ONE MORE PART OUT SOON! - Blog Posts

ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴠɪᴇᴡ, ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ: “ᴛʜᴇ ɢɪʀʟ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ʜᴀɪʀ”

Summary: Told through interviews with her, James, and the rest of the band - this is the untold story of James Hetfield and his first love, and the wreckage it left behind.

Warnings ⚠︎︎: This is not an actual interview with the band, this is completely made up!

[Interviewer] What was it like being apart?

[James] I did what ever stupid guy does after he loses the love of his life; drank more, slept around, told myself it didn’t matter.

[Kirk] He was a mess. Total blackouts every night, every city, every show - it was like he was punishing himself.

[James] There was women, obviously. I’d wake up in places I didn’t recognize, with women I didn’t recognize beside me. No matter what I did, who I did, I couldn’t get her out of my head.

[Jason] He wouldn’t talk about her. But every time we played ‘Nothing Else Matters’ he’d close his eyes and go somewhere else entirely.

[Interviewer] Did she know that song was about her?

[James] Absolutely not. No one was was supposed to hear that song, period.

[Lars] I think she knew.

[Her] I knew. Kirk told me.

-----------------------------

[Interviewer] What about you, what was being apart like for you?

[Her] It was rough. Seattle was a new place, grunge was just starting up. I wasn’t used to it, I was used to the California look, but I didn’t want to remember Cali, so I changed to the Seattle look.

[Interviewer] What’s the “Seattle look”?

[Her] Complete opposite of the California look. I dyed my hair black. (Laughs)

[Interviewer] Did you find someone new?

[Her] Yeah, but it wasn’t like how it was with James… it was way worse.

[Kirk] We didn’t hear from her, not a single call. It was like she vanished. I think that scared James a little bit.

[Her] The guy I got with was charming at first, he said all the things I wanted to hear. But I learned, don’t get with someone while you’re still getting over someone else, it doesn’t go well for you.

[James] I heard about him later.

[Her] He started telling me what to wear. Then, who I could talk to. Then he’d get angry if I left the apartment too long. There were nights I locked myself in the bathroom just to get a minute alone, and when I’d open the door he would be sitting in front of the door, waiting. I kept thinking, ‘This is what I left James for?’

[Interviewer] Did you ever think about reaching out?

[Her] No. I think I was too ashamed. And maybe I didn’t want him to know how bad I’d let things get.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Flashback - Seattle, 1995

She’s sitting on the edge of a tub in the tiny apartment bathroom. Her boyfriend is asleep in the next room, passed out drunk after he yelled at her for answering a call from a friend.

She’s holding a pack of cigarettes she doesn’t smoke, she just got them because everyone else does. She stands up and walks to the mirror, she looks at her red rimmed eyes, then down at the bruise on her arm.

She whispers, “God I miss him.”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

[James] I thought she was doing better than me. Probably living her best life, y’know?

[Her] I thought he was probably out there screwing everything with a pulse.

[James] (Laughs) I was.

[Interviewer] So when did you see each other again?

[Her] New Years Eve, ‘96. I hadn’t seen him in over two years, I didn’t plan on ever seeing him again.

[Kirk] None of us knew she was coming. She just walked in, and James went white.

[James] I didn’t recognize her at first. She looked completely different from when I had last seen her.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Flashback - December 31st, 1996

She hadn’t planned on coming back to California, ever.

But three nights ago, her now ex had grabbed her hard enough to leave a mark - not the first time, but the worst. Her sister showed up with a suitcase and didn’t give her a choice.

Now she was in L.A., on a balcony, holding a plastic cup of champagne she wasn’t drinking, the city lights stretched out in a blur below. Music pulsed from inside the house. Laughter, yelling, fireworks already cracking.

She turned to go back in - and stopped.

He was there, James.

Leaning against the kitchen island, half-laughing at something Lars said, holding a beer in one hand. His hair was shorter now, his facial hair was more grown out, and he looked like a lumberjack.

He hadn’t seen her yet.

She froze. Her heart pounded. Her sister said something, but it didn’t register.

