Gary Crimble And A Many Rudolph Everyone! + Announcement

𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟔.

𝓦𝓪𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓐𝔀𝓪𝔂 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓷

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

Paul’s Diary

I was in New York for a couple of reasons. First, I was going to the record agency to regulate some rights. Second, I was going to play some gigs. Same old, same old. But this time I wasn't on my turf, or I wasn’t even on some strangers turf, I was on John’s turf. I had to brace for anything to go wrong and remind me of the good times me and him had that I ruined, and I was frankly scared I might run into some John fanatic and be swarmed. Though I could’ve got into the same problems anywhere, it was a much bigger chance to get into those problems here because John is the favourite of New York musicians. John and I are officially still in a fight, so my fears were warranted. But even though I expected a hassle, I came for business. It is the biggest music industry currently, coming only a bit after London, and I can’t miss that kind of an opportunity. But also, I couldn’t miss an opportunity to see John, even though it seemed like a far off fantasy. At first I was just hoping to run into him by chance. Even though he was a stay at home dad, I thought he still went out. I could do my business without worry. But that worry grew as the days went by. When a third of my stay passed, I made a different strategy. I would check the places where people knew John was a regular. I somehow always missed him. When I went to the place and searched around, there was no trace of him. Sometimes I would run into my friends and they would tell me either he left sometime ago and they didn’t know I was so keen on meeting him or that they would tell me when they see him next time because he hadn’t been there in a long time. And another third passed in mindless searching. I gave up and finished the rest of my business, in the end agreeing to go to a gig of an up and coming band in some small and homey cafe. By then, I had lost hope, even though I should’ve known that I would’ve run into him in a place like that.

I walked into the cafe and the musicians were setting up. I forgot a bunch of their names, but I knew I’d get along with them swimmingly. I heard a scream.

“Oh, fuck, the day Paul McCartney wants to play with us, something goes wrong!”, the guitarist said.

“No worries, if it’s not something big, I could fix it.”, I went to them.

I look at the speakers and try to figure out what is wrong. I sat there for five minutes, but I can’t get heads and tails on this technology. I give up on looking at the shell of the machine and open it, finding a bunch of short circuits.

“That is very broken.”, I said, “Find a mechanic.”

“Oh, oh, shit! I am so sorry, Paul, but we’ll have to play later.”, the guitarist apologized.

The rest of the band looked demoralized.

“Don’t worry, I have the rest of the day free.”, I felt bad for the bunch. They were as us four were when we had an important gig as a small band. I chuckled.

“I am so glad to have such an understanding colleague.”, the guitarist sighed, “Thank you so so much!”

“It’s alright.”, I smiled.

I scanned the cafe and even though it was small, it was almost full and the atmosphere was lively. I was looking for a drink when I heard some snogging in the back. 

“God, fuck, stooop!”, I heard some small moans, “Stop, I don’t fucking know you!”

I ran to the back and wanted to save the bird, but I found John struggling to get out of an embrace of a woman. There were a bunch of drinks that looked weird on the table.

“Just play along Johnny, it’s just for a little bit, then you can have your Yoko back.”

“Do I have to… You look like a caramel apple with chocolate drizzle. I wonder if they even sell that.”, John chuckled, playing with her hair.

Well, John is high. And the bitch spotted me.

“Oh shit!”, she yelled, “Oh, John was-” 

Her acting was unconvincing.

“Get away from him!”, I came in and wrestled him out of her paws, “Why did you spike him! He can’t be spiked!”

“He is just like any other man, just talented, smart and rich. I want a piece of that.”, she smiled.

“Get away, you disgust me.”, I said.

“A man? That’s funny.”, John chuckled, “Why if it isn’t my darling Paul McCartney?”

He was high and ready to bite. But, I had to figure out which high John I had business with. Is it “could be left alone for a minute” or “I’m scared he’ll fuck something up” high John?

The girl in the meantime got lost. That bitch. I dragged him to the nicer seats.

“Change of scenery? Much better here, Macca.”, John sighed, “What the hell was she on to makeout with me?”

“John, even though you have a wife, I think a lot of our fans still want to makeout with you. And you obliged that many times yourself.”, I sighed.

He could be so in his head.

“What are you talking about? Are you purposely trying to reveal me… Oh, your head is so big. Yeah, it shows how smart you are. My smart partner.”, he chuckled.

“Every single person knows about your shenanigans with women.”, I said flatly.

“Paul, not everyone knows I am…”, he came close to my ear, “queer. It doesn’t really need to be made clear. I already have a lot of problems.”

Oh.

Oh, no.

“Problems?”

“Of course. I haven't told anyone yet so I’ll tell you first. I am writing something new. Oh, I mean. John is writing something new. I don’t want anyone overhearing. Though if they do, it would mean nothing. I’m just a nobody.”, as I concluded.

It’s the “I’m scared he’ll fuck something up” high John, or 

“Julia?”

“Yes, Paul? Ask away. Finally someone calls me right.”, well Julia is tripping hard if she can’t figure out she is in costume. What did that bitch put in her drink?

“Jules, you are in costume.”, I told her.

“Oh. Wait, what did you say?”, she was distracted then of all times, “Your head looks like it’s going to explode. Is there something to fix that?”

“Ignore that, you are tripping and are still in costume! You drank a spiked drink.”, I sighed.

“Spiked? I would never do that.”, she pouted.

“What is important is for us to get out of here as quickly and silently-”, I started but the waiter interrupted me.

“What would you like to order? Oh, it’s, wow…”, of course, the waiter knows us both.

Before I even got a word in, Julia began.

“Paul, don’t get ahead of yourself. I would like two vermouths, he would like… Oh, kind of forgot to ask what would you like, Macca? Though I already have a guess.”

I had to go along with her order. But I could pay in advance and that could give us the time to go somewhere else.

“Hm, a margarita would be fine.”, I sighed.

“Um, I’ll get you that. It’s interesting though. Aren’t you famous for ordering Brandy Alexander?”, the waiter asked.

“Where did you get that idea from?”, she was panicking already.

I looked at the waiter crossly.

