Every Time I Read Your Url I Chuckle. I Absolutely Love It.

look this has no right being so accurate but i— the cucumber thing, i just had to expand on that

it comes to light in an interview with two other teammates

it’s supposed to be one of those chill “get to know about this celebrity” ones, so it’s more personal and less exy-oriented

so these athletes are reading tweets with questions that fans wanted to ask them

and one of them is “andrew, what are your three biggest fears?”

andrew: i fear nothing. you should fear me

his teammate: ok drama queen just answer the damn question

andrew pauses for a moment (for the dramatics of course)

“heights. bugs. cucumbers.”

“cucumbers??”

anyways, andrew doesn’t explain this answer any further and when the video drops, everyone is very confused

fans are tweeting and asking for answers

every comment section on instagram is full of questions

post-game interviews are buzzing with inquires about this very strange fear

and then one day, the internet finally solves the mystery

the video circulates around social media for days, with everyone cooing over it

there's a little kid, maybe 5 or 6 years old, with a Minyard jersey on who meets andrew in the streets and asks for a picture

(andrew, being an absolute kid-lover, complies)

so the kid puts her arms out demanding to be picked up, and while she's in andrew's arms, politely asks "mr. minyard, why are you afraid of cucumbers?"

andrew, very seriously, replies "too many shades of green. they're dark. medium. light. it's very disturbing"

the video ends with andrew ruffling the kid's hair and her running off camera

after the initial cuteness, people realize how absolutely hilarious it is that scary, buff andrew minyard is scared of cucumbers because of how colorful they are

and so it starts

at meet and greets, fans present him with cucumbers

people tweet cucumber pictures and facts to him

edits are made with andrew and cucumbers

his pr box is full of custom shirts with cucumbers on them to "brighten up his wardrobe"

numerous compilations are made about andrew's reactions to these cucumber gifts

one person even writes a multi-chapter andrew x cucumber enemies to lovers slow-burn

(one of the foxes (aka nicky) prints this whole thing out and gifts it to him for his birthday)

finally, finally, a 32 second video entitled "andrew minyard EATS A CUCUMBER ." gets uploaded on youtube on the account "jorts"

it's super grainy, vertical, and the camera is constantly shaking as the person filming laughs

but it appears to show andrew at his kitchen dunking a cucumber into a flute of champagne at 3 am

the video gets millions of views

nobody knows who's behind the account, but every few months it posts an absolutely feral video of andrew that just crashes the internet

(spoiler alert: it's all thanks to neil)

Andrew is like a cat

You can’t back him into a corner

You can’t touch without permission

Must feed him to earn his love/respect

Will fight you at any moment without warning

Stabby bits sticking out from his hands

Will get scared if you surprise him with a cucumber

Can nap anywhere at anytime

Will judge literally everything you do, but say nothing

Small

Would jump out a window to escape a situation

Thinks you’re stupid

Would probably give you a dead animal… for various reasons

Prefers cats over people

andreil and goodbye kisses (pt. 6) ft. aaron

parts 1, 2, 3, 4, aaaand 5 you wonderful human beings || part 7, 8

so aaron isn't the biggest fan of neil's relationship with his brother

he has made that very clear. to everyone

is he glad that andrew is a bit less murderous now? yes, of course

is he upset that andrew's dating the guy who brought a mob war upon the foxes? just a smidge

despite all his... reservations, aaron can tell that whatever andrew and neil have, it isn't just "hate sex"

(granted, aaron doesn't want to spend much time considering his brother's sex life in the first place, but that's beside the point)

but no matter how annoying josten may be, he does want to have a decent relationship with his brother by the end of college

and unfortunately, that includes moderately tolerating his brother's loudmouth boyfriend

the very boyfriend who forced andrew and aaron to have joint therapy sessions

and look, aaron isn't as stubborn as he acts, he can acknowledge that the therapy sessions are helping

he would just... never admit it to josten's face. the man has enough of an ego as it is

anyways, dobson had told him weeks ago that in order to start understanding the whole of his brother, he had to be willing to accept all the different parts of andrew

and that entails spending time with the people andrew is close with

aaron likes renee enough. she's a bit too happy for his taste, but she's not too bad

aaron wants to kick kevin in the balls whenever he lays his eyes on him, which he is forced to do far too often in his humble opinion

and then there's neil, who aaron should probably start making amends with

dobson (unfortunately) agrees with that idea

so aaron starts spending more time with neil —walking to classes, studying, teaching neil how to play video games (for someone with such solid reflexes on court, neil is shockingly bad at figuring out game controllers)

