SINNERPAUSE - Week 5/12

^what he said

Hey. Hi. Hello. Today I learned about the existence of 15th century Welsh poet Gwerful Mechain and that she apparently has a surviving work of erotic poems.

Please. For Christmas. For Yule. Please tell me more because I can't read Welsh.

Heh heh. Oh, Gwerful Mechain is the absolute best.

(Quick housekeeping to keep the post manageable - I previously wrote about things like cynghanedd and cywydds and englyns and such here, so check that if you need an explanation.)

What's fun is that we don't know a ton about her, because not a lot got written down about people in her time. Her surviving work covers a 40ish year span at the end of the 1400s to just into the 1500s, but we don't know when she was born or died or anything like that. We know her parents' names? And that she was from Mechain, hence the bardic name. And that she married a guy and had a daughter, something which actually does mark out her body of work as different from her contemporaries; being a wife and mother, she couldn't do the usual bardic role of travelling the country to spread news and play at courts. This means she doesn't have any of the praise poetry that a lot of male bards produced about the lords that hosted them.

But, there's stuff we can piece together about her. For one thing, she was not just literate (not a universal skill for anyone at that point, but especially for women), but she was astonishingly well-read and had what appears to be a classical education, given her poetic references and traditional Welsh meters. For another, her work often had recurring themes of religion, sex, and women's rights, sometimes all at the same time.

At the point Gwerful was active, Welsh bardic culture heavily featured ymrysonau. An ymryson is like... well, I hesitate to say "sort of like a rap battle" after the way everyone and their dog now thinks that's what the Mari Lwyd does, but they were like a cross between a rap battle and the publication war between two rival academics. A bard would write an englyn and publish it in the local parish newsletter. Another bard would see this, and write their own englyn about how stupid the first bard's englyn was, and publish it in the same newsletter. The first bard would see this and retaliate. The second bard would retaliate to that. And on and on it would go, like a printed tennis match for all the parishioners to enjoy, until someone wrote a conclusive verse OR until someone went "Lol, you got me good there" and bowed out with dignity. Sometimes, these things were fucking vicious; but other times, they were just banter between two bards who knew each other and were enjoying the chance to keep their poetic skills in tip top condition.

Now, Gwerful was an active and enthusiastic participant in ymrysonau. We have many examples of her work from these. There are two of particular note that I'll list here, each against a different bard:

Dafydd Llwyd o Fathafarn. Mathafarn and Mechain are not so distant from one another, so no real surprise that these two locked horns a lot, but the impression I always got from their ymrysonau is that they were good mates, actually. These fell into the 'banter' category more often than not. Dafydd was a Welsh Nationalist who was hoping for a Welshman to rise up and throw off the yoke of English oppression, and most of his work is about that, but he turned up the filthy erotic shit for any ymryson with Gwerful because BOY HOWDY was that her specialty. IIRC she did occasionally poke fun at his Welsh Nash leanings, especially his obsession with Mab Darogan (OLD Welsh idea that translates to the Son of Prophesy - the Arthur-style figure that will one day drive out the English overlords), but mostly their ymrysonau were incredibly beautifully-written odes that could be summed up as "Dafydd, my man, my good friend, I mean this sincerely: suck my entire clit".

She often won.

Ieuan Dyfi. God, what a fucking asshole. This one was not banter. Gwerful played for blood with this prick.

We actually would know nothing about Ieuan Dyfi if not for Gwerful Mechain, because it was her poetic response to him that meant his only surviving poems made it to the modern day; that, and the record of him being brought before a church court where he admitted adultery with Anni Goch, a married woman. Oh, and the record of him being brought before the law courts at Liverpool, accused of domestic abuse and gambling? If I remember right?

Two things to know that set the scene for what came next:

One of Gwerful Mechain's surviving poems is an englyn considered to be possibly the oldest extant poem about domestic violence written by a woman: I’w gŵr am ei churo (To the husband who beats her)

Dager drwy goler dy galon - ar osgo I asgwrn dy ddwyfron; Dy lin a dyr, dy law’n don, A’th gleddau i’th goluddion.