“Could we pay in advance?”, I asked.

He prepared the bill, the disappointment visible on his face.

“You can.”

“I will pay, I haven’t seen him in a god awful while.”, Julia once again slapped my hand away from paying, “I missed ya sugar.”

She fumbled with the money for a bit, and somehow managed to find the exact amount.

“Sugar?”, the waiter noticed the small mannerisms Julia had.

“Yeah, the reason I don’t need any with my vermouth.”, that was smooth Jules, but quite unnecessary in front of a person.

The waiter acted like he didn’t hear anything and went on his merry way. I was fuming.

“Julia, we are going right this second.”, I ordered.

She looked at me with the saddest eyes.

“Paul, don’t go outside and leave me. I promise I won’t flirt anymore with you if it bothers you that much…”, she stretched the vowels unbearingly long and I was heartstricken again. Julia knows how to pull my heart strings the best.

“I’m not leaving you. I just want to get you somewhere safe. We could go to your flat-”

“Yoko will kill me- I mean John. She would kill him because of him arriving there uninvited and such.”, she was still not going to acknowledge that was in costume, huh.

“We could go to my flat here.”

“You live here?”

“No, you git, I am just renting.”, I chuckled though I remembered she was high out of her mind and it wasn’t that funny anymore.

“Is this a ploy, McCartney, for me to get into your bed?”, she offhandedly bantered.

“No? I mean I love you, but I have Linda.”, at this time I thought “Please don’t get clingy or whiny. God save our reputation and friendship.”

“You don’t love me anymore!”, and she got CLINGY and WHINY. She took my hand and held it to her heart, “Aw, Paul, you changed. Well, my poor heart still beats for ya.”

People were staring. She let my hand go.

“Oh, must you always be so difficult, Lennon.”, I smiled and acted like it was a joke, “Didn’t know you wanted to write again that much.”

Some turned away. Julia’s torn mind cooperated.

“You’re the difficult one. Always prim and proper. Maybe we are the same, though I am usually committing a crime.”, Julia joked, “We could write, I thought your blue hairedness wanted a date.”

“Blue hair?”

“Yeah, like the sky. Why’d ya dye it?”, I felt sorry for her.

“Um, we’ll talk about that later, here’s our drinks.”, I said, “And please fetch us a couple of bottles of water.”

The waiter wasn’t weirded out anymore and fully understood what happened. He hurried off.

“That’s quite a fast waiter.”, Jules noticed, “Oh, well, guess I’ll drink a couple of vermouths.”

“Hold your horses. How is Yoko?”, I asked to stop her from drinking, “And Sean?”

She scoffed.

“Sean is alright. I like taking care of him. He is smart and curious, though the bugger could be rude.”, she chuckled.

“For Yoko, she still can’t get over you and me. She is mad when she sees me being you know… Fragile.”, she hugged herself.

“I know. I’m here now, Jules.”, I held her hand. I forgot the feeling. The mask she likes to wear always had a tight grip on anything, he was ready to tear into anything. While her grip was always soft and melancholic. It was the same hand but a totally different atmosphere.

“Cheers to that Paul.”, she grabbed her vermouth.

“Julia.”, I grabbed her vermouth.

The waiter arrived with the water.

“Take this. Please. We’ll take this with us.”, I sighed.

The waiter grabbed our drinks and went off to the bar to try to pack it.

“No. It’s just water. Alcohol could hydrate me as well.”, Julia declined.

“That’s bull and you know it yourself.”, I scoffed.

“You have a point, love.”, I softened at the love part.

She drank the water.

“Ugh, give me more, my head is on fire.”, she was recovering.

I gave her the second glass of water, she drank it even faster than the first one.

“Oh, oh, fuck. That was too spiked. I’m still swirling.”, she said, “More.”

I gave her the third and fourth bottle.

“Enough Paul, I didn’t ask you for the river Nile, I asked you for another glass.”, she drank the third bottle and recovered a bit. Then I thought about what she said.

“You purposely drank a spiked drink!”, I was mad!

“Who expected it was going to be that effective?”, she was joking! At that time, when she felt like trash and needed help, she thought it was the smartest thing to joke. But Julia is like that.

“Julia, this isn’t funny. I was being serious!”

“Paul, it’s hard, it’s hard living every single day in a prison.”, Julia was poetic again.

“Jules, you made that prison yourself. Let’s go somewhere else.”, I sighed.

“Wait, wait! Macca, aren’t I still in…”, she looked around and at herself.

“Fuck, fuck, what have I done!”, she was panicking, “I made a couple of incidents for sure! Everyone knows, everyone knows!”

“Calm down.”, I was cackling.

“Paul, PAUL! This is serious.”

“Now it’s serious! And you spiking yourself isn’t.”, that was quite smooth of me.

“I’ll tell you some other day, McCartney.”, she was offended.

I guessed she would go back to John again. She gathered her thoughts.

“Well, let’s start over. Hullo, Paul, what does his highness want in New York City this time?”, that was John’s way of saying things. I was right.

“I’m here for business mostly.”, I lied.

“People told me that you were here for a whole month! Wouldn’t you have finished the work by now? Or just how big is it?”, he asked.

“John, you asked around for me? Why didn’t you reach out first?”, I was shocked. I knew Julia would be out and about asking for me, but for John, I thought it was “below” him to admit to doing that.

“I missed you too, Paul. I went to the place where you worked but I didn’t go in because I was a bit- too occupied with taking care of Sean and such, you know?”, he nervously laughed.

I chuckled.

“You should’ve just gone in. I didn’t know you were embarrassed.” “I was not embarrassed!”, he was red, “I was just a bit scared of doing that as, you know, me. I didn’t want to make you feel bad.”

John cared more about me than I thought.

“No. No, you would’ve made things so much easier!”, I was relieved, “Lenny, you know much more than those buggers! The cunts made it so hard to work normally.”

“Oh, McCartney being rude. I didn’t see that in a while. I thought you were a brand-friendly sellout.”, he joked letting out his frustrations to me.

“I can be frustrated too, y’know!”, I was angry.

He smiled wide.

