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cyno day cyno day cyno day

I have my plans for the next 24 hours, sorry mom

I feel like they'd get along well.

ash might not win but give him a shot-

BEST LIGHT HAIRED CHARACTER TOURNAMENT

Ash:

Lu Guang (Link Click) - Atsushi Nakajima (Bungou Stray Dogs) L

Ash Lynx (Banana Fish) - Victor Nikiforov (Yuri on Ice) W

Vash:

Victor Nikiforov (Yuri on Ice) Lost to Ash Lynx in Round 1, Saved in Round 1.5 L

Vash the stampede (Trigun) Lost to Arataka Reigen in Round 1, Saved in Round 1.5 W

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How Ash's Sexual Abuse Impacts His Perception of Himself Part 1:

I think one of the biggest mistakes people make in their understanding of Ash is in thinking, because he had the intellectual capacity to objectively view the abuse he suffered as wrong and to understand objectively that his abusers were bad people, that must also mean the abuse he suffered didn't have a genuinely negative and crippling impact on his perception of himself. Typically, you see people who make this argument also lamenting the ending of the story as "bad" or "unnecessary", or done for "shock value". They argue that Ash would have been able to recover from the sexual abuse he endured because he already showed an intellectual resistance to it coloring his perception of himself. But I think this is completely wrong, and I think, further, it only serves to undermine the seriousness of what Ash went through, what was done to him, by framing it as something simple intellectual prowess and fortitude should be able to overcomes, as if that's how the insidious nature of abuse and the ways in which it impacts its victims has ever worked. Emotion isn’t dictated by logic. How we feel isn’t dictated by logic. Being able to objectively acknowledge that something that's happened to you is wrong doesn't mean you haven't internalized the experience or will somehow be able to escape any and all feelings of responsibility and self-blame. Victims of abuse, particularly child abuse, can often objectively understand that what they went through was wrong, but they often still struggle with feelings of shame, rooted in the sense that the abuse must have somehow been deserved or otherwise a result of some failing on their part, which is also why you see victims of abuse often struggle to fully blame or hold their abusers accountable for what's been done to them. I think this very obviously applies to Ash, evident in his naked self-loathing displayed throughout the story, and there are so many examples throughout the story that prove without doubt that Ash's perception of himself has been impacted and terribly skewed by the abuse he's suffered.

So I'm going to go through just some of the examples of that evidence:

Example one. When Ash is forced to watch footage of himself being raped by Marvin, he reacts with evident shame, unable to even look at the film being shown, turning away from the screen and falling mute. He explodes moments later in this scene when Willard keeps badgering and harassing him over his age and his history of working as a child prostitute on the streets of New York, before again seeming to crumple and resigning himself to the things Willard is saying about him, insinuating that he's always been a bad person, always been a "whore", etc...

Example two: Ash weaponizing his sexuality. Ash often willingly puts himself into positions of letting others see and treat him as a sex object to advance his goals. This speaks to someone who is willing to sacrifice their sense of self-respect and dignity by allowing themselves to be abused or otherwise objectified, in the name of gaining an upper hand. What this tells us about Ash is that his sense of identity is wrapped up in the idea of being a sex object. He treats taking on this role almost as a natural extension of himself. He falls easily and readily into adopting the persona of a "whore" when it benefits him to do so. That doesn't seem like something someone would do who genuinely believed themselves to be above or to be better than reducing themselves to sex work. It speaks to someone who believes their dignity and body is an acceptable thing to sacrifice because it isn't worth anything, anyway.

Example three: Ash's father calling him a "whore" and Ash not at all seeming offended or angry about it, not even acknowledging it, simply brushing it off like it isn't a big deal at all. Almost assuredly Ash isn't offended by his father calling him something so derogatory because Ash, deep down, likely agrees with his father about what he is. We see other people who have abused Ash do the same thing, blaming him for their actions and accusing him of being a whore or a slut, acting as if Ash seduced them. The police back in Cape Cod do this to Ash, too, blaming him for his baseball coaches actions, telling him and his father that Ash must have done something to make Coach Peterson rape him. It only makes sense for Ash to have started to believe, consciously or subconsciously, that all these people telling him his abuse is his fault, must be right.

Example four: Again, we see how truly bereft of self-esteem and convinced of his own rottenness Ash is when we see him openly express here his genuine belief that Eiji will eventually grow "sick of him", and thus, get over being sent back to Japan. He genuinely believes that Eiji will eventually grow to hate him because he'll realize what a worthless person Ash is.

Example five: Relating to example four, how willingly and ready we see Ash is kill himself to save Eiji. This doesn't speak to someone who holds their own lives as very valuable. There are countless examples of this throughout the story, of Ash willingly sacrificing himself to save the lives of other people. He treats his own life and well-being like it doesn't matter at all, and that tells us that Ash doesn't see his own life or person as equivalently valuable to other people's. Again, this comes from suffering a lifetime of abuse and being told and treated as if he's nothing but an object made to fulfill the pleasure and satisfaction of others.

