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Life Tips - Blog Posts
Here’s the thing- you need to take care of yourself. When you don’t want to, when you don’t feel like it, when you don’t feel worth it.
Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Take care of yourself to take care of others. Take care of yourself because no one else can, or will.
Maybe nothing is awful, but you feel kind of bummed, even if you can’t think of a reason you feel like this? Ask yourself:
Have I eaten lately? In the last 5 hours? Did I eat enough? It doesn’t matter if you’re not hungry, eat anyway.
When’s the last time I saw the sun for more than the time it takes to get to work/school/the mail? These things are shockingly important. It’s not just about vitamin D. You need to remember the outside world exists.
When did I last breathe fresh air? Open a window. Go sit on the sidewalk. Scream in the yard. Fresh air, even polluted city air, is necessary.
When was the last time I moved? Go for a walk. Dance in your living room. Sit upside down, or stomp your feet while sitting on your bed. It’s not about exercise. It’s reminding yourself you have a body. It’s grounding.
Best Advice I’ve Ever Gotten
Are you a stayer or a goer? Figure it out.
There’s no wrong choice, but it is a choice. Don’t waffle in the moment whether you should stick something out, or bail at the first chance.
My friend Cat stays. She likes the stability, likes working things out.
I’m a runner. First whiff of something wrong and I’m gone.
I’ve wished I didn’t have to run away from things. Work, friends, school. I was running away from home long before I recognized that’s what I was doing.
I’ve never regretted running away, though. I’ve always regretting staying too long.
*this is especially important: these days on Tumblr there’s a wonderful atmosphere of being able to talk openly about your mental illness or your struggle. And that’s great! But there’s a difference between sharing in order to help yourself and other people and sharing just because you have no other coping mechanisms. As much as you’re able, try to work on developing a different outlet. People aren’t qualified to be your therapist because they’re nice to you a couple of times. Please remember that they have lives too, and their job is not to make you feel better or pity you, no matter how difficult your life is.
And last but not least:
But…
I really don’t have a way to better this.
Your interests are your own. I can’t advise anyone to change their interests to fit in with a certain group of people - that’s stupid, and actually quite damaging to your sense of self.
Instead, I would recommend that, maybe if you feel like your topics of conversation are falling flat with this group of people, you move on to other, greener pastures. There are bound to be places where your ideas mesh better with an audience.
And of course - try to be considerate about what you say and how you say it.
Sometimes, what might seem like a harmless comment to you might be a very discomforting thought to another person. I recently had a conversation on a forum with a guy who was telling me that his headcanon was that Pearl (from SU) would soon get a male love interest who loved mechanics and weapons next, and that would be her best arc, because she would finally get a ‘healthy’ love interest.
His intentions were good, but he was entirely unaware of how cringey this kind of thing was to a bunch of (probably queer) people, who have spent their entire lives being told that the only ‘good’ character development for them would be to get a ‘male love interest’. No one wanted to be the jerk to say “fuck off, we don’t want that to happen” but everyone was answering him in a flat way, trying to discourage the discussion further. Instead of picking up on the hint, he bulldozed on, thinking he was having a ‘lively conversation’ which was, in fact, in its late stages of death.
I know I’ll probably get a few messages to this saying: What about people on the Autistic Spectrum? Sometimes, people can’t pick up social cues or ‘hints’. And if that’s the case, it’s incredibly difficult to understand why you’re not having any luck communicating despite your best efforts.
I feel that on a person level, please believe me. I made this infograph for THAT VERY REASON. Because I WAS that awkward kid who didn’t pick up on hints well. In fact, I still have trouble talking to people. If any of you have had the misfortune of being my conversational partner, you’ll know that I tend to be overly blunt and come off as very unfriendly. It’s something that I, myself, am working on currently in order to grow into a better person. It’s a struggle in progress, but I am aiming towards the progress side, and I just wanted to help out others while I was at it.
collection of useful things tumblr has taught me:
even if you can't fall asleep, laying down with your eyes closed will still rest your body
you don't have to brush your teeth standing up
you don't have to do any chore standing up, from dishes to showering
you don't have to shower with the lights on
if you can't brush your teeth, flossing and a tongue scraper gets rid of plaque and bad breath
if you can't do that, mouthwash kills a lot of bacteria
eating "unhealthy" food is better than eating no food
you can make the same meal everyday for however long you still want it
some pills come in syrups or chewables if you can't swallow them
kids nutritional shakes can be a quick way to get fuel if you can't eat/don't have time
if walking hurts/exhausts you on a regular basis, canes and rollers are for you, no matter how young you are
we have free will—if doing something "out of the ordinary" makes life easier for you, do it
if you have even a dollar to spare, please consider donating to Alaikum's family.
they're a large family at only 10% of their goal to evacuate, and could use any help you can give!!