(he's also 90% sure andrew told josten why aaron was hanging out with him all of a sudden, considering the slightly limited snark neil speaks to him with now)

and much to his chagrin, aaron actually kinda... enjoys hanging out with neil

he's sarcastic. annoying. moderately threatening. neil would be the ideal bro if he wasn't literally dating aaron's brother

(oh, and the mob war thing. can't forget about the mob war thing)

but maybe aaron is being the slightest bit presumptuous

because that week, dobson has to push back their appointment to thursday evening instead of wednesday afternoon

neil offers to drive aaron and andrew over to Reddin, saying that he was going over to the nearby cafe to work on some project anyways

so neil and andrew have their weird eye-contact conversation thing at every stoplight. aaron sticks to just texting katelyn.

he's so engrossed in his phone he barely realizes when they've stopped, and then wonders why andrew hadn't told him to get out yet

he glances up, ready to scramble out of the car, when he witnesses the single craziest moment of his life

neil and andrew, oblivious to aaron, are staring at each other. very intensely. it's a bit disconcerting how long they can keep their eyes open for

(maybe aaron should go into optometry, for his brother's sake)

anyway.

so aaron slowly holds onto the door handle, about to leave the car, when neil goddamn josten kisses his brother. ON THE NOSE

and his brother is blushing. BLUSHING

aaron's mind comes to a halt. what. is. happening.

he practically leaps out of the car, trying to pull his jaw back up from where it dropped as andrew emerges from the car and walks towards dobson's office, ears pink

(oh god. does aaron look like that when katelyn is around? that's embarrassing as hell)

shit. aaron had betted against andrew and neil on the kiss bet. nicky must have known something he didn't, considering how excited he looked that day...

bastard, he texts nicky with no explanation, hoping it leaves his cousin floundering in confusion

and fine. maybe josten isn't that bad for his brother

but he's also the reason why aaron is going to be in crippling debt soon

but. if he and neil become closer, surely he'd have the insider information on his brother's relationship

hmm. if he plays his cards right, this new, tolerable almost-friendship with josten might actually help him to win some money in the future...

OK UPDATE (for the mental state of me and @soulsupply): apparently there are 38! states in the US with no safeways, and south carolina has exactly 1. ONE SAFEWAY. which is permanently closed with a 1 star review and disowned by safeway. so. we are going to pretend that it doesn't exist for the sake of this hc

an incomplete list of northern-californian andrew minyard shenanigans

he gets pissed if anyone asks him if he can surf

the beaches are cold and rocky and gross, no one wants to learn surfing up here

he's totally used to weird weather (a 90° day can have a 50° night) but he absolutely cannot stand extreme temperatures

anything above 100° is reason to riot, and anything below a 40-50° is a good excuse to stay under blankets the whole day

hot days are more common in the bay area than hail, and there's never any snow, so moving to south carolina was a slap in the face

"nicky, do i need more warm clothes or more summer clothes?"

"both, andrew. both."

"why do you not have normal weather systems? just pick one"

andrew literally always carries a jacket with him out of habit

in the south, weather can fluctuate every few days, whereas in california, the weather literally changes every hour and there's almost always a breeze in the bay area

it takes him a long time to realize that hot days in the south just... stay hot. no need for a jacket.

(he still usually has one on hand though. never hurts to be prepared)

san francisco is so. goddamn. boring.

he might not have been there very often as a foster kid, but living like 20 minutes away from it in oakland makes the city really lose its novelty

(also the sfo and oakland rivalry can get very passionate at times. he was just always destined to dislike san francisco)

unironically uses the word "hella." he didn't realize it was a californian thing until it accidentally slipped out in front of the foxes and he got some very confused (and gleeful) stares

andrew calls the two main parts of california "norcal" and "socal" (for northern california and southern california). he cannot for the life of him understand why everyone else is so confused

he has a sort of inherent dislike for socal. he may have literally never been there but... the vibes. he just can't stand them

(andrew refers to socal as "fake california" in his head, as many norcal people do)

honestly, he's a pretty environmental person (aside from the smoking). you really can't live in the bay area without being overly conscious about recycling and sustainability

(he'll constantly bully kevin into separating trash, recyclables, and compostables. kevin never had to do that in the nest but andrew? he's very particular about this.

