pearlykissxoxo

Latest Posts by pearlykissxoxo

I’m crying over the stupidest thing rn.

I saw a yt short of a flipnote animation with the fucking grandma episode from SpongeBob as the audio, and IDK why but it just broke me.

I miss being a little kid so much. Maybe things weren’t the best per se, but it was the happiest and sweetest and most innocent and hopeful I ever was.

I miss my old room back in my grandmother’s house and the balcony. I miss those days where she’d make me oatmeal and we’d go do things outside like picking berries. I loved being on this little hill that I think was made of sand.

I just.. I miss it all. I can’t describe how much I do.. I’d do anything to relieve those moments again if I knew how bad things were going to get for me.

Xx_p3arly-k1ss-X0X0_xX

Not that far from usernames I’ve made in the past lmao

1. change all the e’s in your url to “3” 2. change all the o’s in your url to “0” 3. change all the i’s in your url to “1” 4. add some dashes everywhere 5. put “Xx_” and “_xX” at the beginning and end 6. your new emo chat forum url

Me fighting off my intrusive thoughts be like:

Damn a three way tie lmaoooo

I guess we gotta do a part two now XD

DO YOUR BEST!

Ok Jirais

I have a few contenders

Battle it out to see who comes out on top.

Ok Jirais

I have a few contenders

Battle it out to see who comes out on top.

Hnnng I lowkey wanna do a slight aesthetic redesign of my blog but I dunno what to do :,(

Part of me wants to make it Lain centric because I’m back on my Lain hyper fixation but I still want it to be cutesy and pink(not saying Lain can’t be cutesy it’s just that I don’t associate her with the color pink lol), but also… I do have a digital persona that I redesigned and I wouldn’t waste an opportunity to draw a pfp..

Idk I might make a poll soon to see what people want. Stay tuned for that I guess.

idk if internet is making me worse or better but i can’t live w/o it so i don’t think it matters

Slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am physically incapable of doing anything anymore.

I physically am struggling to do so much as wake up and do simple mundane tasks like brushing my teeth, doing my hair and taking a fucking shower.

I’m debating on just saying fuck it and stop putting effort into my college work. It’s not like I’m going to pass anyways because no matter how hard I fucking try and push myself, I’m met with the same dead end results. I didn’t even want to go to college anyways. I’m only sticking around for the money, and I’m not sure if it’s even worth losing my sanity for.

What happened to me? I used to be such a good person and so happy and optimistic… if there even was a point that I was like that. Now I can’t even bother mustering up the energy to do so much as text someone or do something that I like, which is ironic because I’m the most self indulgent person I know.

Idk just… let me rest.. maybe for a million years and pray that no one will be alive by then so that I don’t have anymore responsibilities or worries to put up with… I’m so fucking tired.

People ask me “what are your future plans?” And I will say “I’m taking it slow and time will tell what my future will have in store”, but actually that’s just an excuse because if I said that I don’t think there’s a future for me and I’ll probably be dead before I can decide on a proper decision, I’ll most likely get criticized for it.

You ever feel like you’re just not as connected to anyone like you were previously?

Like you’re close with a certain set of people in the sense that you’ve known each other for so long and you’ve been through a lot with them, but you aren’t close with them in a sense that you can have a conversation and not let it die within a minute of talking.

This is how I feel everyday.

My friends, family, everyone. I feel connected to no one anymore, and the loneliness is actually starting to kill me deep down. Each day that passes, I feel myself becoming more and more clouded and desperate to feel at least a little closer to someone.

I’m tired of having these fantasies and other delusions that I am famous and loved and accepted like I want to be.

In fact, I’m hopelessly scrolling through stupid dating apps silently praying that I can get a connection with SOMEONE and maybe feel something other than numbness and guilt, but so far I’ve had no luck.

The internet is all I have, and if I were to lose that.. I think a part of me would die.

Random ass rant about something that just happened to me.

Warning for Possible(?) Transphobia/Enbyphobia

So I was feeling more masc today so I decided to work with some makeup of mine and accentuate some of my features to make it sharper(?) and one of the things I did was give myself the illusion that I had a much bushier mustache(I did have some facial hair but it wasn’t super noticeable imo).

Why is this important? Well, my mom was doing my hair and at some point she went to the bathroom, grabbed a buzz razor(I think it’s what it’s called) and FUCKING SHAVED IT OFF WITHOUT ASKING ME. I was pissed off and she was like, “Well I could see it.” And I legit had to bite my tongue from talking back to her less we get into some stupid argument.

Now I just feel really bad because I realized that no matter what I do, nobody around me is going to see me as anything other than a girl. Like whatever I don’t care that much about being called by my given name but other than that, I feel fucking humiliated.