How to dominate class politics?
Whether in class or workplace, it is inevitable that there will always be a struggle for power (specifically social dominance), regardless of whether you want it or not. Those who are unversed risk social isolation or marginalisation in their respective environments.
The problem of taking an apolitical stance is its potential to affect you, especially an impediment to your goals/achievements. Even if it isn’t the case, it needlessly increases your liability and competency, forcing yourself to be at the highest standard of conduct all the time. This is stressful and an unrealistic expectation because no human being is perfect.
1. Be fierce and firm
This is easier said than done. If you carry yourself wrongly, you may inadvertently portray yourself as something more unfavourable than expected.
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to resort violence or act like a hooligan to create such perception.
First impression matters. This is scientific. Within the first 7-30 seconds, your appearance and actions are being fastidiously scrutinised to deduce your personality and characteristics. Whether it is accurate or not, we can always manipulate their presumptions to make them think the way we want them to… such as your strong eye contact, authoritarian voice and tall, open posture.
Cause a deterrence effect. Before anyone undermines you, take the first-mover advantage and unleash fury on them. Limit the scope of the victim(s) to the minimum and the audience to the maximum. It may seem pointless to just victimise 1 person, but its effect is far-reaching to the rest of the watching audience. This is human’s instinct to learn and adapt, to prevent such nasty incident from potentially happening on them in the future.
Exert your authority. Don’t stay quiet and give in. According to the broken window theory, for every compromise that you make, it diminishes the perceived fear you instilled and immediately expose yourself to subversion. Hence, eroding your dominance.
NB: Be as original as possible. It’s OK to re-use certain phrases/actions that you’ve picked up from elsewhere, but not re-applying them to the environment with the same audience.
2. Be charismatic
This is often overlooked when discussing this kind of topic. Charisma is power; leadership is authority.
Successful people are leaders; they have the ability to get people around them to help them achieve their ultimate goal. It’s not what you do; it’s why you do it -- that is what gets people behind you. They are able to articulate a compelling or captivating vision, and are able to arouse strong emotions in their followers.
Source: https://www.elitedaily.com/money/entrepreneurship/charismatic-people-successful
I’ve seen people who are ostracised due to their stern moral high ground stance. Their heartless attitude lacks empathy, which makes them more hated and excluded than those who are anti-social.
When many people like you (from any spectrum), you gain enormous amount of soft power (leverage). The leverage that you have enable you to easily seek help whenever you need and a biased defence when you are provoked.
In fact, if your charisma is high enough, you don’t need any leadership at all. Because authority comes from power, if you’re charismatic enough, you automatically have the influence of authority to the person in-charge.
3. Do not tussle with the authority/superior/in-charge
This is common sense. It’s suicidal to mess up with your discipline master or your boss — generally anyone above you (seniors). Those people are in position to immediately act in reprisal, with guaranteed risk-free to retributions.
“A friend is better than a foe.”
Since so, it is worthwhile to make them your allies instead of adversaries, even if it is a need to be submissive/acquiescent to their unreasonable demands or unfair comments.
4. Pick the right side.
This is actually the least important, but it can be very effective if you’re affiliated with influential persons. It’s like a start boost, but you still have to build your image up from scratch, but you’ll have very high tolerance from the rest. They won’t pick on you often or as much as you would if you were alone.
Your initial affiliation is very important, and unfortunately, it’s very difficult to pick the best affiliation during the first encounter.
Remember, not everyone can dominate. There can only be 1 true dominant (can be shared) at any given time. If there’s already one, your best bet is to be the Second instead of having an endless conflict. Additionally, a defeat risks being shunned forever.
