09/17-18/23 ∘ Day 6-7/100

She’s a 10 but she lives off of academic validation while simultaneously procrastinating like she’s been promised immortality

December 1, 2022 | Essay writing

I’m sitting in my sister’s bakery trying to finish my essay that was originally due tomorrow but then became due yesterday. Yeah. I’m feeling more and more confused by my essay the more time goes by and my attempts at identifying the structure that I think is there, somewhere, are going a bit so and so. Thankfully my sister is feeding me so that my energy levels stay up <3

in an era 💭📓

𓆩⟡𓆪 Chase dreams one page at a time 𓆩⟡𓆪

I absolutely love living with a bunch of introverts who like to party as an introvert who hates parties cus it means that during the weekend, I get to have breakfast in peace while all 6 of my flatmates are still asleep at 11am.

i sit in the sun. i drink tea. i recieve a message from my friend. i read a book. i take a walk. i fall in love with life a little bit.

where am i gonna get academic validation after i’m done with school

an intense hatred of capitalism vs an intense love of trinkets

a very very important reminder to myself and anyone who can relate:

whenever i'm going through a very low depressive episode after being high function, autopilot mode of constant studying, working, simply on top of everything for a while, i always think to myself:

but why can't i be like that again? why can't i be like everyone else who just goes to work? people have bills to pay and here i am skipping out on work and studying while everyone else is just "sucking it up and going" i thought my future mattered? does it not?

well honey, it does. your future does matter. but also the present matters as well so taking the time to care for yourself is 100% as important.

and guess what? you are not like everyone else. not even everyone else is like everyone else. being severely depressed and having it interfere with your work and school life is an effect of being disabled. it is a disability. it's not like you're making the conscious choice to be depressed and skip out on the important things in life. stop beating yourself up for being disabled. for being ill. for struggling with your illnesses.

i know it's hard to accept the typical "it's not your fault, you're okay" advice but sometimes it helps to remember that what you struggle with is a disability/illness and that dealing with it in anyway you do (unable to get our of bed, not being able to go to work or school) is not voluntary and it takes away some of the blame and guilty you carry.