Xo-fangirl-xo - 3am Shower Thoughts

this post needs more attention !!!

More ACOTAR Psychological Musings

Part II: Future Directions re: Trauma

TW: sexual trauma (seriously: huge TW!)

I am writing this in response to questions and commentary I’ve received subsequent to my original post regarding Gw*n and sexual trauma.

Disclaimer: I am a licensed clinical psychologist. I’m not here to diagnose fictional characters with mental illness via the DSM. I am simply sharing some clinical insights from a professional lens.

Several people wrote to me directly expressing thoughts regarding Rhys and his sexual trauma history. Specifically, there was commentary about how Rhys was able to jump into a sexual relationship within 1 book following 50 years of sexual trauma by Amarantha. For context, I had argued that this would be challenging for Gw*n to do the same from my professional lens. Let’s dig into this some more.

First, let’s talk about what trauma is.

Connectivity and exposure to mental health via social media has been a blessing and a curse. I love the destigmatization of mental health that has come from honest conversations and normalization via social media platforms. Many people suffer and never discuss it; living their lives doing the best they know to do with what internal/external resources they have at their disposal. I will, again, repeat that sexual trauma survivors are brave, resilient, and capable people. They are deserving of love and capable of having healthy sexual relationships. I work with sexual trauma survivors daily: These are facts I speak. Not opinion.

The metaphorical “curse” of social media has (partly) been the spreading of the definition of certain diagnostic terms and diagnoses so thin that we are slowly losing the essence of what clinical/statistical significance means and looks like. To the point it has become harmful and hurtful; oftentimes, weaponized irresponsibly and ignorantly against others. Throwing buzzwords as an assault against others who think differently, even in this fandom. I can’t look on social media these days without seeing somebody’s ex being labeled a “sociopath” (which is not a MH diagnosis btw) or a “narcissist.” Without somebody saying “so and so needs therapy” (more on this later). I have seen it a lot about fictional characters, as well. Especially having journeyed into this fandom. None of SJM’s characters have been safe!

But we’re here to talk about trauma. And trauma is something I see thrown around so loosely and used in our common vernacular so much, that I truly fear we are starting to debase what trauma actually is and undermine the struggle of people who have actual clinically significant trauma. When we talk about clinically significant trauma and trauma symptoms we mean a few things:

That the trauma meets the criterion to be considered a traumatic experience. What does that mean? Threat of death or severe bodily injury. Exposure to death or severe bodily injury of others. Compromised physical integrity. Hearing about a close friend or family member go through said traumatic experience above. I often differentiate between a “traumatic experience” and a “tragic experience.” Tragic experiences are normative difficult life experiences. Stressful? Yes. Traumatic? Not necessarily. Traumatic experiences are non-normative life experiences.

Functional impairment. Say it with me: just because somebody has been through a traumatic experience does not mean they have ptsd or clinically significant symptoms that necessitate treatment. A trained MH professional will assess the extent to which functional impairment is involved in a trauma response. I have seen plenty of people go through the most unfathomable experiences in their lives and not meet diagnostic criteria for PTSD.

I’m not going to show my true geek hand and bust out statistics, but just know that the base rates of PTSD in highly trauma exposed populations are quite low (like the combat Veteran population, for example). Meaning- even in populations with a ton of trauma exposure, it is rare to have PTSD.

ACOTAR is filled with traumatized characters who have variable trauma responses. Some of these trauma responses are more severe (Gw*n) and others are present, but I wouldn’t consider them severe (Rhys). This is not to say his trauma isn’t “as bad” or “easier.” It is not a reflection on the trauma itself. I am speaking to the symptom presentation. Clinical significance is less about the nature of the trauma itself and more about the response. Rhys is not written as a trauma symptom laden character; whereas Gw*n is.

