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I’m free! But at the same time, I feel like my purpose has been pulled out from under me. Knowing I don’t have anywhere to be today - or tomorrow, or the day after that...etc - is strange. At the end of Year 11 it was ok, because I knew that I would return to my school for sixth form after summer. Now I am only returning to my school to collect my results before I spread my wings and go to university.
I don’t have this pressure any more, but my subconscious is paranoid that I will get poor grades, even though I have worked consistently hard for two years, because I had disappointing exams. Indeed, my first night of freedom consisted of an unpleasant dream in which I only got a B in French (not bad at all but I consistently have been my teachers’ hopes for their first ever A* at A level) and C’s, D’s and E’s in my other subjects, so everyone was judging me. They were disappointed and so was I.
I do have some plans for the summer - I am going to London and Cambridge to do some work experience in July and I want to read as much as I can, get back into drawing and regain my love of chemistry ready for uni. I might find some cheap flights and go to... wherever for a weekend. A day trip to Dublin sounds fun. I might learn to drive.
If you too have survived the horrors of A levels 2019, I congratulate you and sincerely hope you get what you have worked so hard for. Now let’s go and find a social life 😂
I’m not dead (yet!), although after my maths exams I’d like to be 🙃
I’m mad at the paper (Edexcel pure maths paper 2) and I’m even more mad at myself - I didn’t have time to think and overcome the obstacles that presented themselves so I came out of the exam facing the possibility of getting less than 20% and just realising my mistakes and how to do some questions. I was upset. There were tears.
HOWEVER, what’s done is done and I know that whatever letter I get at the end is not representative of my abilities. (I’m talking I might get an E or a U when the lowest I’ve got in my hardest mocks was an A... yeah it was bad.) I have done 7 exams and have 6 left. 2 of them are today, 13th June, the day after my most horrific exam yet - I have to pick myself up and move on.
I can do maths. I have learned so much that will be helpful to me in the future and that’s the main thing. I am 100% not stupid and I am ready to kick arse in my last exams.
Also a word of advice: don’t try to revise a whole module of biology the night before your exam. According to my mum, I woke up with a manic look in my eye xD