tydr2gun

Latest Posts by tydr2gun

all i'd like to know at this point is if i've done anything to make you leave or was i simply just not enough

My biggest flex is my privacy. I don't feel the need to let everyone know what I'm up to. Whether I've been doing well or not, I choose only one to three people to tell my stuff to. Other times I don't even tell anyone about how I'm doing at the moment unless someone asks. I value my privacy and it's one of the most best gifts I provide myself.

Herbs to Hydrate

Keep Grounding. Keep healing. Keep hydrating. Keep returning to nature. Stay active. Stay healthy!

~ B

What would they know?

.

.

Video source Mewlana_Jalaluddin_Rumi

a very very important reminder to myself and anyone who can relate:

whenever i'm going through a very low depressive episode after being high function, autopilot mode of constant studying, working, simply on top of everything for a while, i always think to myself:

but why can't i be like that again? why can't i be like everyone else who just goes to work? people have bills to pay and here i am skipping out on work and studying while everyone else is just "sucking it up and going" i thought my future mattered? does it not?

well honey, it does. your future does matter. but also the present matters as well so taking the time to care for yourself is 100% as important.

and guess what? you are not like everyone else. not even everyone else is like everyone else. being severely depressed and having it interfere with your work and school life is an effect of being disabled. it is a disability. it's not like you're making the conscious choice to be depressed and skip out on the important things in life. stop beating yourself up for being disabled. for being ill. for struggling with your illnesses.

i know it's hard to accept the typical "it's not your fault, you're okay" advice but sometimes it helps to remember that what you struggle with is a disability/illness and that dealing with it in anyway you do (unable to get our of bed, not being able to go to work or school) is not voluntary and it takes away some of the blame and guilty you carry.

Life will always take you back to the places and people where you need to learn your lesson from. Until you learn the lesson, you are going to continue to repeat the same behaviors and thought patterns. You have to break the cycle. If you are experiencing a setback or finding the same people in different bodies, it's time to stop and zoom out. Don't focus on the pain. Decide to get out of victim mode and look for the lesson in the situation. In order for your life to change you need to change who you are.

Create new healthy habits and a new mindset around the situation. Focus on things like discipline, repetition and consistency. But the most important is identity change. Identity change simply means seeing yourself embodying who you want to become and then aligning your behaviors behind that. And you can start doing that at any moment. You just need to make a decision that that is who you want to be, and proceed to living your life accordingly.

Do not spend another second thinking this is the life you are meant to lead. Do not accept the cards you are currently holding because at the end of the day it's YOU holding the cards. Take your power back. Take your life back. Take control of the situation at hand and play a different game this time.

and on some random thursday afternoon i realised that life isn't so bad after all. there are so many beautiful things i haven't experienced yet, so many places i've never visited, so many people i haven't met. i realised life is too short to hate myself.

HOW TO BEGIN HEALING

ACKNOWLEDGE THE PAIN AND DAMAGE. Others will try frequently to avoid these feelings and the thought that they’re hurt or hurting. However, it is a massive roadblock to starting your journey. 

You have to truly confront yourself. Journal, vent to someone, draw or however you feel is best to truly express how you feel, you do. 

EXTRACT TRIGGERS. Don’t let your physical environment encourage triggers that resurface your hurt self or continue to hurt you. E.g. friends, social media, family, bad habits etc. 

DAILY REFLECTION. You have to start to confront your feelings and experiences, but I know, it’s scary and we don’t want to revisit bad times. Please try to do some self-reflection daily about personal feelings and experiences, as it gets easier when it’s so frequent. 

ESTABLISH ORDER & ROUTINES. Start putting in good habits in your life and slowly improve your mental and physical well-being. Healing is going to be all over the place and messy. So when we have a routine to fall back on when needed, it just makes us feel better. 