Example six: Ash having a literal mental breakdown while being held captive by Dino, referring to himself as a "living toilet" made for Dino and all of his other abusers to empty their sperm into whenever they got the urge. Ash starts to laugh uncontrollably at the idea of Dino wanting to make him the heir to his criminal empire, saying it's "the funniest thing (he's) ever heard". Ash sees it as a massive joke, laughing at the irony of being treated as nothing but a worthless object his whole life, only for Dino to want to make him his heir. Ash then says "Sorry, but I don't think I'm going to rise to your expectations "Dad".", and that's indicative of him seeing himself as only being suited to the role of being Dino's and others sex toy, expecting himself to fail at taking on the role of anything "better" or "higher" than that. He can't envision himself as accomplishing anything beyond his life as a criminal and a prostitute, because the abuse he's suffered and the life he's been forced to live as a result of that abuse, have conditioned him into believing himself to be worthless.

Example seven: Ash being willing for Max to use the photographs of him being raped for his article, saying "Dead people don't have any privacy to protect. Or any sense of shame". Again, we see Ash willingly allowing his own sense of dignity and well-being to be sacrificed here, despite the humiliation and shame it causes him to be seen the way the pictures depict him. He's saying here that he has no rights, and no right to even feel ashamed of himself, because this is just what he's always been. A sex object. A thing made for the pleasure of others. This so clearly demonstrates that Ash has indeed internalized this idea that's been drilled into him his entire life, that he's a worthless whore and nothing else, and so he shouldn't even attempt to preserve his dignity or sense of self-respect. He's expressing here that he has no claim to those things, and so it's pointless for him to fight for them.

There's other examples, but I can only fit ten pictures into a single post, so I'll be making a second to drive my point home that Ash's self-perception absolutely was negatively impacted by the sexual abuse he was subjected to. That, indeed, his sense of self-worth was deeply eroded by that abuse.

Gideon fanart

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hello. Don't know if this feels weird..

Based on the post you reblogged about villains, would you expand on Dino Golzine from banana fish? Where does all the actions of his come from?

Hello! Thanks for such a great question!!

I've actually been intending to write an essay about Dino Golzine for YEARS, so thank you for giving me the excuse to get to it. <3

Because you referenced the post about villains, I figure I'll take each of that OP's observations point by point and apply my thoughts about Dino. Bear with me, because this might be long. Also, it should be emphasized that I DON'T, IN ANY WAY, SUPPORT DINO. This essay might sound sympathetic in places, but it is not. I'm just trying to look at things from his point of view.

"They Should Believe They're the Hero of Their Own Story"

Dino Golzine may not believe he's a hero in a traditional way--he knows he's committing crimes, but I don't think he necessarily thinks that he's wrong. What do I mean? Think about any real-life mob boss. They're the head of a business organization. A family business, at that. He doesn't have family in the traditional sense, but he's got everyone calling him "Papa," so I'm sure he imagines that his staff are some kind of found family where he's the patriarch. It's a warm feeling, knowing that people look up to you, that they rely on you for their livelihoods.

Sure, his business is on the wrong side of the law, but that's just semantics--what are laws but rules set in place by other men? If Golzine's work is an asset to the community--he provides people with things they want (drugs and sex) and undoubtedly funds plenty of political campaigns and public works. Sure, his sex business is a bit niche, but there's clearly demand, right? He's making cash hand-over-fist, so he's filling what would otherwise be a void in the market. If he didn't sell cocaine and boys, someone else surely would, so it's not like these boys would have a better life if he obeyed the law.

Hero or not is debatable, but the fact is, Dino is successful. He's strong. He's respected. These are the only heroic qualities that interest him.

"Give Them a Personal Code of Ethics (Even if Twisted)"

Yeah, Dino's code is absolutely twisted, but you can see that he has one. First of all, it's clear that he values decorum. He doesn't like it when Ash is dirty or rowdy or uses bad language. He doesn't like it when things happen that make him look bad (like when the head of the Corsican group decides to replace him because Ash has made a fool out of him). These aren't quite ethics, but they are a standard of conduct. Golzine has a reputation to uphold, after all.

Until he gets angry, Dino tends to be respectful with his peers (the senators, Foxx, Blanca) and even those he thinks are a bit beneath him (Dr Mannerheim). You might ask about the boys at Club Cod, about Ash himself. How his that ethical. Frankly, I'm not sure he considers those boys as human beings. It's like what Ash said, he treated him like a doll, that it never occurred to him that he had feelings.

I think that changes over time, in regards to Ash. Once Ash is his assassin, he develops some level of respect for him--at least enough to see him as a human being. Dino's respect for strength and skill is obvious. I suspect it was Ash's determination not to break at Club Cod (as well as his beautiful face) that inspired Golzine to pull him out, to keep him as his own. And even when Ash became willful and unmanageable, Golzine never killed him (though he threatened a lot), instead giving him an expensive education.