There are a lot of translations for this one to try to keep its poeticness, but this one is pretty good:

Through your heart’s lining let there be pressed, slanting down, A dagger to the bone in your chest. Your knee smashed, your hand crushed, may the rest Be gutted by the sword you possessed.

She has others, too, that deal with sexual assault, and something scholars often note about Gwerful is her remarkable knowledge of the law as it pertained to women's issues. So she was not, you see, a woman with a high view of a man accused of domestic violence anyway.

But then Ieuan Dyfi wrote five poems about Anni Goch, the married woman he'd fucked, each more "Wow dude, she said no" than the last, culminating in I Anni Goch; a full cywydd of misogynistic Medieval-incel bullshit about how false and evil women are, which listed all the false and evil women of history including classical and mythological figures.

And. Well. Gwerful had some views.

Her responding cywydd - I ateb Ieuan Dyfi am gywydd Anni Goch - basically blasted the guy back into his own impact crater and disintegrated him. What she did with it, essentially, was to mirror his cywydd. Where he'd gone "Isn't it so true how great men throughout history have always been brought low by women, amirite lads? Here's examples", Gwerful went "Isn't it so true how 'great men' throughout history have behaved appallingly and fucked up through their own actions and then somehow managed to blame women, amirite lads? Here's examples." Where his examples had been historical figures, so were hers. Where his had been classical, so were hers. Where he went Biblical, so did she.

And what's so interesting about that last one is how pointed she was with it - for some reason, in his big list of evil women, Ieuan Dyfi did not go for the most obvious and low-hanging of fruit (no pun intended) - he doesn't cite Eve. In response, Gwerful also sidesteps the most obvious and low hanging of fruit - she doesn't cite Mary. In so doing, she makes it clear that she doesn't even need to.

There is no record of him responding to her. IIRC, there is a record of him doing three years in prison.

But! Outside of all of that, the big thing Gwerful was known for was her erotic poetry. You'll be unsurprised to hear that it wasn't written for shits and giggles - much like today, women of the time were told that most of their value was in their looks, and they had plentiful insecurities about their bodies. Gwerful wrote her erotic stuff to confront those insecurities and shine a light on the issue. There are so many examples of this, but far and away the most famous is definitely Cywydd y Cedor - roughly translated, 'Ode to the Vulva'. Though I have also seen it titled Cywydd y Gont - Ode to the Cunt. It's such a shame that the English language is literally, physically not capable of cynghanedd, because it means unless you learn Welsh you will never understand the beauty and the lyricism of the piece, and how it elevates and undercuts the content at the same time; but it's a joyful, masterful, irreverent work that uses the fancy language male poets were forever dedicating to the rest of a woman's body and applies it squarely to the vulva. In fact it basically opens with "Men are cowards, describe more cunts or gtfo" before launching into its main subject matter. The last line is pro-pubic hair, too, like I really must stress how much Gwerful Mechain would have to offer Tumblr if you could speak Welsh. This is probably her most widely translated piece, though, you can definitely find English versions. Although you can tell how blushing and reticent the translator is - and therefore how sanitised their translation is - by whether they've called it Ode to the Vulva/Cunt, or Ode to the Pubic Hair.

Needless to say, the original is not sanitised.

(Actually, I should also say - this one is also a response piece, probably, but in this case to a bard who lived a century earlier - Dafydd ap Gwilym, the absolutely legendary and uncontested king of Welsh romance poetry. He wrote a poem called Cywydd y Gal - Ode to the Penis. I have only just put two and two together on that.)

As a final note, I should say that my personal favourite Gwerful Mechain poem on this subject, mind, is actually I'w morwyn wrth gachu - to the maiden who is shitting. It's an englyn written in Gwerful's customary high poetic form, but it is what it says - it describes a woman taking a shit, and farting as she does. Beautiful and magical and disgusting and banal, all in one go:

Crwciodd lle dihangodd ei dŵr - ’n grychiast O grochan ei llawdwr; Ei deudwll oedd yn dadwr’, Baw a ddaeth, a bwa o ddŵr

Funnily enough, it's hard to find a good translation for this one lol.

