Your personal Tumblr library awaits
Hi! I’ve been awakened for 10 years, going on 11 years next year in February. I’m a silver black phase wolf with amber eyes. I’ve never learned what works for me as far as connecting and feeling since my awakening in 2015.
Sure, I miiight have this rare phantom shift with my wolf ears where I’ll feel a pressure on both sides of my head, and my mind interpreting it as ears when thinking of my form give or take. Seems to be a trigger of mine? I also have small mental flares that only last for a few seconds which has always been my normal so that’s nothing new.
Lately I’ve tried to trigger phantom and mental shifts voluntarily but I end up having an envisage shift instead. It’s weird. I honestly have tried everything else too. Gear, vocals, looking up my habitat, research on my animal, etc etc. It doesn’t do anything for me at all. Not even songs trigger shifts.
I’ve heard that as nonhumans grow older, they slowly lost their connection to their nonhumanity and that it’s naturally stronger in teenage years. I’m not sure if that’s true or if it’s really happening to me. I’ve noticed that it’s difficult for me to find new ways to connect and feel wolf. The things I did before (running in the woods, being outside at night, vocals, etc) just came naturally to me as a teenager and it lasted whereas now it just… doesn’t.
Help?
•awakening (1/3•
My awakening isn’t something I’m too open about. I cannot find a single person who shares a similar experience as I. Due to this, I’m fearful and anxious about publishing this post, BUT I want to. Perhaps I’ll feel less alone by doing so. With that said, here goes. 🐺
It started off around late summer to early fall in 2012/2013. I had just moved into new house with my mother and made a few female friends who were around my age. After getting to know them a bit as kids, they both introduced me into the supernatural. At first, they mentioned they were vampires and they “turned into one” with the use of “online spells” from YouTube.
From what I recall, I wanted to be a vampire alongside with them. These two girls “turned” me with the online spells and boom. I thought it had worked. I was going to simply live my life as a vampire. Of course, I was fooled.
Later on around the age of 12/13, I had discovered “werewolf spells” once again all online. I did one and I thought it had worked. I thought I was experiencing “symptoms”. I stated what kind of wolf I wished to be. A polar wolf with yellow eyes.
Before my true awakening, I discovered the world of physical shifting and the community. I was beginning my journey into it and tried out mental shifting through various methods on my own. I recall I tried to visualize myself as a wolf but nothing came of it. Disappointed but still determined, I kept going…
Soon enough, I had heard my “friends” no longer believed in the supernatural but I still held onto the belief of it. I even told myself, “no one will ever take this away from me. I’m determined to see this through and to discover myself.” My gut told me to keep pushing, for there is more out there than I realized…
•awakening 2/3•
At this point in my journey at the age of 12 or 13 years old, I knew I was about to discover something bigger than myself. Excited, I just kept going.
I was uploading videos on YouTube of myself. My posts consisted of me posting about “real werewolf spells” and spiritual guides. I truly thought my guide was a wolf and nothing else. I’d do quizzes as well back then to “help” find more about myself as a wolf and my guide. I was also in contact with a friend of mine on Kik messenger back when it was gaining popularity.
While discovering that there were others out there who had similar experiences and beliefs of my own (p-shifting), I realized I was a lot less alone and more focused on how to shift physically. I also had tried out meditation all on my own. I even joined a lot of toxic “packs” on Kik from the ages of 12/13-16?
For a while however, I still felt lost. Lost about myself and those around me. I didn’t know what was real and what isn’t. I didn’t know if p-shifting truly existed. I just kept wanting to genuinely shift…
February of 2015 hits. By now I had moved out into the countryside, went to a middle school where I was bullied and other traumatic situations were happening. I recall however that I didn’t feel entirely alone anymore. I had created my own online pack where a lot of drama took place and I thought I was encountering real p-shifters. While none of us could p-shift, we were deep in belief.
In February of 2015, I had met someone online. Let’s call her C. C was only 13 and I was 15. I’ve never forgotten this moment ever. When C and I had met, I immediately let her join my pack. Something in me told me she was a legitimate nonhuman. After getting to know her personal experience and life in DMs, we became close friends…
I remember as clear as day about this experience. It was winter and there was a severe snowstorm brewing. This was at nighttime. The electricity went out, we used candles for lighting, I had zero internet, and it was freezing. I recall looking at my phone while my data was in and out. Typing out a message to my pack, I was bombarded with messages…
It was about C…
•awakening 3/3•
As my messages from Kik were surprisingly delivered, C had vivid flashes of wolves. Visions from a deep meditation she had done.
While my memory doesn’t serve me well, I was in shock at what C had seen. I knew it wasn’t just make believe or lies… this was all real.
She managed to make contact with various wolves. She had seen an entire pack one at a time.
The winter storm was blowing and wind was howling. As I read through these messages, she had seen the following:
• a pure-ish looking white as snow polar wolf with yellow eyes laying down in snow.
• some sort of black wolf but I cannot recall what it was doing.
• a cream blonde wolf with white and pale green eyes. Medium in size. This was C’s vision of her wolf, Fern. Her wolf was standing side by side with mine. A silver looking black phase wolf with mahogany eyes by the name of Dusk…
I had seen photos of Dusk like a mixture between two reference photos as seen in the second and third photo. In shock, I was surprised that she had seen these wolves.
On the day of my near awakening, the electricity came on. I was all happy about it however curious of what else was said by C. DMing her, I asked about what happened. I cannot recall the conversation due to time, but she had shown me the photos. She suggested I look on my own for a better photo and see what I feel…
Feeling it out, I came across a photo of a particular wolf (timber I believe). I had shown the photo to C and she had said it was what she saw, expect for a few minor details were different.
At this point, I cannot recall how exactly I awakened or what triggered it, BUT I’ll always remember what I felt.
It was like something came to life again from a deep state of sleep. Dormancy if you will. I had truly felt something was.. with me. It was like another presenc but female in nature. At this point, I was told to meditate immediately afterward. It was like another being was with me and always had been… Dusk it was.
I only really remember feeling her in my mind. I felt her emotions and energy throughout me. She felt close to the surface and at the forefront of my mind. It was a new sense of energy. It was as if I could feel my wolf throughout my veins. From here, the rest is simply history.
Thank you for reading!! 🌸🐺
Does anyone here believe that their animal self isn’t just themselves?.. am I the only one who believes that my wolf isn’t only me but that of an entity?
I’m always told, “your animal is only you” like… no?? It’s really not just me. I refer to my inner wolf as a female as it’s what I have felt over the years from MY own experience.
I know I’m not the only one who believes this. No, it’s not DID or any mental illness. It’s not a defense mechanism either. Sigh.
If anyone knows of any users who have this experience, let me know! 😅
reblog if you're a fucked up creature 👍🏾