Tired

Road Rage From Others

Menacing eyes

Illuminated with anger

Glaring into the mirror

I dare not do what they want

For I would be breaking the law

Evil eyes pushing me onward

Giving me no mercy

They are the lit flame underneath my anxiety

Glowing just so they know that I can see them

They make me say I'm sorry repeatedly to them

As if I don’t have a right to be there

I must look forward

There isn’t anything I can do about those eyes

That tell me to do things

I don’t want to do

I no longer want to go down this soulless road

With machines that don’t have empathy

Sometimes I get lucky though

And one of the eyes starts to wink at me

Then they disappear as they take a turn

The one question I must ask is,

Why so much anger,

Towards a stranger who is trying to stay away from danger?

Catch 22

I'm tired of this shell

And this name

And the world spinning

The problem is that I need to shatter myself

And it just seems impossible

Like an equation that I can’t figure out without being unstoppable

Problem is, the issues grow longer like this infestation of words

If only I knew the answer to the question of why?

Then I would have just another key,

That would lead to another empty chest

Because there’s none for me, nope not a pair

Except for emptiness like two pits of despair

Can’t you feel through your metallic layers?

I don’t like wannabe robots

Even if all you’ve done is make a helmet out of a kitchen strainer

Bee hives don’t dance for nothing, honey!

And I'm buzzing with kinetic energy,

With nowhere to go but this shell

Solved are not my problems,

Of being fucking stuck

Either way I'm seen as an evil little fucker

Stuck like cling wrap to this plastic world

Seemingly unavoidable in every imaginable possibility that I can think,

With my eyes held wide open I can’t even blink

In this torturous place I can’t live forever

Even if I can call it my own

Even if it’s here forever

My need to have this shell shattered is strong

I want to feel it shake and shatter

Hear it crack down like pitter, patter, smash

Shell, hell, what's the difference?

I like the fire in the devil that melts my cold heart

Because I'm tired of this invisible prison cell

Myself

The reason I may look like a party pooper or down

Is because when I used to walk up to people and tell them my name they would give me a frown

They wouldn't say anything so I would walk away

Then I would see them sneaking peaks at me and laughing, but someday...

I would go sit away from them on the concrete wall

Or I would get a basketball

And shoot hoops all by myself

I put my high hopes on a shelf

Sometimes when I would make a hoop someone would run up to me

And kick the ball away, then laugh at my plea

For peace

I was the one who tried hard with elbow grease

But now I just go sit there anyway

To save myself from all the pain

That's why I don't go up to people and tell them my name

I just always ended up ashamed

Ashamed to be me

Whatever I did they laughed at

Someday hopefully they will realize that

They were all the bitches

That should die in ditches

Sorry I just wish I could make them pay

And that still happens to me today

Even in high school

People think making fun of me is “cool”

Why are they so cruel?

I hate going there

Because most people don't care

And they say that there are only raggies in this town

I bet you don’t know that word, go look it up, the word raggie might be a noun

But I actually try and work hard

Even though I get scarred

Every time someone says that

It makes us all sound worse than rats

Whoever says that isn't even trying

They just like to see people crying

I'm shy

Because I don’t want cry

I'm done trying

Fall Down, Get Back Up

I had my life seemingly together

But then the air turned into leather

With every breath my chest grew heavier and tighter

My head started to feel lighter

Get back up

Don’t give up

Propel

Out of Hell

Sometimes I fall down

And I forget that it doesn’t mean that I will lose my crown

I will rise

And get the prize

I have to get back out there

To breathe the mountain air

Friend

I know you are hurting

You're like me, you're searching

You say you've been hurt before,

But I won't walk out the door

If you wish to, you'll open up,

But I won't push

A door that can only be opened from

the inside

Instead, I sit here,

With you, and near,

And

Simply

Be your friend My good friend wrote this to me!  Surprise!

You're My Valentine

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm going to unfold a special poem for you

 I should start off by saying, Happy Valentines Day

My best contrast is that your eyes are brown

Any day you can fix my frown

 Just like everyone else’s,

You lips are red

Sometimes I want to kiss them, enough said

 I can’t wait for when we’re older and have money

You hair is black

Someday we shall pack

 Where should we go?, We both ask ourselves

I love your skin so tan

I love my man

 I've got stories to tell,

When were old and gray

I hope you'll stay

Paranoid

On me, It feels like someone has their watch

I don’t want to be caught

Everything at a knot

Slipping

Flipping Paranoid

With the full void

Living annoyed

Guilt that can’t be put in the wash

Geniuses eating squash Here’s my stories

Of not being safe but of my many sorry’s

I’ll try to take an inventory

Words overused

Hearts don’t break they bruise Being stalked

Even after you talked

During the naked after shower walk

Nothing to do

I won’t feel safe with you I need a place to let loose and think

A place to make a mark with ink

One that gives off grandfather winks

Those I’ll never have the chance to see

I need to meet someone who makes friendship tea I can’t wait until I get a place

That’s safe

Where I can get my shoes relaced

What have I got,

Without this lot?

