I Might Just Actually Do This, I Need To Write More

Both statements are devastatingly true 😭😭

chat im gonna be so fr when i say that this movie has done irreversable damage to my brain

Take me back to the night we met

The boys sit in a circle, laughing and smoking. Neil stands up, hushing the others as he flips to a page of the book he was holding. “Listen up gentlemen, for I have found a fine piece of poetry for you tonight.” He clears his throat and holds the book up, adjusting his reading glasses. “O mistress mine, where are you roaming? O stay and hear! Your true-love's coming. That can sing both high and low; trip no further, pretty sweeting, journey’s end in lovers' meeting-- Every wise man's son doth know. What is love? 'Tis not hereafter; Present mirth hath present laughter; what’s to come is still unsure: in delay there lies no plenty,-- Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty, youth’s a stuff will not endure. Carpe diem, William Shakespeare.” Neil finishes and bows dramatically, a smile gracing his lips.

When the night was full of terrors and your eyes were filled with tears

Todd woke with a start clutching his chest at the memory, he looked over to Neil’s empty bed and tears filled his eyes. He slipped out of his bed, slipping his shoes on and grabbing his coat before he silently exited his room. Todd knew it was a stupid idea but he made his way to the overpass where he and Neil had spoken on his birthday. He looked over the edge, resting his forearms against the cool stone and taking a deep breath as the memory of throwing the wretched desk set over replayed in his head. He wished Neil were here beside him, there was so much unspoken that he yearned to tell the other; like how he made Todd’s first year at Welton feel less daunting, thank him for how he’d helped, how his smile was the prettiest thing Todd had ever seen, how his eyes reminded him of hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day. But alas there was no way to speak to the dead, no way to profess his love and speak his truth, no way to watch as Neil’s eyes crinkled when he smiled or laughed, no way to listen as Neil practiced his lines and shouted with joy at the prospect of an acting career. And so he sat, dwelling in all that was untold, wishing desperately to have back what he had lost.

I've been searching for a trail to follow again

Todd sat in his seat in what was Mr. Keating's class, he kept glancing back at Neil and Charlie’s desks, it felt so wrong to not have the two here. God he wishes they could go back to how things were, he felt so lost without the two energetic boys, he felt as if he was drowning. Lost and drowning, like a paper in a puddle. He felt a cold breeze from the window and was reminded of the times Neil had left the window in their room open and he’d slept with a coat on as to let the other boy sleep comfortably. The scribble of a pen reminded him of the times he sat quietly, trying to write poetry and having Neil playfully tease him about it, trying to peek at it. He remembered the time that Neil had grabbed the papers from him and he’d chased the other around the room trying to get it back, he remembers the way Neil had laughed and smiled as if there were no other worries in the world. God he wishes he could go back to simpler times.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you

Todd went back to his dorm room, he looked over at Neil’s side of the room, the desk caught his eye. He could almost see it; Neil sat at his desk typing out the letters for the play as he sat on Neil’s bed, the anxiety twisting in his gut as he thought of the trouble Neil would be in if it was found that he forged the letters. He remembers Neil’s elation, the boy tapping his feet and talking eagerly of his plan. God he wishes Neil hadn’t done that. Maybe if it hadn’t happened Neil would still be here, he’d be sat in the room pestering Todd about his poetry, joking with Charlie, studying with Meeks, he’d be able to fully live out his life, become an actor when he’s old enough to get away from his parents. But no he chose to do the play and Todd was so so proud of him, he’d performed wonderfully and it had been an incredible experience to see how happy Neil was, how in his element he was, but deep down he wished he’d tried to stop Neil.