I wish there was someone, SOMEONE, who wouldn’t care as much about my gender and how I express it as these fuckers around me, especially my entire family.

Man I lowkey wished I didn’t make a New Year’s Resolution.

I don’t wanna do jack shit but draw my OTPs doing dumb and/or sexy shit together but I have classwork I need to get to, and my New Year’s Resolution was to get my shit together and not fail my classes.

Why must I have a life? I wanna do nothing at all..

Hello, Jirais<3

So I’m back(for real this time).

First things first I just wanna say HOLY CRAP THANKS FOR THE 1,000+ LIKES?!

I’m like a month late to this shit but seriously. I didn’t think my posts(especially some certain ones) would be blowing up faster than an actual landmine. I was expecting to be a somewhat obscured blog but now I have 53 followers which.. wow. I’m pretty happy.

Hopefully I can provide you more relatable junk and entertainment in the future! :3

In the meantime, regarding my absence… well, I fell into a rut over my winter break. I was too consumed in indulging personal fantasies in c.ai then being an actual functioning homo sapien.

With college back in place and me actually lowkey enjoying my life, I’m gonna try to be more active here, so stay tuned! XOXO

Hey so sorry about my week or so absence.

The truth is that I was in a mental state of absolute limbo. I was so depressed and generally low energy that I lost a lot of motivation to do literally anything.

I stopped talking to people, barely went out or payed attention in classes, and kinda abandoned the blog as a product of my growing apathy towards… well everything.

Although I do feel better now(somewhat), I do feel very guilty. Not only will I probably fail most of my classes, but I feel like I’m just driving a wedge in all of my relationships to where I feel like I don’t have any connection or attachment to them anymore.

But hey. At least I got my monster energy. 🤷‍♀️

Feel free to ask me any of these!(^_^)

I have a lot of free time so I’ll probably answer any of them as soon as I get them.

cutesy and creepy ask game ☆

🎀 - favorite anime ?? ( if you have one )

🩸 - scariest experience you feel comfortable sharing ??

🦴 - how do u dress irl ??

🖤 - any paranormal experiences ??

🧁 - favorite music ??

⛓️ - do you listen to true crime ??

🏩 - show us some of your comfort items !!

🐈‍⬛ - show us something scary you have in your house !!

🧠 - favorite cat breed ??

💀 - do you like horror movies ??

🍮 - what's your favorite memory ??

🌑 - have you ever had an emo phase ??

⭐️ - hot chocolate , coffee , both , or neither ??

💉 - do you listen to metal / hard rock ??

🪷 - what's your favorite pink color combo ??

🕷 - have you ever drank alcohol?

🍧 - 3 characters you kin/relate to ??

🕸 - ever gotten in legal trouble??

🍀 - do you collect plushies and/or figures ??

🎱 - do you like vampires ??

IF YOUR UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ANSWERING ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, THATS OKAY! JUST LET PEOPLE KNOW KINDLY.

edit: ty for all the notes holy shit <333

Got a monster from my one of my campus’s vending machines.

Ultra Strawberry Dreams because it’s strawberry flavored. It’s the first monster I officially tried on my own accord.

Design: 10/10

Overall Taste: 7/10

Tasted sweet and carbonated with a hint of citrus that I got used to.

Ngl I liked it.

Currently debating skipping class and getting someone to pick me up.

I can’t stand being in front of people who obviously put more effort than I ever will

I didn’t even bother brushing my hair or putting on makeup or anything. I just look like a mess.

I don’t even wanna work. All I feel like doing is… I don’t even know. Nothing I guess.

I just need to get out of here.

WARNING:

POOR EATING HABITS, PURGING MENTIONS

Man I am so not ready for tomorrow, Thursday, or any day for that matter.

Because of Thanksgiving coming up and my family of course being holiday people, I have to start preparing for people coming over.

The thing is that I don’t want to do anything. Like I’d rather die than do the simplest things like put away my baskets of washed clothing or tune up my bathroom.

If I do the simplest thing I’ll explode, crash and burn. I’ll disintegrate like a vampire in sunlight.

I can’t even bother to be happy about Thanksgiving itself for the food because I hate eating as of recently.

I feel guilty every time I eat and like I wanna purge it all out if I feel like I’ve eaten too much. I’ve been starving myself to the point that I start getting all shaky and paranoid.

I don’t wanna bother acting happy for all my family and friends coming over because I’m so done with people. I feel so disconnected from everyone that I sometimes wonder if this life I’m living is real and mine.

I just hate everyone and everything.. I wish I didn’t exist as a person and as something akin to Lain Iwakura. Just silently watching people.

