Baby Girl

I Am Grendel

I am Grendel

I hate the sound of laughter

It just leaves me angry after

I am Grendel

I like to be alone

I'm a monster with a heart of stone

I am Grendel

When I see someone having fun

I get the impulse to run

I am Grendel

I’ve been around

And Beowulf threw me to the ground

I am Grendel

All I need is love

But I only seem to get shoved

I am Grendel

Why can't anyone see?

They don’t get me

I am Grendel

Always misunderstood

No one ever believed in me and told me that I could

I am Grendel

No one understands

Always getting canned

I am Grendel

I don’t mean to be bitter

Too bad people never consider

I am Grendel

I get laughed at for the way I look

I get out of this world by reading books

I am Grendel

Did you pay attention to what you said?

Because of you I am dead

I am Grendel

I can’t keep going

The current is too strong and keeps flowing

I am Grendel

I've bled out

There is so much self doubt

I am Grendel

I don’t know what to do, I am lost

Their insults in my heart are permanently embossed

I am Grendel

I just wish it would stop

I'm never on the top

I am Grendel

I've never been shone

Just leave me alone

Too Much

This is the story of my life

I get too much love

Too much

And I’m just not built to hold it

Perhaps I was built for the low life

But sometimes I get too many punches

Too many

And I’m just not built to hold your knuckle sandwich

I’m starting to think I wasn’t made for loving you

I’m too full of hate and anger

Too full

And I’m just about to take it out on you

Because you have too much love

You’re too clingy

Too clingy

I’m not built for you to suck away my life like the leech you are

The more you latch and attach yourself to me the more you repel me

Too much death

Too much

And it has and is currently surrounding me

Along with the presence of a rock and a hard place

Too much love and too much party punch

Too much,

To ever digest

When will it end?

Or will it never?

It’s been too much

But I’m done caring about the past which has only been one extreme to another like,

One foot in a bucket of ice and another in fire

Too far on opposite sides

Too far

They do not balance out in a nice way

One extreme and the other one

Hopes and dreams too far

Too much,

Too far

Tired

Tired

No thoughts Tired

Empty headed I need a rest

Since I'm a little different form the rest Fucked with fatigue

Exercised by life to exhaustion Not happy

Sad with the sluggishness

Drained by my dreams

Pooped out of perky, proper posture Weary with work

Worn out and weak without winning The bags under my eyes

Are filled with rocks I've got lead legs

And iron eyelids

Blue Jay

She comes up to me just because I was alone

Little did she know I had been texting my friend on my phone

She proceeded to ask me a simple question

While on the inside I died and didn’t let out a groan

I was so anxious I almost pissed

What she said I almost missed

She caught me off guard

As I almost failed to answer in my panic she tsked

Why do I get singled out?

I'm not the kind who will pout

I felt like running to guidance

Is it that clear that I don’t belong here?; I have to stop the self doubt

Please stop asking me if this is where I belong because I’ll fucking leave school if you want

My existence alone seems to cause you so much trouble, when all I'm doing is reading my font

I'm minding my business so you should mind yours

Then again you don’t seem to mind just like my uncle and aunt

I wanted to run

With her I'm am so done

She’s an intrusive judge of society

She reminds me of the days my face would feel as hot as the sun

I wanted to fly

But I was stuck under her painful stare and I sure did die

Her voice seemed to flow in a different language

If only I had the life of a newspaper and a house fly

I dreamed of running, running, flying like a blue jay

A little bird is trying to keep me happy without any delay

I feel horrible about being more of a bee

He deserves more of a girlfriend who is in class A

I'm all anxious and my life sucks

I'm trying to stop giving any fucks

I do love how he said something I have always been thinking about this place

You really don’t fall in love the same way twice; so I don’t know, shucks

It’s entirely my fault

That my life has been at a halt

You're going to have so much fun with my stubbornness and my awkwardness

I love how I can’t tell who’s the ocean and who’s the salt

18

The age of adulthood

And as my birthday makes its arrival

I wish you would I am scared for the future

The one that doesn’t include you

Coming undone is my suture I don’t know how long I can dream

It seems like a waste of time

When I’m oh so close to breaking at the seams 0 to 18

So far it’s been mostly pain, anxiety and depression

I’m so sorry babe, that your face is turning green A simple question, yes or no?

