Tw Sh - Blog Posts

"are you thinking about hurting yourself?"

how i feel saying no because i don't want my entire family and law enforcement to know, and i don't really feel like being put away someplace where i have no autonomy where i could be treated poorly and no one would believe me because they're "trained professionals" :

I’m sure more people would seek help for ed/sh behaviors if it didn’t entail the possibility of being forcibly institutionalized for an indefinite period of time

Scars ~ BLD Mini-Fic

[SPOILER WARNING FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T READ ANYTHING ON THE BLOG]

content warnings: tw scars, tw abuse (could be interpreted that way) tw self harm (tried to make it ambigious to fit with whatever oc you imagine to be in this fic) tw bad accidents (could also be interpreted this way) (Y/n in this has scars)

While this mini-fic doesnt have any NSFW things, this fandom is still heavily 18+. Please respect the author's wishes and DNI.

You yawned, the early morning sun and subtly refreshing breeze filling you with a sense of calm. It was so rare to have a perfectly nice day to enjoy. Work taking up a lot of your life, now that you'd moved into this small, but bustling town.

As you thought up ways to fully enjoy your day off, a shadow loomed over your shoulder. The finger poking you sending your heart into a split-second coma, shoulders jumping in confusion and fear. "Heh...", A slight chuckle escaped from your mystery stranger.

"Morning, Y/n. It's just me." Mr. Mystery stranger- Your new friend James, teased. His voice reverberated next to your ear, sending your head to snap in his direction. "Holy fuck-" You exclaimed, heart once again stuttering in your chest as you stared at the green eyes in front of you. Your expression must have been funny, from the way James seemed to smirk. It was a bit hard to tell from his mask, but the amused chuckles that followed made it clearer.

You let out a relieved breath, "Jeeze you asshole...", his laughter infecting you as you let out a small chuckle of your own. Your thoughts quickly turned to confusion, though. How did James know where to find you? You'd just stepped out of your apartment complex...

"Morning to you too, James. But eh.. How'd you know i was here?" You asked curiously, looking up at him. James was a pretty attractive person. His black and red hair, long and wild, was eye catching, reminding you of the night you both met. His dark green eyes seeming to pierce through anyone who met it's gaze, unraveling everyone's intentions onto a silver platter for him to see. Snapping you out of your daze and replying to your question, James gave a noncommittal shrug, "Just looking for somewhere to get breakfast.", he blinked, gaze turning back to you, "Why?You live here?" Ah...that made sense. Jeeze.. look at you overthinking things again.

Your mouth formed into a smile as you nimbly dodged the latter question, "Why not get breakfast together!", you offered cheerily. He glanced at you for a hearbeat before responding. The feeling of being read crawling up your skin. "Sounds good to me." James finally replied. And you felt like you could hear a smile in his tone as a shiver of relief washed away that eerie feeling.

You and James went to the local diner. Nothing super fancy, but it was full of familiar and comforting smells, which made it good enough for you and James to grab a quick bite. Well...more like for you to grab a quick bite, and James to grab something to drink. James never took his mask off around you... or anyone as far as you could tell. Putting down the menu after choosing what you wanted to order, your thoughts drifted, as you waited for a waiter or waitress to come over. Your thoughts inevitably decided to focus on James. I wonder why he never takes off his mask around me... You mumbled wordlessly to yourself, trailing your fingers on the spine of the menu. Weak immune system, maybe? Or... perhaps.. facial scars? What ever it was, though, you promised yourself not to pester him about it. Having a weak immune system was personal medical stuff. And you'd had first hand experience with the shame that came with scars. Your gaze trailed down to your hands, which had some cuts here and their. All from different life experiences and situations. Some from accidents. Some with...different backstories. "Are you okay?" The words brought you out of your haze. You looked up at James, and then noticed the waiter at the side of the table, eyes nervously flitting between you and James. "Oh... oh yeah I'm alright!" You said, waving your hand in dismissal, as you took the chance to relay your order to the waiter. James ordered a mint choc chip milkshake, one of his go to drinks. "A milkshake at this hour?" You lightly teased, watching him roll his eyes in response. A beat of familiar silence rose up, as your gaze trailed back to your hands. Tracing them with your eyes. "Y/n." James called out. Once again pulling you out of your thoughts. "Huh-? Yeah?" You responded, half confused...until you saw him glance at your hands for a second, before his green eyes landed on yours.