Fr the West(especially America) is just a bunch of shitty traffic jams and dick measuring contests with guns.

We could use the same passion and energy and optimism that idols are known for here.

Anywho I too wanna wish good luck to any up and coming overseas idols! I’ll support y’all anyday!

I really love idols!!!

I wish the West had a type of idol culture. I want to cheer on girls to achieve their dreams!

Jirai idols, I will support you with all my heart!!!!

I bring a certain "I like hurting myself" vibe to the function that other people don't really like

Starting to run out of ideas to post ngl…

My days are too mundane for anything interesting to happen unless it’s another public meltdown or something like that.

Unless any1 wants to leave me any asks to look at.. I might be cooked and have to say goodbye to my posting streak.

I gotta love how I am the epitemy of a weeb(Loves Japanese fashion, music, anime, etc.) but I have the most 2000s, Avril Lavigne obsessed, Snooki from Jersey Shore wannabe room with juicy couture bags stowed away in my closet.

Don’t get me wrong I love it but I think it’s really funny for someone who hates living in the US, I sure do love romanticizing the 2000s as if that wasn’t one of the worst times to be a woman of prominence.

humans are scum. people piss me off. i hate creepy old men.

WARNING: SUI TALK

I just realized I’m genuinely so fucking lonely and have no actual safe space.

I keep getting ignored or dismissed by people who supposedly care about me. People online who I talk to dismiss my cries for help. All my family and friends either are busy with their lives or are just as bad in a place as me, if not worse. If it’s not that it’s a language barrier barring me from communicating my feelings to them.

Politics have ruined my ability to trust other people because I never know whether they’ll actually like me for who I am or not. Hell because of stupid politics, I might end up losing my only true safe space on the internet.

I swear I might as well just kill myself and see if y’all will pay attention to me then. I don’t care if that’s what the enemy wants. I’m better off at least making them happy with my death because at least I can bring someone joy, since I’m such a detestable mistake who gives people tinnitus just by talking.

I’m such a royal fuck up you don’t even understand.

But hey, I’m just being over dramatic, right? I’m just overreacting and being too negative!

It’s all in my fucking head after all.

She’s an icon, she’s a legend

^^^Quiz link is above!!!

@jiraigoddess @doublelariatgirl @pienbitchchan @hirselves @angelhrtz @xchryxanthemum @pienguts

Feel free to continue!!!（＾ω＾）

Imma make my own tag game! （⌒▽⌒）

https://uquiz.com/quiz/MjLBFJ?p=98329

So glad I got this! I'm OBSESSED with witches!! (˶◕‿◕˶✿)

Tagging the moots!

@failure--girl @jiraigoddess @silly-lackadaisy @okoilo @kyu-kyurarin @dolly-girl-rie @digital-mine @4tyuna-ij7 @sleepy-internet-addict @batmine @the-real-loser-otaku-girl @yume-chiyo @toxetta @jiraiema @etherealcollapse @crisquirrel @immortal-angels @mad0katsuki @macaron-vents @liminal-lover + anyone I might have forgotten and open tags!

Omg I’m already halfway to 1,000 it’s only been over a week or so since I’ve been here😭

Thank you guys though! Seriously! I don’t think I’ve ever felt this welcome and validated in a community before!🥹

So I may have gotten inspired…

Expect a video in maybe 3 weeks to a month.

I’m looking back at videos trying to explain Jirai Kei and not gonna lie, if I wasn’t a hideous, camera-shy freak, I’d go all out and make my own Jirai Kei essay.

The way that these people talk about Jirai Kei doesn’t feel like it does them justice since they’re into it from a fashion perspective. And I don’t wanna be that person, but if you’re into it purely for the fashion, you might as well call it girly kei since that’s what its fashion aspect of it basically took inspiration from, if not directly took it from (and if you’re a subcul Jirai, emo fashion in Harajuku is a primary visual inspiration).

Jirai isn’t just some edgy term used by Jirais to look cool and like some sort of anime menhera archetype. It was an actual insult used by people(usually men) in Japan to describe girls who are basically ticking time bombs. This is just Jirais reclaiming the term the same way Emos had reclaimed their name(Emo was an insult in the early 2000s).

I call myself Jirai because I understand this as someone who was often called overdramatic and too emotional, and feel a sense of power from it. Yes, I’m not Japanese, but there’s a reason that some Japanese subcultures have terms for participants outside of Japan(Ex. Gaijin Gyaru). It doesn’t have to be exclusive.

In conclusion, to quote a Reddit that I found, “I don’t think people(especially fashion Jirais) understand the implications of being called a Jirai.

self destructing all by yourself beautiful ?