“I missed you so much.”, he declared, “Let’s jam at yours when my head stops ringing.”

“Oh, we have a chance to do that here. Some kids invited me to jam with them.”

“Kids? Paulie, you are 34 years old.”, Lenny began laughing uncontrollably, “They look about twenty five-ish. Have you become a grandpa or something in my absence? Should I call you Queen Paulie? But that isn’t as good as Princess Paulie.”

I sighed and blushed.

“You know exactly what I mean Johnny!”

“Alright, alright, I’ll be the rhythm guitar then. Or piano. Or mouth harmonica.”, he began listing off.

“Stop. They’ll make place for you, Lennon.”

“Of course they will, Paul and John together! Who would want to miss that.”, he sarcastically said that and took me by the hand.

The waiter came back with bottles of our drinks and the ingredients. 

“I apologize for making a mess. I’ll pay for this too? Right, I paid the first time.”, John’s mind was still a bit sloshed.

The waiter was on the brink of crying.

“Mister, no need to cry, I am doing the bare minimum. Set your expectations higher!”, he told him straight.

The guitarist, frontman came back with the fixed speakers. He was huffing and sweaty from running. The rest of the band gathered round him and helped him with setup.

“I’m going to fetch Paul after we finish this.”, he was unfocused, “I already made a delay, now to force him to setup would be just-”

He paused for a solid minute.

“What would it be, lad?”, John asked.

I went to help the band.

“Too much.”

“Oh, but for the Paul I know, it would be too little. He would overdo it.”, John chuckled.

The frontman lifted his head after setting up the speakers and was in pure shock.

“Paul, no, the terms we agreed upon!”, the frontman tried to stop me.

“He is stubborn.”, John was getting on everyone's nerves.

“And just who are you to tell me that?”, he turned around and saw John.

“Oh, I had a hunch but I couldn’t believe it!”, he got excited.

The rest of the band got excited.

“Please play with us!”, they pleaded, “Lennon and McCartney playing together would be such a honor!”

I threw him a “see, I was right” look.

He sighed.

“People, you are swarming him.”, the frontman said, “You can decline.”

“No, I won’t. Paul finds ya gear, I find ya gear too.”, he smiled with his teeth.

The whole band became even more excited. They let us help them, and we ended up doing most of the physical work because they were busy trying to impress us. I am right in calling them kids.

John wistfully sighed.

“Remember when we were like that around Elvis and he ignored us? We can’t ignore these kids like that.”, he said.

“You indulge others too easily, Lennon.”, I began but softened, “But I know what you mean.”

“Oh, but I am still critiquing them. I’m not indulging them, love.”, he was being very sweet.

We were quiet for a minute. We heard a riff they wanted to throw in at the last minute.

“That’s gear, but still needs some work, lemme and Paul at it.”, he was truthful.

We got to work and they watched us with big eyes.

“Shift this chord here. Then, we should make it unfinished… Put this here.”, he mumbled in our writing language.

“Move it up to A. That sounds alright.”, I mumbled back, “Maybe add some thrills.”

I played it back to the band and they were amazed.

“That’s a bloody great riff Paulie.”, he was satisfied.

I reddened, like I do at John’s compliments to my music. They were so rare.

“We are using that! Thank you so much!”, they were so happy.

“Alright, what is the program for tonight?”, I asked.

They gave us the program. It was mostly covers with a couple of their songs which were easy to learn, but had some nice progressions and riffs that needed a bit more work.

“You even put “One After 909”. Aren’t you glad I’m here to sing that?”, John joked.

The frontman got so excited!

“We’ll put on more Beatles songs, we want to play them with you!”

“No need, we like these songs you picked.”, John chuckled. Looks like the cockiness came back.

“He didn’t even ask me. Classic Lennon.”, I scoffed, “But I agree.”

“Why scoff then?”, all of them laughed.

“I had to.”

“You never get old, Macca.”, I smiled on his remark.

We rehearsed for a bit, and went on the stage at 9 even though we were supposed to play from 4 p.m.

The cafe was full of people, which I’m sure made John nervous because he hadn't played in front of a big public in two years.

“What is this? The Cavern Club after 1963?”, he quipped, making the whole cafe laugh.

The frontman introduced the band, but I ignored him because I was focused on John.

“And as guests, I can’t believe they are here to play with us, John Lennon and Paul McCartney.”

The people clapped.

“Paul, let’s bow! Let’s bow!”, he excitedly whispered.

We did the classic Beatle bow. The audience went crazy.

The frontman began, but whispered something into John’s ear.

John looked at him crossly but chortled.

“I’ll be counting down today then, hope you understand little old me.”, the public was enjoying every second.

“Oh, you’re understandable Lennon, believe me.”, I quipped.

“And one, two, three, four.”, we played.

He stared at me mostly while playing, smiling like a fool. I guess he was nervous. The band was amazing! They were a solid backing track, and when their songs took over, they were very competent. John and I didn’t sing their songs, we just played. I was proud of John. Even though he was out of practice, he played wonderfully. The audience was delighted and that was the most important thing for this band and John. He wouldn’t exist if it weren’t from them. 

“Thank you, thank you, that’s all for tonight.”, he smoothly talked to them.

They riled up.

“More, more, more!”

“Oliver Twist asked for more.”, he spoke in his falsetto voice.

The audience laughed.

I send him a knowing look. The band was tired by now.

“We’ll play some classics then.”, John entertained the people while I went to the frontman and told him:

“Begin packing up, we’ll hold ‘em if you’re tired. If not, play something yours.”

They were out of breath.

“Okay, you can end it then. Thank you! This means the world to us!”, the frontman hugged me.

I hugged back.

“Alright, Johnny, hit it. And one, two, three, four!”, I started.

Our guitar heavy songs were present (like “Twist And Shout”). We played and played to our heart’s content.

We were tired by 2 a.m. 

“That’s it folks!”, he winked.

The audience groaned but they were tired too and went off. Us two packed the instruments. The kids left the pay in the case for the instruments. On the envelope in little letters was written “Thank you for your kindness and publicity! We can’t let you go unpaid for this kind of dedication.”

