Latest Posts by pearlykissxoxo - Page 2

I’m looking back at videos trying to explain Jirai Kei and not gonna lie, if I wasn’t a hideous, camera-shy freak, I’d go all out and make my own Jirai Kei essay.

The way that these people talk about Jirai Kei doesn’t feel like it does them justice since they’re into it from a fashion perspective. And I don’t wanna be that person, but if you’re into it purely for the fashion, you might as well call it girly kei since that’s what its fashion aspect of it basically took inspiration from, if not directly took it from (and if you’re a subcul Jirai, emo fashion in Harajuku is a primary visual inspiration).

Jirai isn’t just some edgy term used by Jirais to look cool and like some sort of anime menhera archetype. It was an actual insult used by people(usually men) in Japan to describe girls who are basically ticking time bombs. This is just Jirais reclaiming the term the same way Emos had reclaimed their name(Emo was an insult in the early 2000s).

I call myself Jirai because I understand this as someone who was often called overdramatic and too emotional, and feel a sense of power from it. Yes, I’m not Japanese, but there’s a reason that some Japanese subcultures have terms for participants outside of Japan(Ex. Gaijin Gyaru). It doesn’t have to be exclusive.

In conclusion, to quote a Reddit that I found, “I don’t think people(especially fashion Jirais) understand the implications of being called a Jirai.

15, 13 n 24 :3

13.)What healthy coping mechanisms do you use?

I listen to music as my primary coping mechanism. In fact, I’m listening to Yeule as I’m typing this. >:3

15.)Favorite game?

👏 SPLATOON 👏 EASILY

I was given the 2nd game as an early Christmas gift in 2018 and I have been a HUGE fan since.

I have a crap ton of fan ocs and almost all the amiibos in existence(I just need a squid one and the most recent additions).

24.)What is your biggest Jirai Kei pet peeve?

Either the elitism some spaces have when it comes to what defines a “true jirai” or the way that the term Jirai itself has become a loosely defined word online(kinda like how emo & goth have become watered down).

To give my insight into this, I’m a generally emotional person in part due to my neurodivergency(I have autism and ADHD), and it’s made my life a hell of a lot more difficult. I latched onto the whole “ticking time bomb” saying because that’s literally who I was: Someone who forced people to walk on eggshells whenever they did so much as talk to me.

I have trouble communicating with others properly, I can’t get a understand or get a grasp on my own emotions, I often get burnt out because doing minimal tasks that are outside the schedule I have built into my brain are too much for me sometimes.

To top that off I have very bad anxiety and depression, which have inadvertently warped my view of myself, other people, and life in general, making me believe the world isn’t just fucked up, but deserves the absolute worst and that absolutely nobody is redeemable. Not even myself.

I feel like I can’t recover not just because I don’t want to, but because I feel like it’s quite literally impossible for someone like me. My support system is either doing much worse than me physically/mentally, or doesn’t and never will understand the extent of why I feel life is so exhausting and excruciating.

I’ve jumped between 3 or so different therapists this year because either they made me feel inadequate and like I didn’t have a right to be there, or simply didn’t reach the needs I was hoping for.

Jirai Kei to me isn’t just some subculture for mentally struggling people, it’s quite literally the amalgamation of feeling like no one can truly understand your pain and feeling like the pain is so bad that you’d wish you were better off simply not existing.

Maybe I’ll never know what it’s like living as a young Japanese person, where the topic of mental health is VERY much undermined and misunderstood, but does that make my own experiences as a neurodivergent, queer afab person in America any less valid? No. It shouldn’t.

Case in point, Jirai Kei to me is embracing your mental health and its issues because there’s no one else out there who feels them the way you feel them. Your experiences are unique to you.

Only you can define yourself, and nobody else.

Something that I’ve been thinking about a lot is what Jirai Kei is and what it means. What draws me to the style is how I remember writing poetry about feeling like I was a “ticking time bomb” many years ago. It feels like I’m seen finally in who I am, in a way. I may seem put together, but I’m a highly emotional, sensitive, and expressive person. The person where it’s only a matter of time until I have a breakdown or an outburst of emotion. That’s a part of my life and who I am, that I’ve never been able to acknowledge. I’ve been told to “stop being a baby” growing up so much that I’ve had to learn how to try to keep my emotions at bay and fail. I guess it’s also has to do with obvious signs of mental illness and physical illness that have been ignored and dismissed growing up.