“So and so needs therapy”

Even in a fictional universe this bothers me and it should stop. You want to know why? Because every single human being on this planet probably could benefit from therapy in some form. We have all had hurts and aversive experiences. We have all struggled. We are all subject to experience these pesky human emotions of ours that are distressing. The reality is that some people do not actually *need* trauma-focused therapy. For some people, it might actually be harmful if their symptoms are not impairing their lives. Treatment actually can make symptoms worse before they get better. Just because you don’t understand something or it doesn’t fit your narrative, it does not mean other people need to change to align or “just go to therapy.” Obviously I would love for anybody who feels they need therapy to go, but who are you to determine that? And therapy doesn’t exist in ACOTAR world anyways so can we just stop? Please.

Trauma is Subjective

I have worked with trauma survivors who endured the exact same situation and came out with completely different presentations, symptom manifestation, and impairments. There is a sexual trauma spectrum and it is inclusive of an array of different traumas associated with compromised physical integrity. Notice I didn’t say that the spectrum was a severity spectrum..bc trauma is subjective. It’s comparing apples to oranges to compare the MH of 2 people and to compare their respective trauma. Sexual coercion and sexual assault are both sexual trauma but they are also different.

This is how I view the parallel I was asked about with Rhys and Gw*n. How I can say that for Gw*n, it would be difficult to get there in 1 book while Rhys did. First, they have different trauma on the sexual trauma spectrum. Rhys was more of a coercion situation whereas Gw*n experienced a violent sexual assault with the associated death of her sister. I’m not quantifying these by saying one is worse than the other- that is by the subjective perspective of the person having endured the experience.

With Rhys, he does not demonstrate the same level of symptom severity that Gw*n does. He isn’t uncomfortable around the opposite sex who perpetrated his trauma. He isn’t homebound for years. His circumstances were terrible, but his reaction is simply different. Now he does have some symptoms- the nightmares. Possibly a little re-living and hesitation while physically intimate. Some insecurity and issues with worthiness. But Rhys has also had healthy physical relations in his life predating his trauma. He is written as a sexual character. His relationship to sex is different than somebody who has no sexual experience outside of trauma, as far as we know (which is not sex). Again, our reactions to trauma are different bc we are all different- different experiences leading into trauma, different proclivities in thinking and feeling, different levels of emotional reactivity, different traumas, etc etc.

With Gw*n, she is essentially agoraphobic, is uncomfortable around men, has to be warned about different men even being present for the qualifier..and even after all is said and done is still at the library. These are severe trauma symptoms. She was violently assaulted. Her trauma reaction is simply and understandably different.

Comparing readiness for on-page sex between Gw*n and Rhys is comparing apples to oranges. People who question the narrative and have concerns about the sensitivity of an adult romance novel featuring a sexual assault survivor, who is still extremely symptomatic, is not dismissive of any individual trauma journey. It’s also not dismissive of the character. It is not belittling of real-life sexual trauma survivors either. To the contrary, I think it’s extremely sensitive and in-tune to offer the thought that this is something that might be very uncomfortable to read about for a variety of reasons. Trust. Intimacy. Power dynamics. If Gw*n was leaving the library and had even willfully entered Velaris, I might have a different perspective. There is a lot of ground to cover that would have to be navigated very carefully and sensitively to get there.

I, yet again, argue that this would be a huge leap for SJM to take on with where we left off with Gw*n. To get to smut in an adult romance novel in a timely manner, it would cheapen this trauma journey so much, that I don’t think I could read the book. I honestly cannot fathom a way to responsibly give the proper recovery journey owed for this character without repeating the plot/romance from the last book and deviating significantly from the overarching plot that has been set before us: Koschei, Queens, Dread Trove. I cannot see a way to responsibly and respectfully give this the sensitivity it requires. Further, it would cheapen the experience of so many men and women who have endured and severely suffered.