"I want a real answer this time. Are you alright?" Jame's tone was stern, but held a genuine softness inside it. "Pfft...", You let out a small laugh, "I'm fine. I really am." But with one glance at his face, you could tell he didn't take any of your words seriously. Your eyes shift back down to your hands, the second time today. Taking a small breath in, you add, "It was a long time ago. I don't see them the way I used to.", you pause, searching for a way to articulate your feelings, "To me now...it's proof that I survived. That I was able to move forward." You look back up, looking in Jame's eyes. They were slightly unfocused, but still trained on you. He let out a soft, but ambiguous hum of acknowledgement. Smiling, you looked to ease the heavy fog of awkward gloom. "So yeah..I guess you could say these are battle scars from duking it out with life and coming on top." You chirped, your smile turning into a satisfied grin. His gaze softened at that. An amused eye roll telling you that your efforts were at least slightly successful.

James stared at you as you ate, the conversation from earlier... despite bringing up some bad memories...making him feel a soft fuzzy feeling only you could give to him. Maybe you wouldn't question his scars once he revealed them to you. Maybe you wouldn't look at him like he was...disgusting. Maybe you wouldn't judge him. He could feel his patience starting to thin. The deepest part of his mind telling him, yelling at him, to take you away. He had to make you his. No... you already were his. And he would never let you go.

NEVER

James belongs to the amazing -> @hotpinkmoon aka Moonie!

NOONE LOOK AT ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I DONT LIKE THE CREATOR AS USUAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (video has slight sh visuals for like 1 second and flashing)

Just got out of mental hospital again so here's some stuff from there, I drew a lot so I think there will be a lot of sketchy stuff like this posted in the future. Haven't been doing much digital art at all bc of depression and being hospitalized so I apologize

Haikyuu boy headcanons: mental health edition because it’s late and I can’t sleep

Tame ones here, TW worthy ones under the cut

Hinata— his quiet moments are always a bit off. He always wonders if he’s enough, if he can really do what he promised Kageyama. Sometimes, money’s tight. Sometimes, he doesn’t see his mom for weeks. He’s tired, but volleyball helps. And his friends.

Daichi— went through his own fair share of self esteem issues, but had good support and now dishes out wisdom like an old man and inspirational Pinterest combined.

Kageyama— pretty lonely as a kid, even with Miwa and his grandpa. Got even worse in junior high. Has his quiet moments but generally is okay when things are happening.

Iwaizumi— ignores his own health in favour of taking care of Oikawa, and learns the hard way to scale back. Hates scaling back so much that he dips back into ignoring his own mind until Oikawa becomes the one taking care of him, and then Iwa’s too scared to let himself go that far again.

Ushijima— self worth issues. Somehow both scared of failure and assured of his own victory at the same time. Enjoys self care as a routine and hates himself when he runs out of spoons to continue those routines. Doesn’t understand why he feels this way. Thinks it’s irrational.

Tendou— tries to take the “guess monster” moniker in stride and plays into it, but it still affects him. Wonders sometimes if his pride and reputation is worth it if he could just be himself with someone, truly and unabashedly. Finds comfort in being friends with Ushijima.

Semi— writes songs to process his feelings and has more often than not realized some things about himself as he writes. Performance anxiety, a bit of anger issues, mood swings.

Kita— king of self care. His routine is his all and he adjusts them when he thinks it needs changing, like how he adjusts his serving portions as he grows. Sometimes runs out of spoons but has a routine for low spoon days too.

