Burnout

Fuck It

Never can seem to get it right

I'm giving up on the fight

Fuck it

I’ll just live a poverty stricken life

I'm done with keeping up and steady

I'm not quite ready,

To just fuck it

And live a poverty stricken life

Still falling into the same rhyme,

When life gets frustrating and hard every friggin time

So fuck it

I’ll survive my poverty stricken life

I don’t like having things shoved down my throat

But I never opted for a different route so I’ll have to swim the moat

So fuck it

It’s almost too late to avoid a poverty stricken life

I’ll be rich on alcohol

And famous in my new home, the mall

Fuck this

I don’t want that drunk life

I won’t have to do math,

To know that I'm on a poor path

Fuck everything

I’ll have to survive my poverty stricken life

Get away, get away from me

Because you can stop me from sailing at sea

And sinking into fucking everyone like a real pirate

I’ll have a poverty stricken life with a good view

I’ll ignore all the bottles filled with lost hopes and dreams

Instead I’ll collect them in reams

Because fuck it

I’ll need a way to pass time in my pirate life A life without morals or a plan

I might be able to cheat my way out and find a clan,

Of others who decided to fuck it

And ended up living the poor life, in which everyone thinks you're an idiot

But I didn’t like their ways

And I was too stubborn to get through the tough days

Fuck it

I'm already living the poor life

Christmas Eve

Peaceful

But I wish you were here

All wrapped up and under the tree for me to find

Adults making the magic happen

Running around and a bit frantic

Santa feeling a tad mad and rundown

I wonder what you are doing,

Where you are,

What you look like now

The mashed potatoes are being made

Church plans are being made

Stores of toys are full of adults making a last minute raid

Do I ever cross your mind

When you walk under the mistletoe

Or has time crossed me out like a wrong answer

Dishes being washed and put away

Showers being taken

Cleanliness taking place

Do you feel like something is missing?

Peaceful but lacking

In the fragments we posses of each others hearts

I’m The Biggest Idiot

I'm that person who is the example not to follow

The laughable example

I'm the accidental class clown

I'm the person with the homework

That no one copies because I'm full of wrong answers

I'm the one that keeps doctors puzzled without trying

I'm the one who dares to touch the sky

Only to fall all the way back down

I hit the ground

And still live

Why?

I'm the one that can’t tell if that’s good luck or bad

I'm the one who doesn’t study

And then gets confused about the F

I'm the one bus drivers honk at

I'm the one people swear at

I'm the one that is openly clueless

I'm the one with backwards underwear

I'm the one who doesn’t know how to properly sit

In other words, I’m the biggest idiot

Boom!

Impending doom

Anticipating the "boom!"

I got sent the invitation

To sticky isolation

The deathly scent of flowers

Looking at the world alone at the top of the Eiffel Tower

A lonely gold filled casket

No more money in the basket

That money was wasted

Just imagine how bad that tasted

Every breath,

Is one closer to death

Then I feel insecure

In a crowd of people, doesn't matter what store

Anxiety still in the room

Sitting there waiting for the "boom!"

I try to hug the earth but all I do is hit the floor

It hurts but I go back for more

Sara, I can imagine you popping up out of nowhere

Depressing reality, but I still care

I can feel the wall of basses

The sickening sound of them not in their cases

Still feeling the arriving doom

Just around the loom

Then the crowd of violins start to rain

And the dark basses in my ears, they stain

The basses echo and rumble in my gut

Running from my problems, out of the room I rebely strut

Refusing To Blossom

I'm like a confused squirrel searching for my nuts

I'm a butthole without the butt

A dark, endless hole

A dip in the dirt without the mole

A pencil without lead

With that said, I'm missing parts

Not completely broken apart

Damaged

I manage

I'm strong, holy cow!

I'll never be able to answer the question of, How? I don't know if I'm truly living or just surviving

Do I need more reviving?

I refuse to go knocking from door to door

Now I do know what I'm looking for

What am I to do,When I meet with the morning dew? I'll hop along like young grasshoppers

Pointed anteater noses are the real heart stoppers

As annoying as a fly

Every time, I swear, I'll get by

I'm half a nerd

I refuse to blossom and sing like a bird

Remember Oil

Oil

Tin can

Marble shaking around

“Oil can” says the tin man of a car

At least I know that there is a true heart inside

Along with a great dancer

But this oil...