"kevin. how can you say you're healthy when you're making the planet unhealthy?"

"it's really not that big of a deal—" "it is. shut up and recycle.")

andrew absolutely detests the "sunny, warm, beach" stereotype of california, seeing how inaccurate it is for most of the state

neil likes to joke that jeremy and andrew represent the two extremes of california — sunny and bright vs cold and cloudy

andrew does not find this funny

(okay, maybe a little)

the biggest shock he ever faced was that safeway (a grocery store) wasn't a nationwide chain

apparently it's just a california thing

"aaron, if tilda's not going to buy groceries, we will just go to safeway ourselves"

"andrew. there are no safeways here."

"... what"

"i was shocked too"

(it ends up being the first thing the twins bond over when they officially meet)

andreil and goodbye kisses (pt. 4) ft. renee

part 1, part 2, part 3 ~ this is your daily reminder to go drink some water ~ part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8

renee tends to be perceptive about any changes with any of her foxes

but she's especially known for having the insider information on andrew (and by extent, his relationship with neil)

she doesn't do anything too special though. she just treats andrew with kindness and recognizes that they are both hurt people trying to heal, even if that healing looks different on both of them

but one of the best methods they can agree on is sparring

renee knows she's strategically a better fighter than andrew, considering her training and specific past

andrew is more... emotions-based — he acts with his heart rather than his head (although she's sure everyone would laugh in disbelief if she told them that)

andrew's aggression and ferocity is largely dependent on his current state of mind, which makes him a rather formidable opponent

he has a lot of pent-up anger. renee knows this. so imagine her surprise when after getting off his drugs, andrew starts throwing slightly weaker punches, moving just a hair slower than usual

(she thought it was the apathy. of course, it later came out that this was the work of one neil josten and his many kisses)

renee is certainly getting used to this newer, calmer andrew

and she's immensely happy that her friend is becoming more comfortable in his skin

but it still takes her by surprise to see how much he lets his guard down around neil, how much softer he is

andrew's certainly no romantic chick-flick lead, but renee sees how his eyes constantly flick over to neil, how andrew seems to lean into him, how it's not "andrew" and "neil" but rather "andrew and neil"

(or as nicky calls them, "andreil." renee would never tell andrew, but she thinks the ship name is extremely cute)

no matter what, though, renee can count on andrew not stopping their sparring sessions

it's less of an outlet for him now, but she likes to think that he enjoys her company, even if he would never admit it

so. it's a Wednesday evening, when andrew and renee usually spar

she's at the door of the gym, texting allison on her phone as she waits for andrew

(no allison, i don't think the twins would appreciate Prada sunglasses for their birthdays. and do you really want to spend hundreds of dollars on a gag gift?)

a few minutes later, the maserati pulls up, with neil in the driver's seat

andrew gets out of the car, walking around the hood to reach renee

but as he passes the driver's seat, renee sees the door open and neil gets out, grabbing andrew's fingers lightly as he pulls him around so andrew's back is touching the car

renee knows she should look away. really, she does

but what kind of a fox would she be if she didn't have something to tease her friend about?

(and besides, she justifies, it happened so quick she didn't even get a chance to look away)

neil and andrew have their eyes on each other and neil gently brings up his hands to caress andrew's check

he leans down and kisses him on the nose, and renee doesn't miss the way andrew's shoulders relax

nor does she miss the faint blush on andrew's cheek that he seems to be desperately keeping at bay

a few moments later, neil gets in the car and drives off as andrew walks to renee, a fake nonchalance in his step

she just smiles at him

andrew scowls

later that evening, nicky unexpectedly opens a new bet, stating that he thinks andreil are "totally the type to give each other cute kisses"

surprisingly, matt and kevin join in on that bet

after a moment of consideration, renee quietly adds that she's betting on nicky's side

