Paranoid

Ends Are Beginnings

Ends are sometimes beginnings I need to get myself out of here Ends are the reflections of beginnings, it’s a simple mirror Is everything the same? Dead in the hall of lame Right now you and I are in between the beginning and the middle My bones are snapping, crackling and are brittle I need to know, what’s on the other side? For now I’ll let it slide Slide down my back, off my feet What is complete? Is it fullness of the heart? Or a lucky throw of the dart This reflection is not me, I’m lost But life is still well worth it’s cost So here I go and venture into the middle Me myself and I; piano, guitar and fiddle My one and only crew Some find me and my inanimate, music playing objects, infectious like the flu Just a lucky throw of the dart Is it fullness of the heart? My one and only crew Some find me and my inanimate music playing objects infectious like the flu Then on some days I find myself in between the middle and the end At writing I’m not that great, not to offend But life is still well worth it’s cost This reflection is not me, I’m lost I need a lucky throw of the dart Is it fullness of the heart? What is complete? Slide down my back, off my feet For now I’ll let it slide I need to know, what’s on the other side? Then I find myself in the end Things don’t always break sometimes they bend Dead in the hall of lame Is everything the same? Beginnings are the reflections of ends, it’s a simple mirror I need to get myself out of here Beginnings are sometimes ends

When I’m Happy

When I'm happy

Happiness won’t seem like a foreign word

And there will be tons of space

To run free at a great pace

I won’t feel like I'm constantly getting criticized

For just being me

No longer shall my work,

Be torn up by jerks

I won’t feel snappy

And the lines won’t be blurred

I won’t feel condemned to hide myself behind them

As a flower never give away your stem

There will be boundaries

Because people don’t think I deserve them

Because I'm not of age

And never will be because I'm just baby sage

I stopped dreaming

When I got tired of society feeding on my dreams

And twisting them into something I didn’t want

So I just played off nonchalant

But maybe one day

I’ll find myself…

Petting a german shepherd

While listening to Def Leppard deafeningly loud

And fall asleep with a tired smile

One that I wore all day

I’ll be able to get lost in a dream

And come up with even crazier schemes

A Crack In My Self Loathing

I accidentally just fell in love with myself

It was a crack in my self loathing that will soon be mended

It was the messy hair

That was still messy despite the ponytail

Despite my favorite hat containing it

It was my blue eyes

Looking at me

In my baggy hand-me-down shirt

That makes me feel

Comfortable

It was knowing that I had clay all over me

A mess

But that's exactly what I am

And I know its a flaw

But sometimes

It's the one style I know how to rock

Part mess and part artist

I wasn't trying to love myself in this moment

It just happened

When I looked in the mirror

Because I was about to brush my teeth for the night

Writer's Block :(

That moment when you can't get the pencil to write

When the paper bites

Writer's block

Is worse than getting stuck with your brother's smelly sock

Too many thoughts on my mind

I need to write so I'll know I'll be just fine

Into a ball I want to curl

I need to stop hiding from the world

The moment you are so numb that nothing helps, not even music

I know I have the power but I'm afraid to use it

It would just cause me trouble

Make my world as I know it crumble

You start to think

At writing you stink

You don't want to write it all

Can't risk another fall

You are plain 'ol stuck

Wishes on shooting stars for better luck

What you don't realize is that it's all there

You need to take the dare

Too many thoughts yet at the same time I have an empty head

So for now I'm off to bed

Similar All The Same

I'm a little punk

A little rebel

I used to be the opposite

But similar all the same

Then I fell in love with something I can't have and my heart sunk

My heart is a devil

The burn causing flame in my brain got lit

The beast of my heart I couldn't tame I used to feel guilt like hell

It had complete control over me

Therefore I had nothing hidden

Dealing with the devil, my guilt was a good idea to sell

I broke free

I became guilty ridden The free rain ran over me and cleaned my obedience away

I broke them damn chains!

I began to hide during the day

Some of my fears I told to go fuck themselves, went down the drain So now I'm everything that screams courage and fearless

Every word that I write helps me to be tearless But I am still similar all the same

Boom!

