When It Came To Life

Bear With Me

The weight is unbearable

No one you can tell

With your heart on your sleeve your shirt becomes unwearable

  Trapped and stuck

Can't decide if you're saved or caged by the bell

Luck but tough luck

  I want to let you in my shoes

For just a day

But if you took them you might catch on to all of my clues

  I knew you would have to break confidentiality

So?

Yes, that fear is my reality

  I can't tell you what's really up

I guess you think I'm fine so should I go?

A simple question with a hard answer is: supp?

  Too good of an actor I should leave

I just don't know I guess

My feelings, emotions, and problems are all in a creative, tight weave

  I hate to say

My head is a mess

It must stay this way

  There are plenty of things to be fixed

I don't know what to do

Pent up things and problems are all together scrambled and mixed

  And by the way don't make decisions for me

I would feel guilty if you tried on my stinky, sweaty shoe

Could you try and make me agree?

  You almost had me before

I want to talk about it but I can't seem to tell

You'd have to tell someone, I know that's a fact deep down in my core

  The internet friend can invigorate

She makes me think well

But you, I don't hate

This Cannot Be Natural

I want to stay

Cradled in between

Sweetly smooth melodies

Where I let my fingers go wandering freely

Humming the notes

That I did not take during calculus class

The reason was that I was busy dreaming of an impossible life

That’s what happens to me

When I feel stuck in between the bars without a single key

My signature move of not paying attention,

To the epsilon-delta definition of a limit

And honestly, I might have just found my mathematical limit of brain power

The tone of my voice has gotten beaten down

I cannot learn at this fast tempo

For the next bunch of weeks, I'm stuck with the strings attached

I try to simply count it out but it doesn’t add up

I don’t know how to measure

The slope of my own tangents

I put my signature on a piece of paper that says

This summer class requires a ton of deadication or it could easily result in failure

And now I feel

The sharp pain

That makes me fall flat

On my back

I can feel the anxious vibrato

Building up in my hands

Maybe I need a rest

This cannot be natural

Always You and Me

Let’s get away to the van down by the river

It’s not such a horrible place to be

Always you and me

Always you and me

Ignore responsibility

And be free

Always you and me

Always you and me

Babe, make me related to nothing but stardust

I’m done fighting; I’m traveling to a different road

Always let it be you and me

Always you and me

We are failures but now we will live unrestricted

Our reflections clean in finite water droplets we’ll see,

Always you and me

Always you and me

You’re the cancer in my heart that makes me want to sin

Because I know I’ll never win

Always let your heart bleed you and me

Always you and me

You like to get my hopes up so you can crush them,

Like the sand crunching beneath my weary feet

Always crunching you and me

Always you and me

Your motor mouth with one hell of a horn

Secretly and politely pushing me off the twisted boardwalk

Your horn always sounding you and me

Always you and me

I’m good at acting at being myself

That does not mean I am okay, with

Always you and me

Always you and me

I could always tell you were too afraid,

To give me more than just a crumb of you

Always trying to make a meal you and me

Always you and me

So…you left

And I’m right

Away you went from me

Away I went from you

Society

We don’t realize that we are the forest,

Not a tree

A nest of dripping honey

Not a bee

We don’t realize that we are the ocean

Not a drop

We don’t realize that we are the mountain

Not just the mountain top

We don’t realize that we are a band or an orchestra

Not a single instrument standing out alone

We are a skeletal system

Not a bone

We are a class

Not a single student

A mass

Not volume or weight

We are an entire troop

Not a soldier

The whole soup

Not the noodles

We are society

You are bigger than you think

Yes there is a big human variety,

But without you to fill the small hole, the waters would come flooding in and we would all sink

Abstract

Can you take my anger? And pass me the settledness? I think I need a coat hanger for my anger To hang it up

I keep my dreams in the closet And my hopes in a drawer When I grow up I can take them out And wear them higher I keep my fears Under the bed They live with the monsters, Who keep my fears from getting misplaced I keep my misery in the basement Where I hope it’ll get lost But I see it every time I do laundry One time I tried to hang it out to dry I keep stupidity in the attic With the light on Often times I have bright ideas I keep passion on the floor It's too much for me to handle, When I keep depression Strung around my fingers Which keeps me from forgetting That I left jealousy Brewing and boiling on the stove A poignant smell that makes I keep happiness On pieces of yellowed paper Which are stuck up on the fridge with magnets The messy drawings of not caring mock me as I pull pity out to eat for a midnight snack

Fight or Fight

I must fight

Anxiety wants me to flight

I have to go against my natural instincts

I cannot blink I wish I had an understudy for my life

You can't know about my thoughts of stripping bark

My brain as sharp as a pocket knife

You are not where I want you, get back in the dark Writing to win

Losing instead

Not wanting to gamble, so far not taking the free spin

I need to stop with the lead No more of this weak space

All my poetry I should erase

My nightmare of my Achilles's heel getting wounded came true

Is this new? I should have seen it coming

I am back to owning nothing

My body is numbing

No pillow for fluffing Broken trust

You use the excuse of caring

I won't hesitate anymore when I burn bridges to dust

I understand what I'm going to have to be bearing All of the decisions after another decision

I will make with the most precision

My fear,

Is that I won't manage to get off this revolving sphere

Baby Girl

How can I break this umbilical cord,

And continue living?