ACTUAL SELF-CARE. Everything showers and face masks are nice and all, but they are not the only aspects of self-care. Self-care is doing the things that are good for you, disregarding how you currently feel. E.g. cooking and eating a healthy breakfast instead of eating takeout. 

BE PATIENT AND PERSISTENT. Healing is going to be hard regardless of what hurt you. There will be days when you feel like giving up. However, I encourage you to fight those feelings of hopelessness and continue. 

REMOVE SHAME FROM YOUR MIND. Another roadblock, it limits you from all the help and lessons you get in life. It isolates you, from everybody else who does care about you and wants to help. Asking for anything is not embarrassing. 

RECONNECT WITH YOURSELF. Start doing hobbies that you love, learning about things you’ve been curious about, and reading books on your favourite topics. Reconnection is so important because it brings emotional and mental prosperity. 

Watching a soft person come out of a family of insensitive and hard hearted people is like watching a little beam of sunshine come out on the rainiest days.No one ever actually moved the clouds for them,no one ever taught them kindness,it was a choice,one that they made every day.They didn’t just survive the bad days,they came out of it as a softer person.It’s not like the issues didn’t effect them,and it’s not like they didn’t cry rivers over it,but they knew better than to continue the cycle of pain and sadness.

You’ve grown into someone who would have protected you as a child. And that is the most powerful move you made.

o shit its me

my mentor's trust in my abilities (unstoppable force) vs. my crippling self doubt (immovable object)

applying for academic jobs is a horrifying combo of forcing yourself to overinflate your accomplishments to show why you are the top qualified absolute total best choice for the position when you may be already fighting the uphill battle that is imposter syndrome and of embarrassing masochistic self-debasing near-begging for a job that may not actually even hit the self sufficiency income minimum in the area where the job is located

𓆩⟡𓆪 Chase dreams one page at a time 𓆩⟡𓆪

i love people who bring old big laptops to lectures. i’m being so genuine, it’s such a power move to walk into a room where we’re all on our fuckass macs and tablets and u take out your 10cm thick 25inch-screened laptop that makes the sound of industrial grade machinery while opening the oldest version of Word known to man

| Day 13 |

Messy desks, long nights.

Me fr fr fr

chloe payne

advice for first year uni students from a uni senior

the roommate(s) will always be more important than the room

+ for roommates, SET. CLEANING. EXPECTATIONS. EARLY. don't wait until you're uncomfortable with how much mess is in the kitchen for you to start thinking if you should bring it up or not. set standards and make them clear.

put your key on a lanyard and hang it from your doorknob when you’re at home so you don’t forget it on the way out

if your dorm has a shared laundry room, set your timer for when your laundry finishes ~5 mins early to give you time to walk from your room to the laundry - especially during weekends/evenings/finals people wont have the patience to wait for you - even if your load just finished

If you have noodle arms like me, buy yourself one of those collapsible grocery carts you drag behind you like a luggage - best purchase i've ever made

Or if you're lazy, order online - but order on a free day because even if you schedule a time they're always gonna come stupid early and you dont want any frozen items to get spoiled or have your groceries stolen

DONT BUY ANY TEXTBOOKS/MATERIALS UNTIL THE FIRST WEEK/CLASSES ARE OVER. sometimes you’ll have early access to the booklist or syllabus and go ahead and start buying textbooks, but increasingly often you’ll buy the materials and show up to class just to find your prof has uploaded scanned copies of everything. *save your money*, wait!

BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS - look at your class schedule and walk around campus to find each classroom. you will probably get lost on day 1 and so will many other students so this will save you a lot of walking around bumping into other lost first years

trust me after a few weeks you won’t be waking up for that 8am class. i know you did it 5 days a week in high school, but there’s a reason uni students are allergic to morning classes. know your natural energy/attention levels and take advantage of the freedom to build your schedule around your energy fluctuations

compress/stack your class schedule as much as possible. if you absolutely do need breaks, make them at least 1.5-2 hours long or you probably wont get anything productive done and minimize these long breaks as much as you can so you can just get your day over with sooner

work smarter, not harder - when school starts note each course’s assessment type by quizzes/finals/essays. if i ever have a course thats just essays, i only do lecture notes + write my own annotations about readings rather than taking notes on them which saves time i can dedicate to textbook notetaking for courses with frequent quizzes + finals

if your school has benefits/discounts/insurance - know what it is and USE IT.

most clubs wont be like high school where there are regular meetings you attend. unless youre in the exec team the membership fee you pay/when you sign up for membership it’s just for access to their events when they happen. if you want to be involved in a club in a way thats as involved as high school, look at their social media pages for hiring.

+ as someone who has had to hire before - if you’re nervous, literally just do it. i was in an exec position for our student union services and once only had like 3 applicants to pick from

if you want to be noticed by a professor, sit in the front row. and always answer/ask questions - it doesn’t matter if you said anything of substance or not, they will remember that you contributed

that and also always make the point to say hello and goodbye! eventually (in my experience) if you come early enough and are just waiting for class to start, a conversation will happen - make these regular enough and you could have an important connection!

disclaimer: of course, not all of this might be something that resonates with you/possible for your course or school, so in the words of my cousin - take what resonates

+ anyone else is free to add on!!

How I prep for a new semester at uni:

I make a new time block sheet. I put all my classes in, then my commute time. From there I plan study hours, when I need to wake up to not feel rushed, work hours, etc. This plan helps to keep me from getting too overwhelmed and let me feel like I have everything under control.

I do my school shopping on prime day or after the back to school rush. You'll find those nice multi subject notebooks on sale for cheap and fun stationary and backpacks a lot cheaper like this!

I try to get a head start in classes. If I know we're reading a book or something I'll start a couple weeks before school starts. I try to take notes on as many chapters/subjects as I can and all that. This not only helps me get ahead, but it also helps me for when I inevitably fall behind.

I get all the routine maintenance done on my car. I drive over an hour to get to classes so this is very important. Oil change, tire rotation, balance, filters, etc. I save up my summer tips to get all this done.

I stock up on easy and fast foods. Instant noodles, granola bars, frozen meals, etc. Between working a lot and doing classes I don't have the energy to cook and do dishes so this saves me.

I give myself little reasons to get excited. The teacher or the campus or a friend. Whatever it may be. I HAVE to have a reason to drive that long to attend a class for an hour and come back and not get stressed.

I make a food budget. It's so easy to spend $150 a week on snacks and treats and coffees and such. So I have to set a budget and a plan for myself so I can actually pay my rent haha

I plan my walks to classes on campus. Where I'll park, how much time I have between classes, how to get there, etc.

If I have late classes, I make sure that I can call someone after every class as I walk to my car to make sure I'm safe.

Plan little treats and rewards. If I realize there's a week that's going to be super hard on me, I'll plan a little early morning walk or something special I don't do often after as a reward.

I try to be more positive to myself the closer the semester comes. I have to be proud of me and my work. I have to be confident in my abilities. So I have to have that mindset. Which is super hard as someone with severe anxiety and depression and who has been conditioned growing up to be quiet and a background character essentially. But I AM good. I AM smart. I can ace these classes. I deserve to be here and I deserve good things.

I triple check with my job to make sure they have my updated availability and will give me the flexibility I require due to my classes.

Overall, I just get my shit together once again and try and get myself excited. I have the opportunity to study at a university and that in itself is absolutely amazing and something I don't take for granted.

🎓 Simple Tips for Writing a Thesis 🎓

I'm nearing the end of my own Master's thesis and it's being an Absolute Trip tbh, so I decided to write a list of seven basic tips to hopefully prevent anyone else from going insane 🙃

1️⃣ 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐚 𝐌𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐓𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐜: Pick a thesis topic that genuinely excites you! Choose something you're passionate about because you'll be spending a lot of time with it. Researching and writing about a subject that sparks your curiosity will keep you motivated throughout the journey.

