Is This Something Idk - Blog Posts

one day at a time. 

if he really focused, art could still hear his dearest grandma say those words to him. one day at a time. for he must never allow for his racing thoughts to consume him with ambition. it wasn’t easy for him to keep those words in mind, because he was always so determined to be great.

it came to the point where he’d run himself dry, his sacred routine eventually burning him out. it was days like those, when he was in bed staring up at the ceiling with all the muscles in his body aching like a reminder of his incompetence, when he wished he could ask his grandma for one last hug. one last summer in her small, cozy house, no, home, one last time to be her favorite boy.

with the hot tears pricking in his eyes, he chastises himself for letting his youth pass by him so rapidly. his dorm room lingers with a scent that feels foreign, so unlike the sweet aroma of his grandma’s baking that always seemed to hang in the house much too short for art’s liking.  

he had not given himself much time to grieve. after she passed, art had not allowed himself to think about her for too long because it would force him to feel and he did not have time for feeling. however, now that his body has forced him into an inability to do anything but stare at his white ceiling, he cannot help the soft sobs that break the silence. her words ring through his mind like a siren. one day at a time. if he had taken that advice, would he have been spared from this sickening guilt he feels about barely visiting her in her late stages of life? would he feel like he had loved her more wholeheartedly if he had not taken her presence for granted?  

art cried himself to sleep that night, forced in a spiral of despair that he wasn’t strong enough to take himself out of. the feeling was all-encompassing and so overwhelming that his chest still burned the following morning, a reminder of how he heaved and cried and begged for life to stop passing him by.