I had all and then most of you some and now none of you

Todd watched as Cameron brushed past the group like they didn’t exist. It hurt knowing the group would never be the same, Meeks and Pitts had shut themselves away, choosing to stick to each other rather than speak to the others, Cameron had completely cut everyone off, Knox was too busy with Chris and Charlie had been expelled and so once again Todd was left alone. It left a sinking feeling in his gut, a deep void that could never be filled, once again he felt the pressure of his brother's shadow over him, the pressure to be good and not let down his family name that his brother had made a reputation for as one of Welton’s most successful graduates. He wished so desperately for everything to go back, he was flailing, grasping at loose ends trying to piece his life back together again, trying to fill the settling loneliness with schoolwork. He’d never felt so lost and alone as he did the moment Charlie had shook him awake telling him that Neil was dead, bright and cheerful Neil laid to rest in the cold December ground, now nothing more than a memory.

Take me back to the night we met

The lyrics aren’t in order, sue me, it’s my fic I can do what I want -_-

@kylacxie hiii you asked to be tagged so here’s the finished work :)

Chat I have a new fic idea, what if instead of Buck getting all jealous and shit it’s Eddie getting jealous over Buck hanging out with someone else more but he doesn’t understand that he’s jealous and he gets super frustrated over it

If anyone wants to use this feel free and please tag me I wanna see what you beautiful people come up with

You’re the salt air, I’m the suitcase

One way ticket to a new a place

You can zip up

All of my of love

But it would spill out

Cause it weighs too much

Buck is sat on Eddie’s couch, the revelation that Eddie too is leaving sinking in deep. He’ll be getting on a plane and heading off to Texas, another person Buck cares greatly for leaving. He can’t leave though, sure he doesn’t want to miss out on more of Christopher’s big moments but Buck needs him like he needs air to live. The two of them are intertwined in every sense of being, wherever Eddie is Buck is sure to follow but Texas is too far Buck can’t leave behind the 118, he can’t leave his family. Eddie is the person who gets him, Eddie knows everything about Buck and vice versa he can’t just leave like that, no, no, no he can’t just be gone like that, like it’s as easy as that, Eddie isn’t Abby. He doesn’t know what is causing him to feel like this, yes Eddie was, is his best friend but this isn’t how someone reacts to a friend leaving.

Eddie comes over and sits next to Buck handing him a coffee which he takes and sets the tablet down. “So is this gonna be a forever thing? Why not try to convince him to come back instead of going the whole route of moving?” Buck breaks the brief silence, he hates how clingy he sounds, how needy. “You know how it’s been lately Buck, he barely talks to me let alone enough to have that kinda conversation with him,” Eddie sounds so dejected, the tiredness in his voice reaches into Buck’s chest and grips his heart tightly.

The two talked for a while discussing houses while Buck slowly died inside as he was forced to deal with the fact that he was losing his best friend. Sure they’d probably text and call but he knew how that ended, he’d seen it happen with Abby, they grew out of touch, didn’t talk after a couple of months and nothing had ever hurt Buck that badly, not his parents negligence, not leaving Maddie, not any of his breakups, this pain was raw and cut to the core of his very being and it hadn’t even happened yet, Eddie was still next to him. Why did it hurt so bad?

I’d wait, forever in your hallway

Change your colors, start to wonder, paint it over

Or stay the same

It happened, Eddie left. The house was sold, all his belongings in boxes gone, no trace of him ever being there other than the contact in Buck’s phone and the gaping hole in his being. Buck felt like it was Abby all over again but Eddie wasn’t Abby, he wouldn’t abandon Buck, right? Why did he feel this way, they were nothing more than friends so why did he feel like a brokenhearted lover? Eddie had texted him once he landed, letting Buck know he was safe but Buck couldn’t bring himself to reply, he shut off his phone and tossed it on his nightstand.

A few weeks later Buck found himself standing in the hallway outside the empty apartment that Eddie once called home, he didn’t even realize his feet had brought him there until someone tapped his shoulder and asked if he was looking into buying. He had unconsciously gone to seek out Eddie in his shitty mindset, looking for comfort in his best friend but miles now separated them.