“I’m not taking that.”, I said.

“Interesting. Still I think you should respect the band, and take some of it.”, he assumed.

“Alright.”, I chuckled, taking half of my pay and giving him half of that.

“As I deserve.”, he chuckled, “No, I’ll take it from my pay. I don’t want yours, Paulie. Now, where should we go off to?”. He took the same amount from the other envelope which had the same writing.

“Let’s go to my flat, John.”, I offered.

“I’m fine with that.”, he agreed.

I got excited!

“Paulie is amused. That’s what I like to see.”

“See, Johnny, is it that hard to be balanced?”, I asked.

“What?”, he was confused.

“Is it that hard to be polite and reasonable when you’re John?”, I asked him again.

“I wasn’t polite! Nor that reasonable. Oh, oh, you mean now with the money!”, he got mad.

“I mean you were not extreme. You weren’t hateful, you weren’t overly cocky, you kept yourself in check. I forgot the last time you were like this.”

“Well, I remember it clear as day. It’s August 27th 1968.”, he saddened.

We somehow always end up mentioning it. I exhaled...

“Paul, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll call you more. I have to stop distancing myself from me…”, John sighed.

We arrived at the complex and went upstairs to my flat.

“You are one of the best ideas thought up. You really are. As much as you treasure yourself, I treasure you. I’m sorry because I always wanted you gone.”, I unlocked the door.

He stared at me, his eyes full of tears. I couldn’t withstand him crying, because I would tear up too. He threw himself onto my bed.

“Paul, you loved me even though I behaved like a jerk!”, he shouted.

“John, I made several songs about that! And you still hate me!”, I snuggled with him.

“I don’t hate you Paul! I told you that multiple times!”, he sighed.

“You TOLD me. But your ACTIONS say otherwise.”, I explained.

“Oh, it’s all coming together.”, he began, “I know why I am so extremely angry!”

“Why?”, I wondered.

“It’s because I’m bloody sick of everyone! I was sick of your commanding attitude, I am sick of Yoko’s constant nagging about you and Julia and I’m sick of everyone expecting something from me! First it was Mimi, then it was Brian, then you, then Yoko, and now the whole motherfucking world expects something from me!”, he screamed into the pillow. The pillow was wet. He made it this hard on himself.

“You don’t have to prove anything to me. You don’t have to prove anything to the world. You are not the main character y’know? No one is.”, I chuckled. He calmed down.

“I purpousely drank the spiked drink from that lady. The day was overly long and overly boring. No one was in town. Sean and Yoko went somewhere without me. I don’t know if I want to visit Julian anymore, because he hates me so much, and for a good fucking reason. I ruined his and Cynthia’s life.”, he sighed, “I ruined every single relationship I came across. Every normal person would want me gone for good! I wanted to wash away the pain! Wash away the feeling that I am John. I wanted to be sloshed for one single day and you come in. I didn’t realise I would fuck myself in the process by being that kind of high.”

“John Winston Ono Lennon, you are a coward.”, I said, “You wanted a name for yourself? You wanted to change the world? Deal with it. You can give up! We can live together like we imagined all those years ago. I barely remember when Julia wanted something more than a fling.”

“I always thought we were serious.”, she surprised me.

“ACTIONS, John, ACTIONS, not WORDS.”, I repeated, “I love you! And now I will show that I love you. Where are we?”

“We are at your place.”, he said unenthusiastically.

“Yes! Because otherwise Yoko would kill you for gallavanting!”

He hugged me.

“Thank you, Paul. For everything. That drink could’ve made more damage if I revealed everything or worse if I took more and collapsed on the spot.”

“YES! Thank you for acknowledging you need me sometimes!”, I hugged back tighter.

“Paul, Paul… Paaaull. That’s a bit tight. I’m suffocating-”

“Sorry!”, I let go.

“I’m already wrapped tight.”, he took off his shirt. Oh, the famous bandages that few people knew about. Aunt Mimi’s trusty tool, that Julia misused so long ago. I unwrapped them from John’s body as I used to when we were touring and were finally alone. He put on his shirt covering himself.

“Bathroom?”

“Down the hall on the left.”, I explained.

“Okay.”, he went.

Nervousness and curiosity flooded my state of being. I felt as if it was 1961. and I was a flustered teenager who found out his best friend was all along a bird he liked.

After a couple of minutes, he came out of the bathroom in his clothes that were dirty even though he washed himself. And when I mean washed himself I meant completely, his hair was wet and his teeth were clean.

“You used my toothbrush?”, I pouted.

“Did you ever have a problem with that?”, he chuckled.

I blushed.

“Well, this washed my worries away better than that spiked drink, don’t you think, Macca?”, he asked.

“Naturally.”, I sighed, rolling my eyes.

“May I sleep here, your majesty?”, he proposed.

“I dunno, may you?”, I played with him.

“I can’t refuse cliche banter, Paulie, you know me too well.”, he smiled, though I’d rather say she smiled.

“Jules, John’s confidence always suited you.”, I kissed her on that smart head of hers.

She snuggled beside me.

“Shut up and sleep, I need some peace and quiet now.”

“Oh, are we cranky?”, I patted her on the shoulder, “Good night, Jules.”

“Good night, Pretty Princess Paulie.”, she patted me on the head, “Your quiff is fluffy.”

“Not like your hair though.”, I played with it.

“Paul, promise you’ll have patience with me tomorrow and we can play again?”, her eyes grew big.

“I promise we can play again!”, I kissed her on the cheek, “We will, I already told you I missed you.”

“You mean so much to me, Macca.”, she kissed me on the lips, “Now, please sleep, I have to finish tons of work and find someone to take care of Sean while we’re out and about.”

“I will.”, that was a lie.

“No, you won’t sleep. You want revenge for me keeping you up during touring days.”

I laughed.

“Then, Johnny, what do you want me to do?”

“Sing then.”, she dug her head in my shoulder.

I smiled and sung.

Who knows how long I've loved you?

You know I love you still

Will I wait a lonely lifetime?

If you want me to, I will

She sung along.