there's a moment of surprised silence, before allison scoffs

"when have you turned into such an optimist? i won't ever believe that those two are anything but two tiny assholes"

renee wants to believe there's some affection lacing her words

"okay," nicky claps. "if they do a cute kiss in front of 3 or more of us in the next 2 months, we win the bet"

allison narrows her eyes. "deal"

they shake on it. renee can't wait to win some money

for the requests: 24 but like,, the opposite?? do whatever you want but also have this embarrassing story of mine for free because i have LIVED this and it is HORRIBLE!! I don’t know what was going through my mind but it was my friends bday and she went to give me a fist bump but instead of returning it I just grabbed her fist with my hand (scissors beats rock style) and we both stood there in silence for a moment staring at our hands until I turned it into a sort of handshake when I just started to shake where I had her fist gripped in my own hand up and down for a solid 10 seconds

24. "confusing a handshake for a fist bump" - but the opposite lmao

minyard-josten rivalry, y'all know where it's at

so these two dumbasses keep their relationship a secret from everyone, including their managers and PR team

anyways, i imagine that there's some sort of pre-game interview happening, to create some hype for the shitshow that's going to be a minyard v josten game

the problem is... no one knows how to predict their moves

andrew's PR team tells him to be professional — maybe shake neil's hand instead of ignoring it like how he always does

neil's PR team tells him to do something more casual, to reduce the animosity he's such a natural at creating

you can probably see where this is going...

so. andrew, neil, and few people from each of their teams come out in front of the cameras

the teammates + managers on the sides are just staring very intently at andrew and neil

neil sighs and shoves out his hand for a first bump with his boyfriend of very many years

andrew however. look, he hasn't seen neil in weeks and he the cats miss him and give andrew lots of sad meows and really seeing neil is a relief so his children not his children, his CATS, can stop being so upset

basically, he has a bit of a gay panic while looking at neil — the shape of his face, his eyes, his hair (good lord, that needed to be cut three years ago)

and so when neil puts out his hand in greeting, andrew really can't be blamed for being distracted!

he slams his fingers into neil's fist.

they stare at each other for a few moments as the only sound is cameras flashing. slowly, andrew curls his fingers just as neil straightens out his fist bump.

neil's hand now gets stuck in andrew's fist.

andrew blinks at their joined hands, promptly lets go of neil's fingers, and turns around to walk away. his teammates try to grab onto him to bring him back but like honestly most of them are laughing too hard to do anything

so the game continues as usual (with a little bit of teasing towards neil and andrew by their teammates)

and at the end of the game during the handshakes, one of the announcers says "minyard! josten! maybe figure out if it's handshake or fist bump beforehand this time!"

andrew internally flips off the cameras

(it's only not external because he knows aaron's kids are watching the game tonight and he is determined to be the more mature uncle out of him and neil)

so instead of making a fool of himself again, andrew decides to just nod at neil and walk away

no sooner than a second later though, he feels a bonk on his head. neil just bonked him. on the head. in front of millions of people.

he has to salvage his reputation so he puts his hands up in a threatening gesture and says something menacingly, but no one in the audience can hear what he says

all they see is andrew looking scary and neil... doubled over laughing

instantly, there are whispers going around the stadium about what happened, so neil's coach is like 'nah we aren't letting this kid do the pre and post-game interviews' — andrew had accounted for this in his attempt to rebuild his persona

so they try to sneak neil out the back, but what andrew hadn't accounted for was a sneaky reporter who catches sight of neil and asks loudly "what was andrew minyard saying to you on the court?"

neil smirks and draws up to his full height (which frankly, is still tiny enough for andrew to give kisses without too much strain. it was the ideal height gap, if anyone asked him. not that anyone was asking him this)

"well," neil said. "he said rock" — neil makes a fist bump — "paper" — he extends an arm out for a handshake — "and then... " — neil makes a scissor symbol — "snip snip motherfucker. we're cutting your hair when we get home."