Suga— has thought about suicide more than once, but never goes through with it. Doesn’t like the implications and doesn’t think it’s worth it. Plus, he still sort of believes in the “but you have so much to live for!” argument and also promised himself that it wouldn’t go too far.

Oikawa— once the concept of self harm was exposed to him, he’s wanted to try it. He’s a bit morbid with it. Doesn’t try anything with knives and skin but presses on his collection of never ending bruises. Hurts himself with overworking instead. Forgets to eat until Iwa reminds him.

WARNING:

POSSIBLE NSFW & SH MENTIONS

I just got a message from I think a bot or maybe a scammer trying to get me to be his sugarbaby or something like that.

I blocked of course but it got me thinking…

Even if it wasn’t a ploy or something I just wanna say:

Bitch in what world am I sugar baby material?😭I’m a hopeless, fat virgin who cuts herself to cope with stress(which doesn’t even work anymore), can’t maintain a healthy friendship to save her life, and will throw a hissy fit when things don’t go exactly as she wants it to go.

I struggle doing minimal tasks such as getting up in the morning, brushing my teeth and taking a shower.

I spent the last two days doing absolutely nothing but sleeping and scrolling on my phone, praying that I get more online attention.

They say people are complex but if I were a rubix puzzle i’d be a fucking dodecahedron.

I’m a mess and I wear that fact on my sleeve.

I doubt that I can handle a relationship, let alone a transactional one.

WARNING:

OD MENTIONS; SH & SUI TALK

I keep seeing these posts on my feed saying things like “Please stay alive. It doesn’t matter if it’s for spite or for your own enjoyment. Just live.” Or something like that. As much as I want a reason to live and enjoy life, even if it’s to spite others…. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.

I’ve made lists of ways I could kick the bucket and so far I can’t even settle on what I wanna do if I do give up. I would’ve OD’d long ago if I wasn’t told that I could kill half my brain and leave myself paralyzed if I were to survive.

Death doesn’t even sound satisfying anymore because in general, I’m worried about how much I’ll make my parents pay out of pocket for things like my funeral n shit, and I don’t know how I feel about being put in a box 6 feet under. Plus I just don’t wanna give my parents an even harder time by doing it. They’ve already been through enough, especially my mom.

I mean the first time I told anyone how I truly felt, it was my brother and the poor guy started crying, something I haven’t seen him do in years. YEARS.

I just want someone to understand my internal suffering for once and not disregard it as me being too negative and overly dramatic for once, because so far the only proof I have of how bad it gets is in my arms. Literally. But I don’t want anyone to see that shit. I want people to know I never was ok, and I probably never will be.

If I can’t be normal like I want to be, I wanna at least let people know that I’m not a deranged freak and that I have my reasons to act the way I do.

WARNING:

SH MENTIONS

Genuinely scared to go to class because I feel like shit and I don’t wanna do anything today, especially after that fuckup I had yesterday. I hate how my scars look so much I wish I could just erase them.

Luckily I can cover them up but it doesn’t stop the fact that I know they’re there.

I don’t wanna go pretending like everything is normal because nothing is but… ugh I don’t want to bring suspicion to myself.

Why must I have a life?

WARNING:

SH + STARVING

It wasn’t even worth the trouble. I feel nothing. All that it did was leave an ugly mark and leave a burning sensation.

Fuck I’m such a hideous thing. These scars make it even worse.

I wish I was thinner and flatter and prettier and had a nice smile and didn’t have this goddamn lazy eye everytime I take a photo.

I wish I didn’t have to resort to doing this to feel something good and relieving because nothing feels like it’s working anymore.

I don’t even know if I wanna eat rn. My parents are calling for dinner and I’m hungry but I’m so desperate to lose weight. I’ll do anything at this point.

I just wish I was born a different person.

tw// sh and suicide

save me from myself

the brotherhood….. more like the BOTHERhood………sigh…… i miss you azure….