My attempt:

She crouched where her water escaped - creased From the cauldron of her heat; Her two holes were arguing, Shit came, and a bow of water

Eh. It's so bland in English. Honestly, if you could read Welsh...

Anyway, if anyone reading this can read Welsh and wants to read some of Gwerful Mechain's stuff - including some of the pieces she was responding to in the ymrysonau - you can find a load here. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed!

Explanations and evidence below the cut:

Niki both confirming and denying that they shared a one-bedroom flat - in his interview with Graham Bensinger in 2017, Bensinger asked Niki what he remembered from sharing a London flat with James. Niki didn't correct him. The flat share was also mentioned in Gerald Donaldson's biography of James, in a section where he had interviewed Niki following James's death. However, in older interviews Niki had said that they didn't formally share a flat, he just stayed in James's place a few times when he had nowhere else to go.

Their sensitive arses - there is a moment in RUSH where Niki diagnoses all the problems in Marlene's car by, as TV Tropes put it, performing a Sherlock Scan with his butt. IRL, Niki always claimed he had a sensitive ass that helped him win races (he was quoted in Grand Prix International magazine on his comeback, saying he was relieved his ass was still sensitive). And he was asked if James had the same sensitive ass, and said yes.

Requesting adjoining hotel rooms in Watkins Glen - after a lot of team infighting, James and Niki had a clear-the-air dinner together in Watkins Glen in 1976 (second last race of the season) and then requested adjoining hotel rooms. Confirmed by Maurice Hamilton, Niki's biographer and long-time friend. (Also in Tom Rubython's book, proving that even a stopped clock is right twice a day).

James's gf saying she didn't like to think what kind of friends they were in 76 - James's then-GF said in a film called One that a) Niki's crash gave him charisma, and b) that towards the end of the 1976 season, they became very good buddies, and that she didn't like to think of the kind of buddies they became. "Playboys together." See 1 hour and 22 minutes into this video.

Niki spontaneously denying in an interview that they had sex in the shared flat - In the same Bensinger interview in 2017, Niki described his memories of sharing a flat with James as "lots of...how you say it politely, intercourse...not with me, I have to say.

No one asked, bab.

Niki greeting Freddie Hunt saying "I loved your father" - this one can make me cry pretty reliably like six days out of 28. Freddie Hunt said it in the same film, One (about 1 hour 29 minutes in).

The "My Dear" Interview - @aston-axo did an amazing job cleaning up the footage of this and it's gorgeous. Playful 70s boys, and Niki's curls are especially lovely in the cleaned-up version.

James mentioning Niki as often as possible in his Autosport columns - the man was relentless. My favourite:

James being allowed to fly Niki's plane once - I'll let James tell this one in his own words.

James saying he wishes they could have shared the title - James said this at least twice that I'm aware of - one before the final race at Fuji, and once after. Especially after the race, James was so respectful and just gave no space for anyone to question Niki's courage.

Nico Hülkenberg as the wolf

Zhou guanyu as a panda

also red pandas go really well with him too

George Russell as the yellow/red tail hawk

okay right let’s get something straight about kevin magnussen in the context of sports nepo babies: kevin does not fit the traditional understanding of it at all. the best you can say is that he is the son of another motor racer - but he has very much /not/ had the advantages that other drivers including: lance stroll, mick schumacher, carlos sainz jr and max verstappen have had. here’s why:

- jan magnussen fathered kevin when he was nineteen. kevin was raised by a single mother and self-admittedly did not have a conventional relationship with his father and describes it as “more of a friendship”.

- jan magnussen didn’t have any money to support kevin’s career. in fact in 2008, kevin had to give up racing and take work as a welder. that’s basically the closest thing the grid has to being working class.

so yeah, kevin’s surname opened some doors for him at mclaren, but that is literally it. in fact jan magnussen’s success (like his le mans win) actually came after kevin’s career in f1 had begun. kevin does not have any family wealth backing him, didn’t have anyone giving him helping him to secure seats or sponsors, and his dad’s name carried very limited weight until after he’d already been dropped by mclaren. he was not groomed from birth to be a racer like some and has never had a safety net.

this really puts into context why he’s such a scrappy little bastard as a racer and why he loves his scrappy little bastard team so much. they may have passed over him in favour of money in the form of nikita mazepin but they were very upset about having to do so to stay afloat and got him back as soon as the opportunity was there. that’s loyalty!

popping in to spread a little love<3 you are loved. you are wanted. you belong here.