For if I ever saw you

I didn't catch your name

But it never really mattered

I will always feel the same

She kissed the place where my heart was positioned.

Love you forever and forever

Love you with all my heart

Love you whenever we're together

Love you when we're apart

She laid back and got comfortable drifting away. I looked at her face. She had an honest smile. One of her true smiles. One of the rare treasures.

And when at last, I find you

Your song will fill the air

Sing it loud so I can hear you

Make it easy to be near you

For the things you do endear you to me

Oh, you know, I will

I will…

I drifted away, nuzzling into her hair. 

Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm

Da da da da da da da

My eyes closed on her carefree laugh I used to hear during the fifties and sixties. When it was just us two against the world.

Rest of Sacrifame

okay, why is this perfect🥺

this is the very first thing ive drawn as a high school graduate how cooked am I

(audio by paulmccrackhead on tt)

𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟑.

𝓗𝓸𝔀 𝓣𝓸 𝓣𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓐 𝓢𝓽𝓻𝓪𝔂

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

May Pang’s Diary

I have new findings to write down! Today has been two months since I began working as Yoko Ono's secretary. Job was easy enough. Sort through schedules. Deal with callers. Write down important dates. 

Mrs. Ono would visit or call me and let me know everything that needed to be done that day. She is a very capable woman. The media was able to capture that part of her. That's why I like her. But something else caught my eye which made me want to work here.

A piece of work that was her world famous, macho, peace loving husband John Lennon. Mr. Lennon was, in fact, the first man I ever fell in love with. When I met him in person one time, we clicked. Or I clicked with him. He seemed to be too drawn up by drugs. Still, he left a big impact on me. Being that I only ever felt attraction to women, I was happy for once I liked a man. But I was ever so suspicious and began to doubt my feelings. After confirming I indeed felt an undying passion towards him, I began to study him more closely.

Mr. Lennon has an interesting character. He, as a man, behaves very stereotypically, even more so than others in public. Though he was always trying to be sustained.

Meanwhile, in the studio, he would be more relaxed and sensitive, and more true. And that was the man I fell in love with. Or perhaps not.

He was... More feminine. More delicate. More open and caring. More emotional. More everything. He was more. He wasn't a cynic and a great thinker like people described him. In there he was... Just not like other men. Not even close. A fighter, but considerate. Drugs made him lose his manners but that wasn't really Mr. Lennon anyway.

I wonder why Mrs. Ono insisted on doing drugs with him. She is running away from something and I think that something was her husband's true nature - the feminine and overlooked side of him.

So. I did a little digging. 

Turns out, USA's current most wanted musician doesn't have birth records. Never got made. No record in schools. No record anywhere. Records begin in 1961. when he married his first wife, Cynthia. ID was made only after the Beatles struck gold. 

Note said: "John had lost his original one, and we were more than happy to make him a new one."

It was suspicious from the very beginning.

I looked through and found out Mr. Lennon had a sister. She was drop dead gorgeous and I wanted to meet her immediately. She lived in Mr. Lennon's childhood home. I tracked it down. She was scheduled to return to it a few days after the pair finished recording Mr. Lennon's new album. I was reminded of a story Mrs. Ono told me about stalking her future husband and giggled. I went to the house at that time just to catch a glimpse of her.

She was... Everything. She looked just like her younger brother but more mature and stoic. More... Just a sight to behold. My heart beat fast... But knowing her from Mr. Lennon's explanations which were brief she was:

"A goodie two-shoes."

"Prissy."

"Much too emotional."

I love those kinds of people. And that kind of girl.

She walked towards the house with a wistful expression like Mr. Lennon usually does.

The beauty's name? Julia Victoria Lennon.

She, unlike her brother, has her documents in check. She is weirdly absent from Mr. Lennon's photos and vice versa. She too had a knack for rock music. Their mother was a rock enthusiast.

I wanted to ask her about her brother so I came closer.

"Miss, miss!", I called out.

Her gaze fluttered towards me and she dismissed me.

"What do you think of your brother?"

"John?", she thought hard, her voice striking me as practically the same as her brothers, just a bit more "Julia" song type than "Twist and Shout".

"I dunno, he is doing fine and I'm happy for him."

"And you?", I enjoyed her.

She felt entraced by my watchfullness.

"I... I'm alright, thanks. What's your name?", she asked. She looked like she knew me already and was putting on an act. God, those eyes are so pretty.

"May Pang, at your service.", I chuckled.

"Julia Victoria Lennon, I suppose you already knew that. Why did you bug me of all people? Me and John had a falling out. I haven't been in contact with him since he left Cyn."

"Oh. I wanted to get some more information about Mr. Lennon. I suppose I'm doing this in one part for his wife's needs, I'm her secretary."

Ms. Lennon's face scrunched up.

"Why couldn't she just ask him? He would've told her."

"He likes to lie, and you know that. You were close with him. But you don't have any pictures with him, why's that?"

Ms. Lennon looked into my soul and told me:

"John burned them infront of me."

"He... Was he that cruel to you?"

"I was cruel to him... We were cruel towards eachother. I never took him seriously enough."

"He shouldn't have burned them. You are pretty. Would be awful to lose more pictures of you."

Ms. Lennon blushed. Was she?

"I, thank you... I forgot what it felt like to be called pretty."

"Forgot? I thought men flew at your sight?"

Ms. Lennon chuckled like only a fair lady would.

"Not really, they don't have the time to see me."

She patted my shoulder and I was brave and took her hand and kissed it. Ms. Lennon acted like she didn't notice. She looked at me with a familiar glare and said:

"Thank you for your attention. You made my day special."

Those words were engraved into my mind.

When I came back from Liverpool, Mrs. Ono was sadder and more nervous than usual.

"How did he- How did sh- Fuck that, how did he know..."

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Ono, what's the schedule for today?"

She looked at me silently and gave me the papers. She was visibly more frustrated.

"Is it about Mr. Lennon?"

She nodded.

"What is it this time?"

"He found out that I was spying on him."

"Oh."

The mysterious Ms. Lennon lied to me. She told her brother about it.

"Now he is making a mess. I've lied to him too many times. What a hypocrite!"

