Cosmere Secret Santa

I did this last Christmas as well, but this one will be different, as I'm once again using a randomizer to choose characters. For the record, I didn't fix the results except to omit anyone who appeared in last year's list and to nix any repeats in this one. Let's see what gifts they choose!

Thanks to @imtheseventh for requesting that I do this again! :)

1. Marsh gives Spook...a book

Spook: Oh, thank you, but I think Kelsier already got me this book? Marsh: Look more closely. Spook: [holds up two books side by side] Spook: See? Kelsier got me Hemalurgy for Dummies and you got me...oh. Hemalurgy Not For Dummies. Marsh: [taps eye spike knowingly]

2. Spook gives Fort...a coupon

Fort: "Fifty percent off women's slippers"? Spook: I heard you like deals--that was the best one I found! Fort: [pats him on the shoulder] Every bargain hunter has to start somewhere...

3. Fort gives Allrianne...a bracelet

Allrianne: Wow! It's actually pretty nice--thank you! Fort: You're so welcome! Fort: After a lot of hard work, I got it basically for free! Allrianne: You...didn't spend any money on it? Fort: Practically none! You're welcome! Allrianne: ... Fort: What?

4. Allrianne gives Raboniel...a pink dressing gown

Allrianne: What I see when I look at you is a woman who needs to relax and feel beautiful. Raboniel: [carefully examining the robe] Raboniel: No safehand sleeve, I see. Raboniel: Are you trying to seduce me? Allriane: EXCUSE me?! Raboniel: Listen, I get that from human woman more than you'd think..

5. Raboniel gives Elegy...a book of Sudoku puzzles

Elegy: ...I don't understand. Raboniel: I can see that you're trying to fight off the insanity that threatens to consume you. Raboniel: I know...something about that. Raboniel: It is helpful to keep the mind focused, occupied. Elegy: ...with number puzzles? Raboniel: Well, it's either that or going into weapon manufacturing, but Navani gave me a dirty look when I tried to buy you a bomb kit.

6. Elegy gives Marasi...a book

Elegy: My people do not have much, but I collected a book of our native stories for you. Elegy: Since your people seem to want to know about us so badly. Marasi: ...I don't know what that last part means, but thank you! Marasi: Aww, it's a book of stores for kids? How cute! Marasi: ... Marasi: Do they ALL end with children being consumed by ghosts? Elegy: Shades. And yes. Marasi: Thanks anyway? Elegy: What do you mean "anyway"?

7. Marasi gives Vin...a nice pen

Marasi: I-I mean, what do you give the woman who has everything?? Marasi: You did EVERYTHING in your life and set the bar so amazingly high with all of your powerful exploits! Marasi: S-Seriously I couldn't even FATHOM what do get the Ascendent Warrior for Christmas! Marasi: A-Anyway, since you have that nice pen anyway, I-I thought maybe you could sign something for me... Vin: ... Vin: What exactly happens in the future?

8. Vin gives Syl...the design for a mistcloak

Vin: You're sort of wind, right? Vin: Back home, the mists loved to play with the tassels on my mistcloak. I thought wind might be similar. Syl: [has already changed her form so that she appears to be wearing a mistcloak] Syl: Why do I feel so unbelievably cool?? Vin: It has that effect.

9. Syl gives Nale...coal

Nale: ...Are you telling me that I should build a nice fire and relax? Syl (arms crossed, glaring at Nale): I'm telling you that trying to KILL children means you get COAL Nale: The child in question gave me a hug when she confronted me. Syl: Yeah, well, I'm an Honorspren, not an Edgedancer.

10. Nale gives Denth...jail

Denth: ... Denth: It is literally Christmas. Nale: The law cares not for holidays.

11. Denth gives Charlie...a cat plushie

Charlie: [eying the cat plushie nervously] Charlie: Y-You're a bit of a bastard, huh? Denth: I don't know what you're talking about.

12. Charlie gives Marsh...a really nice bottle of rum

Marsh: This looks...expensive. Charlie: W-Well, you know. Charlie: When you draw the literal personification of death out of a hat for Secret Santa, you, uh...don't blow it off. Marsh: ... Marsh: I'm actually quite pleased.

If Era 1 Mistborn and Stormlight characters met each other…

If the Era 1 Mistborn gang and the Stormlight characters happened to meet up, what would that be like?