"wait, you two live together— "

Hii!! I really love your blog, thank you so much for your content!! I'm new to the fandom, may I ask where to read the post-canon stuff? Like Andreil adopting cats and Aaron being pre-med....

hi friend welcome to the shitshow that is the aftg fandom 😂 a lot of the extra content can be found here (i think there's some more recent commentary? on aftg here but most of it is the same and the first one is really well formatted)

hey i love your page!! can you post some renison hcs? they're just so underrated <3

ok yall know how I said that alvarez and laila were my fav lesbians? i lied, so is renison I CAN'T PICK

so renee and allison seem shockingly different at first glance — where renee is quiet, allison is brash, where renee is demure, allison is obscene

in reality? allison sobs at any animal story while renee can nod and smile through gruesome horror movies

most people outside of the foxes don't really get it, but they don't really care

what they do care about? one-upping each other. constantly.

look, canonically allison is buff as hell, that's the whole reason she was told to stop playing exy

and goalies tend to have really strong and defined arms, so renee has biceps

the two of them are constantly arm wrestling and have full on tallies and bets to keep score

bus stuck in traffic? arm wrestle. waiting for food to arrive in a restaurant? arm wrestle. players not subbing out fast enough in the middle of a game? arm. wrestle.

in their fourth year, allison impulsively asks renee to dye her hair

she dies the tips pink and purple (for the bi flag) and the two of them constantly flaunt their matching colored hair

(allison likes to gloat to andrew and neil that she and renee are the sup-queer-ior couple because they have matching gay heads)

alli and renee love playing laser tag against each other

they forget their "ooey gooey lesbian love" as nicky puts it in favor of fighting to be the first to kill the other

aaron has been trampled multiple times when renee saw allison behind him and ran him over to get her out

their favorite dates are the ones in fun, quirky places

playing pac-man in old arcades, thrift store shopping, outdoor movies

they're not basic, is what i'm getting at

neither of them are exceptional cooks (tbh most of their and dan's food comes from matt), but renee is known in the fox tower for making perfectly shaped pancakes and allison always gets her burrito-to-filling proportion perfect

they both like trying to make new desserts though

renee likes to experiment while allison is wayyy more of a picky eater

sometimes renee will randomly put in vegetables or just plain weird ingredients to trick allison (who ends up loving all these desserts but only before she finds out what they're made of. funny how that works.)

renee loves paper crafts, like paper mache, origami, etc

each year for special occasions (birthday, anniversary, holiday) allison always makes her a craft with a note written within the folds of the paper

(there is a decent amount of complaining to dan about how her nails are getting ruined. renee's smile makes it worth it, though)

on their graduation day, allison gifts renee a massive basket of all the crafts she made and they sit on their dorm floor and look through all the notes and memories they made over the years

hey uh— never done something like this before but send me a number and i'll... do something with it? (lmao there's a 99% chance that this will all be andreil but that's fineeee)

physical affection prompts!

pats on the head

interlocking pinkies

smiling into a kiss

a hug after not seeing someone for a long time

giggly cuddles

chasing someone’s lips after they pull away

squishing their cheeks

brushing hands by accident

wiping away someone’s tears

lifting someone up out of excitement

back hugs

an incredibly loud and painful high-five

kissing someone’s forehead

play wrestling

the biggest, warmest hugs

kissing knuckles

tugging on the bottom of someone’s shirt

wiping away food from someone’s lips

peppering their face in kisses

chest bump

accidentally knocking your head into someone’s chin

kissing someone’s cuts/bruises/scratches

a hug that some might consider as ~too long~

confusing a handshake for a fist bump

playfully biting someone

bonus: touching feet and immediately screaming and recoiling

part 2 here <3

andrew is very loud about being gay.

he doesn't really "flaunt it" that much in college

but it gets to the point where he just wants to prove to kevin that yes, he can be successful and gay

so really, it all starts with a bet

anyway. neil has so many videos of andrew getting drunk in front of him and waxing poetic about boys (one in particular)

"neil. neil. this guy has such nice eyes. and ass"

*sigh* "andrew that's a picture of me"

"woahhhh"

but these are (mostly) all private moments

andrew isn't super open in front of others, considering how reserved he is in public

that all changes four years after going pro.

there are some days where queer people just feel exceptionally us and we just want to tell everyone we know

(but being closeted kinda... makes that hard. ahem.)

andrew isn't exempt from these feelings

and one day, the morning of a major interview, he's just hit with the sudden urge to tell someone that he's gay

it's bursting inside him, a physical feeling he can't push down behind the apathy

he tries to ignore it as best as he can and goes to the interview with his team

it's pretty chill. the team is playing a game called "Truth or Drink", where if you don't say truth... you drink?

