I Don’t Know If This Is True Love Anymore

Pure Gold

You mend the cracks

In my weathered roads

With pure gold

You make me feel

Like a pharaoh

Of my world

In this danger

Of a world

you make me feel safe

It seems like you will still love me after anything

You are

The kind of sweet

That doesn’t give you cavities

Too good to be true

Which is why

I physically cannot stop smiling when I’m with you

I’m just a warm blooded oaf

Turned out

To be fools gold

Not all Poems Have Words

Poems are not always made out of words

Metaphors are not words

That’s why they are not called words but metaphors

Poems are those thoughts that have indescribable feelings

Try to descried anger, it’s like UGHHH!

You didn’t want revenge out of anger you wanted it because you feel,

UGHHH! Just try

I don’t have words

I willed them away

There was too many, then they all found their opposite oxymoron lovers and

cancelled out, I wish I…

My feelings are too deep for words

I’m that insane!

I bet you want to know that I'm…

I’m left with trying to explain colors to a blind person

This language is more limited than you’d like to think

I think this…

You say I have words

What if there never will be words for me to talk?

Even if there was, eventually they’d end up losing their meaning anyways;

What?!

If I can’t explain a simple thing like noise to a deaf person,

How am I supposed to say anything other than, I don’t know?

When I do hook a word the letters shift and spell something else

How?

Then there’re synonyms,

They are evil and don’t mean exactly what

Why do they…

Keep on taking words for what they are

Take them and trash them

I will take…

“Poems are all words”

Then you must not understand mine

So then?

Hands

When I put my hands together it didn’t feel right,

Because it’s not your hand that’s in my hold

In the middle of the night,

I am cold

At most

I get to hold your ghost

At the movies we held hands

I thought you'd turn into air between my fingers, that is not something I could stand

I am so attached,

To how we matched

If I told my male guardian about you, he might attack,

And be on my back,

Riding me like a bull, steering me crazy

Get off me; my vision is not hazy

I see the red flags

You give me tightly packed, zipped up, emotional bags

I should take the hint and move on

I’ll take my luggage with me

Put on my big girl shoes and be gone

You'll never see,

You’ve hurt me so many times and I never learn

On you, I can’t place the blame

I still don’t get why you make my stomach churn

What a shame

What I don’t want him to know is that I have a blue jay

If he knew, he’d try to convince my eyes to see that blue jays are mean

I have a bird, isn’t something I'm going to say

I won’t listen because I'm a rebel; towards blue jays I'll lean

I don’t want to stop holding your hand

It feels like sand

Mine are softer than expected

I don’t know about you but I feel connected

No Strings Attached

I've got a violin with no strings attached

This bow is flying like arrows do

Either war

Or cupid

Someone is bowing my heart

In every direction

And I can feel the passion

Leaping off the floor,

Like someone stepping on a nail

There is a lullaby needed

To pull at the strings that

Are attached to my heart

Knowing that, never

Can be a reality

I live behind these never strings

Like I'm living in a dungeon without

A king

To rescue me from

This violin

This tied bow

On the present

Of this rosen life

Too Much

This is the story of my life

I get too much love

Too much

And I’m just not built to hold it

Perhaps I was built for the low life

But sometimes I get too many punches

Too many

And I’m just not built to hold your knuckle sandwich

I’m starting to think I wasn’t made for loving you

I’m too full of hate and anger

Too full

And I’m just about to take it out on you

Because you have too much love

You’re too clingy

Too clingy

I’m not built for you to suck away my life like the leech you are

The more you latch and attach yourself to me the more you repel me

Too much death

Too much

And it has and is currently surrounding me

Along with the presence of a rock and a hard place

Too much love and too much party punch

Too much,

To ever digest

When will it end?

Or will it never?

It’s been too much

But I’m done caring about the past which has only been one extreme to another like,

One foot in a bucket of ice and another in fire

Too far on opposite sides

Too far

They do not balance out in a nice way

One extreme and the other one

Hopes and dreams too far

Too much,

Too far

Things You Should Never Think, Or Make Me Do

Number one, never make me prove you wrong in the way that I don’t need you

Number two, never make me wear a red dress with Bugs Bunny characters on it

Number three, don’t force me to conform to your idea of being a girl

Number four, don’t think that I won’t taste it, trust me, my taste buds will find a way

Number five, don’t make me rewrite something, because there’s a chance that I thought it was a masterpiece in the way that you thought that it was shit

Number six, don’t think that I am frightened

Number seven, don’t think about me, because you'll never understand, and I hope you never will

Number eight, don’t force me to do it your way, because, if I did it differently, that would obviously just be preposterous!