I truly hope this clarifies some of the questions that were posed.

i found out today that people were mass reporting leah’s tiktok account for literally no reason and she ended up getting banned when she didn’t do anything wrong.

those pjo fans need to calm the fuck down

originally posted: 3/29/2022 (damn has it really been more than 8 months since HoSaB came)

reposting because this deserves more attention and I need to remind myself anyways.

but look at that! cc3 will be released in 10 months to 16 months 🤩 (sjm pls write faster I cannot with the suspense)

SJM interview TRANSCRIPT

Below is the transcript of SJM's interview with Katherine Webber on LiveTalksLA. A hell lot Cresent City and ACOTAR spoilers will be included

SJM's been planting hints in acosf and cc1 (question of the day: how blind am I to not see the hints in acosf)

WILL EXPLAIN HOW THE WORLDS CONNECT WITH EACH OTHER IN CC3

okay sjm said the hints in acosf includes the eight pointed star

(also you all im literally crying rn im that excited oh my gosh)

the world that kicked out the Asteri IS THE WORLD WHERE RHYS AND FEYRE LIVES

in acosf there's talk about a group of people who lived in Prythan before Rhys and the bunch ("the overlords and the high fae)-- they're the ones who kicked the Asteri out

we'll find out more abt the eight point star

cc3 will have NON STOP REVEALS AND CONNECTIONS

CC3 picks up right off where CC2 leave off cuz sjm can leave us hanging bahahahaha

first draft is split between acotar and midgard

"book three is going to be so long... maybe my longest book ever"

"you'll see what happens with Ruhn and Day" (im sqealing)

"you should be worried [about Ruhn in the dungeons]"

"what goes on in the dungeons might be too much.. I'll see what my editors say about it"

"poor Ruhn and Hunt and Baxian" (im scared for my babies)

confirmed Aelin sees Rhys and Feyre in KoA

The "star" (Aelin) Rhys sees gets fully mentioned in CC3 (im crying even harder now so exicted omigosh)

Rhy's already been thinking about them not being alone in the universe.. he been "kinda of ready but not really for it"

Bryce from a modern world with technology in a world without it (sjm's biggest concern is "toilet paper" and "that" (im assuming how people in acotar shit) will be answered in cc3

Hunt's lineage and bat wings and angel wings will all get explained in cc3

I KEEP CRYING

"avengers level crossover"

"how they get along and DONT get along"

"Nyx definitely features...so far... in book three" (dont cut Nyx out im beggin)

timeline could shift a little but Bryce falling through the world happened around six months after silver flames ("so Nyx is still like a little baby")

Will see everyone being very protective of baby Nyx

“Who else can open up gates to” “That is a big question” (suggestive expression😉)

NO BUT SJM’S LOOK WHEN Katherine mention WYRM GATES asdfghjkl

cc3 will be released in 18 months to 2 years

“Set up for future books..future acotar or cresent city books” (I’m waitingggggg)

Sjm be nodding so enthusiastically when Katherine said “im sure their be new people for us to meet” and “shifting perspectives from Nesta’s perspective to Feyre” asdfghjkl

Acotar is a fantasy book, so I’m going to stop pretending like I care about the logistics of why Rhysand and Feyre should become high queen and king. I simply do. They saved prythian more times than I can count and the night court is the only court that is proactive about the threats that face all of them and they still have the decency to include everyone instead of just saving themselves. Amarantha, Hybern, high lords meeting, koschei, human lands, the cauldron, the queens….Give them those crowns..

how much hate would an account no one knows about get if i make a John Green tumblr remembrance post rn?

fuck it ima do it

"and this is for Lidia"

Me manifesting a scene in cc3 where Ruhn beats the shit out of Pollux

Here’s our lovely beauty, Elain Archeron and her partner in crime, the Spymaster/Shadowsinger from ACOTAR series by SJM.

Declaimer: This is NON-CANON scene!