James looked up, and their eyes met.

The laughter faded from his face instantly.

The whole party kept moving around them, but for a second - it was just them.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

[James] It was so weird… I couldn’t move when I saw her. I thought she turned me into stone, like Medusa. I thought she was gonna turn around and walk away.

[Her] I wanted to walk away, but my feet wouldn’t work. And then he started walking towards me.

[Lars] They didn’t even say anything at first. Just… looked at each other.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Flashback - Later that night.

He offered to drive her home. She agreed, even though she wasn’t sure why.

The inside of his car was mostly quiet. Some late night rock station played low through the speakers, the windows fogged slightly from the night air. The city lights fell behind them as they drove west, towards where she asked him to go instead, the water.

About ten minutes in, he spoke, his eyes still on the road.

“So… the black hair.”

She looked down at her lap, the ends of dyed hair brushed against her fingers. “You hate it?”

“No,” he said, too quickly. “Just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Yeah, well. A lot’s changed.”

“I figured.” He paused, glanced at her. “Still looks good though.”

She huffed out a soft laugh, “You don’t have to say that.”

“I know I don’t”

Another mile of silence.

He took a turn off the main road, pulling into a quiet beach parking lot. The ocean was a low roar in the distance - the lot was mostly empty, one or two cars were on the other end of the lot, teenagers.

He killed the engine but left the music playing low, just the hum of guitar under the quiet.

For a while, neither of them spoke.

Then she said, “He didn’t like it when I dyed it.”

James looked at her, “Then I’m really glad you did it.”

Her throat tightened as she looked at him, “I wasn’t planning on seeing you tonight,” she said softly. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“I’m not asking you to be.”

He noticed that her eyes had become glossy, and her bottom lip began to quiver. “I left because I had to. It got bad.’’ she whispered.

He didn’t ask for details, he didn’t need to.

“I know the feeling.” he said, voice low.

And then he reached over, slowly, like he was giving her time to pull away. But all he did was tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “You still feel like you.” he murmured.

That was all it took.

Her chest broke open and the tears came, hot and quiet. She leaned in, and he held her like something precious. No words, no pressure, just his arms around her, his hands in her hair, and her forehead pressed to his shoulder.

They sat like that for what felt like forever. The car, the night, the world - it all faded.

──────

Early 1997

It had been a few days since New Years.

Since the car, since the tears, since the way he held her in his arms. They’d seen each other once after that, coffee in a diner. No pressure, no labels, he didn’t try to kiss her, and she didn’t try to run.

But today felt different.

The band was rehearsing at the studio in L.A. She hadn’t been there in years. Her palms were sweaty as she stood outside the door.

And then it opened.

Jason saw her first, he smiled widely, “Holy shit.” Before she could even say hi, she was pulled into a bear hug.

Then Kirk. Then Lars, who looked like he was pretending not to be thrilled.

And then James came out of the control room. He didn’t say anything, just looked at her for a long moment. Then, he walked over and pulled her into him.

“Hey.” he whispered into her hair.

“Hey.” she whispered back, smiling into his shoulder.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

[Kirk] I remember James walking into rehearsal that day, and saying “She’s coming.” That’s all he said. But we all knew what it meant.

[Lars] It was like the band got it’s balance back. She was always part of this, whether she knew it or not.

[Her] I didn’t plan on staying. I still had a flight booked back east. But that day, I walked into the studio and…I felt like I was home.

[Jason] She sat on the couch and just listened for a while. Didn’t say much. But James kept looking at her between takes, like he was checking that she was there, and real.

[James] I couldn’t believe she was there. I kept thinking I’d blink and she’d be gone.

[Her] I told my sister I wasn’t coming back with her. I hadn’t even packed my bags to leave in the first place.

[Interviewer] So what was it like then? After everything?

[Her] Strange. We were relearning each other, slowly and carefully.

[James] We weren’t the same people we were before, and thank god for that.

[Her] He was calmer. Still intense - but in a better way. I think him losing everything made him finally figure out what mattered.