Tyleno1

Does anyone else feel stuck at the age they were when their chronic illness started to take over their life? For me it feels like time stopped and I got mentally stuck at that age, even though I’ve obviously been aging physically. Everyone else ages around me physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. Everyone I grew up with has started to build a life for themselves and seems lightyears ahead of me when it comes to life experiences but I’m stuck in this cycle of living the same day over and over and genuinely forgetting how old I actually am.

koyoltzintli, "evil eye," 2010/2013, archival chromatic print

Emotionally I think I really need it to be autumn

the lovers & the star

I hate to break it to the girls who think being skinny with their eating disorder is going have pro's.

You will not do things without running out of breath. In fact, you'll be even more out of breath doing simple activities because you are so weak. I had times where I couldn't make it through the grocery store without heavy breathing and faintness.

You won't be the skinny friend. You'll be the old friend who isolated themselves after lashing out on everyone you love. I mean seriously, the anger and irritability that comes with having an ed is unmatched.

You definitely won't be happier once you reach your ugw. You'll be the unhappiest you've ever been, wondering why you look so fat when you're 30 pounds underweight. It never stops. There is no ugw.

You won't look better in clothes. You'll think you're still too fat to be wearing those crop tops and dainty tanks. If anything, you'll be fighting heat stroke in your 4 baggy layers on a summer day.

And that brings me to my next point. You will be so cold. Absolutely freezing even in 100f weather. The cold never stops. And your hairy, like thick, dark, never ending hair. If you think you're hairy now, even more will grow.

And your breath. Dear god, I can still remember how rotted my breath was. No amount of toothpaste, mints, or mouthwash would get rid of it. And not to mention, the cavities you'll continue to get even well after you're recovered — if you're lucky enough to recover.

There is so much permanent damage that an ed will leave you with. Your kidneys will be damaged, your teeth, gums, eyes, hair, skin, heart, lungs, intestines, liver, pancreas, literally every organ in your body is permanently damage in one way or another.

The list can go on, there are so many side effects that you won't know until it's too late. There are so many romanticized aspects of an ed that will never be true.

Point is, you won't be happy. You won't be skinny. You won't be healthy. You'll be an angry shell of the person you used to be, rotting from the inside out. You'll be selfish, only caring about what you can eat, when you can eat, and how you can burn it off.

Crossedaf. Drunk af a high a f. Love my bf, hate so many. Chris I want you dead. Be n your ok z you too charlie j ok? Yeah ok

I fucking hate my dad.

anti-misery collar by maddie gourney