When Rhysand said to his wife/mate and sister of Elain, Feyre - “I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d disappoint you all.” … “With time and safety, perhaps we’ll see a different side of her emerge.” ACOSF, Bonus Chapter… So, naturally I imagined Elain opposite of what she allowed us to think of her. I wanted to create a composition of Elain dressed in black in a place such as the Court of Nightmares, an event which has not yet occurred. I think we may see something like that in her book. I understand there was mention in ACOSF of her to not looking flattering in black. I believe it was done on purpose so her sister, Nesta could outshine her. I also believe with Elain’s gifted beauty, she can look stunning in black with the right cut and materials of course. I’m a Paulo Sebastian fan and if you know the designer’s collections then you may see where I got the inspiration for Elain’s dress. I haven’t decided if I will post this on my Instagram since it’s not canon, but I may in the near future. So I wanted to share this with you guys.

I have read many of your fan-fictions and I could never write as amazingly as you. I can only convey my fan-fiction stories through visual art. Perhaps some of you may weave your magic with words to describe the scene of this art- just for fun? That would definitely be a treat! I hope you like it. I’m about to start reading Kings’ Wife by @nikethestatue , I heard the story is a hit. ;)

I gladly welcome any constructive feedback, however I have zero tolerance for any snide or hate comments. I will delete any such comments and accounts will be blocked. Only positivity allowed in my space. Thank you for understanding.

Sharing is welcome. Credit me please. :)

rank the men in acotar: rhys, cassian, azriel, lucien, tamlin, helion, eris, jurian, kallias

Rhys - 13/10 everything he says is 🤌. Eats paint is a bonus. Will thank Rhysie for walking over my face.

Helion - 11/10 extra point for the pegasus. and saved LoA 💯 top tier humor. Manifesting Feysand + Helion threesome

Kallias - 10/10 who doesn't like a snow king?

Azriel - 9/10 dark and moody 🥰 but talk about your feelings smh

Cassian - 7/10 too self righteous for my taste but still hot

Eris - 5/10 daddy issues. but not bad on the eyes.

Jurian - 3/10 saved feyre in acowar. but bonus points for surviving with only a finger bone and eyeball

Lucian - 2/10 no finger bone no bonus. be a bitch to my high lady and i'll be a bitch to you

Tamlin - 1/10 one point for the entertaining high lords meeting. otherwise.. "your hair is clean" no other explaination needed

the dumbest/ most problematic quotes from my favorite ships but like ahaha i dont believe in love anyways

Book quotes that made me believe in love again~ part 2, because these are all so adorable I just couldn't fit them into one post<3

•He pushed, simply because he damn well couldn’t stop himself,

“And what do you deserve?” A slow smile, indeed a plains-cat readying for the kill. Then, “Certainly more than a bastard-born nobody.”

~Nesta my queen letting her romantic side show for a second :') so vulnerable. Huh? What? Unresolved trauma? No- this is 100/10 romance bb

•"You don’t even know what you’re saying,” Kenji tells him. “You’re acting crazy—”

“I was happier,” Adam says, “when I thought she was dead.”

“You, of all people,” Adam says to me. He looks so disgusted. “I trusted you—told you things I never should’ve told you— I can’t believe you’d do this to me. That you’d fall for him. What the hell is wrong with you?” he demands, his voice rising in pitch. “How sick in the head do you have to be?”

~Adam Kent to his girlfriend<3 fights can be so sexy. especially when a guy calls his girlfriend fucked in the head uwu. every girl's dream :))wishing she was dead aaahhh love is love okay.

•His growls of pleasure filled the tent, drowning out the distant cries of the injured and dying. Life and death—hovering so close, whispering in our ears.

And I hoped that this shard of life we offered up, this undimming light between us, would drive death a bit further away. At least for another day.

~feysand my fav power couple. getting down and dirty in a battlefield like the rulers they are. What? oh no not fighting for their homeland no no that's for basic bitches<33 romantics do seggsy time in battles ;) it's called feminism okay look it up

•“You care for me,” Will said. His voice was cool and sure. “And you know that I admire you, the way that all women know when a man admires them. Now you have come to tell me you will be here, available to me, for as long as I might wish it. I am offering you what I thought you wanted.”

“You cannot mean that.”