Yet, I’m supposed to be “better now”. I can’t share when I’m struggling to hold back a panic attack or biting my lip to stop myself from crying. I’m not supposed to feel super happy and then super sad the next moment.

However, within this style, it embraces that. It embraces how deeply I feel and how I’ll always struggle with my mental health. It embraces it and tells me it’s okay. That I can struggle, that I can acknowledge and say that I’m not doing okay. I don’t have to be happy all the time. I don’t have to be sad all the time. I’m free to feel and express it.

I don’t want to leave. I want to stay on this Earth and live, even if it hurts a lot. I know some people say that lifestyle jirai kei don’t want to get better, but I don’t think that accounts for everyone. For me, Jirai Kei is a way to express how deep I feel and my struggles. It’s a way to express when I’m feel depressed or lost or anxious.

I think the point of my ramblings is to just say that you should define what Jirai Kei means to you.

Recovery is beautiful, but I also acknowledge some people aren’t there yet or don’t want to be. Just remember that it’s a beautiful thing to feel emotion so deeply. You don’t have to engage in self destructive behavior to be “a part of the jirai kei community”.

Anyways, I’m done. Thanks for coming to my ted talk <3

I don’t have the biggest following ever BUT I have been getting a lot more attention recently..

Fuck it. Gonna take a shot in the dark and see what happens.

Feel free to ask me any of these :3

Nosy Anons (Jirai Kei Edition)

Reblog this post to let your lovely anons ask you any of these questions!

1: When did you first learn about Jirai Kei? 2: What is you Jirai Kei Unpopular Opinion? 3: What type of music do you like? 4: Do you have any Jirai Kei-esque or general characters you relate to/like? 5: What other styles beside Jirai Kei are you interested in? 6: If you could make an ita bag for any character, who would it be and why? 7: Bright Pastels or Dark Pastels? 8: What is Jirai Kei to you? 9: What made you decide to identify as a lifestyle Jirai Kei? 10: Do you use any creative outlets (drawing, writing, etc) to express yourself? 11: Did you have an emo phase and what was it like? 12: Are you apart of the LGBTQ community (if you're comfortable sharing)? 13: What healthy coping mechanisms do you use? 14: Favorite anime? 15: Favorite game? 16: Are you in a relationship or crushing on anyone? 17: Are you okay with fashion only jirai kei? 18: What are your favorite childhood tv shows and games? 19: Who would be on your "hear me out" cake? 20: What is your funniest memory on the internet? 21: Favorite old internet meme? 22: When was the first time you were on the interenet? 23: Favorite fanfiction or fiction tropes? 24: What is your biggest Jirai Kei pet peeve? 25: Jirai Kei culture is... 26: Who is your biggest inspiration/someone you admire? 27: Favorite media platform? 28: If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, which song would you pick? 29: What is a random fact about yourself? 30: What are two truths and a lie about yourself?

girls are so pretty and gentle how can guys treat them like shit (≧□≦)!!!

That feeling when you wanna romanticize your life and maybe even get better but you remember it’s November 2024 and you live in one of if not the worst state to be a queer afab person:

I WANT JIRAI FRIENDDSSS!!! Reblog this if you wanna be cute landmine friends ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

Jirai culture is feeling guilty for trying to recover

.

WARNING:

POOR EATING HABITS

So I just wanted to share an experience I had not that long ago.

Some context: Until 8PM or so, I didn’t eat anything since 3PM or somewhere along that time period. I was eating under my calorie intake recently so I was happy about that because it meant that I had some self control.

Here’s the catch.

I was grocery shopping with my parents and I felt a little lightheaded and had a headache. I also was kind of jittery and tired.

My mom noticed I was looking shaky and asked me what’s up and I told her about everything, she said it was likely a low sugar intake.

Even after I rushed to buy and eat some stuff, I still felt jittery and anxious and light.

If I’m honest, I don’t know how to feel about this

On one hand I’m embarrassed and ashamed, but on the other hand I just can’t get myself to care, because in my head I’d rather die than gain any more weight than I already have.

