Suicidal Ideation Tw - Blog Posts

Ever the optimist, Didyme's innate positivity had fought back against the call for darkness. Perhaps just as sorrow was a condition of humanity, self-preservation was a condition of the eternity her brother had gifted her with. Trying to burn herself in the sun and join her siblings had resulted in only a temporarily charred wrist. Though on the other side of her temptation she saw a clearer truth; she had lost herself. She remembered how precious life had been in humanity. How one more hug, one more meal, one more sunrise was a blessing and none of them were promised. And there she was with an endless abundance. Who was she to shun such things?

Still, when death seemed as much a promise as the joys of life she knows it harder to resist the temptation to meet it earlier. A small, thoughtful smile crosses the vampires delicate features. "You're right, I do not know you." But she knew humans. She had seen a plethora of them, countless lifetimes, of the way they could be. Some prettier than others. The yellow jewel of her necklace catches the light of the moon, illuminating her face as she moves closer. "But I am willing to bet you did not start this way. No one does." Not even her cold and controlling brother, even he had once been a child full of light and hope. As she moves, so does her power, invisible tendrils attempting to take hold of the woman's heart and fill it with a warmth she surely had not felt in some time. Reaching for the human's arm, Didyme's own heart aches as the others pain hits her even harder. In her tear stained gaze she sees but a broken child. When was the last time someone held her?

Overwhelmed, the ancient pulls the woman into her embrace, trying to envelop her with a certain protection from the harsh fate that awaited on the other side of the cliff. "It's going to be okay. Not every day will feel like this." It was only the two of them under the evening sky, but her words are still whispered. A gentle offering of comfort from whoever she needed it to be from. From wherever she had never felt it.

Sorrow wasn't apt enough a word for the depth of Esme's grief— her pain. Every breath felt like needles in her lungs, pricking tears from eyes just for her to then choke on them. They had to pull her fingers from around her son's body, pry her arms from around him so they could take him to the morgue. All while she screamed and begged for another hour.

The silence afterwards was incomparable to anything she'd experienced before. They had threatened restraints on her, but one of the nurses managed to convince the doctor otherwise; she was just a grieving mother, not a danger to anyone's safety—

Well, perhaps her own.

Her lungs burned as they did bringing her boy into this world. Over the past few days she had become accustomed to heaving lungs; labour of different kinds, one now to reward her the end of this tortuous existence.

Through her tears, Esme thinks that perhaps the figure and the words to be her mother. The innate kindness of them make her yearn for the familiarity of a mother's embrace, but as she blinks the tears away, Esme focuses instead on a stranger.

The breeze is non-existent on this humid, August night. The stars glisten like silver above and Esme can't help the way she finds peace in this landscape being her end.

"How could a stranger know if I'm myself or not?" Her words are spat. She is so close now. If her son can't be with her, she'll be with him. "They couldn't, so don't pretend you're any different."

towercursed​:

The rejection stings in a way no other wound he’s inflicted on her has. He’s not trying to hurt her here - he’s hurting himself and, whether intentional or not, that makes her heart ache. Especially since she’s almost completely unable to help him. It’s not like she could even try to feed him. She still remembers the last time someone tried to feed him ( she hadn’t been there, but she remembers Sakura’s account of it very clearly ) and it’s not like he’s ever been receptive to help. She can still trace the places on her body he’s physically wounded, though any hint of scarring has long since vanished, from the last times they’ve clashed over supporting him. But it’s a little different now, isn’t it?

“ You’re alone all the time in here. ” Her voice is low as though trying not to disturb the still air, but she’s concentrated all of the affection and concern from her normal voice into those words. Even if he can’t see her worry, she won’t do anything to curb the way it’s twisting her face, making her eyes half-close as her lips press together. “ Are you feeling okay? ” 

She leans forward so she can address the front of his face, looking up  at the seal over his eyes with pity flashing in hers. Her sight darts down to the way he’s being restrained, studying the material and belts carefully. Not for an escape - she’s working out where his hand would be, and she spots it before realising maybe she shouldn’t start there. Something simpler, less intimate, so he doesn’t get overwhelmed. That Infinite Tsukuyomi must have messed with her more than she thought. Still, she inhales carefully and reaches out, letting her hand rest on the shoulder closest to her as she speaks softly, nerves making her thumb twitch. She lets it move to not only calm her own anxiety about the closeness, but to soothe him too.

