Bang Bang

What Summer Is To Me

Summer has helped me almost fully recover

From being brainwashed

I almost lost me

But

I'm back to dreaming

About shoeshine and smiles

Back to the taste of salty sunflower seeds

Back to the smell of chives

Back to fires

And stars

Back to believing that shoeshine and smiles

Have more value than the realists could ever understand

Back to almost being able to feel the child in me playing

As if responsibilities and time do not exist

Back to smelling sunscreen and sweat

And loving it

Back to laying in cool grass

While staring up at the clouds

Back to feeling a little bit lonely in a unique way

In a Stargirl sort of way

Back to being as chill as

A flower girl

Living barefoot

Is the way it should be

Watching plants grow and cheering them out of the dirt

Bare, raw emotions bursting out of us like our acne

Warm sun feeling so good on your skin

Dreaming sweet dreams

All the while never wanting to sleep because life is more interesting

And secretly believing in the magic of shoeshine, smiles and the healing of summer

Autumn Falls

I'm blowing warmth into my hands, As autumn falls like the leaves belonging to it The wind has regained its chipperness My booted feet begin to get clumsy People who say you should keep your head, Up; don’t know what they are talking about There are some bad roots you have to look down for Unless you want to get knocked down again The leaves changed fast this year Some are already brown, dry and ready to be decomposed Where’s your warm hand I thought I was holding? Where did I lose my big coat? Were you on the ship I purposely deserted and sank? Good! That’s what I wanted, At the time Now I'm lost with my flannel shirt and my snaky soul My cold nose and my mittens that no longer fit Well, decisions will get you someplace in the woods My best days are long behind and far ahead At least I can’t see my breath yet I have to find my clearing on my own That will be tough but I got myself here, I have to get myself back out Autumn you will not make me fall!

Anxious Anxiety

I want anxiety to be anxious of me

I will hold my ground without being an earthquake myself

I will stand still and strong; there will be no such thing as a shaking knee

When the time comes I will weigh so much you will not move me with anything

Beating the ill out of illnesses; it will be the one in need of an amputee

I want depression to be happy for me

Everything should watch out for me because here I come

I might look cute but that’s just my disguise

“I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream” I hum

There’s strong and then there’s Taylor strong

I am the cherry bomb

No longer will I fall into your guilt trap

Not everyone is there for you and sometimes you are alone

But I don’t need anyone when I have myself; if you think otherwise you’re thinking crap!

I’m writing this cheese for my future self to not cut

You like tigers so don’t be a donkey without a tail

Don’t forget that you’re hungry for success

Don’t forget that it is good to fail

I think you learn more and go farther in life,

When you are done fixing the hole in dear Henry’s pail

I am a train chugging on broken tracks and I love it

With my emo black boots it feels like I can go anywhere in the world

It keeps me interested in where I am going to go and where I’ll find that I fit

I can’t stay curled

I cannot stay still and sit

I’m The Biggest Idiot

I'm that person who is the example not to follow

The laughable example

I'm the accidental class clown

I'm the person with the homework

That no one copies because I'm full of wrong answers

I'm the one that keeps doctors puzzled without trying

I'm the one who dares to touch the sky

Only to fall all the way back down

I hit the ground

And still live

Why?

I'm the one that can’t tell if that’s good luck or bad

I'm the one who doesn’t study

And then gets confused about the F

I'm the one bus drivers honk at

I'm the one people swear at

I'm the one that is openly clueless

I'm the one with backwards underwear

I'm the one who doesn’t know how to properly sit

In other words, I’m the biggest idiot

This Cannot Be Natural

I want to stay

Cradled in between

Sweetly smooth melodies

Where I let my fingers go wandering freely

Humming the notes

That I did not take during calculus class

The reason was that I was busy dreaming of an impossible life

That’s what happens to me

When I feel stuck in between the bars without a single key

My signature move of not paying attention,

To the epsilon-delta definition of a limit

And honestly, I might have just found my mathematical limit of brain power

The tone of my voice has gotten beaten down

I cannot learn at this fast tempo

For the next bunch of weeks, I'm stuck with the strings attached

I try to simply count it out but it doesn’t add up

I don’t know how to measure

The slope of my own tangents

I put my signature on a piece of paper that says

This summer class requires a ton of deadication or it could easily result in failure

And now I feel

The sharp pain

That makes me fall flat

On my back

I can feel the anxious vibrato

Building up in my hands

Maybe I need a rest

This cannot be natural

Burnout

Watts and volts

Nutts and bolts

Do not sit right

With a loss of appetite

Sitting on the pinnacle

And being cynical

Detatched

And mismatched

I feel meek

By drowning with just a slow leak

Just a drop can turn into a flood

Leaving me buried in mud

Everything is out of my league

When I'm drowning in fatigue

Too much asleep

To even weep

I had a shot

But then I forgot

Stillness

Is the only way to cure this illness

In other words, I am having trouble finding the door

Because I don’t want to work on Maggie’s farm anymore

Send It

I disappeared for awhile

So if you don’t recognize my name that’s why

Coming and going is sort of my style

(sigh)

If you can’t remember me you once called me deep

I’m basically your mini me, who refuses to go down without a fight

Aka internet creep (kidding)

Poetry is what I like to write

All this time I hope you didn’t have a strange hunch

I see another moon

Then there goes another month

I hope I’ll be able to put words on paper to you soon

You probably think that I fell off the face of the earth

I’m not done existing yet!