He doesn't let Ash get dosed with banana fish in the mental health facility. He also doesn't let Foxx kill him. We can argue motivation for those actions, but it seems his sense of ethics are a bit warped around Ash. Whether he's protecting him or he wants to destroy Ash himself (I honestly think it's the former), there seems to be line there that he won't let anyone cross.

Also, he fulfills his obligations to Yut Lung. They made a deal and Golzine stands by his end of it, killing his brothers for him. As a businessman, Golzine can honor a contract.

So, while this isn't quite an ethical compass, it's that same kind of structure. Golzine rewards the traits he values, and he probably really thought he was elevating Ash into someone respectable.

"Their Motivation Should be Relatable (Even if Their Actions Aren't)"

Okay, so here's where Dino fails for me. I simply can't relate to the smooth running of a criminal empire, and I doubt most of the readers can, either. I guess it's understandable that he'd want to develop banana fish for the pure profit of it. Still, his motivation being almost 100% financial is a bit gross.

However, if you bear in mind that this manga was written in the 1980s, when "Greed is Good" was a literal bumper sticker slogan, that might be enough to fulfil this particular rule. The '80s were a very different time, ideologically. Being a cutthroat businessman wasn't really considered a character flaw yet.

Also, as far as motivations go, it's understandable that he'd want Ash to take over for him, as he has no heir (and I suspect he'd be grossed out trying to get one the traditional way) and the whole point of this sort of organization is to keep it in the family. I honestly believe that, if he put all the "good" he did for Ash (luxuries, food, nice clothes, a well-rounded education, "rescuing" him from Club Cod) on one end of a scale and the bad stuff (rapey things, mostly, because I'm sure he felt that making Ash into a killer was a good thing) on the other side, Dino probably thought that Ash should've been grateful. I know, it's horribly disgusting, but seriously, that's the only read I can get on him.

"Make Them Competent (Nothing's Scarier Than a Villain Who Actually Wins)"

I don't think this one takes much thought. Dino is scary as fuck. In the beginning of the series, Ash is cocky as fuck around him. He's rude and disrespectful and it's beautiful. But I think that's all for show, like the way a teenager might push his dad, but that doesn't mean he really thinks he could take him. Golzine scares the shit out of Ash. All those years, and Ash never left New York? He could get on a bus and make a new life in Chicago or California, but he doesn't. I assume this is because he knows how Golzine would react. He doesn't spend the whole series trying to break free from a guy like this if it wasn't hard as hell to actually do it.

Golzine orchestrates so much truly heinous shit, like the whole situation surrounding Shorter's death. He's quick to punish Ash for rebelling, like when he lets him think he's going to let Mannerheim dose him with banana fish, and when Ash consistently gets the better of him, he uses his resources to hire someone who really can punish him (Blanca and then Foxx). He's relentless, and that's terrifying.

"Don't Forget Their Human Side--What Do They Love? What Are They Afraid Of?"

Dino doesn't seem to be afraid of much, but he's afraid of failure. When Corsica tried to have him replaced, he floundered for a minute. He rallied, of course, and got his position back (partly by murdering the guy who was sent in to replace him), but it was touch-and-go for a minute there. His impotent rage was rather humanizing.

What does he love? I'm going to start with the less-controversial things--he loves order, and luxury. He loves power. He has cats--not an easy pet for people who need obedience, so I assume he has a soft spot for them, too. He loves to hob-nob with powerful men.

Now, for the more controversial. I honestly think he loves Ash. Not in any way that is normal or healthy or even recognizable to most people, but I do think it's love, in the only way Dino knows how to love. He treasures Ash as something he's created, something he owns. It's narcissistic and gross, but I think that Ash is the only person on earth that Golzine wants near him. He reiterates over and over that he owns Ash, even goes as far as saying he'll make a "good wife" out of him. Dino wants Ash in his life forever. Ash is literally his favorite thing.

Before I get attacked for this--OBVIOUSLY Ash deserves more than that. It's insulting and disgusting and horrible to think that any person should be forced to live the way Ash has lived with Golzine, especially under the guise of "love." But Ash is the only humanizing influence on Dino, even if all we see is negative emotions. Ash is able to push Dino's buttons, making him alternately blind with rage and furious with envy. But imagine how soft he might get if Ash tried, even for a second, to be nice to him. I think Ash could have Golzine eating out of his hand, if he wanted. (But obviously, Ash is far too traumatized and terrified of this man to even see this as an option, which is ultimately better for Ash, because such a path would undoubtably corrupt him).

Dino Golzine works because he's larger than life. Not only does he wield an enormous amount of power, he has power over Ash. Ash is a god in this manga--he's the prettiest, smartest, most talented, most capable boy who ever lived--and yet, Dino Golzine has made him desperate enough that he's willing to climb on top of a badly-veering truck for a chance to finally kill him. That's a terrible plan and he knows it, but at that moment, it's all he has, so he goes for it. Dino is a classic, well-constructed villain who gets the work done basically every time he's on the page.

Think about why the fandom hates Foxx--nothing about that man feels real and he adds no depth at all to the story. Compare that to Dino Golzine--we hate him because he feels real.

Vampire Amity