“ You’ve been in here a while and — well, I guess I’m worried it’s messing with your health. ”

“Isn’t that the point of this? For me to be alone. The point of all of it...?”

Perhaps Rapunzel was right. Maybe spending so much time in this cell alone, barely even grated the sense of sight in fear that he may use his genjutsu on whoever was tasked to guarding him. Sasuke had lost count of the days a short while ago, barely finding much of a reason to keep counting them to himself. What did it matter if he was in here for a week or a couple of months or years? What did any of this matter?

The silence gave him the one thing he wanted the least, time with his own thoughts. Circling through all of his memories and then some, brushing over them as though they were abandoned objects covered in dust inside of an attic. Touching on the memories of childhood, before it all went wrong, and - of course - when it did. Wondering what he could of done different. If maybe if he had noticed the change in Itachi sooner, had pestered him less and tried to be a good brother, maybe things could of been... perhaps they would all still be--

He flinches just slightly at the touch on his shoulder, barely stopping the small intake of breath; so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t sensed Rapunzel moving closer to him. A part of him wished that he could see her -- what type of face was she making at him right now? Perhaps if he could see her, he can figure out just why she kept coming.

“... What does it matter...” His voice, low and careful, cut through the brief silence. “What does it matter if it is...? Maybe if they leave me alone in here long enough, I’ll finally rot away like they want.”

Like I want.

Shoulder shifts, trying to let the gentle touch fall from him; not quite shaking her touch off of him, but trying to let it drop from him as though it was a stray raindrop. Underneath the buckles and cloth, his fingers curl into a fist; nails digging into the palm of his hands the same way he tended to dig them into the flesh of his arms. Unable to do much else, he was sure that scars were probably ugly -- from reopening them and digging deeper over and over again in the same spots.

“... Leave. I don’t want any visitors.”

towercursed​:

His attack comes as a complete surprise, even with what should have been a verbal warning. She cringes at his words, giving a perfect opportunity for the blow and even though she lifts her arms to protect herself from him, it immediately knocks her backwards. She falls from the force with a high-pitched yelp, hitting the ground with her full back. A small groan escapes her mouth, her head spinning from the force as she lifts it, before he continues his small rampage towards her.

She snaps back into action, frantically scrambling backwards with her hands and heels scraping into the dirt below her just to get away from his silent ( and not so silent ) threat, but she doesn’t get very far before his eyes change. Air catches in her throat as she rests herself on elbows, her heart beating quick enough for her to hear it pounding in her ears. Her eyes are wide but focused entirely on him, even if her attention flickers from his face to the way his hand twitches over his weapon and back.

“ No, no, no, I’m not! ” She protests hotly, leaning forward with desperation shining in her eyes as she clutches a fist tight against her chest. She doesn’t even wobble as she rests her weight on her other elbow, holding his gaze without blinking. “ I go there twice a week! I take some of the children there to teach them about what it means. People want to learn about what happened. ”

Something in her snaps. All this time, chasing after him every time he turned his back on her, doing all she can to give him a safe space, a friend to confide in, and doing all she can to understand him and ease him - it all comes crashing down on her like the Hokage faces have been dropped on her stomach. There’s a deep inhale as she stares at him, her eyebrows creasing together while her eyes narrow, staring to water like she might cry.

“ Everyone who killed your family is gone now, Sasuke! ” She suddenly fires back, much firmer and stronger in her conviction now. Her hands “ Revenge against the village isn’t revenge against the same people who killed them! ”

Her quiet outburst vanishes as quickly as it appeared, fading back into the cool dismay it had come from. Maybe it’s a little more blunt than she intended, she realises with a cringe, but someone has to say it. Someone has to be the one to ask him how far he’s going to go, because if he targets Konoha and destroys it, will he really be satisfied with that? Will he move to the next village with a slight connection to the Akasuki? Will he end everything just for the sake of it? She chews on her lip nervously just imagining it ; revenge isn’t the answer for his grief.