Is making the somewhat broken ice more slippery

And harder to break

Even though you are a human teddy bear

That wears the same grey sweatshirt a lot,

Same though

You don't know, but you are

The tamer of my wild anxiety

We are literally driving in a shaking car with no right turn signal

And I find

That I'm comfortable with that

And I hope this ride doesn't end soon

The Streets Of Regret

I often walk the streets of regret

I know my way

Down the blank streets,

Of this blank town,

That few people know by name

The ones that know are the ones who survive the pain,

With pockets full of dread,

With feet full of lead

There are people on the empty streets

Fighting to be the next Bruno Mars, or Beyonce

While peacemakers argue with them,

I secretly stand out

I’m fighting to be the next  Bob Dylan, or Patsy Cline

I know that those two are mine

Artists with feeling,

Don’t live in the same world as the robots with glass and glazed, laser eyes

There are cracks in the sidewalk kids are playing near

There are booze bottles littering the streets

I walk past with hurry stuck in my messy hair like gum

I don’t know much, but I'm sure I'm walking after midnight

Alongside a rainy wind blowing,

My wills are growing

I stop to see my hopelessness weeping

Instead of possums and passions sleeping

I turn a corner to find winter waiting waving at me

I turn a leaf to find some grey pill bugs that resemble me

Where do you go when you don’t have a home?

Do you just sit defeated the moment you are set free from your room?

Defeated because in the beginning you pushed too hard

In the start I saw the morning light hitting the dew drops in the backyard

The illusion of freedom in my black play pants

I guess that’s kind of my thing now, but now they come with ants

I don’t remember running out of hope

But I did realize that life is certainly not a fairytale where dreams come true

And true love’s kiss saves everything

You must live without your dreams and just do what a man’s got to do to keep yourself alive

The frustration of walking in circles, round and round

And constantly seeing clowns with painted frowns

As if they were mocking misery with their humor

They tell everyone how great the streets are but it’s a funny rumor

I Want To Go Home

Trapped in my room that is myself,

Due to avoidance

Of

Feeling like and impostor in the house I live in

I know that I don’t belong

But I have nowhere else to go

I want to go home

But home is nothing more than a concept,

That I imagine in only my dreams

It’s hard to go home

When,

I haven’t discovered where home is

This is why I want to travel the world

When I'm out of school

And when I have enough money

I want to find a home

In someone's arms

Or I could find a home in my life

There is more than one way home

There are plenty of different roads

That will lead to destiny

So I'm going to keep calling everything home

Until it feels right

And only then I shall settle down

So take my bloated belly home

Because this house isn't working with the people living in it

Let's go home

Clumsy Ballerina

I'm a clumsy ballerina

Dancing from sorrow to morrow

Trying to take a twirl with happiness

But never quite succeeding

Prince charming asks if he can have this dance

I say yes, but honestly, I just want to chasse and get away

I’d much rather be exploring this castle

Instead of being stuck at this boring ball

Switching from person to person, trying and trying is tiring

As a misfit, I am tremendously tired of these triplets

Hanging heavy in the air

Making it hard to fly

I’m out of breathe

Can I just plie and stop with this ballet?

To take a rest

I do an arabesque

I do not recognize this music

But my heart is pounding out the beat to this mad song that plays on and on

I'm off time

And out of grace

I'm dipping and tripping all over the place as if I were drunk

I'm stepping on peoples toes because I don’t know how this dance goes

Too dizzy

To know that I’m in a tizzy

With my tap shoes, I'm trying to tap out

How could I question my depression

When I know that it is the most graceful and charming

While I am inept when it comes to this dance

Tired

Tired

No thoughts Tired

Empty headed I need a rest

Since I'm a little different form the rest Fucked with fatigue

Exercised by life to exhaustion Not happy

Sad with the sluggishness

Drained by my dreams

Pooped out of perky, proper posture Weary with work

Worn out and weak without winning The bags under my eyes

Are filled with rocks I've got lead legs

And iron eyelids