Impending doom

Anticipating the "boom!"

I got sent the invitation

To sticky isolation

The deathly scent of flowers

Looking at the world alone at the top of the Eiffel Tower

A lonely gold filled casket

No more money in the basket

That money was wasted

Just imagine how bad that tasted

Every breath,

Is one closer to death

Then I feel insecure

In a crowd of people, doesn't matter what store

Anxiety still in the room

Sitting there waiting for the "boom!"

I try to hug the earth but all I do is hit the floor

It hurts but I go back for more

Sara, I can imagine you popping up out of nowhere

Depressing reality, but I still care

I can feel the wall of basses

The sickening sound of them not in their cases

Still feeling the arriving doom

Just around the loom

Then the crowd of violins start to rain

And the dark basses in my ears, they stain

The basses echo and rumble in my gut

Running from my problems, out of the room I rebely strut

Friendship

The pain has returned

An ice melting burn,

That loses your best friend

That hand they used to lend, They retreated

When they are exactly what you needed

I liked them better before,

They left for a cup of sugar next door And there was someone else

Who was the first person I told about ol' Bergen Bels.

I had to let go

Time went fast, time went slow We got too close

I'm sorry for you, I had my goodbye toast

What is friendship,

Without the jump and the flip? Time stealing

Dime dealing

Time can make a wound

And put you in your tomb

You were in Love with Love

Late night conversations

Me and my hesitations

Let’s not forget those limitations

I'm smarter than before

I was naive when I was rich; I have common sense now that I'm poor

I found my way around the moor

You're all hurt now but I'm not

In love with love you got caught

Did you find that a twist in the plot?

You with your "Oh, okays"

You left me with wasted days

Wishing that if I sat still long enough, I'd just decay

I wanted to go into a state of nonexistence

Instead I ended up becoming more resistant

Happiness in the far distance

It turns out, you were not the sun

In the cold you don't seem to have fun

You didn't bother to learn my puns

I'm disappointed not mad

That lad,

Isn't the reason I'm sad

When you flirt

It hurts

I no longer have to share dessert!

"She doesn't deserve to be ignored"

I cut the cord

So get out of my life with your longboard

A Walk To The Park

Leaves and stones 

Leaves and stones

Leave me alone

Weeds and side walks

Weeds and side walks

I don't want to talk

Sky and trees

Sky and trees

Where are the bees?

Lines and tar

Lines and tar

I'm feeling less than par

Swings and slides

Swings and slides

Up and down like life's tides

Woods and lampposts

Woods and lampposts

I'm starting to turn back into a ghost

Coolness and bare branches

Coolness and bare branches

Trees losing leaves like I'm losing my chances...

The fire is lit

The fire is lit

And I can't help it

Baby Girl

How can I break this umbilical cord,

And continue living?

I can play this game of

Who can stay up the longest

And win

You’re hiccuping to show maturity

I know you're not drunk

What a man you are

Baby girl is in college

Baby girl has a drivers license You don't want baby girl thinking that the car is hers

You don't want baby girl to have control or freedom

Unless it's with your permission or knowledge

I can't pick out classes

Without you sticking your nose all around

And I'm tired of your boogers all over my life

This is the curse of being the baby of the family

The

Girl

I need to leave

But I cannot

If I did I would not survive on my own

I'm exhausted of getting stared at

As if I were an exhibit at a museum

I can either be hung up like artwork

And die on the inside, a long a drawn out death

Or let go of my breath and live differently

Something has to change

Because this isn't working

With your two sides

You use so much energy and anger

Towards trying to find out what baby girl is up to

And you're pissed that you cant just communicate with anyone,

In order for you to have an idea

Of what baby girl is doing

I cannot survive this way

Much longer

I do not enjoy feeling like a prisoner in the house I live in

Hiding in my room

Playing the game

Of who can stay up the latest

I'm drained of organizing my schedule

In accordance with someone else's

I want to cut

This umbilical cord

That keeps me imprisoned like a ball and chain