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Unmotivated..
Why do I feel so uninspired. So unmotivated with what life has given me. Or to be frank, has thrown at me from the deep edges of hell for me to jump over. There is of course wonderful days to thank over. I always pray for more. Having shreds of happiness to cling onto in my most heartbreaking moments. Only to be starved, having only sleep for sustinance, having my bed shared by anxiety, depressive and the leeching feeling of uselessness by me taking no action. Instead, scared of the unraveled consequences. How stupid is that to say out loud, but it happens.
Just being always having my hands filled felt so accomplishing but so painful to think about, afraid of that deadline. It keeps you occupied and having some sort of safe space but its a facade, A facade that gives you new worries, new responsibilities than the ones you hear on a daily basis. In conclusion, That "safe space" manifested in your subconcious a labrynth with multiple doors leading to multiple problems to walk through rather than dealing it all through that single door. Your'e just not able to come to grips to say that that hallway to another room is not a salvation. That door is just taking you deeper into the labrynth until its difficult to get out.
To have people tell you to take a break is good to hear. Makes you think they care, and they do. There are definitely people you can love and trust through this time, but you feel so used to the routine you cant stop. You can stop the cycle, but it requires sacrifices and the mental torment of change. Change is a pain that's beneficial, a daily prescription I personally need to take continuously and so do many others. With change, my inspiration and my motivation will recover. And we can do better in life by seeing the positives more clearly, And to not overlook the bad, but be able to understand and keep that negative at a healthy dose so it doesn't spiral within us again.
(Hello! It's been a long time since I posted here. Based on this post, been feeling so down for a long time and back and forth trying to pull myself up. I thought to start again I could write about those feelings because I know a lot of people who feel a little similar. And thank you so much to the people who liked my other works that means a lot to me because I always feel a bit scared to share my thoughts on the internet of all places but now I feel more inspired and want to see people who maybe liek my perspective or want to say there own thoughts on subjects with me. I find it interesting. I hope you have a great day, and if you're stuck in a cycle like me. It's ok, take your time to get out but of course, acknowledge the longer you take the more impact it'll happen on you.)
A Turn In The Wrong Direction Driving takes ages, the roads to Kara looked like it'll go on forever. She hadn't slept for hours now. She had to find her. Her eyes began to fall, leaving her in a daze. Everything was shaky. "I can't rest now, I have to keep moving forward.." All of a sudden, CRASH! The front of her vehicle hit the end of a metal post keeping cars from falling off the edge and ending one's life, though the car didn’t stop but instead slid to its left due to the incline of the ground. The impact made Kara jump and hit her head hard on her car door. Darkness consumed her. In her mind she thought of water, the thought of the ocean sinking her slowly to the bottom. She wasn’t afraid of drowning, in fact she was rather calm, the sounds of the waves soothed her nerves making her forget reality in total. Forgetting her current situation in the real world. The feeling of water swishing around her, seeing the little bubbles of trapped air created from small fishes with their small fins swimming past her still body. But, deep in her psyche she knew this couldn’t be reality. She desperately wanted to ignore it and sleep in the cool water. The back of her head then started to pinch uncomfortably making her finally face that her fantasy was coming to an end, maybe even her own life would come to an end as well if she wasn’t careful. No, she couldn’t let herself go that easily, not even for this life to go on for infinity. She still had one last objective to be filled. Not only did the pain in her head get only worse but she felt a light touch on her neck. Not pressing too much for it to hurt the same but instead a tap as if something was trying to poke dead roadkill with a stick thinking it will magically come alive.. The darkness came back again, her breathing began to get raspy as she was pulled into reality once more. She breathed heavily, lightly opening her eyes she saw a figure that looked like her car, of course it was wrecked, but was on the ledge, about 8 or more feet above her. She couldn't open her door, she pressed against it keeping the wight steady as it was the only thing that was keeping it from falling with her in it. Though it could only hold it for so long. Hearing a few small rocks fall near the vehicle two hands grabbed rhe door prying it open and swiftly began to pick her body up and ran, she didn’t open her eyes as she didn’t want to see the tragedy of her mission being unsuccessful and only get much more difficult, but at least she didn’t die from her own vehicle. She heard an explosion in the distance behind her. The sound of metal crashing and and the smell of smoke from blazing flames. When she lightly opened her eyes she saw a little town in the distance...
The Concept of Death and Beyond (Part 1)
Hello! Please know that this piece contains thoughts about Death (obviously) and what I thought late at night would be a good conspiracy on the concept of After-Death! Please enjoy!
Death is a term that is used to define the end of our mortal lives, along with any living thing. That's it, your gone and you go to heaven or hell being judged and stay there for all eternity. Thinking about that a little deeper, would there be a different perspective to that loosely used term and that unknowable place afterwards. Earth is an environmental enclosure, a circular, living prison in which no human cant escape for too long with the bodies that we all possess. In a funny way of saying its so far as we know, its the Milky Way's zoo being the only known place able to preserve life and if aliens do exist outside our reach we'd be like the Bronx Zoo or every other zoo in Planet Earth. Its a way of perspective.
Death, when creatively thinking, is the end of our bound to this planet, like freeing an animal from a zoo back to the wild. To be free into the cosmos, to be weightless, calm, at peace with yourself. But in a possible world in which we could say that this was the case, what would happen if you weren't at peace? What if you were not a good person, being not judged by the angelic entities up above but instead from that voice within yourself that you hear in your mind at times of denial, stress and self hatred or even daily decision making during your time on Earth.
What if that is what judged you was yourself deep down not letting you forget and neglect those hateful things you've done until you truly, deeply forgive yourself for what you've done. What truly judges you is yourself and you cannot lie to yourself no matter how long you're willing to take because deep down you would know what you are. That's your ticket into the threshold of your new existence.
(I do not want to off-put anyone when saying anything about the earth being a "Zoo" or "Prison" or Heaven and Hell being not really that great. I'm a Catholic and live on this planet too as you know it's just my creative thinking and I personally thought it would benefit getting my point crossed in this little first part I thought of putting out there that's been on my mind for the past 2 days. But, with that out the way hope you have a wonderful day, stay safe, be creative and never let anyone crush those amazing thoughts in your head!)
(Also if you do like this piece be sure to let me know like or whatever the case and ill put out a part 2 of this. Love ya!)
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Your writing gives me life💯🙌🏻🥰 You have my support and I need more kudos buttons to smash😍
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disclaimer disclaimer this definitely has nothing to do with any nonprofit organizations nor any NSFW content
Fun Story to Share.
I got my (now 18-year-old) daughter into Ao3 back in 2021. I taught her she should always comment - even if the fic looks old or abandoned or whatever. She did.
Well - she got this email this morning:
The fic was written in 2014 and essentially abandoned.
Bethy read and reviewed in 2021 (and was actually the only person who had commented at all).
Today in 2025 - the final chapter was posted by the author and this was her reply to Bethy’s comment.
———
Never question whether a fic is too old to comment on.