"Yes.", I ordered the notes.

"Listen, May, he will come by today. If he sways, tell me. Because usually at these times he would get himself drunk. Try to hold him here as long as you can!"

"Yes ma’am.", then she left.

I worked on paperwork and calls until I heard a ring. I opened the door and who else but Mr. Lennon strolls in with a couple of vermouths? Why vermouth? That's a female drink.

I sat down with him. Oh god, he reminds me of his sister so much. She is like a goddess.

He drank a whole bottle of it on his own.

"Weak.", he mumbled half drunk, "Mayyyy!"

His voice was softer and fluffier. He is so...

No, I was imagining him as a woman all along! That's why I have a crush on him! He is... A man? Or...

His hair floated everywhere like Julia's. His smile was... So delicate. Everything about him seemed ladylike at that moment. 

And that's when I concluded.

There is no Mr. Lennon. There was no man to begin with. It was Ms. Lennon, the lovely lady with a yellow dress and a beautiful rose emblem.

It was obvious now why Ms. Ono hated to talk about her husband's sister. Ms. Ono fell in love with the masculine part. I fell in love with the feminine part. And I wanted those lips now. God...

"Julia.", I calmly whispered with utmost want, "How long are you going to pretend?"

And weirdly, the woman? played along.

"I dunno, till I die?", she laughed and kissed my hand making me blush and retreat. God, she is so cute and lovely.

I went back to my station and worked.

The next day, Mrs. Ono was relieved that her husband- or her partner- her spouse didn't cause any more problems.

"I'm so proud of him! I don't know how he kept himself together yesterday... May, May!"

"I'm sorry I was thinking about someone special."

"A man? Or... Hm, a woman?"

I got defocused and saw Lennon walk in.

"God. So divine. She is...", I mumbled.

"So it is a she.", Ms. Ono chuckled.

"Julia is so pretty.", I finished.

"You like... My husband's sister?", her face scrunched.

I chuckled.

"No, it's a different Julia."

She brightened up.

"Well then, I have a delicate matter for you to handle. Follow around my husband and see how rough his affair is. I won't explain it in detail, just bring me the letters that arrive in his other home... Alright? I will tell him he needs to sort out his paperwork and that you were sent for that reason. He has been meaning to that for a while, and hasn't gotten to it."

"Yes. You are the organized wife afterall."

Ms. Ono went on her way dragging her spouse to her and explaining that I needed to accompany him.

He was amused.

"Yoko, love, see you then. Miss Pang, right?"

"Miss-ter Lennon, what is the paperwork you need help with?", I almost made a mistake.

He chuckled.

"Follow me then. And John is just fine. Or Lennon if you are uncomfortable."

I smiled.

"Fine, Lennon."

He sped up his steps and I kept up with him like a dog. From the back I could only see Julia. He led me through the busy NYC streets. Nobody approached him today on this walk. We arrived at a building and he grandiously stopped me by putting a hand on my shoulder. Must've been defocused by his hair. God.

"We have arrived."

He took out his keys and opened the entrance door to the building. We went upstairs and entered his flat. It was... In utter chaos. Which was expected seeing his situation with Yoko. 

"This is... Where in this pile of paper is the stuff that needs to be sorted?", I asked.

"Hmm... Those are just songs, dear. The pile of paperwork that needs to be sorted is in the other room. You could look at those, seeing that my wife is currently on my tail in every single way. It doesn't really matter who sees them."

I took some papers. Half of them were crossed out songs. Some comments were like:

"It doesn't matter."

"Without Paul you're nothing."

"Not melodical enough."

"I'm repeating myself. Paul never repeats himself."

Paul. Paul. Paul. Was Lennon still obsessed with Mr. McCartney? That could be the reason why my boss wants to know what he’s been doing.

We went into the only clean room in the whole apartment. In it were two piles of documents.

"Please, sort out this hell for me.", he pointed towards the papers.

"Alright.", I began working. 

"I will try to clean the flat, your visit was a wake up call. What if Yoko walks in? She would be fucking livid."

I laughed. Lennon went to the living room and began cleaning.

I am fast and sorted the documents in no time at all. Now, I have to look through the dressers and find conspicuous items. I opened the small hidden compartment in the table. There were letters being exchanged between... Julia Lennon and Paul McCartney.

Hm... Why would they be in Lennon's posession?

I decided to take them. Maybe that was the affair my boss was reffering to. But I couldn't be sure. So I opened the dresser. In there, there were some unnamed letters. I took those instead, putting the ones I took first back to their place.

The dresser was filled with the most colorful and stylish dresses the eye could see. Lennon seems to have an eye for female fashion too. He was stylish for a man. Sometimes too much. So this is evidence of an affair! Except it isn't. Sitting there, freshly washed, was a checkered yellow dress with a rose emblem. It had puffy sleeves and a puffy skirt and it was Julia's. Why would Lennon have Julia's stuff? I even stopped being polite. God, her name. Her face, everything. I stole the dress. I did. I wanted to wake up everyday beside it. Lennon walked right in when I closed the dresser.

He lifted an eyebrow.

"Ms. Pang, I see you have done the sorting earlier than expected. I commend you on your swiftness.", he wove his words carefully, "Sometimes I ask myself why don't I get a share of you meself?"

"You could always ask for my services?"

He approached me. Intently. My heart skipped a beat.

"What are you doing?"

He placed his lips on my eyes. What the hell was he doing, and why was I enjoying it? Julia...

He-He-How did he-

"Making sure Yoko doesn't get a hold of this! Oh, love, you thought I would be so dumb to let you have the *very private and juicy* letters I exchange with... A person that you shouldn't know about or care about. Oh, I despise them."

"Your exchange with... Julia? Or no. That couldn't be true."

"Why not?", he smiled wide.

"Because...”, I was speechless.

"Exactly."

"You... Lennon, I'll find your weakness somehow."

"I know you will, you are capable."

"Why is your dresser full of your sister's dresses?", I asked.

"Why did you steal one of them then? Do you like it? If you asked me for permission I would've gladly let you have it."