“And you cannot have imagined I meant anything more,” Will said. “There is no future for a Shadowhunter who dallies with warlocks. One might befriend them, employ them, but not …”

~will my bestie offering the girl he loves to be his whore<3 unusual but I don't kink shame here :) spread loveee,hashtag speaking from the heart

•"Hear my judgment,” Cardan says, authority ringing in his voice. “I hereafter exile Jude Duarte to the mortal world until such time as she is pardoned by the crown. Until then, let her not step one foot in Faerie or forfeit her life.”

I gasp. “But you can’t do that!”

He looks at me for a long moment, but his gaze is mild, as though he’s expecting me to be fine with exile. As though I am nothing at all. “Of course I can,” he replies.

“But I’m the Queen of Faerie,” I shout, and for a moment, there is silence.

Then everyone around me begins to laugh.

“Deny it then,” I yell. “Deny me!”

He cannot, of course, so he does not.

~cardan my fairie romeo sweeping Jude off her feet by exiling her<3 *I think I've seeeenn this film beforeeee* he really thought he showed some huge ass ravenclaw energy here :) who said long distance can't be steamy?

•“I lied,” he said. “Demons lie, Clary. You know, there are some kinds of wounds you can get when you’re a Shadowhunter—internal injuries from demon poison. You don’t even know what’s wrong with you, but you’re bleeding to death slowly inside. That’s what it’s like, just being your brother.”

“But Aline—”

“I had to try. And I did.” His voice was lifeless. “But God knows, I don’t want anyone but you. I don’t even want to want anyone but you.”

Clary’s voice had sunk to a whisper. “I don’t want anyone but you, either.”

~awww this is like the new "being your friend isn't enough",, brotherly love<3 okay friends to lovers enemies to lovers WHAT ABOUT SIBLINGS TO LOVERS HUHHH

•"You—Reid, you also made an oath to me. You’re my husband, and I’m your wife.”

His hands dropped to his sides. Defeated. A spark of hope flared in my chest. But then he closed his eyes—seeming to collapse in on himself—and when he opened them again, they were void of all emotion. Empty. Dead.

“You are not my wife.”

What was left of my heart shattered completely.

~Reid my new bff being loyal to his religion and telling Lou that she's not his wife :') so pure. true love 101. *so there you go-o can't make a wife outta a WITCH* his mentor is the hot priest from fleabag<3 "you love me? It'll pass<3"

•“Why don’t I give you the lashing you deserve?”

He looked so dead set on it that she blinked. “If you ever take a whip to me, I will skin you alive.” Rowan paused his stalking. “You’re worthless.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

He went on, “You would probably have been more useful to the world if you’d actually died ten years ago.”

She just looked him in the eye and said, “I’m leaving.”

~ughhh what is it with men's dirty talk being "I wish you were dead" it's so poetic :') again, bird love confessions are...unique, so cut rowan some slack. also threatening to whip her kinkyyyy<333

•Juliette supposed it was her turn to walk away. The lover and the liar, the liar and the lover. They switched those roles between themselves like it was a game.

“I tell the truth,” Juliette said again. Each word was a blade that sliced through her tongue, cutting her twice as deep as the harm she put out into the world. “Wake up. This entire dalliance between us has been an extraction of information.”

“Juliette, don’t say such—”

~Juliette and Roma spending the whole book pining over each other and confessing their feelings, to reach this end. because love<333

•“Don’t worry, tracker. You’ll know when our deal is up.” He shoved me belowdecks, but not before I heard his parting words to Mal—“I’ll be certain you hear it when I make her scream.”

~love triangles can be sooo beautiful especially when you've been kidnapped by one of the guys and the other has the personality of a wet towel<33 but love is love so-

I find it so funny that acotar people go "I want to hold Feysand accountable because etc etc/ they shouldn't have etc. etc it's selfish/ they're bad leaders" but y'all they're fictional??? Like yea uh sure go hold fictional people accoutable but like uh what's the point? And hold the author accountable??? Waitttt is sjm gonna rule Velaris someday and suddenly vow to die together with her husband cuz that's gonna be so cool.