Remember Oil

Oil

Tin can

Marble shaking around

“Oil can” says the tin man of a car

At least I know that there is a true heart inside

Along with a great dancer

But this oil...

Is making the somewhat broken ice more slippery

And harder to break

Even though you are a human teddy bear

That wears the same grey sweatshirt a lot,

Same though

You don't know, but you are

The tamer of my wild anxiety

We are literally driving in a shaking car with no right turn signal

And I find

That I'm comfortable with that

And I hope this ride doesn't end soon

Words

People say that words can’t hurt you

But words can make you dangerously blue

They say that sticks and stones hurt more

But they don’t get that words aren’t a bore

Words have a lot of meaning

Stop the brain cleaning

Why do you think I write poems?

Poems are my home

Sticks and stones may break your bones but they can’t ever hurt your soul

Unless you let them slip through a little hole

Words have a way of sneaking around everyone’s hearts and minds

Too bad you don’t have to pay a fine

Some words hurt like knifes

Don’t let it ruin your life

Words can leave marks,

Scars and painful friction sparks

Other words are kind

Some can blind

You can’t only say I love you to me

You have to not just prove it but make me see

I now don’t trust easily at all

People who I used to trust have made me fall

Not only did they do that they made sure that I heard their laughter

After

I can still hear them in my head

When everyone else is in bed

Sleeping

While I lock myself in my room weeping

Their laughter always growing louder

Why must I cower?

I wish I was strong like everyone else

I just want to be my old self

Everyone says I'm strong but really I'm not

They don’t know I cry a lot

They say I'm strong

But they're wrong

They all think I'm fine

They say that while all they do is shine

I'm just the cloudy, dirty, run down, rusty

Musty…

No one ever wants me

I'm the third wheel all the time, you see

You always tell me someone is worse off than me

Why can’t you just flee?

The laughter is so loud that it is part of the beat of my drum

What have I become?

Why do you enjoy making me feel worthless?

You are careless

The stress

Of always trying to be the best

You’ve made me a mess

I just want to be me

You never hear my pleas

Of just let me be me

I beg you please

Just turn it off

And step off

And you wonder why I don’t tell you anything or even speak at all

I just don’t want to bawl

Stop looking at me with that stupid judging look

I gratefully have unhooked

From you

We’re not stuck like glue

I've lost faith in the human mind

You can’t even be somewhat kind

Words make up the human world

Sometimes they can be bold, twisted and curled

Words hurt more than physical pain

You have a box of permanent letters in your brain

Of all the mean,

Things ever said to you, you're fat, you should be more lean

Some of the letters are signed with your name

Yes you are that lame

You really are your worst enemy

Slowly killing yourself…

No Control

No control

So lay me down to rest

I'm done trying my best

IBD is a troll

My head is a now a mess

It wants you to get depressed

So I fill myself with happiness

I can’t let it win

So instead I grin

It makes you feel loneliness

Put on your mockingjay pin

Life’s not so bad, lift up your chin

Pick up your head

You try to ignore the anger

Pain and I are no stranger

Or lie back down to bed

Be a tanker

Keep going, even if you have to be a faker

Come on

Don’t let it

Get to you bit by bit

Stop singing that sad song

Don’t throw that fit

You have grit

Knocked me down

IBD

Is a bully, he pushed me

All the way to the dirty, cold, hard, ground

And I scraped my knee

But I still try to fill myself with glee

Dear, IBD get lost!

Take a hike!

It’s the third strike

You aren’t the boss

You, nobody likes

You can’t catch me on my bike

I fell

There comes a point

Where you want to roll a joint

You stupid spell

The why bother going on point

I don’t care anymore, even if it can affect your joints

Frustrating

Every time I get back on my feet

I get hit hard on the concrete

IBD hating

After everything finally becomes neat

I get hit when I try to cross the street

This has been going on for awhile

Will it ever end?

Well that depends

Always wanting to be normal, everything in a messed up pile

I don’t want to be your friend

Again

For the world I wouldn’t miss

Could you offer me your hand?

To help me stand

I've got this

I can

As long as you can understand