I can play this game of

Who can stay up the longest

And win

You’re hiccuping to show maturity

I know you're not drunk

What a man you are

Baby girl is in college

Baby girl has a drivers license You don't want baby girl thinking that the car is hers

You don't want baby girl to have control or freedom

Unless it's with your permission or knowledge

I can't pick out classes

Without you sticking your nose all around

And I'm tired of your boogers all over my life

This is the curse of being the baby of the family

The

Girl

I need to leave

But I cannot

If I did I would not survive on my own

I'm exhausted of getting stared at

As if I were an exhibit at a museum

I can either be hung up like artwork

And die on the inside, a long a drawn out death

Or let go of my breath and live differently

Something has to change

Because this isn't working

With your two sides

You use so much energy and anger

Towards trying to find out what baby girl is up to

And you're pissed that you cant just communicate with anyone,

In order for you to have an idea

Of what baby girl is doing

I cannot survive this way

Much longer

I do not enjoy feeling like a prisoner in the house I live in

Hiding in my room

Playing the game

Of who can stay up the latest

I'm drained of organizing my schedule

In accordance with someone else's

I want to cut

This umbilical cord

That keeps me imprisoned like a ball and chain

Dominos

After I goof for one night

Just for delight

All the dominoes started to fall

After I grew them so tall

I can't stop them from falling

Even after all the other times its still appalling

They continue

Like they have sinew

Until I get up and face it

I still don't have a permit

By then it's too late

The dominoes I try to berate

I must start building from the bottom up

Dear depression, just shut up

It seems like I finally got my dominoes straight

I lost my marbles then stepped on one, how great?!

They fall down like words from my brain right to the page

Spreading like bacteriophage

The world seems to be running out of words

We're not moving forwards

They get used up as they fall

Some I can't recall

It's all my fault that one fell

Should I tell?

Everyone thinks that all of them falling was my fault

But there's some left over words in the vault

It was just one goof night

Just for delight

If there was more space they wouldn't have fell

Turns out I didn't tell

What do you expect from a curious 16 year old?

Especially one who doesn't like fitting the mold

Lately I have had steady hands near the domino line

That was divine

Now all I can hear is the dominoes falling with that smooth ticking

The ones left standing you can find me kicking

As the white contrast with the black dots turn grey

What in the world will I say?

It was one goof night,

Full of delight

They are falling so speedily, I am unable to rack up the dots

All I see is flashing spots

I need a partner in crime

They could help me keep my black and white straight in time

The only thing left for me to do is sit back and stair

If the polka dotted towers had more air they might not have flared

I plead that it was just one goof night

That was full of delight

Leaving

When I was three

I met a boy

He was my brother, just from another family

We split at 12 and now I look at him, and he looks at me,

Like we are strangers

When I was a little older

I didn’t know how to play solitaire

Pop pops would tell me what cards were “no good”

And without him not neglecting me as memere did, my world has grown colder

I wonder with no way of knowing what he was truly like in all of his strength

When I became a teenager I like to read I like to learn

My aunt taught me, about cancer

She asked me the questions that I still need

But now I only get asked about school or if I have finally caught a boyfriend

About two months after she left

So did my boyfriend and

He was a fuckboy

He was a theft

But I was so in love

When I got dumped

For another girl, I wrote a poem and sent it to him

Someone said that I pulled a Taylor Swift

I took that as a compliment even with my feelings lumped

Then I just never saw that person again and I still think of her and how she saved me from my nightmares

And you think

That you leaving is hard?

Nah man, I've gotten pretty used to this thang and I'm not mad or sad

I'm not scared to blink

Because in life people come and people go like waves in the sea

You Should Be A Crime

You should be a crime

And I would love to watch you put your hands in the air and get caught

That’s not true, no,

I just want your time

I would like to watch you struggle to open locked doors

You’d fight and fail to maim the doorframe

No,

I just want to be yours

I hope you age like fine wine

Slow and always with such grace

Yes,

I just want you to stay, my silly valentine

I want to be with you while you shine

You’ll always shine; you're the shooting star of my life

Yes,

I just want you to be mine