so everyone's getting tipsy while andrew sits quietly in the corner of the sofa

eventually, one of his teammates realizes that no one had asked andrew anything yet, so when it's her turn, she turns to andrew

"andrew! truth or drink?"

andrew blinks slowly, a bit surprised that the question was directed to him

he considers his options. that weird feeling is still bubbling up inside his stomach and he figures alcohol will probably make things feel worse

so after a moment, he glances up at her and says quietly "truth"

she looks gleeful

after a bit of drunk conferring with some other teammates, she faces andrew with a glint in her eyes

"so," his teammates lean forward. "do you have a girlfriend?"

andrew groaned internally. of course this is the one thing they'd ask their most private, closed-off teammate

"no," he scowled. he was going to leave it at that, really, but his mouth moved faster than his mind and before he could stop himself, he blurted out "i do have a boyfriend though"

there was a moment of silence

then everyone started talking over each other, asking questions and demanding to learn more. andrew slumped in his seat, mentally preparing for the next 30 minutes

a few days later, the interview drops

predictably, the internet goes wild

fans speculate wildly about which guy andrew minyard could possibly be dating

it ranges to other exy players to celebrities to random students from PSU

neil and andrew don't come out for a while though

but in that gap, between andrew being out as gay and actually revealing that he's dating neil abram josten, andrew is pretty vocal about his sexuality

it starts with donations to LGBTQ+ groups and messages of support on social media

lots of sports fans (and people in general) understand how revolutionary it is to have an out athlete of this caliber

so they're constantly putting out encouraging messages

and after all this support, andrew eventually becomes a bit more... lax about what he posts

it starts with this on twitter:

yeah... andrew breaks the internet again

nicky tweets out an unholy amount of keyboard smashes

and andrew just... keeps posting gay memes

you can't go a single interview without andrew randomly interjecting the fact that he's gay

there are compilations on youtube like "andrew minyard being a gay icon for 17 minutes" or "20 minutes of andrew minyard being fruity af"

(andrew finds these far too funny — every time he comes across one of these, he just has to share it on social media)

andrew ends up on the face of so many queer magazines and pride events and such

of course, there are some shitty homophobic people

but every time a kid comes up to him and tells him how he inspired them to come out, those people become easier and easier to forget about

needless to say, by the time he and neil come out, andrew's already pretty comfortable with sharing his sexuality on the internet

being out as a couple, though? well, that's just a whole other story

LOOK OUT FOR PART 2 IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS it's abt andrew and neil coming out istg it's a mess but a very fun one lmao

So I am once again reading through the extra content like one does and I found a little thing that send me to my knees okay

I’m reading about Abby and Wymack and how they move in together and how they’re just in love and stuff

And it says Abby makes him stop smoking because she doesn’t want the smell in her house

Andrew finds out when he visits Neil in his fifth year and he pulls out a cigarette to smoke, but Coach takes it, breaks it and throws it on the ground, super grumpy about it because he can’t smoke

After Neil explains it Andrew just takes one look at Wymack and states “Abby’s doing”

All of this is all good and fun right, however it’s the next part of it that kills me

“If Neil told me to stop smoking, I’d kick him out.”

However small that is, it just made me all tingly?

I honestly think that that’s one of most obvious times Andrew acknowledge that him and Neil are really together

He normally does it in very subtle, private ways and especially not in conversations with others

He actually refuses to mention Neil to others at all

Which also brings me to the next thing that makes me very happy

He casually says this joke about him and his partner’s relationship out loud, to someone that isn’t Neil himself, and not it private, but to Wymack

That is an insane amount of trust for Andrew to put in Wymack with such a little comment and that is another relation we brush over so much in the fandom

Damn man just… I love this line???

That’s also his immediate response to find out that Wymack and Abby are together and that she made him quit smoking

He just compared himself and Neil to Wymack and Abby

He also used Neil’s name in a way that isn’t condescending or mean spirited, which is also pretty rare for him at least in the books

Anyways I might be reading into it too much, but I just thought it was such a nice little comment with more meaning to it than you’d think