“War is expensive. Peace is priceless”
Disclaimer: This analysis is based on my personal experience in a harsh school environment. It may be different from yours and you need to apply the strategies wisely. Overuse or invalid use of strategies may have deleterious effects. You’re forewarned.
Humility pays off… but only in the long-term
Since young, all children are ingrained the common values of humility and integrity. What’s more virtuous than someone with inflated sense of self-esteem who constantly vies for recognition built with a wall of lies than a quiet, well-doing boy/girl?
“Sit down, be humble”
Unfortunately, such notion of true humility is mostly over especially in the Internet age. It’s so easy to “gain reputation” on social media nowadays. There’s nothing more satisfying than seeing the Likes/Loves/Views counter rapidly tickling upwards after every new post/video is made.
Thus, it fuels instant gratification and demands for more posts or fresh content to be made more regularly, which eventually erodes the value of humility in real life. (e.g. literal "updates" on Instagram) This is something unnoticeable that everyone overlooks when interacting on social media. This change of norm slowly aggravates into public request/demand for Likes/Loves on recent posts.
Other forms of inexplicit showing off include asking for advice/comments on the newly purchased accessory or item. Essentially, any action that calls for attention, whether deemed explicit or inexplicit, is sufficient to be labelled “showing off.”
It’s intrinsically recognisable, but unspoken
It seems to be widely misunderstood that just because someone doesn’t point that out, it means they don’t know or don’t notice. The reason why no one points out is because
It’s too miscellaneous. It’d backfire if the person is too picky on things that are too insignificant. And it’s hard to substantiate too.
Risk of social isolation. It’s quite foul to point out such thing to anybody. I’d personally also consider it as an act of hostility if anyone tries to point this to me, whether publicly or privately.
Friends' bias. (True) Friends will always respect and defend for one another. They would rather close an eye than pointing it out.
Generally, in most cases, they fall under (1). No one is that pernickety to point out such trivial matter.
Of course, it's possible that there are instances that go completely unnoticed. Nevertheless, they are still intrinsically recognised but can't be verbalised. That's the reason why ultimately real humble persons are recognised and commended as it's something rare.
So why should you be really humble?
Hmm, I can't thing of any practical benefit other than to gain even more reputation. 😆 This kind of reputation gain is actually more effective and prestigious, which means more enduring than the short-term, instant gratification.
The downsides of being silent about your achievements are…
You'll not receive any immediate flattery. It's all silent. Even though no one talks about it, but the positive image that you exhibit in their minds are cumulative. It's a kind of long-term investment. 😉
Your recognition may never be seen, forever. This is like gambling… becsuse there's no guarantee for the long-term "investment." You presume that they saw it, but they might not. They might be distracted or not be bothered to care about it at all. 😜
However, whenever anyone discovers your achievement by themselves, they would be more impressed and awed than you would show off to them personally.
So what should you do?
It's all about long-term and short-term reputation gain. If you choose humility, the best approach is be yourself. Don't carry any expectations in your mindset, just think it as your own characteristic and you'll eventually get used to resist the temptation of reward.
NB: However, at any point the mindset slips, and you try to vie for attention, no matter how inexplicit it seems to be, it's always intrinsically recognisable.
How to prevent someone from surpassing you
This is a very tricky question. Whenever I teach someone, my biggest concern is his/her potentiality to surpass me. It’s good if one can quickly learn and absorb knowledge – shows that your teachings are effective, but it’s bad if he/she can learn too fast, because you’d eventually be surpassed. 😝 Of course, it’s bad if one can’t learn well and don’t understand what you taught him/her – because it shows that your teachings are ineffective and useless.
That’s the reason why I hate/hesitate to teach others (my peers especially), because of their potential to surpass me if they are effective learners.
So how can you maintain your supremacy?
Answer: Learn from your competitor
The most common advice you’d often hear from your authority probably “Just by continuing to work hard” or “Work harder.” Unfortunately, that’s the most useless advice anyone could ever give.
Example:
There are 2 runners. Runner A is you, and Runner B is your emerging rival.
Scenario 1: You are Runner A running. Runner B suddenly appears and effortlessly surpassed you.