And it’s true.

I would rather die than be fat & overweight forever.

It’s one of the worst things I’ve had to deal with and I would do anything to have my ideal body type.

And by anything, I’d mean ANYTHING.

I got my DearMyLove clothes just now!!!

Unfortunately the shirt was a little small but I have a theory that if I lose my big back and my chubby arms that it’ll fit better.

The skirt on the other hand fit perfectly.

There’s also some hair accessories I got which are in the right photo.

I have some shoes that might go with it but they’re heels so I’m not sure if it’s worth it.

Anywho I’m still happy it even came.

I guess now I have some motivation to lose all this extra weight I gained.

To all my current followers & moots, I just wanna say…

Spreading awareness about this because I was one of the people who was there to witness(unfortunately).

DO NOT SCROLL JUST REPORT AND BLOCK.

Hey guys pls go report and block this person

They have posted literal cp and animal p0rn plus r saying slurs

Ok so I remember talking about this with some moots of mine and I figured I’d talk about it here.

Does anyone else fucking hate seeing couples and get extremely disgusted by them, but not in the sense that you’re romance repulsed(Tho I am aegoromantic and semi-romance repulsed), but because you have this burning envy towards them because they have a sense of connection that you desperately want and would do anything to experience?

I get grossed out by couples doing pda shit but I know that subconsciously I really want it, but I feel like I will never be able to get it because of me being aegoromantic and also very distrusting of other people, even my family and friends to an extent.

I’m probably the last person who should be in a relationship. I’m explosive, struggle to communicate my feelings, and am extremely obsessive to the point that I would go nights crying over someone I cared about.

My obsessive tendencies know no bounds.

Oh and need I forget about how black and white my thinking is? I genuinely can’t see people as anything other than completely good or completely bad so I’ll go hot and cold on a person if I like them but they do something I don’t like. Like I’ll love them one day and hate them the next.

Idk I have a problem, but case in point is that I feel like love and romance are too inaccessible to me because of who I am, so I’m just left with a gross pit in my chest every time I see a couple being all cutesy and shit.

It’s excruciating.

That moment when you accidentally reblog a post on your side blog instead of your main blog…

Fml man I hate having to jump between two different blogs constantly.

I made an art blog for stuff that I feel like showing off that are arts and crafts related.

So far there’s nothing on it but I’m gonna be posting some stuff there eventually.

I think it’s also generally gonna be a geekier blog than this one idk yet 🤷‍♀️

Anywho here y’all go.

Tumblr

Pearly Does Art

Follow @pearlydoesart and get more of the good stuff by joining Tumblr today. Dive in!

Dating me is like playing needy streamer overload except without the internet fame and control over how mentally well/unwell I get and there no cute transformation sequence or humor or anything attractive about me and I’m really just a loser kid rotting in my room while you watch my descent into madness as I post silly things on the internet.

i wish i was thin

You and me both.

i hate people

I’m looking through some mizuiro/tenshi kaiwai fashion on some sites and I’m just like:

I’ve started getting into the style because my angelkin ass will attach to anything angel themed + I love cyber-esq aesthetics.

Also the tendency for the fashion to be somewhat androgynous is definitely a plus.

If it wasn’t expensive I’d have like 20 pieces by now. :(

“i love you more!” no you dont, you don’t need me to survive. you can properly function when i’m not around. you’d move on if i left. you don’t love me more, and you never will

I did my makeup and I wanted to show it off.

Ignore the fact that I purposefully cropped it it’s not because I don’t wanna show my face, I just think I look unflattering af :/

Hello :3

I guess it’s my turn.

TW: Mentions of Panic Attacks, Religion, Murder & Abuse

1.)In middle school I used to have frequent panic attacks over my grades and one day it got so bad that my mom almost drove me to the ER because I was getting lightheaded.

Turns out it’s just a normal part of having panic attacks but my mom always said that my anxiety could lead to me actually having a heart attack, which didn’t ease my anxiety at all.

2.)I grew up going to church(and still go) and when I was young there was this one youth pastor(I think it was a youth pastor?) who used to install a lot of fear into me and other kids.