Wait who is Ann Neal?

tw for grooming!!

ok anon i fully typed this up in the notes app. please keep in mind this is an opinion based off years of watching f1 and we don't know either of them personally but also it's fucking weird

Ann Neal is Mark Webber’s wife/manager/questionable person. Almost everything I’m going to talk about next is from Mark’s book Aussie Grit which everyone should read

She is 17 years older than Mark (as per the public info on their company’s registration), which maybe wouldn’t be a problem if they started dating at their current ages but they first met and got together when Mark was 17. She was also his manager during the early part of his career. more below the cut now!!

In his book Mark talks about how their relationship went from professional to personal during the FIRST trip to Europe. Please keep in mind this was his FIRST attempt to grow his career, his first time away from home, and he knew nobody but her, his manager, who is like 17 years older than him and should know better. 

Like this woman was in a position of power, had his career in his hands, and was on a separate continent where literally the only person he knows is her. 

Mark said in his book that even his mum wasn’t happy about it, and also that Ann’s kid views Mark as a big brother…like ok

In Aussie Grit Mark literally wrote Ann’s first impression of him. Please keep in mind he was SEVENTEEN (17) and she was 34. 

“I liked how bold and cheeky he was, and how mature he seemed. When I asked someone how old he was, I was shocked when they said 17 - he was confident beyond his years.”

LIKE?? The fact she went from thinking and saying this about a 17 year old to becoming his manager and then very quickly starting to hook up with him to having a relationship is CRAZY. She also apparently remembers what he was wearing that day - like girl why were you looking so hard?!?!

They moved to England then and didn’t know anyone else and became codependent and Mark has said she was the only one, other than himself, who believed that his F1 dream could happen. It’s very cute in that it obviously ended up happening, but please keep in mind that this is still his manager and a woman almost two decades older than him.

Mark said his parents’ weren’t happy with the relationship, and at one point he went back to Australia for a break (from racing and a temporary break up with Ann because it got too serious too fast) and got a new management company and started dating someone else. Ann wasn’t happy, and Mark said she “wasn’t prepared to hang around and watch young love undermine all we’d worked so hard for”

Like. This is now not just his former manager, but also his EX GIRLFRIEND. He’s got a new girlfriend now and a new management and Mark then decided his personal life was now affecting his driving, so he broke up with the two newbies and went back to Ann because Ann wasn’t happy.

So six months after the break up and Mark groveling, saying “I want to come home,” Mark left Australia and moved back in with Ann and her son in England. Like at this point he was what? 20? And he’s basically settled down for life with a much older woman and her kid (sound familiar). 

Obviously I do not know Ann or Mark but the way this reads to me and probably anyone who’s read the book is that she was looking out for herself and herself only. She had an opportunity and she took it while manipulating an 18/19 year old man who did not know any better and whose career she held in her hands!!! LIKE. 

Anyway here are some pics of her looking old as fuck . Credit to motorsport images for keeping pics up for 50 million years so we can always find the good shit

ann with mark in october 1996. mark was 20, she’s 37

ann with mark's dad in 2004

ann with mark and the fam in 2006 - mark's 30th birthday. ann is 47

july 2009 - mark was 33, ann was 50

nov 2010 - mark was 34

in 2018 - mark was 36/37 (i forgot what month this was taken)

thank u to @brakingpoint and @multi-twentyone for their assistance in this research project