Two days we both hate but everyone else loves is the date of our birth

I hate pity so, over me don’t fret

I realize that even gut girl,

Doesn’t have real magic

And can’t save me from my world

I’m slowly breaking free of the chains that have had me trapped, full of rage I have had it

On my team

It’s just you and me

That’s not entirely true to this whole befuddling scheme

I’m not the only one with a forever scraped knee

Will I write back to you before I get old and grey?

For some reason I’m scared

Then before I know it there goes another day

Should I even care?

Writing I have forgotten how

Where is my “brave” voice?

Maybe you could understand this, Meow!

I’m starting to think that braveness is a crazy choice

I haven’t written to you in so long

Will writing to you be my fate?

Too good to be true, someday I bet you’ll be gone

I remind you of your younger self so at least you can strongly relate

For now I don’t think I’m brave enough

To reach you again

My feelings seem to be in cuffs

But even though I haven’t talked to you, I hope that we’re still good friends

You were my fog horn

While my strength was dwindled

Kept me from getting more torn

No more will I get swindled

You understand the weird problems with anxiety

And all of the faking

Sorry you saw me,

When I was breaking

I don’t like rooms with big unspoken elephants

After all there might be a goodish brain in my head

To win the war of hurtful words I must be more intelligent

Moons ago this is what should have been said!

Fuck It

Never can seem to get it right

I'm giving up on the fight

Fuck it

I’ll just live a poverty stricken life

I'm done with keeping up and steady

I'm not quite ready,

To just fuck it

And live a poverty stricken life

Still falling into the same rhyme,

When life gets frustrating and hard every friggin time

So fuck it

I’ll survive my poverty stricken life

I don’t like having things shoved down my throat

But I never opted for a different route so I’ll have to swim the moat

So fuck it

It’s almost too late to avoid a poverty stricken life

I’ll be rich on alcohol

And famous in my new home, the mall

Fuck this

I don’t want that drunk life

I won’t have to do math,

To know that I'm on a poor path

Fuck everything

I’ll have to survive my poverty stricken life

Get away, get away from me

Because you can stop me from sailing at sea

And sinking into fucking everyone like a real pirate

I’ll have a poverty stricken life with a good view

I’ll ignore all the bottles filled with lost hopes and dreams

Instead I’ll collect them in reams

Because fuck it

I’ll need a way to pass time in my pirate life A life without morals or a plan

I might be able to cheat my way out and find a clan,

Of others who decided to fuck it

And ended up living the poor life, in which everyone thinks you're an idiot

But I didn’t like their ways

And I was too stubborn to get through the tough days

Fuck it

I'm already living the poor life

Life Goes On

Breathe

I tell myself as I want to leave

But right now I don’t know how

I have been stuck

In a little bit of a rut

And my hatred for fakes Grew to the size of lakes

It feels like I'm playing a game

That doesn’t have any aim

I'm curious which is why I play

While I keep my feelings at bay

I have become tired of hiding behind doors

And metaphors

Frozen in mid breath,

Sitting before death

The reaper scares me no longer

Not because I've become stronger,

But because I've become scared of going on as life does

Just because

Mistreated Millennials

What’s the point of living if I can’t be myself?

I'll be homeless and unhappy

And destructive

You'll continue to be sappy

You'll continue living your life complaining about everything

While I’ll keep my mouth shut because according to you, my problems don’t matter

Baby boomers being controlling yet again

Thinking I owe you when you made me into this bitter, broke, batter

I'm a millennial who lost hope

I'm seen as spoiled and lazy because I see that there’s no use

All I ask is that you don’t take the last thing I have to my ugly name

You get away with it and I'm so tired of the emotional abuse

I need to get old quick

So that I can take control of my life, my world, my planet, my states

I want to take care of this planet and make life better for future generations

You only cared about you; you’re going to go through Hell’s gates

I'm not going to have kids

Well at least not when you’re alive

You are more offensive than a confederate flag or a swastika

If you set eyes upon your gorgeous grandchildren they could break out in hives

I don’t want my offspring to have to see this society you’ve created

A world of tests and pressure

Setting us up against our own generation, giving us trust issues

I can’t wait for you to become extinct for a refresher

You won’t be able to barge in

Testing us to see just how much we can endure before we break at the bones

And when we break, you leave us alone to suffer with the deformities

When you hear our groans,

You convince yourself that we don’t have any problems that are worse,

Than yours

The millennial generation work themselves into insanity

While you insult us, pampered, careless, narcissistic, your words contaminate our pours

We are forced to wear those insults

We wear them like expensive designer clothes,

Because we don’t have any money

Baby boomers look for special millennials to overexpose