For example, he gave us one scenario that’s basically, “What if someone came to your front door and told you that they were gonna kill you for your religious beliefs?” And his answer to that was to accept your death because I guess the moral in situations like this are to turn the other cheek and have faith that God will protect you or something like that IDK. All I know is that one kid had to leave and go to their parents because she was crying.

Frankly, I wanted to leave too but didn’t say anything.

3.)My dad has schizophrenia but we didn’t know until like 2021-2022? I forgot tbh.

Anywho he turned into a religious fanatic who tore a rift in our family starting 2019 and ended for good last year. This was all PTSD and schizophrenia talking but again we didn’t know.

I called him pretty nasty and lowkey ableist things that I regret saying now, but I’ll forgive my past self on that part because I was a scared teenager who had her sense of safety ripped away from her.

My mom came to me venting multiple times(keep in mind I was like 13-14) and even said on a couple occasions that I was the only “adult” she could truly talk to in reference to how mature I was.

Also my grandma came once from her home in Puerto Rico to stay for a couple months because my mom was scared that my dad was going to turn physically abusive. He didn’t for the record but it doesn’t stop the fact he punched a tv once after accusing my mom of being a cheater and an incestuous pedophile.

I was scared he was going to abuse me, my mom or my brother in some way for years and constantly felt the need to keep a weapon on me to protect myself. It was either that or I stand between him and my mom whenever they argue in case he lashed out and got violent.

This fucked with me so hard I went into an extreme existential crisis, questioning my life, God and whether it was even worth the trouble anymore.

As much as I’ve grown to realize it wasn’t my dad’s fault, I’ll never forget the way it altered how I look at myself and the world forever.

Ok traumadump over I’ll leave y’all alone sorry.

I just wanted to get that off my chest.

||||||||. yo normalise jirais dropping more random lore about themselves when they feel like it.

heres a bit of mine lol. (also plz if ure a jirai drop some of ur lore too literally anything that ure okay with sharing is fine. plz dear god i dont wanna flop and be alone.)

※ tw: child neglect

--- 1/3

i will never understand people who want to be a kid again tbh. like holy shit i really dont wanna redo all that shit again regardless of how cool 2000s nostalgia can be.

i was the youngest in the whole family (until my dad cheated on my mom but thats another story lol) and for some reason nobody wanted me around. still dont know wtf their problem is.

--- 2/3

there wasnt enough space in our house so i slept in the attic which was filled with boxes of stuff so it was really only big enough for a small mattress. (× ×.) rip.

when my mom cooked dinner she did not call me down or leave space for me at the table. i remember eating plain rice and soy sauce most of the time. i never ate at the dinning table with everyone else and always ate alone in the attic.

--- 3/3

i was extremely attached to any item i got (still am like this tbh). my most prized posession to this day is a stuffed toy bear 🧸🤍 which i got when i was hospitalised severely once (also another story for another time lol).

i used to steal things at school as soon as i learned that there was shit to steal. a lot of the time though i stole food because i didnt get any from my mom. i ate the food alone secretly in the washrooms. i also didnt own a pencil case or stationary so i had to steal that shit too. all i did when i was 7 was steal shit and sneak around lol.

(idk if theres actually anyone whose gonna read this tbh. i really hope so and i also really really fucking hope people at least are kinda interested in me because i really do feel interested with like majority of the jirai community here but starting that convo with others is hard tbh.

then most of my life changed severely after i turned 9 but yea anyway thats all for now 🖤. if you read it all then thank you so so much fr 🤍 wooo wooo~.

maybe im being gloomy idk. might cry myself to sleep and delete this post if it flops. fucking anxiety...)

÷.

WARNING:

POSSIBLE NSFW & SH MENTIONS

I just got a message from I think a bot or maybe a scammer trying to get me to be his sugarbaby or something like that.

I blocked of course but it got me thinking…

Even if it wasn’t a ploy or something I just wanna say:

Bitch in what world am I sugar baby material?😭I’m a hopeless, fat virgin who cuts herself to cope with stress(which doesn’t even work anymore), can’t maintain a healthy friendship to save her life, and will throw a hissy fit when things don’t go exactly as she wants it to go.

I struggle doing minimal tasks such as getting up in the morning, brushing my teeth and taking a shower.