He notices absolutely every detail.

"She... Wore this one when I met her."

"Oh.", he sighed, "You wanted to look as pretty as her?"

"No, it's not my size. I am... Could I even share this with you?"

This felt like a confession more than a sharing of facts. Lennon is Julia, this is the chance to prove it, based on his reaction.

He was amused by my behaviour. He was excited to learn what my intention was.

Wait... Was Lennon queer too? Why would he be with Mrs. Powell all those years? Or no? Was it an act to uphold some fame while playing around with the person he hates! This is too much.

"It should be right for you to know, because Ms. Ono knows too."

"Oh, so this is top secret.", he threw himself onto the armchair and spread his legs in expectation.

"I like women."

"What?", Lennon asked in pure disbelief, putting his glasses down.

I came closer to him.

"I like women. I like Julia."

"You what?", he was absolutely red. I thought he was angry, but he began touching his face and looked at his hands. I think he felt embarrassed and like he was caught in a stupid situation.

"You like... Julia?"

"The moment I saw her I realized I was in love with her. Not you."

"You liked me?"

"I like you?"

"You...", he was speechless.

"I want to see you again in this."

"Again?", he was stammering in confusion, "This can't be happening... This isn't... How it's supposed to go..."

"And how is it supposed to go, Julia?", I asked.

His mind didn't seem to notice that I changed the name.

"I... You were supposed to like John, not... Not Julia. Julia never got a confession. John only got those. No... She did get one. Only one. The most important."

"Paul?"

"My... Macca...", he mumbled and reset, "How the fuck do you like her?"

"Where is your mind?", I asked him or her.

"I asked you plain and simple."

"I ask you to dress in this. I like your wavy hair. I hate that you straighten it. I hate that you need to pretend. I hate that you put yourself up to this."

"What?", it was obvious there was no John Lennon anymore. 

"Dress in this. We're going to go do girl things."

"I can't do those... I'm… I’m out of practice-", she grabbed her hand.

"We are going whether you like it or not, Julia."

"I would ask you how you know, and I would then break your ribs, but for some reason I don't find the urge to do that."

"Stop pretending and let's go. Dress up."

Julia had gone to the bathroom and I heard squeals of excitement. She must've missed this.

After about half an hour she was back to the way I saw her in Liverpool. I could settle with only being friends with her. Wait, that meant! Julia and Paul have an affair!

"God, that was the affair all along.", I said.

Julia was confused and adorable and I couldn't let my boss know more about that. And... I think Julia is trying to change... Lennon is working on his image.

"Well, where do you want to go, Ms. Pang?", her voice stayed absolutely the same, except for the tone of speaking. Lennon was cocky, Julia was caring. 

"May is fine."

"May. Where are we going?"

"Hm, let's go to a shopping center!"

"I'll lead the way."

She was spewing bullcrap earlier. Men looked at her as much as women looked at her alter ego. No one approached us and we went shopping with no problems.

"May, which is your favourite store? I just love this one-or no, maybe this one is more up your alley? It’s fun and elegant like you!”

She chuckled.

“You know, you are pretty. Men look at you. Women are envious. Just see their reactions.”

She shrugged me off, “Thank you, but I don’t agree, missy.”

“And for the store. I like the choice. I want to buy something.”

“Yay!”, she excitedly dragged me inside.

“This formal section was made for you! Or no, maybe I got used to seeing you as my wi- I mean Yoko’s assistant. Gets confusing.”

She had a hunch for people’s taste.

“Yes.”

She stared at me carefully choosing the shirt and skirt that went together. I chose the navy skirt and white shirt and orange dots.

“Yeah it's a contrasting color scheme. Love it. Even better, you have orange pumps.”, she studied, “Let me just check the quality-”

I brushed her hand with intent. She carefully checked every seam.

“Try it on, and if it fits and looks nice on ya, I’ll buy it. You deserve it for figuring out little old me.”

How generous. I rushed to the dressing room and changed my clothes. I went out of the dressing rooms.

“That’s great! I am buying it.”, that made me blush.

“Thank you, Julia.” 

“And you can’t call John normally, tsk tsk.”, Julia scoffed, “Anytime.”

I changed and handed her the clothes so that she could pay. She paid with no problems. Maybe she was finally calm, Lennon always had a lot of trouble with payment, he would get either swarmed with complaints about his career or get a lot of discounts. Mrs. Ono would misuse the second.

“Where to next?”, I asked.

“I want to drink a nice cuppa and eat a tin of mint choc cookies.”

“Really?”

“Could we go to a park and do that?”

“Alright by me.”

We went back to Lennon’s house and took a box of her favourite cookies and made some piping hot black tea that went with it. We transferred it in some fancy metal cups. Very soon, we arrived at Central Park.

“Exactly why you should trust John to buy the most useless looking thing and for him to be absolutely right about you needing it someday!”, Julia talked about herself in the third person.

I felt a presence. 

“Cheers, May.”, she lifted her metal cup, “For smart women everywhere.”

“For us.”

I tried the dessert. No wonder it’s Julia’s favourite, it’s minty yet sweet like her alter ego and her. We talked some more. She told me how hard it is to spend so much time alone, because Yoko worked all the time and that she felt like a dead weight even though she wrote a whole bunch of stuff. She sang to me a couple of songs that she wrote during her solo career and the Beatles. She tore up when I requested Here, There and Everywhere.

“I don’t know if I could sing that one. Paul was better at that.”

“Is Mr. McCartney that important? You have a whole exchange between him and you! And it’s you as Julia!”

“Maybe he is! I dunno. He writes nice melodies. I'll give him that.”

“Wait, what I mean to say is… Paul is a great songwriter. He was the best partner I ever had.”

Is her brain that split?

“You don’t need a partner to feel whole. They just compliment you.”

She chuckled.

“May, you are really funny.”

She made a pause.

“But, you are right. I always forget that. Then I’ll sing it for ya.”

She sings well. So beautiful… It’s deep, because of years of pretending to be a man, but wispy. And the more she sang, she got better and fluffier tones making me feel so great.

“I like it.”

“Macca still sings it much better. But… Thank you.”