I shall never dare to be rude and just simply ask

Either stay or go I’m not an adult yet

People do say that I’m really mature

But I don’t even have a set I’m scared but full of grit

And yet I sit

Never quit I don’t know why

But sometimes I wish I wasn’t born

And other times I wish to die I don’t know why

I almost forgot my birthday for once

Babe, you shouldn’t fly with that sty in your poor, blue, eye Swollen, bloodshot eyes

That have been accused of not working hard enough, after an all-nighter

Babe don’t believe the lies Happy birthday

To the one with the story of bad gut and disease

Baby please, you made it all this way

Precipitation On The Precipice

Precipitation on the precipice

Perpetually with presumable paranoia

Along with possible poems that have no periods

Because life might very well be never ending

Pause...

Delete the delirium of the demons

Don't deteriorate with your destruction

Do what you want during the debriefing but don't drown in the debris

Try not to go that far

Drat

All they asked for was some alliteration

While they surrounded you with alligators in the ally

But I am writing an album of aluminum with alliances that allay

Not every allegation is right

Allure

Currently concentrating

On the cause of the catastrophe

Two cracks colliding without collecting credit

Learn that, that is simply life

Creating

I'm a nitpicky nitwit

Nincompoop that knits knots

In the neon lights of New York, I nervously take notes on networks of gnats

I will stop with the,

I will not’s because I have too many to keep 

I’m Diseased

I’m diseased of adults

Assuming the worst from me

When it is just me

Then they give me a hard time

For nothing

I’m diseased of being a millennial

And adults assuming

That I’m lazy

And addicted to my phone

When it’s just me who just so happens to be different

I’m tired of feeling

Like I’m worthless

And no one will ever

Truly

Fall in love with just me and I them

I’m diseased

Of teachers

Thinking they are better

Because of a degree

At the moment I’m just 1,000 degrees of rage

I don’t want to go to school

I don’t want this factory process

Of being separated

Embarrassed

And torn apart

I’m diseased of being a product

And not a person

The only thing I’ve learned from school

Is that if you don’t want to be bent around

Then keep your mouth shut

I’m diseased with adults

Smoldering my fire

My passion

My,

Will to live and carry on…

What Sweet Luck

Hair like black lace

A beautiful kind of tangled

I'm happy that I was once her case

Sophisticated

Yet humble

I'm intoxicated

On you

You hate chunky orange juice

I hate being away from you

So for now, you are my muse

You are becoming abstract thought

I find this interesting

My eyes searching but not

Getting caught

I'm high

On you and your missing presence

And yet you feel nearby

I'm reaching

For her extra crazy hope

That she’s superb at teaching

With her bad analogies

Her and her flawed

Perfectness

She was just the right kind of odd,

I'm like a spider with a web and she’s like a bug that’s stuck

She has no idea that she has been caught in my poetry

What sweet luck,

Because I miss you so

I’m The Biggest Idiot

I'm that person who is the example not to follow

The laughable example

I'm the accidental class clown

I'm the person with the homework

That no one copies because I'm full of wrong answers

I'm the one that keeps doctors puzzled without trying

I'm the one who dares to touch the sky

Only to fall all the way back down

I hit the ground

And still live

Why?

I'm the one that can’t tell if that’s good luck or bad

I'm the one who doesn’t study

And then gets confused about the F

I'm the one bus drivers honk at

I'm the one people swear at

I'm the one that is openly clueless

I'm the one with backwards underwear

I'm the one who doesn’t know how to properly sit

In other words, I’m the biggest idiot

A Meeting

There was no point in making me join my meeting

Because my thoughts were fleeting

Because I'm too fucking anxious to share my voice, please spare me from the madness

I couldn't even share a simple greeting You asked if I had any questions, comments, or if I have anything to say

And I do... but I guess anxiety doesn't want me to talk today

No, not even now

In this month of May The nurse isn't my cup of tea

And I feel that I am allowed no privacy,

This makes me very uncomfortable as a teenage girl and,

Details of my butthole are obviously my favorite topic for stranger to know about me The thing is, if I was dying,

If I was crying

I'd prefer to stay and sit in class rather than go anywhere else

I'm not lying She thinks I'm stable

And yet she's a mere stranger in my life and I probably still have proctitis on my table

I have so much on my plate it has overflowed

But I'll find a way to be able Having a bad stomach and anxiety make a perfect match that work

They are a dangerous loop that lurks,

In my background when I say that I'm okay

Yeah, I am a little jerk I'm still anxious and I don't sleep at night

Because my brain is playing back all the mistakes and times that I wasn't right

And how embarrassing it was, and how I will probably never live it down

And tomorrow will just be another blurred day of living in the fog of this mental, intestinal fight