I spent the last two days doing absolutely nothing but sleeping and scrolling on my phone, praying that I get more online attention.

They say people are complex but if I were a rubix puzzle i’d be a fucking dodecahedron.

I’m a mess and I wear that fact on my sleeve.

I doubt that I can handle a relationship, let alone a transactional one.

I lowkey wanna drop out of college.

The money I get for being there isn’t worth it when you aren’t even interested in the major or the classes. It’s not even worth it for the one friend that I have anymore.

I didn’t even want to go to college to begin with.

The only reason I started was because my parents kept telling me to do it for the money.

I don’t even know what I want to do in life because I was so convinced that I was gonna die before I turned 18. Well… now I’m 18, stuck in a place where I have no want to improve because my misery has become my identity.

I guess the saying is true that money really can’t buy happiness…

My account was banned by tumblr policy and I created a new account and my account is very weak

I have about 10 accounts suspended because Israeli groups have cancelled my campaign. Please donate and help me complete my campaign.

‎‏I ask this with shame: Please donate a small amount that may save my father's life, he needs daily medication worth 55€ and will undergo surgery worth 250€💔, Please don't ignore my message and don't hesitate to help me 🍉

‎‏ Please support me I am facing this alone🙏

🫶🏻💝 I world be very grateful

✅verified by: @gaza-evacuation-funds

Spreading the message!! 🍉

The campaign is in their profile for anyone who is willing to donate.

100+ Notes already, huh?

Thanks, y’all!

Fuck Gyaru vs Jirai discourse I want a cute Gyaru at my door in 10 seconds and if that doesn’t happen I’m gonna throw a fit.

Ok someone approved and so I will deliver<3

Just to give a bit of a color code:

🩷=Fem Aligned

🩶=Gender Neutral

💙=Masc Aligned

Also WARNING FOR KNIVES & THEMES OF ORGANS/MEAT.

Ok here’s the extensive list. Enjoy the cringe.

🩶)Ang/Angel/Angelself

🩷)Doll/Dollself

🩶)Bun/Bunself

🩷)Dar/Ling/Darling/Darlingself

🩶)Pix/Pixel/Pixelself

🩶)Rawr/Rawrself

🩶)Glitch/Glitchself

🩶)Spark/Sparkle/Sparkleself

💙)Grey/Greyself

💙)Grime/Grimeself

🩶)Guts/Gutself

💙)Mor/Morbid/Morbidself

🩶)👼/👼self

🩶)🐱/🐱self

🩶)🐺/🐺self

🩷)🥀/🥀self

🩷)🍓/🍓self

🩷)🎀/🎀self

💙)🥩/🥩self

🩶)🔪/🔪self

🩶)🦴/🦴self

🩶)🫀/🫀self

🩶)⛓️/⛓️self

🩶)👾/👾self

Feel free to steal any of them lol

Some notes about the neopronouns I use.

•The emojiself pronouns are online specific. No, I don’t plan on forcing anyone to use them or any neopronouns on this list.(Though it would be nice to be called an angel or darling for once…)

•Some of the neos I use are inspired by various interests I have(Virtual media, Horror, Scenekid culture, etc.). My xenogender identity and my interests kinda go hand in hand the same way my kins do.

•This list may end up changing with time. More may be added, some may go. In the end this is all for personal expression and fun and I wouldn’t take it too seriously.

In conclusion, yolo.

I’m feeling extra daring today should I show off my list of Neopronouns?

If there ever is someone looking for a magical girl/boy/etc…. PLEASE CONTACT ME I’LL DO ANYTHING I DON’T CARE IF I HAVE TO MAKE A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL!!!

I WILL BE THE MAGICAL DOOMER TO END ALL MAGICAL DOOMERS!!!

🛑Stop, wait and listen. Don't be silent and participate in the crime. 🛑🛑

I stand on the rubble of our home, but my heart is filled with hope. I need your help to leave Gaza and complete my education to build my future. Every donation, no matter how small, will help me achieve my dream. Join us on a journey of rebuilding💔💔💔

Thank you for your support. Every bit of your kindness means so much to me 💔

https://gofund.me/0a0ac124

Helping spread the word as much as I can. I’d hate for these to go ignored.