We began small talk. Julia would go into philosophy and weird facts. I’d pull her back or sometimes even engage in her topic… She is so engaging. Until we ate the entire tin. I have talked with her for too long. What if Mrs. Ono suspects something!

“I should head back to Mrs. Ono, she is most likely thinking about why I got held up at your place for so long.”

“Yes, you should. It was nice today, May.”

I blushed.

“Nice… I’m glad, Julia.”

She hugged me, oh my! 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”, she kissed my shoulder.

“Alright. I’m going.”

“Bye, May!”

“Bye, Julia.”

I need to get back to my workstation and inform Mrs. Ono about her spouse’s documents and affairs. Well, no affairs. I went into the office.

“Good day, Mrs. Ono. The documents have been a hassle. I’ve checked about possible affairs and I have figured out that there was no physical evidence… Yet. Lennon is doing fine, he cleaned the apartment and is quite tired.”

“Tired enough to go on an escapade with his wife’s assistant? May, you lie well, and that’s why you are my secretary, but I figure you out anyway.”

My question was how did she know, but I kept quiet.

“You are asking yourself how? I saw you exit with Julia.”

Oh, so that was why I was uncomfortable for a moment in Central Park.

“You know too.”

“Of course! I get married to a liar?”

“So?”

“I know which Julia you were thinking about. Saw you leave the apartment. Followed you.”

“And.”

“Because of that irritating Paul McCartney always being on my husband's mind, I need you to do me a favor.”

“A favor? I’m your assistant, I can help you with anything.”

“I want you to be with my husband for a while. With John please. I need him to understand that there can be no affairs.”

“Oh… I can be with your wife, no problem. I already like Julia.”

I said something wrong.

“Wait, wait. No, not with Julia. Julia is completely unimportant.”

“But she is still-”

“No, she is a… Manifestation of John’s inability to give in to his ideas completely. No, she is the REASON McCartney keeps bugging John and me.”

“Okay… With your spouse?”

And she again sighed, but didn’t want to correct me any longer.

“Try to help John relax… He is on edge all the time because of her and McCartney. That affair needs to end.”

“Oh…”, but isn’t that against that smile’s wishes… I need to do my job. And this is in the description of my job.

“Alright.”

“Thank you, May.”

That’s the end of my findings. John Lennon is Julia Lennon. I am his partner. He is illegally with his wife. I will try to fix his problems as much as I can… Even though I respect Mrs. Ono very much and think she is quite smart, the thought of rejecting Julia is stupid. I will try to keep her intact. Maybe I am as blind as a bat like John is…

Rest of Sacrifame

Do it. Do it.

heeppy hoolida

my god the cuteness

precious af

canon

john and george !!! buddies and pals !!!

oh my god another stanislavsky lover in the wild

reminder to post some unconventional unrelated to beatles brainrot🤣

Thank you for tagging me @glowing-gold ! Delighted to participate

Favorite Movie: I have soooo many. Dirty Dancing (i wanna write a McLennon au of this), Howls moving castle, all of the lord of the rings movies (extended editions obviously), a knights tale, surf’s up

Favorite TV Show: I don’t watch a lot of tv. But I’ve always loved Friends and Glee, and as of recent Ted Lasso as been an obsession

Favorite Musical Artists: I listen to SO much music and so many different artists. Kind of fond of the Beatles. Just a little. All of their solo careers (but esp. Paul’s), David Bowie, Fleetwood Mac, I LOVE Jeff Buckley, Hozier (I write all my smut to hozier). Aretha Franklin, Wings, Marvin Gaye, Kirk Franklin, Billy Joel, Frank Ocean, The Stones, lots of Michael Jackson and i listen to a TON of musicals. I love musicals. Hadestown, Something Rotten, Hairspray, anything by Sondheim. I also LOVE twenty one pilots and have seen them live four times.

Favorite Color: Green, but a deep, emerald green

Favorite Season: Summer 100% I have an affinity for all seasons, truly. But long days, warm nights, late sunsets, crisp mornings. I live in a cold climate so summers never exceed extreme temperatures. I just love the summer months.

Favorite Book: I’m terrible and don’t read nearly enough books. I spend all my time reading plays (for my degree) and fan fic. I wished I read more real books, but I honestly would much rather read fan fiction. Oops. I literally only read acting books, but my favorite one of those is An Actor Prepares by Stanislavsky, if you care.

Do you have any Funko Pops? I did in high school but not anymore. I hate junk (oops) and anything that takes up shelf space isn’t worth it unless its a book or record.

Do you play any instruments? Yes! Many actually. My main instrument is actually the bass, both double and electric but my specialty is bluegrass and folk playing! I also play a little piano, and have experience with the little stringed instruments of the world: Ukulele, Mandolin, I even have a Banjo-lele.

Do you have any pets? No :( I lost my childhood dog just last year and miss her. I take care of my best friends little dog a lot, though (aptly named toto)

Do you read or write fan fiction? All day every day. Literally. In all my free time I write fan fic, and every night before I go to bed and every commute to work I read fan fic. Mostly Beatles fan fic, although I just started reading All the Young Dudes for the first time and I am HOOKED. Wolfstar BRAINROT. I love fan fic, and I am pretty open about my love of it with my irls.

What song(s) have you had on repeat recently? ‘You Send Me’ (both the Aretha Franklin and Sam Cooke versions), Changes (David Bowie), Revolution (Kirk Franklin), I listen to ‘Lover You Should Have Come Over’ by Jeff Buckley every single day of my life. The Beatles are always playing around me. Recently I’ve been listening to a lot of Let it Be (1970).

Yay! Loved answering these. Tagging @johangeorghohman @cocaineskinny909 @tauruscats @i-am-the-oyster

aye, the side of paul I respect the most

Rip john lennon i hope you at least got to hit once gang cause if you didnt thats really embarassing

oddly specific thing that I relate to

me writing mclennon smut on my phone at the family get together

Understandable have a great day.

get back:

john is jealous for the ninth time😶‍🌫️

I think about this all the time. Like I know he was dead serious about it too 😭😭