Buck wakes at 12 on a Sunday, what’s meant to be a peaceful day off is started with a crushing headache from the binge drinking he’d done the night before, his phone buzzes on the nightstand Eddie’s contact displayed on the screen for a second before it goes away and he’s met with the notifications of multiple missed calls and unanswered texts from Eddie. Buck doesn’t think as he grabs the device and calls Eddie back, the line connects immediately. “Buck, Jesus Christ are you okay?!” Eddie’s voice is relieved yet frantic and Buck can only groan in response as it makes his head throb, he pulls the phone back a bit to quiet it. “I’m fine, did something happen? Why’d you call so many times?” Buck yawns. “Did something happen- Buck you texted me at two in the morning saying ‘I love you and I’m sorry’ where the hell did that come from? I thought you were going to kill yourself or something! You can’t scare me like that man.” “I did?” Buck pulls the phone down all the way and puts the call on speaker, opening his and Eddie’s chat. He finds the text, passing over all of Eddie’s frantic texts. “I guess I did…I don’t remember sending that or anything, god did I really drink that much last night? I dunno, but sorry Eddie I didn’t mean to worry you.” “Buck seriously are you okay? Bobby, Hen, and Chim have all texted me asking if I know what’s going on with you. And don’t bullshit me here, are you okay?” “I’m fine Eddie,” Buck lies through his teeth, “just dealing with a few minor things, I don’t know why they’re all so worried.” “Buck. They wouldn’t text if it was something minor.” “Maybe they texted you cause you’re my best friend Eddie, I talk to you about everything you know I wouldn’t hide anything from you even if I wanted to.” “Evan, you don’t make habit of drinking until you don’t remember what the hell happened and you don’t casually drop I love you’s dr-” the call suddenly cuts out and Buck curses as his phone dies and plugs it in.

Buck doesn’t bother to call back and gets up and goes to the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror after washing his hands, he doesn’t recognize the person staring back at him, the figure's hair is unkempt and his stubble grown out, dark bags rest under his dull eyes. Who has he become?

Chat I wrote this at early hours of the morning by bad if this is ass

Please help I want this to have some form of comfort I’m open to any ideas I kinda wanna make it so Buck shows up to Texas but idk

This is not the full work

Take me back to the night we met

The boys sit in a circle, laughing and smoking. Neil stands up, hushing the others as he flips to a page of the book he was holding. “Listen up gentlemen, for I have found a fine piece of poetry for you tonight.”He clears his throat and holds the book up, adjusting his reading glasses. “O mistress mine, where are you roaming? O stay and hear! Your true-love's coming. That can sing both high and low; trip no further, pretty sweeting, journey’s end in lovers' meeting-- Every wise man's son doth know. What is love? 'Tis not hereafter; Present mirth hath present laughter; what’s to come is still unsure: in delay there lies no plenty,-- Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty, youth’s a stuff will not endure. Carpe diem, William Shakespeare.” Neil finishes and bows dramatically, a smile gracing his lips.

When the night was full of terrors and your eyes were filled with tears

I don't know what I'm supposed to do haunted by the ghost of you

Todd woke with a start clutching his chest at the memory, he looked over to Neil’s empty bed and tears filled his eyes. He slipped out of his bed, slipping his shoes on and grabbing his coat before he silently exited his room. Todd knew it was a stupid idea but he made his way to the overpass where he and Neil had spoken on his birthday. He looked over the edge, resting his forearms against the cool stone and taking a deep breath as the memory of throwing the wretched desk set over replayed in his head. He wished Neil were here beside him, there was so much unspoken that he yearned to tell the other; like how he made Todd’s first year at Welton feel less daunting, thank him for how he’d helped, how his smile was the prettiest thing Todd had ever seen, how his eyes reminded him of hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day. But alas there was no way to speak to the dead, no way to profess his love and speak his truth, no way to watch as Neil’s eyes crinkled when he smiled or laughed, no way to listen as Neil practiced his lines and shouted with joy at the prospect of an acting career. And so he sat, dwelling in all that was untold, wishing desperately to have back what he had lost.

Little fic im working on

Please don’t copy to any other sites

I listened to the night we met 115 times while writing this (the only time I’ll do math)

Reblog to hit Mr.Perry in the face with a chair