In this scenario, it’s clearly not of your concern. That Runner B is probably a teacher, definitely better than you.
Scenario 2: You are Runner A running. Runner B tags along behind you, but with a higher pace than yours.
This is the scenario of contention. It’s a scenario of someone supposed to be behind you, running a possibility of surpassing you in the near future.
Those who advised Runner A to “continuing working hard” or “work harder” are too simple-minded. It doesn’t solve any problems. It’s a stupid advice. If Runner A continues to “work hard” (running at same pace), he would eventually be surpassed.
The most viable approach to defend your supremacy is to learn from your competitor. Find out how he/she has an increased pace against you and nullify the difference by applying the new knowledge to yourself.
This solution isn’t groundbreaking at all… it’s quite relatable e.g. businesses. Companies learn from its competitors to improve their products or services. One such successful instance is Samsung, where it fancies copying everything of the iPhone and successfully brings in billions of dollars revenue every year.
30 Things I Learned As An Adult
In honor of me turning 30 in January, I’ve decided to write out a list of 30 things I learned as an adult. Now, some of these worked for me through trial and error, while others did not.
1. Self Care Is Important
I cannot stress this enough. We all need to practice self care, to take time for ourselves. It takes baby steps to find a good self-care routine, and there’s plenty of online resources to find one to your tastes. Remember it is all about trial and error, and don’t worry about perfecting it right away. Research some different self care routines online as a starting point.
2. Read Books, Not Fanfiction
Okay, don’t get me wrong, I do love reading some good ole fanfiction, and current events. However, definitely pick up a book once in a while. Whether it’s a graphic novel, comics, manga, please develop a reading habit. It definitely helped me out a lot as a former college dropout, there are reading lists on sites like Goodreads, here on Tumblr, even colleges have lists what books students are required to read. And it does help with expanding your knowledge and vocabulary. As I’ve previously said, I’m a former college dropout who’s currently back in school, however, developing a healthy reading habit is what kept me grounded. If you need a starting point, I recommend reading a fiction book, preferably in the SciFi/Fantasy genre; or reread a book from your childhood. Also, PLEASE GET A LIBRARY CARD! You’ll definitely be saving a lot of money, and we need to support our public libraries now more than ever.
3. Say “No” More Often
If you don’t feel comfortable going out, or if your manager calls and asks to cover a shift, just say “no.” Remember, you have the power to set boundaries, especially with family, friends, and work. This correlates to number 1 on my list, self care is super important, and you cannot put your health at risk for anyone. I’m going to repeat that last part: SELF CARE IS SUPER IMPORTANT, AND YOU CANNOT PUT YOUR HEALTH AT RISK FOR ANYONE!
4. Register To Vote, And Vote In Every Election
With politics being so polarized and divisive in the past decade, and the upcoming 2024 US Presidential Election, please register to vote. And voter suppression has been very rampant in the past two, arguably three, decades. To anyone about to turn 18 here in the US, please register to vote ASAP! And vote in every goddamn election, both national and local. I seriously cannot stress this enough.
5. Eat Healthy, No Seriously
I love some fast food once in a while now, however, please take some time to learn about healthy eating. It will catch up with you in the future, and our US healthcare system is already fucked as all hell. I know the rising costs of everything, including food, is insane right now; but please keep informed about how to prepare good healthy food.
6. Take Breaks From Current Events, Social Media, and the Internet
This also correlates with number one. While it is very important to stay informed with what is happening in the world/country of origin; especially with the US Presidential Election year. Remember, it’s okay to take breaks from reading too much news, and scrolling through social media feeds. It really does have an effect on your mental health, and unfortunately too many people tend to fall down the conspiracy theory rabbit hole on all sides of the political spectrum. To the teenagers and young adults, take breaks and focus on your mental health and well-being. To the adults, read the previous sentence. With everything so polarizing, take care of yourself first.
7. High School Friends DO NOT LAST!
My friends from high school and early college years were definitely the “ride and die” type of friends, metaphorically speaking. If you have that one friend who was/is the “give the shirt off their back” type, check in on them once in a while. However, with the former, just move on. The friends I had in high school definitely had a lot of childhood trauma, and in one aspect, I’m glad that they were honest about it; it was/is a way to heal. However, any “friend” who just doesn’t want to better themselves and use you for any convenience, DUMP THEM AND CUT OFF ALL CONTACT! Remember just as you set boundaries with your toxic family members, and even for your job, you should do the same with friends.