“ We care about you. We care about what happened your family. That’s why we’re doing this. ” Though her words aren’t explicitly a plea, her tone is one of begging as she tries to throw her voice to his heart - hoping she might be able to reach that part of him still. “ Please, listen to me. We’re worried about you - all of us. ”

Risking everything, she pushes herself to her knees. Her hands raise, open and palms towards him, in a gesture of peace as she lifts herself back to her feet. Slow, cautious, and predictable, as though dealing with a wild animal. She can certainly see the similarities - he’s backed into a corner, feeling like he has no option but to lash out. He might be violent, but that’s because he’s scared. He needs to be shown patience and love so he can create a space he can feel safe in.

“ Stop, please. ” One hand reaches for him as she whispers, vaguely aiming at his left eye as though she’s going to cup his cheek, but she stops with a respectful gap between them, waiting for him to bridge it. She hopes he’ll know she’s talking about the appearance of his sharingan - surely he knows there’s little point in wasting it on her. “ You’re gonna hurt yourself. ”

There is barely even a bit of satisfaction at making her fall over; at lashing out in an attempt to get her to shut up her babbling that couldn’t be the truth. His mind is at war, a raging storm with no means to escape aside from destroy and kill and destruction - concepts that had seemed much more complex to him prior to finding out Itachi’s secret. To finding out the truth. Now? --- everyone seemed guilty. There was no innocent when everyone had stood by while the Uchihas had been persecuted.

Death was a mercy to them all at this point.

But Rapunzel’s words were a contrast to it all: residents of the Leaf village wanting to know? Wanting to help them get justice in whatever form it looked like? Learning the truth?

A flinch tears through him before he can stop it at her outburst, crimson eyes widening a fraction before narrowing once more, dangerously as his grip onto his katana’s hilt tightened dangerously. The urge to grip at his chest, at his rapidly beating - and bleeding and aching - heart, was almost consuming him.

‘Everyone who killed your family is gone now, Sasuke!’

“Because I MADE IT so!!” His voice is still loud, a shout, a scream as he took another step closer to Rapunzel, the urge to hurt her creeping back up in the back of his mind. “They made that bastard Hokage, after EVERYTHING he’s done! Justice only came from my hand, and if not me, there would of never been justice at all!

“I am a product of the Leaf Village’s cruelty and arrogance. They took my family from me, and was content on letting me live a lie for their benefit while watching me like a ticking time bomb. Don’t pretend to be more stupid and naive than you are --- that you didn’t notice as well!”

Sasuke had never been able to explain the cautious way that adults watched him as a child; the way they praised him with an air of hesitation. A prodigy, the most promising ninja of his class, the martyr of the Uchiha clan; the clan of savages that needed to be reigned in. Where they wondering if Sasuke could be trusted? If it was truly a good idea to let the last Uchiha live among them?

His vision blurred, the girl’s shape in front of twisted until it was more a mix of colors and shapes than an actual person, and eyes flickered rapidly in a subtle display of panic. He knew he was harming himself, blinding himself and declining rapidly --- at this rate, he had no hope of making it to the village. At least, not without Itachi’s eyes.

There’s movement and he takes a step back, extending his blade in front of him; pointing it at Rapunzel in a swift motion, his eyes still working in overtime to try and pick up any further moves. “Don’t--- Don’t come near me.” His voice is lower, quieter, but still full of fury.

“-- You think I give a shit what happens to me?” Eyes narrow, still bright red with sharingan. “As long as I can get my revenge... the revenge that my family deserves-- then anything can befall me.”

Peace or Death --- those were the only two possible outcomes for his future now.

“I will tell you this once more --- stay out of my way. Or I will kill you. It’d be a grave mistake to think that I’m joking.”