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It doesn’t matter who Mr. Lancer picked to teach a class on ghosts, all the options lead to suffering. Danny just happens to be the option less damaging to everything and everyone around, much to his annoyance.
Danny’s a little concerned when Mr. Lancer all but corners him outside of social- what a dumbass class. Danny eyeing the man cautiously, “I swear I didn’t break anything today”.
Mr. Lancer shakes his head, huffing a little out of breath, before fixing his tie, “you’re not in trouble, not this time. However, seeing as you have a spare next I would like you to follow me”.
Oh zone what now? Did his parents drop something questionable off? Or was the guy trying to tutor him again? Were Sam and Tuck fighting again? Or did someone or something blow up his locker for the fifth time this month…
Danny sighs and follows, “what is it”; it’s not even a question, he’s resigned, defeated. His spare has so totally been lost. Ugh.
Mr. Lancer wastes no time in walking off, grabbing Danny’s arm because, as per usual, he doesn’t trust Danny to not just disappear on him. Reasonable honestly. “As you know, this town and school have had to make a few adjustments to deal with the ghost issues. One such adjustment is going to be a ghosts one oh one course-”. Holy shit finally, Danny was wondering when the school was gonna man up and do that. Knowing about ghosts in this haunted ass town was kinda super necessary. And he guesses that Mr. Lancer just wants Danny’s advice? Since Danny was a teen and not insane. “-it’s happening during fourth period-”. That’s this period isn’t it? Why does Danny have a bad feeling about this? “-and seeing as you are not insane or a government funded bigot, everyone agrees you should teach it”. Mr. Lancer coming to stop in front of a closed classroom door, looking at Danny now, “now knowing you, you’d skip town for a week to try and get out of this, and you respect me enough to not simply kick me in the knees and run. Just try alright? It’ll count towards your gpa if that gives you any incentive”, then turns back to the door, opens it, and basically shoves Danny inside. “I know you’ll do great!”. And… and the man has the fucking audacity to just up and leave!
What. The. Actual. Fresh. Fruity. Fuck.
Danny stands there in a wide stance, arms slightly away from his sides, and slowly looks at the goddamn class full of people. Fuck him so much. Fuck Lancer. What the zone man! Danny blinks harshly at everyone, “I’m gonna kill that man”.
Dale snorting at him, “ironic that the first thing you say in a ghost class involves murder”.
Emilie fiddling with her hair, “yeah and why’d he stick you here anyways? It’s not like you’d need to learn this”.
Todd snorting, “probably taking pity on him and giving him a free easy grade”.
Danny drops his arms and glares at Todd, “actually, he just shoved me in here to teach this damn thing”, sighing and rubbing a hand down his face, “hence why I now wanna kill him”.
Someone snorts, “sure. Right. He tOtAlLy DiD tHaT”.
But after a couple of seconds someone else shouts, “holy shit he actually did! The thing online just updated with him as the teachers name!”.
Everyone else just starts screaming and shouting and otherwise freaking out while Danny groans very deeply and moves to walk over to ‘his’ desk. Fuck his half life.
The worst thing was that he knows that he can’t just go crawling back to Mr. Lancer and claim he needs time to prepare. Since he knows that Lancer knows that that shit would be a goddamn lie. His parents have literally made him basically memorize presentations to give at ghost conventions. Danny absolutely can do this. He just really really doesn’t want to.
But…
Ugh. He needs to get that gpa of his up and Mr. Lancer’s a manipulative dick to bring that into this.
Danny wants to just lay on the desk and cry. He is absolutely beating Boxy through a tool shed whenever that guy shows up next. As it stands, he’s just going to slump down into the chair, put his elbows on the desk, and put his head in his hands. Grumbling through said hands loud enough that he knows he’s being heard, “look, okay, if any of you fuck up and fail this shit, thus hurting my grades or whatever, I will personally find and pay a ghost to haunt you”, sighing, “I do actually know how to give seminars, or whatever, on ghosts. And I know none of you fuckers go to goddamn ghost hunter conventions, since none of you have parents that force you to attend them, fuck every last one of you, so I can technically actually teach ya’ll shit; so sit down or stay seated or whatever, and shut up”.
“WOW, someone’s pissy”.
“I will kill you too, Todd”.
“Oh yeah? With what? Your noodle arms?”.
Danny lifts his head out of his hands, stares at the asshole, then starts digging through the desk. He’s not sure why but there’s a sledge hammer in the bottom drawer, it goes on the desk very loudly.
One of the freshman nerds blinks, “why was there a hammer in there?”.
Danny shrugs loosely, “I don’t know, I don’t care, but that can definitely breaks someone’s fingers so, you know. Threat stands”, clearing his throat, “okay so because the preparation time that I was given was precisely jack fuck all, I’m gonna run this shit like a convention panel. Just without any slides, yes I’ve had to make slides shut up or kill you, without all my funny jokes on them”.
Lindsey actually sags dramatically in relief, “oh thank Zone. Mr. Lancer managed to spare us”.
Danny standing up, grabbing the sledgehammer, and swinging it back and forth up in the air a bit, “hammer time threat stands”, puts the thing back down loudly, handle sticking up in the air, and moves to the fucking white board, “ya’ll get my jokes written all over this board now”.
Multiple people shout, “Lindsey!”, at the girl. Danny doesn’t care, Danny thinks his jokes are great. Promptly writing, ‘why did the ghost decide to start teaching? Because he’d heard it was going to be dead fun’; to a class of his groaning peers.
Turning back to everyone, “so since I should attempt to actually graduate, I’m gonna actually start this shit off but with something that’s gonna make all ya’ll suffer, ghost baby making! featuring The Box Ghost and The LunchLady”.
Everyone looks suitably disgusted with him. Multiple people shouting, “oh zone why!?!” and “you’re evil!”.
Does how ghosts have babies have anything to do with dealing with and surviving ghosts in this town? No, obviously not. Does he care? Abso-fucking-lutely not.
Mr. Lancer sticks his head in the room, eyeing the sledgehammer, “why is there a sledgehammer?”.
Danny snarking right back, “why was it in the drawer?”.
Mr. Lancer nodding a little, seceding that, “the janitor must have left it. How are you fairing?”.
Danny just glares at the man violently while Dale sticks up his hand, “Mr. Lancer, he keeps threatening to kill us”.
“Mr. Fenton!”.
“Bitch, you knew what you were doing”.
End.
Prompt: "The teachers of Casper High decide that assigning a student to teach a subject is the lesser evil considering that the other options are a pair of insane scientists and a bunch of government cuckoos. Or in other words, Danny ends up teaching Ghosts 101."