8. Change Jobs, ASAP!
This is a very important one. I didn’t really have a job as a teenager, I wanted to enjoy being a kid for a little longer, however, I did have an occasional babysitting job. At 23 years old, I got a job at a fast food place. While I do appreciate part of the experience, like how to use the “customer service” voice, however, any red flags that pop up in your head, change jobs, ASAP! It was toxic, too political (for some weird reason) and a lot of drama (and not from the teenagers). The grocery store I work at now does have its busy times, however, it’s much more calmer, and I don’t see too many “Karen” types.
9. Declutter More Often
This is also a definite must as you get older. Whatever you don’t need anymore, donate them. Whatever is completely broken, throw it away! Whatever it is that is in good condition, sell it or maybe give it to someone as a birthday/holiday present. Any old makeup, throw it away! It’ll help reduce the amount of clutter and mess. If you need a starting point, I suggest the KonMari method. It really did help me out a lot.
10. Use A Planner
This is a life-and-time saver. Write down any appointments, cleaning days, paydays, bill charges, etc.; into a physical planner. If you’re in college, please use one! And write down any assignments to work on/turn in BEFORE the deadline. Also, anything important, put into your calendar app on your phone and laptop as a reminder.
11. Have A Skin Care Routine
Okay, I know having a skin care routine isn’t for everyone, and we all have different reactions to skin care products; however, don’t be afraid to experiment with a good skin care routine. In my early teen years, I used Proactiv skin care for my acne, and it helped out a lot. Remember: cleanse, tone, any serum of your choice, and moisturize. This also helps out if you don’t feel like jumping into the shower. Also, use sunscreen, seriously.
12. Don’t Get Married, Until You’re Ready
This is coming from someone who is single, lol. If you plan on getting married to your romantic partner, I’m proud of you! Marriage is about communication, being honest, and doing equal amount of work (finances, household chores, etc.) Save money if you’re planning for a wedding, or go to your local courthouse to get a marriage license if you don’t want the big, fancy reception.
13. Don’t Have Kids, Until You’re Ready
Again, this is coming from someone who is single and childless, lol. Having kids is a lot of work: physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Not everyone is capable of being a parent, and I have read PLENTY of posts on here and other websites about toxic parents/parenting styles. Take time and think about if you’re ready to become a parent.
14. Learn How To Budget Your Money
This is for anyone of any age out there. Please learn how to budget your spending. Look for stuff on sale or clearance, or cut back on certain types of spending. I know most people have no idea where to start, but there is! There’s some great websites and YouTube channels on how to budget your money. Another great tool to use are spreadsheets like Microsoft Excel or Google Sheets. I use a Google Sheet template to help track my spending and budget my finances. Also, if you have gift cards from your birthday/holidays/etc; definitely use them, you won’t be breaking your bank account :). Also, definitely have some paper cash in your wallet for emergency use.
15. Open A Savings/Emergency Funds Account, ASAP!
This is a huge one to have as an adult, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. Anything left over from paying the bills, from a side hustle, or from your tax returns, put that into savings. Certain banks will also have the option of creating “financial goals” in savings accounts; so I highly recommend using that as well. This also correlates with number 14. If you’re interested, open two or three savings accounts, the last one should only be for emergency funds.
16. Get A Physical Hobby, AKA Exercise!
It doesn’t matter what type of exercise you do, please do it! And for anyone who is physically disabled, there are modified options provided on YouTube. We do lose certain motor functions as we age, so definitely pick an exercise that’s right for you, as they say. Even if it’s just going outside for a walk for 30 minutes, please do some type of exercise.
17. Learn How To Meal Prep
It doesn’t have to be for every meal of every day, pick a meal you want to make and prepare ahead of time. And prepare that meal the day before, so it will be on hand when you leave your house. There are some great videos on YouTube, and some ideas from Pinterest if you need a starting point.
18. If You’re Able To, Go To The Dentist!
Seriously though, try and go for a checkup/teeth cleaning. You’re only given one set of teeth after all your baby teeth fall out, and you need to take good care of them. If you’re able to, or live near to one, local colleges have free cleanings through their dental training programs.