2️⃣ 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐏𝐫𝐨: Outline, outline, outline! Break down your thesis into manageable chunks and create a detailed plan. In general, the format for most dissertations is introduction, state of the state, methodology, results, discussion, and conclusion. This will be your roadmap, keeping you organized and focused during the writing process.

3️⃣ 𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐃𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐈𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭: As much as you want to (or don't want to, as the case may be) tart with the body paragraphs first! It might seem counterintuitive, but fleshing out your main arguments will help you define a clear direction for your introduction and conclusion. If you're doing a STEM subject like me, then this will also help you define your null hypothesis in a way that makes the most sense when compared to the rest of the paper.

4️⃣ 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡: Don't shy away from revising your work. Embrace the process of refining your ideas, polishing your language, and strengthening your arguments. Remember, writing is rewriting and you don't always have to accept your own hypothesis! If your results tell you that your theory was wrong, embrace it! Those are still valid results.

5️⃣ 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐈𝐭 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬: Set realistic milestones and take breaks to avoid burnout. Your mental and physical well-being is vital to producing quality work. Reward yourself for each accomplishment, no matter how small! Personally, I prefer working on a single section for three hours, taking an hour's break, and then moving on to a different section for another three hours, no matter how incomplete the first section is. This stopped me from getting frustrated and burnt out when things just weren't going my way (and I guarantee you, things will not always go your way!)

6️⃣ 𝐄𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐈𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜: Your introduction should be engaging and captivating. Hook your readers and clearly state the purpose and significance of your thesis. Make it compelling and please please please remember the immortal words of Ernest Hemingway: the first draft of everything is shit. So be brutal with yourself, kill your darlings, and cut out every single sentence that does not provide the reader with new information.

7️⃣ 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐁𝐨𝐬𝐬: Craft a powerful conclusion that ties everything together. Summarize your key findings, reflect on the broader implications of your work, and leave your readers with a lasting impression. Always remember that the final sentence in everything you write, thesis included, should be a drop mic moment. If you can't envision yourself walking off stage after your last line, then something's got to change.

Trust in your abilities and stay determined and self-disciplined. Writing a thesis is an incredible opportunity for personal growth and intellectual exploration (and ranting about your favourite niche topic for a few thousand words!) I believe in you! 💕

20/6/23

With all the news about the sub going missing around the Titanic and OceanGate, I would like to state very clearly that the Titanic is considered an active graveyard/burial. There are likely still remains in the wreck (science side of Tumblr can explain). This is one of the reasons why pulling up artifacts is such a big deal and so rarely done. Engagement is carried out with so much respect and consideration for the victims and their descendants.

You don’t just decide I’ll pop over to this location of massive trauma and tragedy because it’s a popular culture icon I can brag about. This is not the frame of mind one should have when visiting a grave. Please recognize that for 1500 souls this was not where they wanted to rest, and is thus very different from visiting other famous graves (Oscar Wilde, Van Gogh, etc). And sure, maybe the Titanic seems like it would be more digestible as opposed to other thanotourist sites of human violence (ie Gettysburg, Auschwitz, Borden House). The fact that it was a natural disaster lessens the cognitive dissonance of it being of equal solemnity.

What OceanGate is doing with these tours is extremely offensive if not ethically unsound from my archaeological and anthropological position.

͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ soon, i believe. soon, i know it. ͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙

[𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: 𝟐/?]

Honestly, I miss undergrad me. Like where is the girl who took 18+ hours a semester, worked 30 hours a week, and suffered tragedy after tragedy and yet still got all of my work done and done well. Now I can’t even  concentrate…

i get so emotional when people acknowledge me when they don't need to like when i realise that i am a part of people's lives like idk not in a self-obsessed way but i feel like i spent a lot of time in my head and by myself that i forget myself in relation to others sometimes so it's really nice when people send me a little text or call me randomly <3