[Includes spoilers through Rhythm of War & Era 1 Mistborn!] 1. Dalinar & Elend

Elend: And THEN the council voted ME out! Man, democracy is just so hard!

Dalinar: Have you considered straight-up tyranny?

Elend: A-actually, yeah. Unfortunately.

Elend: It just…works so well…

Dalinar: I know.

Dalinar: Let’s not dwell on it.

2. Shallan & Vin

Vin: My mom tried to kill me.

Shallan: Same.

Vin: Luckily I had my brother who cared for me. But he also had a cruel streak.

Shallan: Yeah—trust me, I know.

Vin: I trained as a thief & con artist for a while.

Shallan: Oh hey, me too! And that’s fun, but I also like wearing nice clothes and marrying someone socially above my station, you know?

Vin: Yeah, same!

Shallan: But also…I’ve murdered, just, so many people. Including family!

Vin: Killed my boyfriend’s dad.

Vin: And ex-fiancee.

Vin: And brother.

Shallan: Yeah, the murders just keep coming!

Vin: Crazy how that works.

3. Straff & Sadeas

Sadeas: Knifed in a hallway by my nemesis’s son. Right into the brain. Eye popped and everything.

Straff: Literally cut in half by a giant sword wielded by my son’s girlfriend. My horse, too.

Sadeas: Bro.

Straff: Bro.

4. Breeze & Sebarial

Breeze: Well, it certainly is nice to relax with a glass of wine & let the other characters make the jokes, isn’t it?

Sebarial: …why did I just get you wine??

5. Sazed & Sigzil

Sigzil: And as a Worldsinger, I learn about other places and then share that knowledge to bring people together.

Sazed: That’s simply wonderful! I think feruchemy would work so well for you!

Sigzil: It does seem like an amazing power.

Sazed: Also, do you ever want to, just…

Sigzil: …strangle Hoid?

Sazed: Yeah.

Sigzil: Yeah.

Kelsier: Yeah!!!

Sazed: Kelsier, get to your own section!

6. Spook & Lift

Lift: So you…eat metal. And it gives you powers?

Spook: Yeah. I get my power from burning Tin.

Lift: After you eat it?

Spook: After I eat it.

Lift: Sucks to be you! I get my power from PANCAKES.

7. Marsh & Navani

Marsh: …and with these metal spikes piercing my body, I gained a number of powers. Also immortality. Apparently.

Navani: I am so horrified. And so intrigued. You’re going to make SUCH good research!

Marsh: The horror doesn’t, you know, put you off?

Navani: Nah, you should have seen my last research partner.

8. TenSoon & Kaladin

Kaladin: So you are a…puppy?

TenSoon: Well, I have the ability to consume the bones of a canine and then take on this shape.

Kaladin: [nodding]

TenSoon: That doesn’t…disturb you at all?

Kaladin: I don’t know enough about dogs to judge.

9. Zane & Szeth

Zane: And basically, with the voice of God constantly in my ear encouraging me to kill, I did that! Kill, I mean.

Szeth: Obeying an unknown disembodied voice because you thought it might be god? What foolishness.

Zane: Didn’t you obey a rock?

Szeth: That was DIFFERENT.

10. Kelsier & Moash

Kelsier: The thing is—aristocrats just gotta be murdered, you know?

Kelsier: You look into their faces, see the reflection of their endless crimes, and just think, “Yup. Murder time.”

Kelsier: And some people are like, “Kelsier, stop murdering everyone!”

Kelsier: And it’s like—do I tell YOU not to do what YOU’RE good at?

Kelsier: I’m good at three things! Survival. Starting cults. And murder.

Moash: …

Moash: I think I love you.

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sunlitcloud8

3 months ago

*clenches fist* kaladin would want me to keep going

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sunlitcloud8

4 months ago

The Kaladin/Szeth chapters of Wind and Truth are so fucking funny.

We've got Kaladin and Syl going to therapy, picking up hobbies while doing their best impression of a dead spouse montage

And then on the next perspective over we've got Szeth playing the world's most terrifying game of Mega Man

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sunlitcloud8

4 months ago

Looking back at Wind and Truth, I'm really glad I didn't reread any of the previous Stormlight books since Branderson had graciously decided to send half of the characters to the fucking Flashback Realm™️ so that you are essentially forced to reread all of the important scenes anyways...