19. If Your Job Offers a 401K, GET ON IT NOW!
My old job at a fast food restaurant didn’t have retirement benefits, but my current grocery store job does. I jumped on it right away, even if it’s not the job I want right now. And it’s a good starting point to have some money saved up for retirement. If you leave the job that has a 401k, you can do what’s called a rollover. This will put the money that was set into the first retirement fund into another one; you can do this with your bank or if your new job has a 401k.
20. If You Don’t Have Health Insurance, Sign Up With The State, or Through Your Job.
In my experience, I have insurance through the state at the moment. If your job offers health insurance as well, jump on it right away, even if it’s not the job you want, it’ll be a starting point that correlates with number 19.
21. It’s Okay To Not Go To College
This is coming from someone who was a college dropout at 19, and currently back in school. If you don’t feel ready to go to college, that’s okay too. College is very expensive, especially here in the US, and not everyone can get a scholarship, even if they did apply for a lot of them. Maybe get a part-time job or two (for some income), explore some hobbies you enjoy, and take some time to think about some goals.
22. If You’re In College, It’s Okay To Stay At Home
Again, coming from a former college dropout, I stayed at home while attending a nearby community college in another state. However, out-of-state tuition and housing is also very expensive. If you have a good relationship with your parents, and if you’re going to school in-state, talk to them about staying home while going to school. If you don’t, then talk to a trusted friend or family member about getting an apartment together that isn’t on-site housing while you’re attending school.
23. Watch Non-English Language Movies
If you’re a movie lover like me, take some time to watch some foreign language films once in a while; and I know we anime fans do, lol. To be honest, it does get very boring watching English language films all the time, whether from the States, England, or Canada. Watching foreign language movies will definitely help you to understand the world a lot better, if you don’t have the means for traveling yet; and they will help you to understand that no matter where we live, we all have similar issues, hopes, dreams, etc. If you need a starting point, I recommend any of the Studio Ghibli movies, I would start with Kiki’s Delivery Service; or Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth.
24. SET BOUNDARIES
Remember: toxic family members and friends are not worth it. You are worthy and valid for love and respect. This correlates to number 7. This is also very useful in the workplace.
25. Express Yourself Through Fashion
Like everyone else, I feel most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt myself; however sometimes I like to dress up just for fun, or to build up my self esteem and image. This also helps when learning to pair an accessory with an outfit. Play around with different color palettes and clothing styles, and find the one you feel the most “you.” For example, I’ve always looked my best in jewel tones and a cooler color palette. Read some fashion articles or watch some YouTube videos about how to pick out an outfit.
26. It Is Not Selfish To Prioritize Yourself
This correlates with number 3. I have noticed it’s mostly a Western/American/Christian culture norm, we’re always told to take care of others before taking care of ourselves; or we’re selfish for prioritizing ourselves over others. It is not selfish, it is part of self care. Again, this is tied in with number 24.
27. Failing and Making Mistakes Is Part of Growing
There is so much societal pressure on trying to be successful in life and work, especially in the Western/American hemisphere. However, making mistakes and failing at something is part of growing, and learning as an individual.
28. It’s Okay to Not Have a Label to Define Yourself
Hear me out. I understand the use of labels in society and culture in general; everyone wants to belong somewhere and feel accepted. However, it is okay to not have a label to define who you are, and who you want/choose to be. Take all the time you need to figure out what’s best for you. And sometimes people don’t realize a label will fit them until they are much older in life. Or they couldn’t at the time.
29. Don’t Compare, You’ll Get There
We are human, and we all have the tendency to compare ourselves to others. Unfortunately, this doesn’t end after high school and college. And that needs to seriously change, especially in the Western/American hemisphere. Simply writing down “don’t compare, you’ll get there” is a great reminder to have for yourself. Everyone learns and grows at their own pace.
30. It Really Is The Little Things That Keep Us Going
When life seems to get too hard, it really is the little things that keep us going. Whether it is something as simple as someone holding a door open for you, or someone complimenting* you on your outfit or your work ethic; those moments are the ones that matter the most. Remember those moments, hold on to them.