For Oft, When On My Couch I Lie In Vacant Or In Pensive Mood, They Flash Upon That Inward Eye Which Is

Foolish One

So... I just listened to Taylor Swift's "Foolish One" for the first time today and wow. I felt that she just looked into my life and saw talking directly to me. Like wow...I felt so called out.

That was me a couple of years ago. I was so smitten with this guy like seriously it was bad. But he was a bit of a player and yeah I wasn't the exception. Literally, a couple of months after I finally told my friends about my crush, they all came to tell me bad news and comfort me. They told me he just got a girlfriend and my first thought was "Well it's only going to be a couple of weeks again"

Then I thought "Wow if I'm ever going to date him, I'm going to go through the same thing" Up til that minute in my head I really was going to be his exception. Foolish one right

Sad thing is I tried to stop liking him but every time I tried to distance myself, then he would give me attention. Flirt and get close then my hope ros, then next time I see him he had another girl on his arm. Every time, every time. Foolish one

It was like he liked having me like him but I never would be his exception. I was so foolish and it took me too long to walk away.

It's over now but just hearing that song brought back all those memories.

Group Projects Suck

Group projects can be so awful sometimes. I had to work with a partner on a big project and we worked really hard on it. Our paper, slides, and video presentation were awesome and my partner said she had submitted our presentation since only one of us had to and I believed her.

Why did I believe her? Now, two days after the deadline I was scrolling through the presentations looking at the other ones and ours isn’t there! Two days after the submission is locked. I have no idea what happened. It was probably a miscommunication but why didn’t I check for myself. This is worth an entire letter grade. Trust but verify.

I don’t know what I’m going to do, probably plead my case to the teacher Monday morning but I have no clue how she’ll react. At least we turned in the paper part of the project separately so that’s on time at least.

Still it’s just so frustrating!

Doubt

I think everyone underestimates just how bad doubt is. Doubt makes you wonder if your friends even care about you. Doubt makes you wonder if your family is annoyed with you. Doubt makes you think you’re not good enough.

It hurts and the source of all that pain is doubt.

Time flies

Where has all the time gone

All my friends are out getting engaged and I’m sitting at home with my dog

At least I’ll get to be a bridesmaid

Support

Sometimes days are really hard and you feel really sad. When that happens just remember that there are people who love you more than you even know. You may not even realize they’re there but they are. Let them comfort you, let them hold you while you cry, let them support you.

It’s strange isn’t it. I love being alone but hate being lonely

Why I Love Halloween

It’s the one day of the year where you can dress as anything

It’s the one day of the year where you can truly become someone else

it’s the one day of the year where you see other’s creativity and interests

It’s the one day of the year where it’s fun to be scared

And did I mention CANDY!!!!

Choice

They say that the person who cares the least has the power and that must be true. It sucks. The people I care about, I care so deeply for but it’s always more than they care about me. Sometimes I’m the only one reaching.

It may be really selfish but I wish there was someone who would choose me. Someone who cares as much about me as I do for them.

Oblivious

You ever had the feeling when someone tells you something and it changes the way you thought about something?

Today I visited my grandmother and she asked about a boy I haven’t talked to in a couple of years. She tells me that she thought we would have ended up together because she knew he liked me. She said he always tried to talk to me but I never did. That’s not how I remembered things.

We used to be friendly but I thought he always teased me over everything. He would say things to annoy me but most of the time he just didn’t talk to me as far as I knew. In fact, I thought he didn’t want to be around me. The only thing I could think of that said he might of liked me was when his friend asked me to the dance for him. Actually multiple times over the years, but he always said his friend was joking and he didn’t want to go before I answered.

That’s clear evidence he didn’t like me, right?

She put it in my head though. What if it was true? Am I that oblivious? I watch tv shows all the time and complain how a person can be so oblivious to miss that another character likes them. Am I as bad as that?

Family

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family with all my heart but sometimes I just need to get away from them. I feel bad but it’s hard being around anyone all the time. I just need time to recharge.