I'm not lying She thinks I'm stable

And yet she's a mere stranger in my life and I probably still have proctitis on my table

I have so much on my plate it has overflowed

But I'll find a way to be able Having a bad stomach and anxiety make a perfect match that work

They are a dangerous loop that lurks,

In my background when I say that I'm okay

Yeah, I am a little jerk I'm still anxious and I don't sleep at night

Because my brain is playing back all the mistakes and times that I wasn't right

And how embarrassing it was, and how I will probably never live it down

And tomorrow will just be another blurred day of living in the fog of this mental, intestinal fight

I Can't

I can't

Stupid head

I should be thankful

While writing this others feel as if they were lying in their death bed I can't

What is wrong with me

I'm so messed up

I wish someone could get me but their middle name is absentee I can't

I should be lucky I have an umbrella for the rain

But I'm too befouled

Others are in pain I can't

It feels like I'm cheating

You can find rhyming words on the Internet

A "good enough mother" is what I'm needing I can't

I used to despise being called honey

I'm going to be thinking about both of you for eternity

You are mine if I pay you money I can't

I can't stand it

The same thing every time

I can't throw a fit I can't

I can't write

Who can help?

For once I'm ready to fight I can't

In my life I'm confused

This little pointless poem

My heart severely bruised I can't

My life I find perplexing

I am vinegar to myself

My feelings I keep deflecting