Laguna Seca 2008: Valentino Rossi might have entered the eleventh round of the season with the lead in the championship, but he did not have momentum on his side. After a tricky start to the season, he had claimed three consecutive victories... before the tide began to turn against him. The man who had beaten him so easily to the championship the year before, Casey Stoner, had fought Rossi for second place at Catalunya, only narrowly missing out after a race-long battle. It was the start to a worrying trend: Stoner was in the process of bringing his rocky title defence back on track. His Ducati team managed to take the decisive step at the post-race test at that circuit; from then on, Stoner once again seemed as invincible as he had the year before, taking dominant victories in Donington, Assen and Sachsenring. Worse still, Rossi's crash at Assen had made him briefly relinquish the championship lead to Dani Pedrosa and had slashed his points buffer to Stoner. While Pedrosa's crash at the Sachsenring had ensured Rossi retook the championship lead, Rossi was once again frustrated with his struggles in qualifying. Against the fast-starting and clinical Stoner, he could not afford to keep fighting his way through from a long way back. Otherwise, Stoner would keep escaping out front and Rossi's points lead would keep dwindling and dwindling... Something had to change.

Stoner had dominated the round at Laguna Seca the year before, winning by almost ten seconds. It was the only circuit on the calendar save for Misano (only introduced in 2007) at which Rossi had raced and not yet secured a victory. The previous year he had come a distant fourth, the best of the Michelin tyre finishers at a track where the difference between the two tyre manufacturers was particularly egregious that season. His best result had been a third place secured in 2005 - which he intended to improve on that year, this time equipped with Bridgestone tyres to match Stoner's. From Friday morning, however, it looked like Rossi's task that weekend would be one of damage limitation. Just like in the previous three rounds, Stoner set about his business by dominating every practise session. Meanwhile, Pedrosa - still in severe pain caused by injuries sustained at the Sachsenring - faced the prospect of another dire weekend for the Michelin tyres. He eventually made the choice to withdraw from the race, effectively turning the title fight into a two horse race. Come qualifying, Stoner comfortably secured pole, with Rossi managing to at least take second place... but going by the evidence of that weekend, there was no real doubt as to who the winner would be. In press, Rossi joked he would need a thirty second head start to beat Stoner.

The race was supposed to be a fight for second place. It turned out to be something nobody was expecting. Stoner rocketed off the line as per usual, while Rossi got a decent start - briefly ceding ground to Nicky Hayden but managing to hold second into Turn 2. Stoner was already pulling out a few tenths over the field during that very first lap, which felt like a precursor to the inevitable. Rossi clawed back the gap, however, and overtook Stoner for the first time into Turn 8. From there, it was game on. To everyone's surprise, Rossi had managed to find just about enough pace overnight to keep himself competitive against Stoner's vicious pace... not enough to be faster than Stoner, but enough to frustrate him from in front. The battle between the two was at its most frenzied on Lap 4 - with a series of passes that culminates in Rossi's infamous corkscrew overtake in which he briefly goes off the track and only just about keeps the bike upright, bumping into Stoner in the process. Stoner threw himself at Rossi again and again as Rossi took ever more creative lines to keep Stoner behind, to make Stoner's life as miserable as possible. It was an escalation of hostilities from Rossi, who had decided to drag Stoner into a vicious scrap and intimidate him through any means possible. Stoner responded in kind, furiously desperate to beat Rossi - and willing to take some substantial risks to do so, see his overtakes around the outside at the notoriously terrifying blind Turn 1.

Eventually, however, Rossi caught Stoner out, forcing Stoner's error as Stoner ran wide off the track. Caught out by shallow gravel giving way to deeper gravel, Stoner went down in a crash slow enough to be more of a tip-off, effectively ending the fight for the win. Stoner managed to pick up the bike and - as a result of the ferocious pace the pair had been running - managed to finish in a comfortable second place. Still, the damage had been done. Stoner was visibly furious at how Rossi had conducted himself, first refusing Rossi's handshake in parc fermé and then telling Rossi he had lost respect for him on the podium. He would later walk back those words, extending an apology that Rossi accepted, but it still marked a turning point in that rivalry. Worst of all, Rossi had seen his tactics worked - and his rhetoric after the race was dedicated to letting Stoner know to expect more of the same going forwards. It was as clear a message as Rossi could possibly have sent to inform Stoner of just how much he was willing to do in order to win.