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I’m home right now, first time in three nights. Jenn wanted Jessie and I to stay at Pat’s there with her but I knew it was time to come home. It was nice to be able to talk to my sister. I hate that I have to be afraid here. If I would do what I was told though, there would be no trouble. I just got so sleepy suddenly. I’m starting to make progress. Watching the clock, waiting for your clean hour to come is the worst part. It’s scary having to wonder how bad the night will be when your doing things the way I am. Nodding, goodnight.
Tonight my rich friend Jenn was supposed to do her buy with Big Sam. She said she wasn’t feeling well and the bank wouldn’t let her withdrawal the remaining 700$she needed in order to have the full amount. Jessie notified Sam and he his so pissed. Jess said we might have lost a good connect over this. He is definitely a good person to have on your side but they come and go. I doubt I’ll feel the same way when it the time come that I need something. We rescheduled for tomorrow. That should make us about 175$. I hope she gets me this job. 11.50$ an hour is really good for me. Especially considering it’ll be a normal 9-5 job. I’m meeting Jenn when she gets off work at Pat’s and were going to hang out there until the boys get off work. She’s seven years older than me and calls me her “bestie”. I never quite liked that word. I wonder if she’s sure of my age. I suppose I seem mature to her somehow? I’m not though, just old souled. Dear God, please keep Jessie out of jail. Thank you. I love you, amen. I’ve been speeding about five nights a week at Jessie’s. I’ve really started to get comfortable with the long term idea. I just want to wait until I have a job. I don’t like having to ask Jess for money every time I want something, which is unfortunately often. I just got an idea, love you bye.
I’ve been writing in my journal lately. I find it healthy, however, I find it necessary to also keep my tumblr updated. With that said, my life is one casualty after another. Perhaps that’s an exaggeration. Allow me to explain. I have yet to move back home, just stalling really. I know that when I get moved back in nothing will have changed. I’ll be put in the middle of my parents marriage. I’ll be required to do everything around the house because apparently, my sister is too sensitive to be upset at all. The lady is still in my life. My hands are dry and I want a cigarette.