Number nine, don’t think that you can just stare at me like a creep, making me uncomfortable to ever wear cute summer dresses

Number ten, don’t make me feel the need to apologize for just being me!

No Control

No control

So lay me down to rest

I'm done trying my best

IBD is a troll

My head is a now a mess

It wants you to get depressed

So I fill myself with happiness

I can’t let it win

So instead I grin

It makes you feel loneliness

Put on your mockingjay pin

Life’s not so bad, lift up your chin

Pick up your head

You try to ignore the anger

Pain and I are no stranger

Or lie back down to bed

Be a tanker

Keep going, even if you have to be a faker

Come on

Don’t let it

Get to you bit by bit

Stop singing that sad song

Don’t throw that fit

You have grit

Knocked me down

IBD

Is a bully, he pushed me

All the way to the dirty, cold, hard, ground

And I scraped my knee

But I still try to fill myself with glee

Dear, IBD get lost!

Take a hike!

It’s the third strike

You aren’t the boss

You, nobody likes

You can’t catch me on my bike

I fell

There comes a point

Where you want to roll a joint

You stupid spell

The why bother going on point

I don’t care anymore, even if it can affect your joints

Frustrating

Every time I get back on my feet

I get hit hard on the concrete

IBD hating

After everything finally becomes neat

I get hit when I try to cross the street

This has been going on for awhile

Will it ever end?

Well that depends

Always wanting to be normal, everything in a messed up pile

I don’t want to be your friend

Again

For the world I wouldn’t miss

Could you offer me your hand?

To help me stand

I've got this

I can

As long as you can understand

Marble

Our time is 5:07

It's my heaven

Don't you ever doubt that you are my friend

Shall I make you say it again?

You know what I mean

Please spill the beans

I’ve heard that before but I don't know where

Sorry, but I don't dare

I can't hurt you, I won't sugarcoat it with extra fluff

You've already been hurt enough

I like writing misery, you like science

But 5:07 is our compliance

I refuse to lose my marble

This one is really garbled

Garbled and hard to understand, without a doubt

I like it when you freak out

It means you care

My tall teddy bear

Now you know that I can't even sneeze

And all you could say was, "oh jeez"

Oh but that guy, Brad

She's mad

To make her day

She wishes that certain people would get out of the way

She's befuddled

I'm befuddled

When she smiles

I sit back and watch for awhile

For you I will never stop

Until I'm at the top

That rock wall, for you I will climb

Because 5:07 is our time

Fight or Fight

I must fight

Anxiety wants me to flight

I have to go against my natural instincts

I cannot blink I wish I had an understudy for my life

You can't know about my thoughts of stripping bark

My brain as sharp as a pocket knife

You are not where I want you, get back in the dark Writing to win

Losing instead

Not wanting to gamble, so far not taking the free spin

I need to stop with the lead No more of this weak space

All my poetry I should erase

My nightmare of my Achilles's heel getting wounded came true

Is this new? I should have seen it coming

I am back to owning nothing

My body is numbing

No pillow for fluffing Broken trust

You use the excuse of caring

I won't hesitate anymore when I burn bridges to dust

I understand what I'm going to have to be bearing All of the decisions after another decision

I will make with the most precision

My fear,

Is that I won't manage to get off this revolving sphere

This Is 1984

Popping in sunflower seeds

Not worrying about any bad deeds

A few years pass and I'm chewing the same flavor gum

Trying to hum the same hum

Attempting to reverse time

And take back the crime

Of going against the average current

By knowing things like how you need a warrant

The reason therapy exists is because

Some of us see the world as it does

This is 1984

Everyone just decides to ignore,

That the truth is now illegal

It is flying on the oil back of a seagull

Slipping off and getting lost,

Stuck on the back of my shoe like a piece of gum

Thinking about it now, I've been depressed all along

I know what is wrong

It's the fact that I didn't want to be born

Everyday I wake up and mourn

It's not fair; I did not want this world

I want to stay furled

This world is cruel, unjust,  horrible, and unfair

I don't like it so beware